Hazel eyes were shadowed in the enchroaching gloom. Her hand found the one belonging to the girl beside her and she gave it a gentle squeeze.
"How are you feeling Ginny?" Hermione asked softly. Red-rimmed eyes amongst a mess of copper curls softened with the approaching bout of tears and the girl let them rush free; falling into her late boyfriend's friend's arms. Hermione stroked Ginny's back to soothe her until her sobs could barely be heard; wild thoughts ran throughout her own head and she blinked back unexpected tears of her own. In a way they had all been warned...
The prophecy had stated that both would eventually die. Everyone had tried to read it as a 'kill or be killed' statement, but that was wrong. Harry had led with the assumption he would eventually die; living every day as though it was his last. Before he'd rushed into the final battle he had cradled Ginny's face in his hands saying, "I know this is hard for you, and I know you don't want to believe me, but I won't be seeing you again on this Earth. You will love again and you will laugh again, and one day you'll be able to think of me without crying. I will watch over you." He'd brushed aside tears that had rolled down her ivory cheeks, and had waved aside blustering words of hope from Ginny's lips. He had known, and so had she, but she hadn't wanted to accept it.
"I knew it, I knew he was going to die, but I still didn't say goodbye... I knew Hermione, I knew that... I knew... why didn't I say goodbye?" Ginny demanded for the upteenth time of the older girl. Hermione tilted her head and was once at a loss as to what to say.
"He knew that was the case." She finally came up with. Ginny hiccuped and swallowed painfully.
"This is too huge to be true. He's dead. Harry's dead. Oh my god, Harry's dead." She dissolved into another bout of tears and Hermione hugged her tighter, just trying in any way to comfort her, to try and absorb some of that pain.
And somehow, her lips found Ginny's, and though both were startled, it was comforting to express how deeply they felt of this recent tragidy to give into one another. Neither knew why they were doing this, but their sadness was so deep that they needed a deep way to prefess it... like passion to express grief... both were extremes and they were so overwhelmed by everything it was like they were drunk on emotion. Ginny's hands twisted into Hermione's mane of chestnut hair as her tongue pushed past the older girl's lips and they toppled backwards; hands roving over supple bodies of the other; pressing closer and closer as though they could become one and erase all knowledge of the event, as though this was a way to forget; to lose themselves in the moment and forget the pain.
A door opened, "Hermione, Gin-" The girls broke apart as they saw a sober Ron in the doorway, staring at them as though they had scarlet blood dripping from sharp eye teeth. He gripped the doorframe and Hermione could almost follow the trail of thoughts in his head. She'd forgotten... she'd forgotten what he'd said just before the battle...
"I love you Hermione; I just want you to know that incase anything happens to me." It seemed like these words were running through his head as well for he closed the door with him in the room and continued to stare at them in shock. Ginny started to cry and Hermione felt like doing that too.
"Ron..." She began weakly.
"With my sister?" He let out in a rush of breath. "With Harry still warm?" The latter remark was directed at Ginny and she gulped; the tears finally drying up for the first time in hours. Both girls sat side by side, not touching, wondering how they were to talk their way out of an impossible situation. Ron began to shake his head. "I can't even react. My god, you girls are insane." With this, he left the room.
"Ginny, I'm sorry." Hermione turned to whisper. Ginny stared at her with watery orbs, not seeming to take in the information. "Ginny?"
"Isn't this dishonoring his memory?" She breathed faintly. Her voice was hoarse with crying and Hermione longed to steal all that pain away. Wasn't this how all friends felt when the other was in pain?
"Well... he's gone now, nothing can change that." Hermione managed. Ginny stared at her silently for a moment, and then moved forward and kissed her of her own accord this time. She lowered Hermione's hands which had leapt up as she'd made this move, and entertwined her fingers with the older girl's. The kiss was passionate and as Hermione's lips parted, she entered with her tongue and playfully exchanged dominance with the other. They toppled back onto the bed once again, this time with Ginny straddling her on top, and felt no guilt about their actions. It was innocent, it was pure; it was them professing unspeakable emotions. This time they realised it wasn't just them trying to escape their pain; it was them uncovering a shared bond neither knew they had.
Ron sat down heavily at the kitchen table and flinched as his mother, Molly Weasley, placed a glass of orange juice in front of him. Seeing this, she sat down across from him and clasped his large hands within her small fat ones.
"Dear it will get better in time." She said kindly, reaching forward to stroke his firey hair. He dodged her and snatched his hands away.
"Don't be so bloody patronising, you don't even know what's going through my head!"
"Well Ronald, it's not like you've taken this the hardest; why, Hermione must feel just as bad as you, and what about Ginny?"
"Oh I'm sure they're helping each other through this difficult time!" Ron shouted; his ears turning pink. "Why don't you go up and see how they both are mum? Why don't you go see if they need a little more comfort?"
"Now Ronald,just calm down!" Molly shouted back, becoming rather cross with her unruly son.
"I won't calm down mum! I won't ever bloody calm down! This is the stupidest bloody thing ever and I'll be damned if I just let them walk all over me!"
"What are you talking about?" Molly Weasley cried.
"GO AND CHECK ON HERMIONE AND GINNY AND YOU MIGHT JUST SEE!" And with that, he left his orange juice untouched and stormed out the Burrow. Mrs Weasley stared after him in shock, and then crossed over to the stairs, so she might go to his sister's room and see what he possibly could have been meaning.
They broke apart as they heard footsteps clumping up the stairs and hurriedly smoothed down hair and moved to opposite sides of the room; Hermione with a book and Ginny with a Witch Weekly magazine. The door opened and Ginny's mother poked her head in.
"Everything alright up here?" She asked with piqued interest. Ginny looked up from her magazine and nodded calmly.
"Yes mum, we're fine." She smiled. Mrs Weasley looked at her and then Hermione, and then you could've heard a pin drop.
