Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha
Warning: This story may be disturbing for more sensitive readers.
Chapter 1- Innocence Is Doomed
There is a certain place.
A place where no one but you can reach.
It can be anything you want.
Mine? I see tall trees of wonder and green painted nature. I hear the hidden birds singing odes to life and the gentle whistling of the wind. I feel the warmth of a setting sun. It disappears beneath the vast mountains to the nothingness my eyes can't see.
I sigh in bliss for one moment more and night will come.
Take me away, silvery darkness!
-Sesshomaru!
I open my eyes calmly. I look around me.
Grey walls.
Two plain beds.
I turn my head. There they are. Just like yesterday. And the day before. And the other.
Metal bars.
Of course, you might be wondering: imprisoned?
Sesshomaru…what have you done?
Heh…they asked that too.
What I did.
I had the unfortunate chance to be caught in a web of hatred and corruption. Those two combined can be the downfall of any. I have learned to deal with what happened to me.
Take it like a man! My father would say.
My father…
He was the one who set me up in the first place. What pains me more is that I was nothing but a child seeking some approval.
I believe I was six years old and my mother had just passed away. A grey day; clouds heavy with rain.
It didn't rain though.
Confused, I had stared at the coffin deep into the dark hole that it was supposed to rest in for all eternity. Father stayed, looking at the horizon. He didn't say a word since we got at the cemetery. He would steal a few glances at me, probably to make sure I was still there but that was it.
I didn't blame him.
Maybe he had loved her beyond the bearable. She didn't have to leave us like this.
Her last words to me had been: Be a good boy and don't give your father trouble.
Her last words to him had been: See you at dinner. Have a good day, love.
A hard working woman. It was my father's day off but she needed to work.
Who would have thought that it would be her end?
Father never spent much time with me. I believe that if it weren't for his days off I wouldn't notice that I had a father.
Sad and pathetic, I know. I never really minded it much.
I had mother.
But now…who would sing me a goodnight song? Who would praise my good grades? Who would kiss my wounds?
No one.
And I was right. After that fateful day my father completely ignored my existence. Buried in his work. He would simply nod occasionally when I presented him my perfect and hard earned grades. He would throw me some bandages when I was wounded. He would pass my bedroom without a second thought to collapse in his own bed in exhaustion.
Swallow the tears and bitterness. I endured everything.
Maybe it was time to grow up, I had decided.
…Then she came.
And after her, came him.
Like a cyclone, she entered that house to put everything upside down. My father, grumpy and bitter would smile and sometimes even laugh at her silliness and love.
At first, I welcomed her. I swear to you. I did.
She made my father happy.
But there was a little green monster inside me. Just because she made him happy didn't mean that I had the songs back. The praises. The kisses.
I had…nothing at all.
She grew the nerve or perhaps she realized that her husband actually had a son already and tried to talk to me.
I began to dislike her more and more.
My father barged into my room making me scared. But he seemed so happy. I had the hope that he came to have some time with me perhaps.
"Sesshomaru, you're going to have a little brother!"
And then just as suddenly as he appeared he had left.
My body was wrecked with violent sobs as I finally let my ugly tears free.
Mother! I want you back!
They didn't care. Too buried in their little world of rainbows and gag worthy glee.
Round and big her belly was. He would spend his days off with her and endlessly caressing the being sustaining inside of her.
I wondered if he did the same to my mother.
What choice did I have but lock myself in my room and study? Or do something else.
Be a good boy and don't give your father trouble.
I was being a good boy, right, mother? I was letting my father be happy.
Yes…I was such a good boy.
The big day came and by the night they returned with a loud, crying, little bundle in their arms.
Father had awaked me so that I could meet my little brother.
Sleepy, I went downstairs and sat beside Izayoi in the couch. I stole a peek and smiled bitterly.
He looked so much like father.
Obsidian hair, light brown eyes and even his features.
Not like me. I had my mother's unique genes.
Silver hair and golden eyes.
