Have you had your Starship Captain Spayed or Neutered?
ASC Story Header
Title: Have you had your Starship Captain Spayed or Neutered?
Author: Stephen Ratliff
Series: TNG, VOY
Rating: [PG-13]
Part: 1/1 NEW
Summary: A public service announcement from the Q Continuum...
Have you had your Starship Captain spayed or neutered?
I understand that Starship Captains make great pets, but if you're going to let them run around the galaxy you really should take a few precautions.
Starship Captains will drop their pants at a moment's notice, and the next thing you know the daughter of that planetary potentate in their pervious port of call is expecting. And not just expecting ... if your Starship Captain is good, and most are excellent at their job, that seduced woman will do everything she can to revisit him, begging for more after she has the first. Before you know it, your Captain has enough children to fill a Galaxy Class Starship. And that's before you even consider the propensity of some Captains to father multiples!
Don't count on a ship board romance to hold him to one woman. In the first place, the taboo against romancing someone under your command is hard to overcome. Even if your Captain does surpass that hurdle, something will happen to drive her off ship. It may be a promotion, a resignation, or even injury, but it will happen before she has his baby.
So you think that spreading the Captain's gene around isn't a bad idea. Well, as one wise man said, too much of anything, even love, is not a good thing! And we are talking about love here, not just of the Captain and his women, thought every woman he takes will claim it, but your Captain's love for his job. Star Fleet can only build so many ships, and your Captain will not share his. He's an alpha male and will hold on to that center seat until they pry his cold stiff dead body from it and drag him off the Bridge.
Starship Captains do not make good fathers. They have no idea how to deal with children. Just look at Captain Jean-Luc Picard! The only way he was able to relate to children was to make them officers. Believe me, you do not want young teenage Ensigns running around. They're teenagers ... the only thing worse than Captains in the hormone department.
So, you have a female Starship Captain. Get away, fast. That siren is just aching for a super powered being to give her offspring. She'll have you spouting Shakespearean Love Sonnets within a couple visits. Then the Captain will have the tenacity to tell you no! Not just once but so many times that you end up snapping your fingers to give her a sextet of them!
Oh, every once in a while you'll find a Starship Captain who seems to have his hormones under control. Don't believe them. If they're married, their spouse will leave them. A Starship Captain is only truly married to his ship. If he's taken a vow of celibacy ... don't you believe it. The moment you turn your back he'll seduce a convent full of nuns. It's just a ploy to get in the convent door. If he's too busy raising a gaggle of off spring, you must question how he got them in the first place. There is no such thing as a reformed Starship Captain. Sooner or Later they will return to their natural ways.
So beware, and take care. Your Starship Captain may be a beloved pet, but as a pet owner you have a responsibility, not just to the Captain, but to the galaxy itself.
Remember to help control the pet population. Have your Starship Captain spayed or neutered.
The preceding was a paid public service announcement brought to you by the Q Continuum.