"Why are both your lips so puffy?" She demanded in a stealy voice. the two teenagers froze and then Hermione slowly turned to survey herself in the looking glass beside her; noting her lips were beestung and swollen from kissing Ginny.
"..." Hermione closed her mouth as she realised she had no words of explanation and a look across the room revealed Ginny was the same.
"Get out of this room right now!" Mrs Weasley suddenly shouted at Hermione. The brown haired girl leapt from her seat, dropping her book, and ran down the stairs as Ginny's mother turned to the youngest Weasley, "And you! What do you have to say for yourself?"
Hermione burst into the kitchen and tripped on a stray rug; falling onto her hands and knees, sobbing. She could hear screaming from the floor above and knew it was all her fault; it was all her fault and now Ginny was being punished. With her face set in resolution she stood up and sprinted back up the stairs, bursting into the bedroom just as Mrs Weasley's hand was raised to slap her daughter.
"No! Stop! It's all my fault!" Hermione yelled. Mrs Weasley turned to look at her with a murderous glare and Ginny slid hurriedly off her bed to scoot around her and scramble to her feet just behind Hermione; her face full of tears and a red hand print already marring one side of her face.
"How dare you do such unholy things to each other!" Mrs Weasley screamed at the two. Hermione fought to prevent crumbling before the imposing sight of an angry Weasley, and somehow managed, for Ginny.
"I can't, we can't help how we feel!" She screamed back at her friend's mother, surprising even herself with her courage. Mrs Weasley stared hard at them both for a moment and then her entire face crumbled as she gave up.
"Get out. Both of you, just get out and don't come back." She muttered in a harsh, unfamiliar whisper. Neither girl lingered for a moment once that sentence was delivered.
"What do we do now?" Ginny whispered as they reached the end of the driveway leading to the Burrow. It was Ginny's final year of school, but now her entire future was thrown into jepardy, as was Hermione's- if her parents ever found out what had happened. With the thought of her parents, Hermione turned to inform Ginny of their next destination, and with the red head's hand clasped in hers, apparated to her home in England.
"Mum, dad, is it alright if my friend Ginny stays with us for a while?" Hermione strode into her longue and asked as soon as they arrived in her hallway. Mr and Mrs Granger smiled warmly at Ginny, for they knew her, and gave their consent. Ginny said nothing as she was lead to Hermione's room where twin beds resided, and both collasped onto seperate ones as soon as the door was closed. "Oh, you don't have any of your stuff." Hermione realised belatedly, when she finally sat up. Ginny nodded, and then helplessly, dissolved into tears again; Hermione was there in an instant,
"Everything will be OK Ginny, please don't cry, I'll sort everything out for you... your mum will get over it in time... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." And once more when all else failed to wash away the copper haired girl's tears, Hermione possessed her with a passionate kiss and rained love down upon her as her fingers travelled over her body; undoing buttons and slipping beneath to graze soft skin. Hermione slipped out of her shirt with small aid from Ginny, and suddenly she was on her back as the younger girl left a trail of kisses down her neck to her collarbone.
"I'm so sorry..." Hermione whispered and was cut off as Ginny's kissed her again.
"I don't care anymore Hermione." Ginny said truthfully as she broke it off. "Everything's so messed up right now but everything's perfect at the same time. I've given up, I don't care, all I know is that I'm enjoying this right now and I've got to live for the moment, just like Harry did."
With a gasp, Hermione shoved Ginny off her and scrambled to the foot of her bed, which was only a couple of feet away, but at least she wasn't touching the other girl anymore. "What! For that, you did what you did? We could've talked our way out of that horrible confrontation but you didn't help because you wanted to make the most out of this!"
"No I didn't mean it like that!" Ginny whispered hurriedly, scooting closer and attempting to kiss her, which Hermione avoided. "It's hard to put it into words!"
"I get exactly what you mean! You're just messing with my mind!" Hermione dared not raise her voice above normal speaking volume because they were only on the second floor of her parents house, but still spoke venomously with that tone.
"I promise I'm not doing that Hermione; is it wrong to want you?" Ginny pleaded.
"It's wrong when you're doing it just to get a kick! I thought this meant to actually liked me, hell, loved me in some way but obviously not!"
"Oh, shut up!" Ginny grabbed ahold of Hermione harshly and pulled her to her so she could kiss her again, and when Hermione realised the younger girl wasn't likely to let go, against all her better judgement she gave in. There was no gentle takeover this time, and Hermione was no longer apologising; she no longer felt she had taken advantage of Ginny, and instead wondered what she'd gotten herself into.
"Oh god, oh god I'm so sorry... I..." Ginny suddenly cried as she broke away and scrambled off the bed. She stared at Hermione as the girl sat up and looked at her quizzedly. "I'm so sorry Hermione." And with that, she fled.
Hermione sat on the edge of the bed; mascara running in lines down her cheeks. She looked the epitome of gothic beauty as the enchroaching darkness shadowed her chesnut hair, but she knew none of this, and contented herself with fingering the tassels on her bedspread. Ginny had not returned after the earlier episode, and Hermione felt filled to the brim with guilt. What had she done? She was the older girl, she was the one who was meant to make the lucid decisions... but she had done this... she'd let passion overrule her judgement and now Ginny had run out convinced it was all her fault.
What could she do? When she figured it was pointless crying over something that was already past, she'd stand up... but then the events would overwhelm her again and she'd collapse back down and let loose a fresh bout of tears. She ran her hand through her lank hair listlessly and turned her face into the duvet. It muffled her tears but couldn't erase them; it hid her face but couldn't banish the shame. She clamped her thighs together and pounded the bed with her fists; if only she could make it bleed, make it scream, make it feel as much pain as she felt. Why had she let this happen to her? Why had she done such a stupid thing?