I looked up at my father to see his smile gone and replaced by a pained expression. Always. When he looked at me, that is.
Afraid that I had displeased him I mumbled.
"He is perfect."
I stood up and went back to my bedroom feeling their eyes on my back the whole time. Izayoi had gazed at my father with a certain doubt for the first time.
Inuyasha.
His name.
I didn't want to hate him. He was but a baby.
Two years.
I watched in the shadows as he grew to be a chubby blob of adorableness. Father and Izayoi would coo and melt when he learned his first steps.
Do you know what made me angry?
I had decided one Sunday afternoon to take a break on my studies and watch some cartoons. Father had gone to work and Izayoi was making lunch.
Inuyasha wobbled on insecure steps towards me and simply stared. After a few minutes I began to feel uncomfortable since no one looked at me for so long. With a sigh I turned off the TV and turned to him.
"What is it?"
I had asked. He blinked and this lazy smile spread the lips that opened to say his first words.
"Brother."
My eyes widened in shock. Izayoi seemed to have heard it too for she came running from the kitchen, spoon in hand to stare incredulously at her son.
Poor woman hoped her name or father's would be the little trouble's first words.
That made me angry.
What was the problem of me being his first words?
Wasn't I good enough for this family?
Then I asked myself.
What is wrong with me?
Inuyasha had the songs. The kisses. The praises. And he gave them sleepless nights and smelly diapers in return.
I have done nothing but tried to make their life as easy as it is in my power. I didn't dare to bother them when they wanted to be alone. I didn't nag them with useless talk. I didn't waste their money by failing in my education.
Without a word and a somber look in my eyes I had excused myself and ignored when Inuyasha started to cry for me.
It took a baby for me to finally snap.
That night…there was thunder in that night.
How adequate for the ruining of my life.
Just a simple dinner, the usual. Izayoi and father were talking about their days. Then she had told him about Inuyasha's first words.
I froze when father dropped his fork and the clinging impact echoed in my ears. My head was pounding.
I raised my eyes to his shocked face. It wouldn't hurt that much if he were shocked because I never actually spent much time with Inuyasha but because Inuyasha acknowledged me at all.
He was a baby and he knew who I was.
I took a deep breath and decided that it would be the day that I had some words with this ridiculous game.
"What's so shocking, father?"
He actually jumped in fright when he heard my voice. When was the last time I talked with him?
He said nothing and Izayoi seemed nervous.
Oh, ignore me more.
I stood up from my seat and slammed my hands on the table, teary eyed. I couldn't take this anymore!
"What have I done to deserve this, father?!"
We both knew what I was talking about. He stood up too and tried to intimidate me.
"Sit down, shut your mouth and finish your dinner!"
Too late. It was too late for that, father. I said the words burning in my heart above all things.
"It disgusts me how you soil my mother's memory by completely ignoring me!"
He deemed that outburst worthy of a powerful slap to my cheek.
Izayoi gasped and covered Inuyasha's eyes but it didn't cease his crying.
Father's face was red with rage and his breathing was frantic but his words were low and dangerous.
"You will shut your mouth this instant, Sesshomaru."
His last words to me.
I was so angry and since this was my first fit I didn't know when to stop. I only saw the years of emotional agony.
I threw my plate into the floor shattering it to pieces. Father snapped and crossed the table breaking even more to give me a beating.
Izayoi screamed, not noticing that she had uncovered Inuyasha's eyes to cover her own ears.
Inuyasha…my little brother saw everything. My disgrace.
I was suddenly so frightened. Father beat me. Punched me. Kicked me. He didn't seem to stop. My left eye was already darkening and my lip was cut.
Izayoi kept screaming at my father to stop. That he was hurting me.
I only wanted him to stop.
I blindly searched the floor for something until I found a large shard of the plate I had broken.
I just acted on instinct. I grabbed the shard and with an exhausted cry I stabbed my father with it.
In his right eye.
He shrieked in pain and fell back on the table that succumbed under his weight.
