Cliché? Part 2:
Waiter, there is a fly in my Cliché!
(Note: I got quite a few death threats from my last Clishe and I would like to make the following statement: SPOO!.... That is all.)
As soon as I closed my eyes the world around me desolved and was instantly replaced by a party scene.
Everything was in place and ready for the guests that were about to arrive. The red and white roses were placed liberally around elegant tables covered with delicate white tablecloth. The white chairs where in perfect symmetrical rows facing a huge hard-wood platform that was to serve as the alter. The alter itself was covered in pink rose petals and upon a table lay many little boxes where the wedding rings were kept. And quietly inspecting these rings with an air of important solitude and wisdom was an Emu.
Yes, that's right. An Emu.
"Uh hi." I said to the Emu. " You don't happen to be an Emu do you?"
The Emu turned it's rather cute head toward me and squawked, " Hey aren't you that idiot who wrote Animorphs Vs. 'N Sync?"
"No." I lied. " That was a guy named... uhh...Mike."
"Oh good." Said the Emu, then it turned away completely ignoring me.
"Uhh... Forgive me if I sound ignorant-"
" You're forgiven." Said the Emu.
" I haven't said anything yet!"
"Yes you have. In fact you haven't been doing anything but chattering since you appeared here."
"Ok." I took a deep breath. " Why are you... an Emu... AT A WEDDING!?" I gasped and grabbed my throat. NOW YOU HAVE ME TALKING IN CAPS AGAIN!.... AND I'M NOT EVEN USING QUOTATION MARKS ANYMORE.
The Emu looked at me rather cynically... or as cynically as an Emu can get... which is pretty darn cynical. " Your very strange for a Emu." It said.
I'M NOT A... OH FORGET IT. I looked around at the place. It seemed rather dead. So I activated my FanFic powers by doing a small break dance (I knocked over some chairs but hey, it worked) and all the people who were supposed to get married and a whole shindig of spectators appeared out of nowhere.
NOW THE FUN IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!
"Hey _____!" Mike yelled.
DON'T CALL ME BY MY NAME! GEEZ, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT????!!!!!
" Oh sorry." Mike looked sorry for a millisecond then perked up. " I have a wife... Or I will... whatever."
The person hanging off his arm smiled. "Allow myself to introduce...myself. I am called FyreEyes and YOU forgot to put us on the wedding list."
OH, THAT WAS POCO'S FAULT. STUPID POCO! I picked a handy-dandy Spanish book out of my pocket and threw it at Poco's head.
" Uh! No mi gusta!" He yelled.
A whole new riot was about to break out between those who thought that Poco was stupid and ugly and should learn some English and those who thought that Jeopardy should come on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 8:00 p.m.
Suddenly the Emu squawked to get everyone's attention. "People, people please listen up! I'm going to call out the list on who is getting married and who isn't. I have Teal'c & Brat Girl, Paco & Cobra Girl, TobiasRulz & RB, Utahrapter & Loki, Jekkal & Trixster, Mette & Rhi, Anigirl & Comet Fire, D.M.P. & Veggie Freak, Semeir-Cooraf-Armaheen & Forlay, Steve-0 & fishie, Meg & Meeko, ShannonL & Teague, Zac the gaiter playing bellboy & Bob the Universal Janitor, and Ali & Biff. Is that all correct?"
A hand went up in the middle of the cowed. " Well you have Teal'c & Brat Girl, Paco & Cobra Girl, TobiasRulz & RB, Utahrapter & Loki, Jekkal & Trixster, Mette & Rhi, Anigirl & Comet Fire, D.M.P. & Veggie Freak, Semeir-Cooraf-Armaheen & Forlay, Steve-0 & fishie, Meg & Meeko, ShannonL & Teague, Zac the gaiter playing bellboy & Bob the Universal Janitor, and Ali & Biff. But you don't have Fyreyes & Mike. So it should read : Teal'c & Brat Girl, Paco & Cobra Girl, TobiasRulz & RB, Utahrapter & Loki, Jekkal & Trixster, Mette & Rhi, Anigirl & Comet Fire, D.M.P. & Veggie Freak, Semeir-Cooraf-Armaheen & Forlay, Steve-0 & fishie, Meg & Meeko, ShannonL & Teague, Zac the gaiter playing bellboy & Bob the Universal Janitor, Ali & Biff, and FyreEyes
and Mike."