Ginny found herself in a unfamiliar place in England, totally at a loss as to what to do. Her mother had banned her from coming back to the Burrow, Hermione would never look at her the same again, her brother detested them both... What could she do? She trailed her hand along a brick wall and glanced into a restaurant to see flickering flames; if only she could throw a handful of flu powder from her pocket and stride back into the Burrow, into her mother's arms, asking for forgiveness! Ginny felt tears well up in her eyes at the thought and then considered it... It wouldn't hurt; maybe her mother had calmed down? Surely she couldn't hold a grudge against her only daughter forever?
With resolution she strode into the busy place purposely and ignoring the customers' surprised looks, threw a handful of powder into the fire and stepped in; she hit solid wall and fell roughly to the ground.
"May I ask what exactly you think you're doing?" A stressed looking Muggle with a moustache demanded. Ginny looked back at the fireplace with mouth agape, to realise it was one of those Muggle fake fireplaces.
"Ah... I, er, uh..."
"Oh god, not another drunk. Get out of here this instant!" The Muggle grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and spun Ginny around; propelling her out of the establishment. "Go home now and don't you dare come back here!" He yelled after her. She made a rude sign at his back and walked dully down the darkened street wondering what to do next. She caught a glimmer of silver in the alleyway to her right and quickly stepped up her pace. For the first time she realised what danger she was in; she didn't even have her wand upon her and if someone saw fit to attack her...
She stepped into a street of bright cheery restaurants and relaxed; walking past them until she discovered one with a fireplace; it was almost deserted. The manager saw the girl come in and turned to ask a waitress to seat her at a table, but when they both turned around she was gone, but surely it was their imagination that for an instant the flames in the fireplace were glowing green?
"What on earth do you think you're doing back here!" The entire Weasley family -abielt the brothers in Romania were absent but Ron, Fred, George, and Mr Weasley were present- gaped at Molly as she greeted Ginny's entrance through the fireplace with a roar. Ron glared at his sister and shoved a sausage into his mouth, chewing on it vicously; the twins sniggered at what they thought was a simple scolding of a mischievious sister.
"Please mum, I'm sorry, I-" Ginny began.
"When I told you to leave and never come back I specifically meant that one meaning of those words! I didn't mean come back at dinnertime!" She waved about a steel spoon covered in mashed potato and George dodged a spatter headed his way.
"I'm your daughter!" Ginne insisted.
"I HAVE NO DAUGHTER!" Mrs Weasley roared. Silence blanketed the entire room as the seriousness of the arguement hit them. Fred and George plainly had no idea what was going on, but Arthur looked as though he had some idea and Ron refused to look anyone in the eye. Finally George spoke.
"Blimey mum, what'd she do to deserve that?" His displeasure with his parent was evident for all to see. His mother refused to answer him and pointed at the door with the spoon.
"Get out." Her tone was the same deadly one used earlier that day; the harsh unforgiving whisper that had made Ginny shudder at the coldness of, hours earlier. She tried to appear brave but crumbled, casting a pitiful look at the two who were gaping at her with sheer bewilderment; Fred and George.
"It's about me and Hermione, guys. She doesn't understand.." Understanding dawned on them as Ginny spoke but this it seemed, was the last straw for Molly Weasley.
"I SAID GET OUT!" She flung the metal instrument at her daughter and hit her hard in the side of the face, startling the girl enough to make her stumble backwards into the doorway. Fred and George leapt up to assist her as their mother continued. "ON THE ONE NIGHT YOUR TWO BROTHERS COME HOME TO TOUCH BASE THIS HAS TO HAPPEN..."
"I didn't mean for it to get so out of control..." Ginny whimpered as Fred put an arm around her and started leading her out the door. George glanced back as his mother exited the room with a slam of the door and Ron exploded, shouting at his father.
"Go to our flat in Diagon alley." Fred whispered quickly to Ginny. "Me and George will get your stuff. Just go, we'll try and sort it out." George snatched his coat off the hook by the door and deposited it into his sister's arms, and then after they sherparded her outside, shut the door in her face. She didn't know what to feel... relieved? Shattered? Desperate? Depressed? It hadn't resolved anything with her mother back there, but it had gotten her some help. She felt at least she was making some progress, but still the back of her mind niggled at her to remember Hermione.
It seemed Ginny had forgotten completely about her and she fell asleep curled up into a little ball on one of the twin beds. Her room was unsettingly bare; all her favourite possessions were at Hogwarts for it was her home most of the year. Hermione longed to read a book to lose herself in it, but she was too distracted to study and disliked fiction, for she felt it were a waste of time. Oh, if only Ginny would make contact with her!
The third week of holiday passed slowly and through the grapevine she learned that Ginny was staying with Fred and George; that her mother had kicked her out of home (again, after she tried to come back) and that Ron was refusing to acknowledge he had a sister. It seemed an extra blow to the family, simply reminding them of the fact they had another astray sibling (Percy) who still hadn't reconciled with them all after Harry and Voldermort died. It was supposed to have been Hermione's last year at Hogwarts the year before, but Voldermort had attacked and the school had been closed for the main part, so it was only sensible to redo the entire year, in order to save the students grades. Everyone was behind of course, and there were two first year groups, but in seven years it would be back to normal.
She sat at her table with quill in hand, and finally decided to write to Ginny, even though Fred and George had asked her to leave Ginny to try and sort herself out. She had to... she was going insane locked inside this oversmart head of hers...
Ginny,
Talk to me. C'mon, I'm going insane... I've been trying to cut you out of my thoughts but it's not working. Why did you run away? This is my fault. I'm sorry, I'm sorry but there's no way to erase it so we have to make peace and live with the consequences. Maybe we can both talk to you mum?
-Hermione.
Ginny read the letter again and then screwed it up. She didn't want to admit Hermione existed anymore. As far as she was concerned the bookworm know-it-all had ruined her life! If only she'd done what she was meant to do and had left her alone when it had most mattered. But no, she had to comfort her over Harry by-
With a stifled sob, Ginny realised what she was doing. She'd been thinking about Harry and once again her thoughts had drifted back to Hermione. Why couldn't she get her out of her head! Why was she everywhere! Couldn't she just leave her alone! With her face set in resolution she grabbed a quill and jotted down a harsh reply.
