Chapter one

Kabutomushi

1:07 am.

"Wh- wha?" I muttered groggily, staring at the clock with wide, disbelieving yellow eyes. In all of Middle Earth, I was probably the only one awake- except maybe the Nazgûl, but obviously I was not one of them. I live in the Shire- I'm half elf, half dwarf- You can check! Though, if you ask Sam, he'll say I'm too mean to be a person, and if you ask Merry and Pippin then they'll say I'm not a person just to get me in trouble and laugh at the look on my face. Some friends I have here.

Breaking out of my thoughts, I slipped out of bed to check out what had woken me up, and then froze when I heard eight or nine mumbling voices downstairs. I grabbed a small carved knife that had a wooden handle, gripping it like a terrified almost 15-year old girl. Well, which I was. (And yes, I was immature enough that I would say 'almost fifteen.' How else would one of the only non-hobbits in the Shire react- every hobbit around me that was physically 'my age' was the mental equivalent of a three year old, and so anyone who was the same mentality as me was like physically fifty years old. Obviously I would want to seem older- they hear '14' and think I'm a baby.)

I almost tripped over my own small but still somehow clumsy feet as I crossed the dark room to pull my chin-length orange hair back and randomly stuck a hairpin in to keep the crazy strands out of my eyes. Then I switched on the lights, slowly opened the door, and crept downstairs with the knife, keeping one hand on the oak wall as I descended the dark staircase.

On the third to last stair, I paused.

"I just want whoever is there to know that I have a knife," I called, using the deepest voice I could. I can pick up and copy any personality and voice, so I do try to use it in situations, just to rub it in the faces of people who say that it isn't a skill. Anyway, in this case, if they think I'm a grown man with a knife, they might be more terrified than if they knew I was a 14 year old with a knife. "And I'll use it, ya know, without any hesitation." There was a slight pause as I added, "And if you're Cat, Merry, and Pippin pranking me then I'll use it anyway, too." Cat was one of the other non-hobbits in the Shire. Gandalf's niece or something like that. She didn't have the knack for magic so she left to here.

"Who's there?" a woman's voice asked. Oohh, she had an interesting voice. I bet you she's seen a lot of stuff.

"I could-" my deep imitation voice snapped back to my normal voice for a second. Coughing, I corrected myself. "I could ask the same of you."

"Hah," a man's voice scoffed. He had an interesting voice, too- but unlike the woman, he sounded sorta bloodthirsty. "Whoever it is probably is just putting up a show. Their voice caught on the first two words of that last sentence." I sucked in my breath. Well, then...now what?

Suddenly, a hand snaked out of the darkness and grabbed my arm. I looked down and nearly screamed as I saw the hand was connected to an arm by hundreds of thousands of pieces of wire. And the arm was attached to a tall man with a face mask wearing a black and red robe. (The man was wearing the robe, the face mask was not.)

"She looks kinda dead," a large scorpion-like creature commented lazily. "You might've killed her, Kakuzu." I glared indignantly, annoyed that they assumed that I would be taken down so easily without even knowing me. C'mon, guys.

"Who are you?" I shouted, randomly kicking into the darkness. "Are you here from Sauron? You know, I know elves and dwarves who'll rip out your eyes and play jump rope with your spine for this…or not…" I muttered the last part quietly to myself. Um, well…I really don't get along with elves or dwarves, ya know? Anyway, when no answer came, I quickly dug my chin into the 'Kakuzu' guy's hand, then slipped to the floor, grabbed the knife, and scampered up the stairs to my room, locking the door. Panicking, I grabbed the sheets and tried to tie them into a rope like the stories of old heroes of Middle Earth. It didn't work and I ended up just jumping out the window. I landed on my feet in the yard- luckily it wasn't too far to fall because while the hobbits had made the ceiling high enough for me to stand comfortably, it was still lower than usual. I probably would outgrow it at some time. Shaking my head, I noticed the rain pouring down around me, drenching my hair as I stared up at the window I had jumped out of. I stood there a few minutes, staring at the dark window, but then there was the sound of my bedroom door crashing down and a light went on in the room, sending a square of light out of the window and onto the dark grass where I was standing.

Squinting up through the rain, I saw a grayish blue face with shark-like eyes and some sort of weird headband that had five scratches cut into it. I stood there for half a second then turned and ran (being the brave hero I was.) Once I was a little way away, I dared to turn around and see if they had followed me. Oh look. They did. A young silver haired man and the Kakuzu guy were running out of the darkness, followed by a young woman with dark blue hair that seemed to be flying.

"Good luck finding me now!" I shouted, dodging right on light feet and ducking into a conveniently placed corn field. I heard one of them spouting curses and something about some 'jashin' thing and the woman sighing in frustration, I ducked through the corn field, trying not to slip on the mud puddles that dotted the tall crops. I kept running. Hopefully I could make it to my friend Cat's house and get help there- I knew that if I went to the nearest hobbits they would turn me away.

Trudging out of the corn field, I saw the glinting lights of Cat's house and stumbled toward them, knocking on the door.

"Who is it?" Cat opened the door, dressed in some sort of cosplaying wizard murderer outfit. She blinked her big brown eyes and shook out her dark brown hair.

"It is Sauron, come for your brain," I rolled my eyes.

"Sauron!" she shrieked, pulling out a thin sword. "You shall fall for your evil crimes! You will die a terrible bloody death!"

"Kabutomushi! It's Kabutomushi!" I shouted, dodging the silver blade that came a little too close to my eyes. Cat blinked and pulled on a pair of large black glasses. (I tried them on once- they only messed up my eyes.)

"Oh," she smiled. "Hi, Kabuto!"

"Hi," I said. "Don't call me Kabuto."

"Um...No offense, but why are you here?" she asked, dropping her cheeriness. "It's kind of 1 in the morning." I checked my watch.

"1:27," I corrected. Cat looked at me and reached for the sword again. "Sorry, sorry!" I laughed nervously. "I'm here because a crazy fish with a sword covered in toilet paper, an old young guy, a sack of string, a cockroach, and a paper person are chasing me."

"What?" Cat looked at me and reached to close the door. "Look, I have to get up early tomorrow."

"Wait!" I begged and stuck my foot in the door.

"Unless you can prove-" Cat started to say as she opened the door, and then looked behind me in horror. "Oh geez- Kabutomushi..."

"What?" I asked, rubbing my sore foot.

"There's a crazy fish with a sword covered in toilet paper behind you."

I won't describe the next fifteen minutes in too much detail. Basically it involved screaming, more running through cornfields, trying to reach the house of the two brothers Cerulean and Ophiomachus.