Xah'ley sighs as she puts away her armor then climbs into the empty bed of the Arch-Mage, so strange yet so familiar to her. Nuzzling against one of the plush pillows, the Khajiit can only recall the nights she had been in this bed before though not completely alone as she is now. The previous Arch-Mage of the College, Savos Aren, was a close friend of hers after she joined the College over a year ago. Only he knew her true reasons for entering the College despite how skilled of a thief the Khajiit was. He only knew this secret of hers because he discovered she had stolen some of his scrolls from his own pocket one night and caught her on her way out along with several potions and recipes. He didn't blame her for some of her faults: her kleptomania, her somewhat vulgar humor, and the fact she worshiped a symbol of thievery and shadows. He still considered her a valuable student who was willing to learn even if her faults clouded her judgment sometimes. The two first met after she returned from Saarthal to report something, which led to a two hour conversation between the two. The two became close friends after that to the point where Savos treated Xah'ley much differently from other students, helping her improve her combination techniques in spell casting as well as working on other spells in the privacy of his quarters, but things grew serious between the two three months after they met.
Xah'ley stumbled into the Arch Mage's quarters that evening less energetic than usual of her. Savos could understand with the fact of her multiple allegiances across Skyrim and her adventurous warrior spirit, he even noticed the frostbitten wounds of a recent Ice Troll encounter on the Khajiit's back and arms as she stripped of her armor to change into her mage robes. She also seemed less enthusiastic than usual, which was strange of the thief. Even after fighting several dragons in a night on her journey between Riften and Winterhold, Xah'ley would arrive to their weekly sessions overjoyed for the next spell she would learn but this time was different. Something was clearly wrong and even the Dumer couldn't ignore it.
"Is everything well, Xah'ley?" Savos asks. "You seem less chipper than usual."
"It has just been rough the past few days," Xah'ley explains then shields a cough with her sleeve before continuing "but Xah'ley will be fine."
Savos sighs, approaching the worn Khajiit. "Are you sure you haven't come down with something in your travels? You don't sound well at all. It's as if a skeever has settled in your throat."
"Xah'ley is sure," the Khajiit assures the Arch-Mage as she turns to him "I have not been near a Skeever or a bear in the past month, just a dragon, two Ice Trolls, and some bandits but nothing disease-ridden or anything that can make me deathly ill." Another coughing fit puts a sour expression on the elder Dunmer's face. "Xah'ley is fine. You do not need to worry."
"I do if this is going to interfere with your lessons." Savos scolds, gently forcing Xah'ley to sit in a chair at the table behind her. "Since I know how you are during your ventures, have you been getting your proper night's rest?"
"Whenever Xah'ley could sleep, I did." Xah'ley states as she pulls back her hood. "And I have been eating well, so do not try that approach either." A hand on her forehead causes the feline to suddenly fluster a bright red through the pure white fur on her cheeks.
"You're warmer than usual" Savos sighs "and you sound as if you've been inhaling the ashes of a fire for weeks." He pulls his hand away and stands straight. "Good news: you're not infected with Bone Break Fever or anything more serious. Bad news: you're coming down with a cold from exposure to the elements. You've spent too much time in the rain and snow and now it's catching up to you."
"Xah'ley has fought with worse going on in my body." Xah'ley sighs with a sniffle. "No cold is going to hold me back from my ventures!" She erupts into a coughing fit as Savos shakes his head.
"Well, I don't want my best student struck down in battle because she sneezed." Savos argues, walking over to his assortment of potions near his alchemy table across the room. "You'll be staying at the College by my orders until you recover and that's final. Now, I know there's a potion for this somewhere…"
"Xah'ley will be fine," Xah'ley groans as she stands with another cough "it will blow over."
"Not if you go out in the snow again with a blizzard picking up just south of us, which cuts you off from leaving for Riften in the near future as well. I won't let you venture out in that while you're ill." Savos sighs, picking out a few health potions from his shelves. "Don't test my patience, Xah'ley. I'll use my paralysis scroll on you if I need to."
"You would have to pull it out quick enough fir-" Xah'ley crumbles to her knees in a fit of harsh coughs. Savos sets the potions in his hands aside and rushes to the Khajiit then carefully helps her to her feet.