Just stay out of my life. It was a stupid mistake. An accident. Something we never should've done. I just want to get my life in order and you're not helping. Just leave me be, OK? I don't want you.
-G
It was glaringly obvious and Hermione bit her lip. If that was how she wanted it, she would just forget Ginny existed.
The school year began with minimal excitement and Hermione soon settled into a routine. She would get up early and be at breakfast before Ginny arrived, get back to the common room once she'd left, study before class, then get to class and note down everything said, then study in the library at lunchtime and after school as well. Just before curfew she'd retire without speaking to anyone, draw her curtains so she couldn't see Ginny get into her bed down the other end of the room, and then repeat the day. Weekends she'd go out onto the grounds and study, or read, or watch Ginny out the corner of her eye as she played Quidditch-
But of course she didn't do that. She didn't linger at breakfast until the red-head came in and then leave... she didn't hope and hope that the girl would wander into the library to collect a book for class. She wasn't hurt when Ginny blatantly ignored her or turned away from her greeting of a smile. But she did notice the girl was getting pale and withdrawn. And thin; very thin.
So she worried. She would attempt to study and her thoughts would drift from Transfigeration to the state of the red-haired girl. That day at breakfast Hermione had swallowed a spoon of cornflakes and watched as Ginny sat down at the end of the table and listlessly picked at an apple. Ginny took one bite, then dropped it onto the golden plate and had risen to leave the room. It seemed no one else had noticed the eating disorder she'd developed. Hermione tried to talk to Ron about it one day after class.
"Listen Ron, I know you don't want to know she exists, but your sister looks really sick. Can't you put aside your slight and help her?" She'd waited with baited breath for an answer, and instead of ignoring her like she'd expected, he turned to address her fully.
"Why don't you help her, Hemione? Out of everyone, you'd do the best job." His face had been fulled with disgust as he'd spoken, but Hermione could register he was speaking seriously to her. She let down her guard for an instant..
"She wrote and said she didn't want me near her again." She whispered.
"I think..." his voice faltered but he set his face in resolution and continued. "I think mum made her do that. She, Ginny... she's trying to come back home. Fred and George told her she can stay with them but I think she needs mum.." Hermione waited as he went to continue. "Hermione... can't everything just go back to how it was? You and Ginny.. that was a impulsive mistake.. wasn't it?" Ron stared at her helplessly and she tried to form the answer on her lips but failed.
"Yeah." She said instead; going against everything she felt. "It was a mistake but I don't know how to fix it." He didn't notice the lack of emotion in her words and pulled her into a bone crushing hug.
"It's OK Hermione, everyone will understand. I don't care what you did, everything can go back to how it was; you and me. That's what you want, isn't it?" He broke away and stared at her.
"Yeah." She said in a very small voice. Summing up all her inner strength she leant forward and kissed him. She saw Ron's relieved smile, but missed the look on Ginny's face, as she stood in a doorway just out of Hermione's sight.
She'd heard the words from Hermione's mouth with her very own two ears. Perhaps now she might be able to move on with her life? Ginny sat with her back against the toilet and sighed a long, shuddering sigh. It was too confusing, too emotional. Maybe she should just go and find a nice boyfriend and suppress all these 'unnatural' desires? It would make everyone happy... and her and Hermione was just silly. It couldn't be long term... she obviously loved her brother... oh God.
Ginny let out a sob and twisted the material of her skirt with bitter hands. No matter how much she tried to pretend, she couldn't erase the jealousy she felt when she saw Hermione, Hermione lean forward of her own accord to kiss Ron. Ginny could've understood Ron kissing Hermione, but this... this meant Hermione truly loved Ron more. That meant she didn't love Ginny. That meant Ginny had truly fucked everything up... what she'd done... she thought if she could get away from Hermione the shame might fade but it didn't. It was still there. But what made it worse was the lust was still there too... and she couldn't tell if it was lust or love, so she couldn't tell if it was good Hermione was with Ron, or bad that she wasn't with Ginny.
If only.
If only there was some way to find out for sure, but there were no spells, no potions to sort out inner turmoil. Ginny wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and sat up to twist around and throw up, once again, into the toilet.
Hermione sat in the common room with Ron that night and tried to pretend she was happy in his embrace. The flickering light from the fireplace danced upon her gleaming skin and its warmth pulled her into a loving embrace but still she felt the nasty aching feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her heart leapt when a familiar red-head wandered down the stairs from the girl's dormitory.
"Hi." Hermione dared to call out. It was obvious who the greeting was meant for, and she thougth she saw Ginny's back stiffen but she turned around with a forced smile on her face. Hermione saddened; did she hate her that much?
"How are you?" Ginny murmured.
"Good... you?"
"Just dandy." She shot back and with that, left through the portrait hole.
"She'll get over it." Ron commented carelessly. It was too much; Hermione threw his hands off her and stood up.
"I feel sick. Bye." Ignoring his protests she ran up the staircase Ginny had just descended and made it to the bathroom before throwing up. She felt shaky, she felt hollow, she felt as though she'd never be alright again. It was final; Ginny had seen her with Ron and the action was complete. Hermione was off bounds and Ginny hadn't blinked.
She thought back on the old days when it had been her, Harry and Ron. Everything had been simple; there was no need to ascend to dating with either of them when they were the trio. It wasn't the same now Harry was gone. Over the years when she'd gotten to know Ginny better she hadn't ever expected something like this to happen... if she could have, Hermione would have gone back in time at that very moment to prevent everything from happening.
Surely there were spells to erase events? Apart from the memory charm she couldn't think of anything... and there was no way to go back anymore now that Time Turners were destroyed... each and every one. What might the current time have been like if Harry had been alive still? Would this have happened? Probabaly not... Hermione made it to the mirror above the basin and stared into it; imagining that face reflected back at her was the one that lived in the happy world, the world with Harry.
