"Don't feel it," Elsa told herself before immediately cringing in guilt. She'd told Anna she wouldn't do that anymore, after Anna saw her like that one day. For the first time, Elsa had understood what people meant when they described someone as looking heartbroken.
"Elsa…!" she said, coming over to give her a hug.
Elsa was a bit startled. She automatically pulled away before Anna could touch her. Her mantra continued in her mind.
"Elsa, it's okay. It's okay too feel now, I promise." She reached out to touch Elsa's arm. "I'm here and I love you."
Elsa tried to focus on that. To think about their love instead of her fear. She felt herself starting to calm, and when she allowed herself to stop her mental mantra, no more ice appeared. On the other hand, though, there was ice around her from earlier that she had not at all meant to create. It was melting now, but she hated that it had happened in the first place.
"I…is that how you've tried to control your powers?" Anna asked after a period of silence. She had a bad feeling it was.
"Yes." Anna looked pretty distraught, and more so after her confirmation. Elsa didn't understand, but she had never seen anyone look so sad.
She couldn't stand the realization that Elsa had lived like that for the last thirteen years. And yet, Elsa didn't even seem to think there was anything wrong with it, which in a way made it even worse. She had to fight back tears, knowing Elsa would just focus on her instead if she cried. "You don't have to do that anymore," she told her. "You can control them with love… not numbness! And if you have trouble, I'm always here for you. I'm always here, so please…" She felt her tears fall, but she ignored that and continued with what she had been saying. "Please don't tell yourself you aren't allowed to feel."
Elsa really didn't understand. But Anna seemed so upset, she wanted to agree just to comfort her. It didn't seem like something difficult to follow through on, so she said, "Okay. I'll try not to do that anymore."
But this wasn't something she could talk to Anna about, and even alone, thinking about "their love" just made her feel even worse. There was ice in the room which she knew she could not melt anymore, and more was forming. It was going to raise questions, so all the more reason she needed to stop. Don't feel.
She was disgusted with herself for losing control of her powers, and for what was currently on her mind.
Don't feel. Don't feel.
How could she look at Anna knowing she'd let her down? She hadn't been able to look her in the eye for the past week already. Not since she'd come to realize something.
Elsa was in love with her sister.