Disclaimer: Stargate and its characters don't belong to me. This story has been written for fun only, not for money.
Spoilers: Grace (season 7)
Summary: Alternate finale scene in Grace (season 7). Sam and Jack have a candid discussion after her time on the Prometheus.
Author's note: I had this idea for Sam to be super candid with Jack at the end of Grace a while ago, but never got to sit down and write about it. I wish some time during season 7, Sam had this discussion with Jack before deciding to date Pete. Anyway, here's my take on it ;) Sorry for the poor title, I couldn't find anything to make the story justice…
Feedback: Feel free to review! Any advice, constructive comments and suggestions are welcomed. Thanks!
Grace, Revisited
By musical-Aven
Sam's POV
Sam awoke in a fuzzy state. As she tried to open her eyes and focus on what appeared to be the ceiling, the light just made her head hurt even more. She groaned. God, when was this going to end? she thought to herself. A voice made her want to open her eyes even more.
"Hey." She heard.
She managed to glance at her left enough to see Jack. Not that she needed to see him to know it was him.
"Jack?" She asked.
She saw him frown and paused for a moment. He was in BDUs. Wow this seemed so real. He didn't say anything but cleared his throat and stood up to walk closer to her bed.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine." She kept telling everyone. She knew she had to help herself escape from the cloud, she thought she had the last time, but she was so tired. Why was she in the infirmary bed? Was this her head fantasising about going home? She knew better than to believe it.
She looked at Jack again. He seemed concerned. Not that it would surprise her. But last time he was here to help he seemed so much more relaxed. Not in uniform. This was different. But again, this would not surprise her that her brain would make him appear in BDUs with concern in his eyes. She thought about their last conversation. She wasn't sure what had happened exactly, what part of her she actually lived or just imagined…
"Did I kiss you before?"
Jack seemed even more surprised by the question. And a little bit uncomfortable too.
"Did you?" he asked.
"I wanted to…" she admitted. Not that she cared he knew that, he was a figment of her imagination.
Jack's POV
Carter seemed to still think that she was hallucinating on the ship. She had debriefed the medical team on the Prometheus but by the time they arrived on Earth, she had been unconscious. Four days with a concussion, practically no sleep and multiple hallucinations would be a lot to manage for anyone. Once the doc made tests on her, she had given her something to help her sleep. Jack had been here almost all of the time. He wanted to be here when she woke up.
And she had. But still a little bit foggy. She seemed to recall a memory. Her eyes went to his lips. Jack didn't know what to do or say. She still thought he was a hallucination. And she had wanted to kiss him. He cleared his throat.
"It's okay Carter, you're safe." He tried.
She didn't even acknowledge he spoke. She continued staring at him while frowning.
"You didn't answer my question earlier." she stated.
Telling her he wasn't a hallucination would not work apparently. He got curious and played along.
"Ask me again."
She frowned.
"What if I quit the Air Force, would that change anything or is it just an excuse?"
Wow, that was straightforward. He coughed once. He tried not to show the surprise on his face. Was she really asking him that? Had she asked him that to her hallucination on the ship?! He settled for something evasive.
"I would never ask you to give up your career."
Which was true. She snorted.
"Exactly what you said last time." She seemed disappointed.
"Is that so surprising?" he asked.
"No. I just wish my subconscious wasn't so realistic." She closed her eyes.
Jack didn't know what to say. This was her talking to herself. And by the way she said it, it wasn't the first time. He wasn't used to seeing her so unguarded, so unprofessional. Carter was always so careful about the way she talked to him and "sir" him. Jack didn't have the time to say anything else, Carter beat him to it. She spoke fast, clearly, not so much angry than just exhausted.
"Fine. I'll ask one more damn time, as clear as I can be, then I'll move on with the rest of my life. Do you still have feelings for me? Don't answer with half-truth, or some words that don't make sense. A real answer. A clear one."
It seemed that she had had this conversation with herself for some time now. She wasn't looking for a smartass answer. Jack felt he had to give her what she was looking for or he would lose her forever.
"I do."