As she studyed her own reflection she paused to think about Life in general. It seemed to empty now and she couldn't see any joy in the immediate future. She was stuck, stuck in such a terribly deep hole. For the first time in her life she had no motivation whatsoever. Why read when the knowledge can't sort out everyday problems? Not that these were everyday.
If Ginny fell in love with someone else, that would be the end. Hermione wouldn't see the point in going on any longer.
The portrait hole slammed shut behind her and Ginny paced down the hallway, livid. A few girls in her year cast bemused looks her way but for the most point she was ignored. Totally and utterly ignored.
The next day as she sat in class the door opened to show Professor McGonagoll. Professor Flitwick balanced his spectacles on his nose and beamed.
"What do we owe the pleasure of this visit to, Minerva, er- I mean, McGonagoll?" He asked chirpily.
"We have a new student." The woman smiled. A figure entered the doorway and Ginny stiffened; it wasn't Hermione was it? No, this was just a girl with identical bushy hair to her... friend.
"Oh and you are?" Professor Filtwick asked the girl. She looked haughtily down her nose and answered in the most stuck up voice imaginable.
"My name is Penelope Rodgers." She turned to scan the classroom and her eyes fell on Ginny who possessed the most unique hair. Ginny sank lower in her seat under the unwelcome scrutinisation and wished dearly the girl could've looked a bit less like Hermione.
"I'll leave you to it." Professor McGonagoll murmured, and then left the class as abruptly as she'd come. Professor Flitwick beamed at Penelope and waved his hand towards the class.
"Why don't you tell us all about yourself?" He asked. It didn't seem Penelope had needed this invitation but with it she grinned and drew herself up tall and took a deep breath.
"I'm from Scotland and I moved into England very recently with mummy and daddy," (sniggers penetrated the class but it seemed Penelope was oblivious) "..beforehand I'd been flooing off to Canada to a school there but since we were so close to Hogwarts daddy decided to enrol me in this school."
"Very interesting." Professor Flitwick interjected before she could continue. "Hmm... who should we assign to help you settle in? Oh, I know, Miss Weasley would you be so kind?" All eyes fell on Ginny and she felt like throttling the professor. How dare he saddle her with that girl? How dare he!
An idea began to form in the recesses of her mind as the snobby girl came to sit beside her and rummage through an expensive satchel. Perhaps if Hermione saw her with this girl it would be a good idea. Maybe she would think she'd been replaced... because after all she'd returned to Ron quickly enough. Yes!
Hermione looked up as a familiar red-head sauntered into the Great Hall and took a seat beside her. Ron leaned over to give her a peck on the cheek and began rambling on about Quidditch, but she was distracted as a girl with amazingly bushy hair took a seat by Ginny and then progressed to begin an animated discussion.
Who was she!
"Who's that?" Hermione asked Ron, delicately interrupting his speil. He glanced briefly at the girl and shrugged his shoulders.
"Who cares? Anyway, how'd you go with that Potions homework Snape set us? It was way too hard! Not that it'd be too hard for you of course."
"Ah, yeah. I did it last night."
"Really? I got stuck on the first paragraph." Ron was incredulous.
"Well I studied it a few weeks ago when I was bored..." Hermione could see this conversation was going nowhere. "I'm going to go to the library to double check something, now that you've reminded me." Ron nodded, bored already and just about to start a conversation with Sean beside him.
"OK, have fun."
Hermione didn't bother to answer him and ran out into the hall quickly. She had about half an hour left before lunch was over and needed that time to... to what exactly? She paused in the middle of the hallway and considered what on earth she was doing. Why did she leave halfway through her lunch?
The girl sitting beside Ginny leapt into her mind and she snuck back to the great doors to peer through the crack. Ginny seemed to be staring at nothing as the girl talked to her, the place she was looking at a few centimeters in front of the bushy haired girl's face. What was she thinking? Was she thinking about Hermione? Hermione bit her lip angrily and shook her head in the solitude of the empty corridor. Ginny didn't miss her... Ginny didn't even think about her anymore... but maybe Ginny was still... still different. Maybe she saw this girl as a replacement. With shock, Hermione realised she hadn't specified the gender of her possible 'replacement'. Would she still go through with it if the person was female? Would she?
"What are you doing?" A smooth male voice asked with a hint of bemusement, tapping her on the shoulder. Hermione leapt voilently and spun around to see none other than Malfoy.
"What are you doing!" She demanded of him.
"I asked you first Granger." He said with a lift of one eyebrow. She glared at him; the last person she's have wanted to catch her spying was Malfoy. Even though throughout the war he'd been immensely helpful in the plight to destroy Voldermort, he'd still been to blame for Dumbledore's death. She'd never had a proper conversation with him since the night of Harry's death when he'd awkwardly patted her on the back and given her his condolences. He was a prat through and through and they'd never become friends.
"It's none of your business how I conduct my lunchtime activities." She retorted. He let out a bark of laughter but at the look in her eyes it died on his lips and he reverted to his familiar old self.
"Still too stuck up to even give the old git Malfoy a chance eh? Well at least I can thank the gods I don't have to put up with your mudblood presence every day of the week. Poor old Weasel eh?"
"Shut up Malfoy." Hermione mutted through gritted teeth. She cast a final glare at him and began to walk off towards the direction of the library; she hadn't thought he would follow her.
"Wait a second Granger, I want to see how the other half lives!"
"Just fuck off!" She yelled, spinning around to face him. For the first time he seemed to click that it wasn't his presence alone that was upsetting her. He caught her fists before they managed to pummel him and stared at her in disbelief.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing! Get your hands off me!" She tried to wrench hers out of his iron grip but failed. Silver orbs bored into her own and suddenly her esolve cracked and a tear escaped one eye.