"You can be so stubborn sometimes." Savos murmurs, guiding the sickly thief to his bed. "Just lie down, you need to rest. I'll see what I can make for your symptoms but sleep will help much more than any potion will."
Too tired to complain, Xah'ley complies and lies in the bed, nuzzling into the pillow sleepily. Savos sighs and goes to retrieve the health potions, silently chuckling under his breath.
"You can be stubborn," Savos sighs in his thoughts "but it's an adorable quality of yours."
The Khajiit's next week was spent in the Arch-Mage's Quarters, not that Xah'ley minded. She had developed more-than-friendly feelings for the Dunmer mage since he began teaching her ways to improve her magic skill. She didn't know why but it was common given her family history. One of her ancestors fell in love with a Dunmer Mage who eventually became the Arch-Mage of the Mages Guild in Cyrodill during the Oblivion Crisis. Arch-Mage Legoi was his title and he was an ancestor of hers as well, so she technically had a thin bloodline connection with Dunmer. Though most of her family did court with other Khajiits, her distant ancestor Yehlax, famous for her defeat of the Daedra that attempted to take over Cyrodill, stepped from that line and courted a Dunmer. Now she was stepping up into that spot of being a hero by taking her role as Dragonborn and protecting Skyrim, but she didn't expect to follow along in falling in love with a Dunmer mage as well. Those facts aside, she still loved him and that was all that mattered to her, if only she could admit it to him. She kept quiet about it for so long but now that she was being cared for by him, has rested in his bed, and has been around him longer than anyone else in the College has, it was hard to keep it quiet. How much longer could she restrain herself from admitting her feelings for him?
"Your fever has gone down significantly. That's good." Savos chuckles as he lifts his hand from the Khajiit's brow.
"And Xah'ley's chest is not in much pain anymore." The Khajiit adds enthusiastically. "Does this mean I am good in health?"
"Possibly but I think one more night will ensure that you've fully recovered." Savos sighs as he stands. "It's best not to take chances sometimes based off one day of lightened symptoms."
"Are you sure?" Xah'ley asks. "Xah'ley feels she has been invading your space a lot this entire week. I do not want to impede anymore if you are not okay with it."
"It's fine." Savos chuckles as he disappears behind the wall cutting off the bed from the rest of the room. "I wouldn't do this for any other student, only my best student gets this treatment. I don't wish for you to be slaughtered out there from an illness."
"As you have said a million times this past week," Xah'ley points out as she rises from the bed and follows the Dunmer "why is that, Savos?"
"You're a student of mine, a talented one at that." Savos states as he walks over to his small garden of ingredients nearby. "I'd rather not let such talent be wasted."
"But there's more to it, isn't there?" Xah'ley asks, leaning against the wall partially surrounding the small garden.
"Of course not, you're my student and I'm merely your mentor. I care for your well being as if you were my own child." Savos sighs, kneeling down and picking a few nightshade flowers from the garden. "Why would you ponder such a thought?"
"No reason." Xah'ley murmurs then shuffles across the room as Savos stands.
"You sound dishearten." Savos comments as he turns. The Khajiit examines the tomes on one of the bookshelves, not paying the Dunmer any mind. "Is something wrong?"
"No, it's fine." She sits at the small table, pulling her hood up to shield her face.
"No, it's not." He walks over as he conceals the nightshades in his robe pocket, then sits at the table opposite of Xah'ley. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing." Xah'ley mutters, forcing herself to not look up at the Dunmer.
"Xah'ley, look at me." The Khajiit timidly glances up at the Arch-Mage, icy blue meeting blood red. "You can trust me with whatever it is that's bothering you, you know that." Xah'ley shakes her head and quickly stands, walking to the middle of the room and keeping her back to him. "Xah'ley, please," she feels a firm hand on her shoulder "just let me help you."