She stared at him, seizing him. Trying to decide if she was going to believe him or not. Her eyes were still glossy, but more focused now. Jack didn't move. He just returned her gaze so that she understood he was telling the truth.
She exhaled. Her head went back down on her pillow. Her eyes still on him, she sighed.
"I really wish this was real…"
Her eyes seemed to tear up before she closed them. Jack frowned. Her comment confirm to him that she still thought she was hallucinating. He reached out to touch her forearm on the bed. That made her open her eyes once again. He spoke softly but as intensely as he could.
"It is. Believe it, Carter."
Tears formed even more in her eyes.
"My subconscious sure is convincing." She smiled, but with sadness was all over her face.
There was no way for him to make her believe him in her state. The drugs and the concussion were too powerful. His heart ache for her. She looked so resigned, so sad, so hurt. Why was she doubting his feelings? Yes they never talked about it and were always extra careful to act professionally so that these feelings didn't interfere in their job. But he didn't know that she was doubting them. Or maybe she wanted to move on, finding it difficult. He couldn't blame her if she wanted to try and have a life, even though it would tear him apart.
He should have left it at that. He should have left the infirmary and let her sleep off the drugs. Instead he continued the conversation.
"What do you really want to know, Carter?"
She seemed surprised by his question.
"I'm not sure…I don't know if I'm keeping you in the back of my mind so I'm not hurt by anyone else, or if you're always in the back of my mind because I'm head over heels in love with you and we're meant to be together."
Jack was taken aback. Talk about honesty! Talking about this made him so uncomfortable. Not just because of the regs (he made sure they were alone in the infirmary and that no one heard her words which could end both their careers), but just because he never was good with these kind of discussions. He winced and Sam commented on his reaction with a tired tone.
"I know this makes you cringe, but you're not real and I don't care anymore. I need to decide what to do with my life. I deserve to be happy and have what I want..." She echoed her father's word.
Jack couldn't agree more with that.
"Of course you do."
"I wish you would tell me what to do…to just move on or to wait for you for who knows how long…" she was more talking to herself now than to him. Of course she didn't think he was real.
She looked tired. She closed her eyes. Before he could reply anything else, she was asleep. Jack stayed beside her bed, hands in his pocket for a while, thinking. He finally left with the intent of coming back to see her later.
Sam was talking to Daniel when he got back. She looked more awake now. She looked up at him when he approached them.
"Sir."
That confirmed she knew where she was.
"Hey. How's the head?"
"Better now. Daniel told me I slept for 48 hours straight, guess that helps with the headache."
"Good." He was the only one to know that she hadn't slept through all of the 48 hours, but he wasn't going to tell her that. "We're preparing a little shinding for when you're up on your feet." He smiled.
"There's talk of cake." Daniel added.
"Cake?" Sam smiled.
"My idea!" Jack tried to lift the mood.
"Can't wait." She smiled at him. Although she seemed better, something in her eyes still said that she wasn't sure exactly what had happened.
Daniel got up and left them alone saying he was going to help Teal'c with the shinding in question. Once he left, Jack looked back at Carter, trying to decide what to say.
"So…the head…better?"
"Yes sir. I need to do more tests but I should be up and around by the end of the week."
"No rush. Get better first. And then there will be cake. You can't go back to work until you've had cake." He resorted to humour.
She smiled and nodded. She noticed he held something in his hands. Jack glanced at the card. He hesitated a moment but then reached to put it on her nightstand with the flowers and other cards people had brought.
"I hope this helps." He simply said. His eyes were deep and intense. As if he wanted to say so much more but couldn't.
Sam looked at the card and then back at him with questioning eyes.
"See you around, Carter. I'm glad you're back." And exited the infirmary.
Sam stared at the door after him. Curious about his comment, she reached for the card. It was an Air Force card. With an American flag on it, a jet and the Air Force logo. She opened it and her breath caught in her throat as she read the note he had written.
It is NOT an excuse. I would drop the 'Colonel' on my uniform in one second if that's what it took. If you still want to discuss next steps, ask to go fishing. - J
Her eyes teared up. She had her answer now. Loud and clear. She knew what to do to be happy.
The end.
Hope you liked it!
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Musical-Aven 29-10-2016