"C'mon you can tell me and I promise I won't be a git." At his words she looked up in surprise; it appeared Malfoy was being sympathetic... Hermione didn't know why but she sure as hell wasn't confiding in him.
"What do you think?" She spat out instead. He stared at her for a moment and then shook his head empathetically.
"Of course, you're missing Harry."
Harry. She hadn't even thought about him much in these past months. There had been so much going on... she hadn't even visited his grave down of Hogwarts Grounds (of course where else would he be buried but for in the grounds of his real home?).
"Not even his presence lingers now." She muttered. The next thing she knew she was being crushed; Malfoy was doing the unthinkable and hugging her! If she hadn't been so distracted she'd probably have had a heart attack!
"It'll be OK." Malfoy said, slightly smiling but looking as though his face wasn't used to it. Hermione looked up and their eyes met and her stomach gave a funny jolt.
"Ah, I have to go." She said distractedly, making for the nearest stairwell. Malfoy remained in the hallway and she felt his eyes follow her. No... no... NO! NOT HIM!
She'd had officially lost her mind.
"...but daddy said it wasn't fitting for a girl my age." Penelope finished with. Ginny started with a jolt as she realised the conversation was over. She'd been so bored that she'd drifted into dreamland about last year at the Sorting. Back then she'd sat next to Harry and had no idea her life would'e been so different to how it was now. Penelope appeared put out Ginny wasn't paying attention.
"Ah yup." Ginny commented dryly as the girl pointed this out.
"It's not fair, you're meant to be introducing me to people." Penelope said with a pout. Ginny rolled her eyes so Penelope couldn't see and then turned to prod Lavender.
"Lavender, this is Penelope. Penelope, this is Lavender. Bye!" She got up before either could fully react and sprinted for the doors exiting the hall; running through them she almost collided with Malfoy.
"Oof! Weasley! What are you doing!" He demanded. She picked herself off the floor and glared at him.
"What are you doing!" She spat at him. He found this funny for some reason and she walked off with a bruised ego, determained to find someone who'd take her seriously.
"Oh." Was all Hermione could say when she came face to face with the last person she wanted to see (and it wasn't Malfoy any more). Ginny dropped her jaw as she leant back against the portrait hole and bit her lip.
"Hi." Ginny managed.
"Hello." Hermione fiddled with her robes and looked skyward. "Having a good day?" She managed after a moment.
"Ah, yeah." Ginny felt like kicking herself. Isn't this what she'd wanted? An opportunity to talk to Hermione? Hadn't she wanted to make the girl see her with Penelope to get her jealous? Why then was she filled with dread as they came face to face? Was it possible that she didn't want Hermione anymore? But surely after what had happened they had to be together... you couldn't switch track suddenly and have everything mean nothing... could you?
Unbeknown to her, the same thoughts were running through Hermione's head.
"I'm sorry." Ginny suddenly managed to spill out. The admission caught Hermione off guard and she sat down in a plush armchair, her head figuratively spinning.
"You are?"
"Yes. I'm very sorry." Ginny realised how stupid she sounded and let out a peal of laughter, then clapped a hand over her mouth. Hermione smiled.
"What do you think about me?" She asked the red head. Ginny sobered and gave her a long hard look.
"I don't know." She managed. Hermione nodded and studied her hands.
"Same. That's why..."
"Yes?"
"Let's go back to how it was before. Let's be friends." Hermione looked up to see an unreadable expression flicker over Ginny's face. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah." Ginny nodded fervently and sucked her cheek. "I need to go... uh, meet Penelope." It was the first name that came to mind. It caught Hermione's attention.
"Who's Penelope?"
"New girl. Pain in the arse." Ginny let loose truthfully. She laughed, "See ya." Hermione watched her leave and took a deep breath. What had she just done? Panic gripped her heart. WHAT HAD SHE JUST DONE? She ran for the portrait hole, ready to yell for Ginny to come back, that she'd just suffered momentary insanity. She still loved Ginny... but why had she just said the opposite?
Ginny burst into the fourth floor bathroom and was thankful it was empty. If it hadn't been she didn't know what she'd have done, but as it was she flew towards a basin and burst into tears at the sight of her reflection.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" She screamed at herself. "I HATE YOU!" Her fist shattered the glass and as the little peices fell down into the sink she brought her hand to her face and froze at the sight of the deep laceration. Ginny ran for the cubical and brought out fistfuls of toilet paper and wrapped them about, and then sank down against a wall, sobbing. It was officially over and she didn't know what she could do. No one wanted her anymore. Her mother hated the sight of her, Harry was dead, her friends were too busy with their social lives and Hermione was off limits. Even Hermione had someone... she had Ron. There was nothing left for Ginny. Her had fell back against the wall and she wished desperately that she'd thought to bring her wand with her this lunchtime, but it sat in her satchel and that was forgotten, left at Penelope's side and she lacked the motivation to fetch it. All the options left was the glass... Ginny moved as though in a dream towards it all and picked up a shard. It was over. Everything was over.
"No one will miss me." She whispered sadly, and then she drew it sharply across each wrist to lie down and experience the peacefulness she only dreamt of.
"Hey where've you been?" Ron grinned cheerfully as Hermione bumped into him outside the Great Hall. She smiled faintly and affectionately touched his arm.
"I just had a chat to Ginny, I think everythings all sorted now." After all, she feels totally differently to how I do so it's best to respect her wishes and do what I suggested. She added to herself.
"What do you mean 'everything's sorted'?" Ron asked sharply. Hermione laughed in his face.
"We're friends, don't worry." She glanced over his shoulder and caught sight of a familiar blonde and mustered a smile for him alone. Malfoy, Draco, was trying his best to become her friend. She may as well make an effort herself. She pecked Ron on the cheek and walked towards him.
"Hey Mal- I mean, Draco." She smiled at his look of amazement at her being civil. He returned her grin and then started as a young girl burst hysterically into the Great Hall.