Xah'ley turns to the Arch-Mage, her thoughts racing on what to do, what to say. How can she tell him what was wrong without admitting her feelings, without looking like a fool if he rejects her? She shuts her eyes and lets any instinct she still has take over, only to end up snapping her eyes open again when her impulse leads to do the last thing she thought of doing. She finds herself looking at the shocked ruby eyes of the Arch-Mage and pulls away, finding their lips had connected. She kissed him and she didn't mean to. Embarrassed and ashamed, she takes off for the stairs and retreats to the roof of the College through the one unlocked door, ignoring the Dunmer as he calls after her. She runs to the edge of the roof, stopping and supporting herself on the ledge that is as high as her waist, shifting the thick layer of snow that has built up and sending small bits over the edge to the empty courtyard below. She just made a complete fool of herself and curses her secret feelings and compulsions for causing this. None of this should've happened, she should've controlled herself but foolishly let her urges take over in her moment of weakness. Teary blue eyes look down at the College courtyard as students young and old shuffle through the snow, focusing on the glowing pool at the foot of the large statue set in the middle of the courtyard, a drop she knows she couldn't survive. She climbs onto the ledge, feeling herself be nearly ripped off by the winds, but keeps her footing as she looks over the courtyard below.
"Forgive me, Savos."
She goes numb as she moves to step off of the ledge but is roughly pulled back from the deathly fall by her robes and tumbles into a tight embrace, all sense coming back to her suddenly.
"Don't you go doing that to me, Xah'ley." Her breath stills from the voice and she slowly glances over her shoulder, finding Savos holding her. "I worked hard to help you live and I won't watch you take your own life now." It breaks the Khajiit's heart to see him in near tears, tears for her. Why? She turns and nuzzles against the Dunmer, tears of her own spilling as her body shakes from her own quiet sobs. "There, there, it's alright." The voice soothes her like a lullaby, a calming spell only for her and she longs for it even more. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
The Khajiit is caught off guard by the question but knows the obvious answer. "I thought you wouldn't return my affections considering our ranks, our ages...and my own bloodline." Being Dragonborn didn't make romance possible for the lonely Khajiit, it was expected upon her learning about it; that didn't mean she would accept it so easily. She was willing to defy fate itself but some things even she couldn't change with her rebellious attitude.
"I understand," Savos sighs "I only wish I had known sooner myself,"
Xah'ley glances up at the elder Dunmer and receives a peck between the eyes by surprise. "You mean…you felt the same?"
"Indeed, I have." The Dunmer admits. "It didn't help when you became a student of mine, even less when I was helping you recover from illness, but I wasn't about to pass any chance of being with you longer then we'd be normally allowed." She nuzzles into his neck as he continues. "I may have known a Mer or two in my youth, but only you have truly captured my heart, not only as a student but as a woman."
"I'm no woman." Xah'ley sadly chuckles. "I fight like a man, I joke like a man, I even dress like man. I've not been a woman since I came of age and that doesn't seem too long ago even today."
"But you're a woman in my eyes," Savos argues "you always have been."
"It doesn't mean we can be together." Xah'ley sighs.
"Of course we can," Savos reassures "it would just have to stay between us until the world is ready to know about it."
"That day will never come." Xah'ley murmurs.
"Nonsense, it will happen someday" Savos states "and when that day comes, neither of us will ever forget it." Xah'ley gives the Dunmer a curious look. "Trust me. It'll be a gift you'll never forget."
This started a relationship even Xah'ley couldn't believe lasted so long, trying to keep up the appearance of student and teacher around the College while remaining close in the privacy of the Arch-Mage quarters. Their love endured through everything that came with their duties as Arch-Mage and Dragonborn alike, but it was never meant to last very long in such a turbulent world. While their love was strong, their lives were fragile as both were always in a danger at least once or twice in a day. It was only a matter of time before something would tear the two apart in the most vicious of ways. Eight months into their relationship, fate finally stepped in when Xah'ley had returned to the College with important information on the find in Saarthal, the Eye of Magnus, and that an object called the Staff of Magnus was the only thing that could be used to control its power. When she entered the Hall of Elements, she was surprised to find Savos and Mirabelle outside the room the Eye of Magnus was being held it with a barrier keeping them from entering.
"What's going on here?" Xah'ley asks as she approaches.