But it wasn't enough. He still tried to grab me and attempted to remove the shard at the same time. So I did it for him.
I removed the shard and his blood covered me and those white walls as I stabbed him one, two, three times…
Until his screams were no more.
By then, Izayoi's throat was hoarse with her screaming and Inuyasha was trembling in fear.
I only saw my father's lifeless body staring mockingly at me.
Now that I think about it…that room looked better painted in red.
My tears fell but my face remained stoic of it all.
"You monster!"
She screamed. Maybe I was.
Maybe my father saw it.
He didn't have to leave me like this.
She called the police while keeping a cautious eye on me. I didn't move, straddling my father and with a firm grasp on the crime weapon.
I only snapped out of my trance when the loud sound of the police siren reached my ears.
Even the policemen seemed disturbed.
Izayoi cried and clutched her Inuyasha in a death grip.
Poor boy was confused.
He would feed his hatred for me with his mother's words and when he finally realized what happened this night.
As long as he was protected from what I have done.
They looked at me like I was a dangerous psycho that would slit their throats with no second thoughts if they were even remotely near me.
They covered their fear well though.
I let them do with me whatever they wished.
Father was a powerful and influential man. He had some friends who didn't like the fact that his son had gone cuckoo and killed him. So they made sure I stayed away. Even if I was only an eight year old child.
I was dangerous, they said.
They never really noticed the wounds covering my body from my father's ruthless assault.
They never pondered that what I did could be in self defense.
I didn't deny anything though. In my mind I deserved any kind of punishment.
I did kill my own father.
First, they sent me to an asylum. To cure my craziness.
I chuckle at that.
I spent the rest of my childhood locked in a little room with nothing but four walls to keep me company.
I assure you if you weren't crazy when you entered that place you would be anyway.
I had a weekly hour with a psychiatrist. I didn't like him. He would probe at my soul almost as much as his fingers probed at my body.
I never understood why the man had to touch me so much.
I mean, last time I checked a psychiatrist cured the mind not the body.
And he looked at me in a funny way.
When I turned eighteen they deemed there was nothing else they could do and I seemed stable enough.
My father's friends thought it would be better if I spent some years in jail for 'safety measures'.
It's amazing what some money can do.
So now here I am at twenty four years old. They will evaluate me tomorrow and if I pass I can be free.
Of course, in a tight leash.
Actually I'm a bit nervous of being free. It's been so long.
-Hey, Sesshomaru! Are you listening to me?
That's Naraku.
My cellmate.
Tall guy. Has some muscle like me and long dark hair. He has the curious eyes. Brown but with a tint of red in it.
Sometimes I would mock him about it. Saying he was the spawn of Satan or something like that.
He would laugh and call me a hypocrite.
Heh, I wasn't so normal looking either so it was okay.
I didn't bother much in cutting my hair so it sprawled in luscious waves down my back. I never really thought I would look good with long hair but it seems I do.
He got himself caught while robbing a bank with his comrades. The others managed to escape but he wasn't so lucky.
Tough break.
I actually felt a little bad for leaving him here. He was probably my only friend.
I attempted a smile for him.
-I'm sorry, Naraku. I believe I spaced out. Could you repeat yourself?
He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. Then sighed.
-How are you feeling? About this whole being free thing, I mean.
My smile fell.
-I'm anxious. I wonder how much the world has changed.
He sat in my bed by my side.
-Do you ever wonder about…them?
My breath hitched.
-Sometimes.
He sighed again and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
-You should just let it go. It's time for a new beginning don't you think?
I closed my eyes.
-Maybe.
Until then, I would await for my songs, kisses and praises.
Author's Note: So…what do you guys think? (about being weird for Inuyasha to have his first words at two years old let's just say he is a late bloomer or had a development problem; he's not mentally retarded though) This story will be dark as you already noticed. The romance won't be the 'lovey dovey' stuff so (I'll warn again) if you have any problem with disturbing themes I suggest you stop reading this fic.
This is actually my first time writing this kind of story but I believe it won't be hard.