"Wonder what's happened." He said aloud to her. It became all too clear rather quickly and as the single whisper reverberated throughout the hall, Hermione froze inside herself and toppled into someone's arms... she didn't know who they belonged to, and why they held so tightly, but someone was screaming, someone was sobbing uncontrollably and more and more people were gathering around her. The words being screamed became clear and Hermione realised the person screaming was her, she was screaming at this pitch, this pitch that hurt her own ears and the sight of the young girl who'd brought the news, covered in someone else's blood, made her scream more.
"BUT I LOVED HER!"
The room was so silent it was as though someone had cast a silencing charm upon it. Hermione turned to see, oddly enough, Draco at her side, and not Ron whom she'd expected. Draco answered her unspoken queries.
"He's with his family, but the funeral isn't for another few days yet. Are you OK now Hermione?" Draco's face bore none of the haughtiness she's been so familiar with all those years she'd been friends with Harry, gone was the uppity tone of his voice and the blatant dislike. This young man actually liked her. He liked her enough to sit vigil by her side until she awoke, and she realised she must've been sleeping for almost a day.
"Please tell me it was a dream." She whimpered finally. Sadness flickered over Draco's face and he shut his eyes tightly as though he dreaded the next words he uttered.
"Ginny is dead, Hermione."
It was meant to be Hermione who was to commit suicide in a terribly romantic fashion. To die dressed in crimson tears she'd wept from the depths of her soul. She felt numb, but at the same time the realisation hit her fully and she began to wonder why it had happened. She rose herself into a sitting position, allowing her chestnut locks to spill down her back in lovely curls and looked at Draco.
"Why?"
But he didn't know. He didn't know but she thought she did.
"I'm sorry." Ginny suddenly managed to spill out. The admission caught Hermione off guard and she sat down in a plush armchair, her head figuratively spinning.
"You are?"
"Yes. I'm very sorry." Ginny realised how stupid she sounded and let out a peal of laughter, then clapped a hand over her mouth. Hermione smiled.
"What do you think about me?" She asked the red head. Ginny sobered and gave her a long hard look.
"I don't know." She managed. Hermione nodded and studied her hands.
"Same. That's why..."
"Yes?"
"Let's go back to how it was before. Let's be friends." Hermione looked up to see an unreadable expression flicker over Ginny's face. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah." Ginny nodded fervently and sucked her cheek. "I need to go... uh, meet Penelope." It was the first name that came to mind. It caught Hermione's attention.
"Who's Penelope?"
"New girl. Pain in the arse." Ginny let loose truthfully. She laughed, "See ya."
Hermione played back the scene that has taken place roughly twenty minutes before the red head had ended her ordeal on the earth and shook her head. What had Ginny been thinking? At the time it had seemed everything had been fine... she'd laughed, she'd agreed with Hermione... but what if inside she'd been feeling the exact opposite? Hermione kicked back her sheets and left the infirmitory silently. She had to think... she had to walk to think...
For some reason her feet drew her towards a bathroom near the top of the castle and upon entering she realised this must have been where Ginny had died. A mirror at the far end of the room was shattered beyond repair, the shards had been cleaned up and only the wooden back was left behind. No blood stained the floor and she briefly wondered if cleaning up the horrific mess was a House Elf's job. Anger at this possibility seethed in her blood but she dismissed it, she was here for answers and she was determained to get them.
"Hello Hermione." A voice said quietly behind her. She spun around in surprise, for she'd not heard anyone enter, and gaped at the sight before her. Slightly worse than the Bloody Baron, Ginny floated a few inches off the floor dressed in her mussed school robes with a forlorn expression on her face.
"Ginny!" Hermione shook her head as if to clear it and began to be greatly unnerved by the spectical. "Oh my god."
"I know. Bloody fantastic isn't it?" The ghost said in a bitter voice. She flew throughout the air in a morbid little dance and then landed softly beside the living girl. "Do you miss me? Are you happy now?"
"What? What are you talking about? Why are you so angry?" Hermione demanded in a shaky voice. Ginny's ghost glared at her.
"This is all your fault! If you hadn't insisted we should be friends, I wouldn't have done this!"
"I didn't give you the means to kill yourself!" Hermione cried in horror.
"Yes you did! Wasn't it obvious I was dying inside!"
"You were the one who wanted me out of your life!"
"And I apologised! That meant I took it back!" Ginny screamed.
"You didn't specifically say that!" Hermione yelled louder. Ginny's ghost drooped visibly and wafted towards the other side of the bathroom.
"I love you though." She moaned dismally. Hermione sank to her knees and began to cry, the sight infuriating the ghost more. "WHY ARE YOU CRYING! HOW DOES THAT HELP ANYTHING!"
"I'm so-so sorry." Hermione bawled. "This is my fault."
"NO IT'S NOT!" Ginny roared. "STOP CRYING!" This only succeeded in Hermione crying harder and Ginny slammed a few cubical doors in anger.
"What do you want from me!" Hermione choked out.
"I WANT YOU TO MAKE THIS ALL STOP!"
"How!"
"I don't know." Ginny's ghost muttered, becoming calm again. Hermione wiped her eyes on her sleeve and stared at the floor.
"Even if we wanted to be together again, it's not possible because you're dead." Hermione whispered.
"IF?" Ginny spat.
"I mean we do!" Hermione cried. "I thought you didn't want me so I said let's be friends, because I'd rather be your friend than spend the rest of my life with you not in my life at all!"
"Why did you think I didn't want to be with you thought!" The ghost demanded in puzzlement.
"Because you specifically said you didn't!" Hermione yelled exasperatedly. She rose to her feet and ran a hand through her bedraggled hair. "It's over! There's no going back! I wish we could but we can't. You're dead! You have to leave now! You staying here will end up killing me... or is that what you want!" She dropped both arms limply to her sides and just looked at her friend's ghost. It returned her gaze and touched down to stand on insubstantial feet.