"Ancano, he's doing something with the eye, I don't know what." Savos explains. "We're trying to get in now. I will have his head for this, I assure you."
"Can I do anything to help?" Xah'ley asks.
"Yes, help us take down this barrier. We're throwing everything we can at it." The Dunmer explains.
"Then shall I mix a bit of fire into this?" She asks, her hands now glowing reddish-orange. The three mages band together and take down the barrier with their combined magic, then proceed into the room, finding Ancano tampering with the Eye of Magnus.
"Ancano, stop this at once, I command you!" Savos barks at the Thalmor elf but the other refuses to move. Xah'ley moves to attack with her sword but is restrained by Savos. She merely huffs and stands by in case brute force is needed. The two exchange a look just before a white light consumes the room.
"Savos!" Xah'ley cries out, being blinded by the light before losing consciousness. She comes to again soon after with Mirabella sitting beside her, leaning on a pillar as she conceals a wound in her side.
"Are you alright? Can you walk?" Mirabella asks as the Khajiit sits up with a groan. "I need you on your feet, we're in trouble here."
"I think I'm okay." Xah'ley mumbles as she stands. Every joint in her body feels sore, as if she's fallen off a mountain into frigid waters, something she's experienced twice before and never wishes upon her greatest enemy. What did that High Elf do to cause such pain?
"Ancano is doing something with that thing, the Eye. We can't stop him." Mirabella explains. "I haven't seen Savos since the explosion. He must've been blown clear and he may be injured. I need you to find the Arch-Mage and do it quick…"
Xah'ley is already gone before the Imperial can finish. She stumbles out of the Hall of Elements, praying to the Gods that Savos had been thrown out of the hall safely, but when she steps outside, she spots a group of students gathered around something near the statue. Her heart stops for a moment as she approaches but is stopped by Tolfdir before she can attempt to breach the crowd.
"Are you all right? What happened in there?" The Nord elder asks.
"Ancano has done something to the Eye. That's all I know." Xah'ley explains, trying to look through the crowd to see what everyone is surrounding.
"By the Nine, is he responsible for this?"
"For what?"
"The Arch-Mage, dead?"
The Khajiit's heart sinks at the statement. "D-dead?" All other words fall upon deaf ears as she rushes past Tolfdir and pushes through the crowd of students, finding his words to be true. There, in the middle of the crowd of students, lay Savos's body, broken and limp as is her own heart in that moment. She drops to her knees, not caring that the students watch as she carefully picks up the broken body of her close friend, teacher, and lover. "Savos, why?" The Khajiit murmurs, her body trembling violently as hot tears run rampant down her cheeks. "This cannot be happening. This is not real. This has to be a dream, a sick twisted dream."
"It's not, Xah'ley." Tolfdir sighs, kneeling down beside the broken-hearted thief. "I understand you two were close. I know this must hurt you deeply."
"More than you could know." She murmurs, her claws digging into the slightly torn robes of the lifeless Dunmer.
"But you mustn't dwell on it. There's nothing anyone can do now." He carefully tries to take the body from the Khajiit but she keeps a firm grip on one of the lifeless hands of the Dunmer, refusing to let go, refusing to move on, refusing to believe any of this is real. "Trouble is brewing down in Winterhold, go and help the others." The Khajiit's grip remains strong and stubborn, it seems nearly unbreakable. "He'd want you to protect the town."
She finally looks up at the elder with tear-glazed eyes, then down at the peaceful face of her dead lover before finally letting go and climbing to her feet. She remains still as Tolfdir carries the body away, then pulls out the circlet that Savos had given her as a gift when she first became his student, it improved her magic pool and she always wore it during their lessons. It's the only thing she has left of him now. She pulls off her thief's cowl, tossing it aside then slipping on the circlet. She glances at her hand as it glows reddish orange, tears coming to her eyes and reflecting the warm glow from the aura of her spell.
"I won't fail you, Savos," she murmurs before taking off "never again."
After taking care of the magical anomalies running rampant in Winterhold, Xah'ley sadly returns to the College, painfully trudging to Mirabella who's waiting for her near the Hall of Elements.
"Well? Is Winterhold safe?" Mirabella asks. The Khajiit simply nods. "Good, wish I could say the same..."