The Emu nodded wisely and was about to speak again when Veggie Freak climbed upon Teal'c's rather massive shoulders and sputtered. "Wait! You have Teal'c & Brat Girl, Paco & Cobra Girl, TobiasRulz & RB, Utahrapter & Loki, Jekkal & Trixster, Mette & Rhi, Anigirl & Comet Fire, D.M.P. & Veggie Freak, Semeir-Cooraf-Armaheen & Forlay, Steve-0 & fishie, Meg & Meeko, ShannonL & Teague, Zac the gaiter playing bellboy & Bob the Universal Janitor, Ali &Biff, and FyreEyes and Mike...... But..... But I thought I was going to be married to Biff!"
"Tough!" Ali said, "Biff is my man!"
"Yeah and get off my guy's shoulders!" Brat Girl yelled.
" I agree. Disembark from my shoulders." Teal'c chimed in and the worm inside his stomach cheeped agreement. Then it turned to me and said, " Hey, aren't you that girl who wrote Animorphs Vs. 'N Sync?"
OK, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ANSWER A QUESTION SPOKEN BY A WORM IN SOMEONE'S STOMACH. THAT'S JUST SICK. Then I hit upon a most wonderful idea! I did a quick Break Dance and all the Animorphs appeared.
They were all playing Uno and had no idea what had happened.
" Jake you lost. Off with-." Marco paused then he looked around. "Not a wedding! I hate weddings!"
TOO BAD... OH YEAH, AND YOUR GETTING MARRIED.
"I'm what!?" He screeched. "To who?"
D.M.P. and Rhi took him by the arms, they both had demented look's on their faces. "It's bad luck to see your bride before the wedding Marco." D.M.P said.
"Yep!" Rhi, agreed. "You have to wait."
" But... But.."
They weren't listening however, they just drug him off to get in his nicest tuxedo. Semeir-Cooraf-Armaheen and Forlay turned to me, " You really don't like Marco do you?" Forlay observed.
" You kill him in just about every story." Semeir-Cooraf-Armaheen said.
YEP. HE GETS ON MY NERVES AND IT RELEASES A LOT OF PRESSURE KILLING SOMEONE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN....(hehehe, inside joke. What. Don't look at me that way! Your not on the inside so you won't understand it. Get it? Got it. Good)
" So how are you going to decide who Marco marries?" Someone who I hadn't attached a name to pointed out.
ALL RIGHT SMART ASS. HE MARRIES YOU! I took the smart ass and marched (Him/her) up to the alter. LET'S START THE WEDDING!
"Ok, ok." The Emu grumbled then he put on a pair of cute glasses on his cute little head and started to read out of the Bible.
"Wait!" Veggie Freak screamed. " You can't do that!"
" And why not?" The Emu asked.
" Because she's an atheist." Said Brat Girl.
A hand went up in the crowd and somone yelled, " I practice Hinduism, so you can't use that Bible here."
Anouther hand, " I'm Buddhist."
"I'm Jewish."
"I'm Muslim."
A very familiar hand went up. " I'm a Satanist."
OH SHUT UP JAMES. I grabbed the Bible from the Emu and put it away. OK, SO WHAT CAN WE USE?
Someone, probably Jekkel or Tobiasrulz, threw a book at my head. Luckily it missed. I reached over and picked the book up. HEY! THIS WILL DO! I handed it to the Emu. READ THIS.
The Emu started to read in his best announcer voice. "My name is Jake. I can't tell you my last name or where I live....."
To be continued......
Tune in next time and you will find out........
(Cool yet short music plays)
Who IS the Smart Ass?
(More cool music)
Will Brat Girl really marry Teal'c and if so, does the worm come in the package too?
(Even more cool music.)
Will D.M.P and Veggie Freak really get together? *yuck*
(The cool music is starting to get annoying now.)
When will Kittysweep and Daughterofdemitry enter this story?
(Stuipd music plays again)
Will the REAL Mike and Zac read this story and kill Andalite Girl?
(Damn Music)
When will the Cute Guy From Stargate show up? C'mon! The ugly guy is already here!
(Guadalupe kills the Music)
Just who is Guadalupe?
(The Music is dead so only silence follows)
When will this stupid, no brain simi-teaser end???????????
Uhhh... Now I think Heh Heh
*Fin??????*
Questions? Comments? Death threats? Well e-mail 'em to me!
Subvisser1@hotmail.com