"I don't want that." Ginny said quietly. "That wouldn't help anything."
"Then leave me alone." Hermione stared at the ghost and after a moment it nodded in resignation. Ginny walked forth to place a ghostly kiss on her lips, and then faded away. A few minutes later, Hermione came to her senses in the empty bathroom. It was over... it was finally over.
The funeral wasn't as sad as Hermione expected it to be, because she'd said her goodbyes to her friend and knew that there was no longer any animosity. She recieved stares from the Hogwarts students but ignored them. She didn't care if they knew she'd loved Ginny. Ron had seen her from a distance and anger had clouded his face as he turned away; she understood... there was no reconcilling for them after this. She had literally torn their family apart. One person however had stood by her side and she turned to smile at him.
"I just want to say thankyou." Hermione said to Draco. He tightened his embrace and kissed her softly on the lips.
"All this time I just wanted you to see I recognised a kindred spirit. You just never wanted to see." He murmured. She shut her eyes tightly and took a deep breath.
"You were the end of the journey... I had to get through things first. You never would have been able to speak with me if I hadn't been distraught about someone else. If I'd been myself I would've ignored you completely."
"So you're not just interested in girls?" He thought for a moment. "Do you like both!" Hermione laughed in his face.
"I've truly thought about it and realised I thought I just liked girls because the right guy hadn't come along yet. It made a simple friendship seem like love... and it was the worst mistake to make, ever. I think Ginny thought she was in love because I, frankly, was a rebound." Hermione sighed. "I've lost many friends over this."
"But you gained one." Draco teased gently. He let go of her and looked deep into her eyes. "I don't think after this that you'll be able to concentrate on studying."
"I thought of that too. I'm leaving... I'm going onto a different school. I've done two halves of my supposed 'final year' at Hogwarts so they said they'd let me in."
"Where's that!" Draco demanded. "Am I going to see you much?"
"Of course, I'm only going to London."
"Thank god." He turned them both so that the coffin lowering into the ground caught their eye, but no matter how much Hermione tried to summon tears, they wouldn't come. This was probably the best end for the whole ordeal, because Ginny was with Harry now... it was also the best time to leave Hogwarts, for in staying she's only endure the wrath of the students who would never understand.
"Actually," Hermione began. "I want to get as far away from this place as I can. I don't want to keep in touch with anyone... apart from you, of course." She said hurriedly at the look on Draco's face. He nodded and looked skyward.
"When you're a wizard distance means nothing. You could be on the other side of the world and I'd still be able to Floo there. Where are you thinking of going?"
"New Zealand." She said at random. It surprised Draco and she smiled. "No one thinks about that country at all. There's only a small wizarding community there... but it was settled by wizards from England so it should be similar to home."
"Do they have a good wizard university there?"
"Yes. I researched nearly all of them last year, before Voldermort happened..." Hermione smiled. "It was so important back then, but now I just want to get away. Are you going to stay at Hogwarts?" She studied his face as he pondered her question.
"No." Draco said finally. "I think I'll come with you, so you know at least one person where you're going." At the look on her face it was his turn to laugh. "Don't worry! I'm not planing on living with you; I wouldn't want to ruin us before it began properly. You'd get sick of having my gorgeous presence in your life 24 hours a day anyway."
"Oh be quiet." Hermione laughed, punching him playfully in the arm. A woman approached them and gave them a dark look as they continued to laugh. Hermione spun to see Mrs Weasley and all banter died upon her lips. Ginny's mother appeared to have aged considerably over the last year and Hermione's heart went out to her.
"Hermione." Mrs Weasley greeted with an inclination of her head. She ignored Draco.
"Hi Mrs Weasley." Hermione smiled but it wasn't returned.
"I want to ask you something, and please give me an honest answer." Molly said with a sligh quaver in her voice.
"Yes?"
"Do you think... if I hadn't been so... so, such a tyrant... do you think my darling daughter might be alive?" She gulped and a tear escaped as she pleaded silently with Hermione. Draco let go of his girlfriend's arm and stood back a distance as she thought hard on it.
"No." She said finally, for that was what the woman needed to ehar, and it could be true. "I think she died because she missed Harry. She transferred her feelings for him to me, and in my immaturity I was convinced I returned them. It was heartache over him that killed her Mrs Weasley... but at least," The tears began to fall down Hermione's face at this point, "at least now they are together. For always."
And with those words two hearts were healed, and Hermione bid Ginny's mother goodbye as she left her old life to start anew with Draco, in a place where she wouldn't see Ginny's face everyday. A place where she'd finally have a new beginning without the remenants of Voldermort's work everywhere.
Lost in myself I cannot feel
Control I aim, I stumble and fall
Believing you, that's why I lose
Emotionless,I'm falling apart
Reaching for you but falling through
Confused I am, I'm losing ground
Embraced by you in my own mind
Holding onto the sweet beliefs
Calling out my own reality
Screaming out all my fears
Overwhelmed by all insanity
Sacrificed a thousand tears
Calling out in pain my weaknesses
Fighting to get back whole
Overwhelmed by madness
Lost in the darkness of my soul
Woke up alone but in my heart
You were there whispering my name
Wanna go back to the same old place
Where we belong 'til death do us part
I close my eyes and numb my heart
Wish for sleep but only face my truth
Embraced by you in my own mind
Holding on to the sweet beliefs
A/N: I wanted to write a story where it didn't quite end out a happy ending, yet it did. This wasn't written for people to get kicks out of the scenes where affection is professed, it was written for people who enjoy drama and want to read something deep. People go through things all the time when they're convinced they feel one way, only to have a jolt of realisation to see it wasn't that way they felt at all. I hope I wrote this convincingly, and hope I don't get flamed. There is nothing 'gross' about this story. What I wrote had to happen for the plot to take place.
The song at the end is called 'Lost' and is by 'Beseech'. I listened to it on repeat while writing the end and felt it fitting. I say listen to it, it grows on you.