The other's words fade to silence as the Khajiit's thoughts reflect on the past, quietly mourning the loss no one could understand, the loss that would forever remain a secret that only she knew. The promise that was made to her high on the roof of the College has shattered because of one corrupt Altmer. The life she cared so much for torn violently from her arms, leaving only a deep searing pain in her heart. This wouldn't go unpunished; Ancano would perish for this.
"Are you listening, Khajiit?" Xah'ley blinks from her thoughts and glances up at Mirabella but more likely glares as the other Mage flinches at her gaze. "You need to get the Staff of Magnus. It might just help us stop Ancano."
Xah'ley sighs, looking up at the building that currently housed the corrupt elf, the one that will soon be dead when she gets her hands on the staff. "Then I'm off to Labyrinthian." She murmurs as she turns to leave.
"What? Are you...are you sure the staff is there?" Mirabella gasps. Xah'ley stops and glances over her shoulder then nods. "That can't be a coincidence."
"What do you mean?" The Khajiit asks as she turns to the Imperial.
"The Arch-Mage…" The Khajiit winced at the mention of the title, the one that previous belonged to her late lover. "He...he gave me something just a little while ago before we discovered Ancano's tampering of the Eye. He told me it was from Labyrinthian and that I would know what to do with it when the time came. I think...I think he meant this for you." The Khajiit hurtfully glances at the female, curiosity gleaming dully under the hurt. Had Savos known what was going to happen? "I'm not sure why, but there was something very personal about it for him." Mirabella hands over what looks to be a giant stone ring, like a knocker for an olden door somewhere in Skyrim. It certainly looked like it belonged to a ruin by the age and rustic look of it. "Also, I think you should have this amulet." The said amulet is a silver necklace with a sapphire gem, Xah'ley immediately recognizes it as Savos's amulet. "It belonged to Savos, but I think it would benefit you much more with the task at hand." The Khajiit gingerly takes the amulet, taking off the Gauldur amulet which she had spent many months locating the pieces to earn such a glorious prize and slips on Savo's amulet in its place. She tightly grabs the sapphire-embezzled charm as Mirabella continues. "Take it and get out of here. Bring back that staff before Ancano brings the whole College down around us."
Xah'ley nods and takes off, hurrying out of the College and through the town of Winterhold. She isn't going to waste more time than she needs, not for the sake of the College but for revenge for Savos's cruel, undeserved demise. The journey through Labyrinthian is as painful as the moment back at the College, having ghostly visions of a young Savos with a troop of young College students throughout the ruin. Each vision weighs Xah'ley's heart down more and more, making her grow weaker each time she hears his voice and sees his ghostly face. She barely has the spirit to fight by the time she reaches Morokei, a Dragon Priest that is the only thing between her and the staff, the key to achieving her vengeance. Her spirits only rise when she goes to grab at her chest from a wound from earlier, finding Savos's amulet instead and clenching tight to the charm. With newly sparked spirits, she charges into battle, killing off the two enthralled mages containing the Priest and taking down Morokei with great ease. She grabs the staff and rushes back outside, but upon stepping outside everything sets in for the Khajiit, hitting her harder than anything else she has faced in her life.
She has been through so much in the two years that she has been enrolled at the College, learning spells, performing tasks for the other Mages, but it never felt important until Savos stepped into her life. Teaching her new spells, improving on her basic ones, and the relationship the two shared for a little over a year that is now gone in what seems to be the blink of an eye. It all comes crashing down the minute she steps out of that ruins, her hopes crushed as is the body of her former lover, an image that will forever haunt her. Her knees cave in and her cries echo through the snowy ruins of Labyrinthian as it all finally hits her: Savos is gone and none of this is worth it. All this time she spent running around in hopes of controlling The Eye, of saving the College, and being able to rest easy, it isn't worth it without Savos. She crumbles to the ground, losing grip of the staff and letting it roll away as she completely breaks down from it all. She can't bear to move forward in a life like this, preferring to die here and now to join her beloved over suffering this loneliness that is slowly consuming her soul.
"S-Savos, I-I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry about."
