Screaming.
Bangs.
Flashes.
Screaming.
Chanting.
Fire.
Red.
Screamingscreamingscreamingscreamingscreamingscreamingscrea –
"Carter!" Terror.
"Z-Zia!" Panic.
"I'm here Carter!" Reassurance.
He tries to stop the flow of tears – he can't let Zia know just how much these dreams have affected him – but he finds he can't. No matter how hard he tries, no matter how much he wills himself to stop those shameful sobs from escaping his throat, they continue escaping – like desperate mice trying to escape a cat's tormenting paws.
Zia continues holding him and making reassuring statements over and over and over again. She tells him that it was all a bad dream, that by morning he will forget he ever even dreamed this. But those are all lies, all lieslieslieslies. And she knows it, she can't ignore the way his shoulders feel bonier, how his eyes are sunken, how he doesn't eat as much anymore – she just can't. She would be a fool not to notice these changes. She would be a foolfoolfoolfool.
Isn't that what she is, what they all are?
Shut up.
They are all fools.
Shut up!
Pitiful, pitiful –
SHUT UP!
"Carter!" Fear.
He could just see that awful monster that lurked in those dark, neverending shadows (he wished he had the courage to jump at it and kill it), he could feel that hideous grin already forming on its indistinguishable face.
Oooohhhh! But you know it's true. They are all fools, traitorous, traitorous –
He lunged and he struck with all his might and how dare it make its perverted version of a human's
scream, that little absolute –
"CARTER!" Absolute terror.
Zia was standing now, far away from him. She had a look of pure terror on her eyes and her wand was tightly clutched by her trembling hand.
"Zia...?" Nervousness.
She was staring at a spot beside him, that look of terror never dissipating (how pitiful).
He slowly turned his head to that spot.
What a mess.
The pillow was torn and all the feathers were everywhere and it was like all the pain and exhaustion and confusion in him had finally decided to take whatever remnants of strength he had left and everything suddenly went a neverending, bottomless black.
The first thing Carter was aware of was the too happy, too high-pitched, too familiar giggling.
That giggling always made him want to stand up and stab that nameless wretched thing and fall to his knees and beg for mercy.
"...Carter?" Worry.
It was Sadie who spoke. She was at his left, looking at him tearful eyes. Zia was at his right, sound asleep.
"What happened?" Forgetfulness.
"You... don't remember?" Disbelief.
"YOU WERE FUCKING TEARING APART A BLOODY PILLOW AND SCREAMING LIKE A FUCKING LUNATIC, YOU FUCKING ASSHAT! HOW CAN YOU NOT FUCKING REMEMBER!" Rage.
And suddenly, he remembered what he did. He remembered all the screaming, the terror, the pure raging anger he felt and, worst of all, the look of terror and horror on her face as she saw him demolish that pillow.
That giggling was back again.
Carter looked away from Sadie's furious eyes (all the while trying not to scream in anger and fear) and into Zia's (she had been woken by Sadie's enraged yelling) exhausted ones.
And a cold, hard, merciless wave of crippling guilt hit him. She looked so tired and drained and unhappy and had she been crying before? That red on her eyes must be his imagination, or that monster caused. Yes, yes, that monster probably did it, it always did.
"You need help Carter." Defeat.
"...Help?" Confusion. Was Zia implying that he was crazy?
Giggling.
"Yes, Carter, help! You need help!" Desperation.
What a foolfoolfool. Doesn't she know that you don't need 'help'. Giggling.
More giggling.
Carter put his head between his hands and tried not to scream.
Traitoroustraitorous foolsfoolsfoolsfoolsfoolsfo –
"SHUT UP!" Hysteria.
Zia and Sadie (foolsfoolsfools) were staring at him in fright. Carter looked at his hands and felt his eyes start burn and fill with tears of (foolish) confusion.
That thing was giggling again.
I have very mixed feelings about this fanfiction. What I was trying to do was make sort of angsty fic that brought forth a lot of emotions, but I kind of failed in this. Constructive criticism is accepted (I would really appreciate some help on improving my writing).