The Khajiit's eyes snap open and she slowly looks up, finding the ghostly form of her lover standing before her, visible against the dark night sky but still translucent as any phantom would be. "S-Savos?" She gasps, not believing what she is seeing. "I-is that really you?"
"Of course, it is." Savos sighs, the ghostly elf kneeling beside the Khajiit. "You can't give up now, my dear, you've come so far."
"But for what?" The Khajiit whimpers. "I'll go through all this trouble only to continue life without you. Is it really worth it?" The Khajiit begins to cry again as a ghostly hand wipes traces of tears off her furry white cheeks.
"Xah'ley, nothing could prevent the inevitable, you would've seen me pass on eventually." Savos says, trying to comfort the quivering Khajiit.
"Not like this," Xah'ley cries "not the way you were taken from me, stolen from me by an elf too greedy for everyone's good. I knew you would pass on but I wanted you to pass peacefully, not be ripped from your own body."
"It can't be helped now, Xah'ley, we both know that." Savos sighs, gently stroking the Khajiit's head as her cries fade to silent sobs. "The only thing you can do now is stop Ancano."
"And then what?" Xah'ley snaps. "I move on with my amazing life as the Dragonborn?! Forget about the College and you as though neither existed?!" She sobs and wipes her tears away. "No! I refuse! I would rather die here and now than live a life like that!"
"You'll never forget, Xah'ley, I know you better." Savos reassures the Khajiit. "You'll make a fine Dragonborn, an amazing thief, and an excellent mage. Everything else you do will only make you stronger, but you'll never forget about the College or me. I know that."
"But how can I fight without a reason to fight?" Xah'ley asks. "Before, I just did it for the thrill but you gave it purpose, you gave me something to fight through Ice Trolls, Ice Wraiths, and bandits each time I came through these mountains. You gave me a reason to swing my blade and aim my arrow. Now it is gone, along with you."
"No, it's not." Savos sighs. "You can still fight for me. I won't be leaving the College anytime soon nor will I be leaving this ruin. I'll still be here waiting for you."
"It's not the same." Khajiit whimpers on the verge of breaking down again.
"I know it's not" Savos sadly admits "but it's still something. Remember what I said to you the day we kissed, the day you tried to jump from the roof of the College?"
The Khajiit sadly nods. "You worked hard to help me live…and you would not watch me take my own life."
"That still applies now, Xah'ley, even after my own demise." Savos states as he softly pets the thief's head. "I'll be watching over you and I don't want to see what we've worked so hard on crumble now. I want to see you die honorably as the warrior I've come to love, whether you meet your fate in battle or on your deathbed years from now. You won't die by your own hand as long as I watch over you." The Khajiit looks up at her ghostly lover, tearful icy blues staring through transparent blood reds. "Promise me you won't do such a thing, please."
The Khajiit sadly smiles before embracing the ghostly Dunmer and is pulled to her own feet by the apparition. "I promise, Savos...my love."
The two meet eyes once more as the sun begins to peek through the mountains. "Now go, defeat Ancano and save the College. I'll be waiting for you after you've succeeded." The ex-Arch-Mage kisses the Khajiit before vanishing in the sunlight, leaving the Khajiit alone once more. After stitching her broken heart back together and wiping frozen tears away, Xah'ley retrieves the staff and takes off for the College. She won't break their promise this time.
Now the Khajiit lays in the Arch-Mage's bed, her bed, alone.
She defeated Ancano with the staff and The Eye was safely taken elsewhere by the Psijic Monks that set her on this path. She didn't much care to know where it was taken to, it was gone and that was all that mattered. She was quickly appointed as the new Arch-Mage for her bravery in saving the College and showing her grand knowledge of magic in her fight against the Altmer, but she was a mere shadow of her predecessor, her friend, her lover. She grabs Savo's amulet that hangs around her neck, still refusing to let him go.
"If only we had one more night, Savos." Xah'ley murmurs as she sadly nuzzles into the bed and slowly falls into a sorrowful sleep. The faint presence of a hand on her cheek causes her to unknowingly smile as does a ghostly peck on her temple.
"Sweet dreams, my love."