A/N: Yes, it is weird. I get that. But really? 700+ views and not even ten reviews? Really?
By the way, thanks for so many views!
Harry Potter and the Evil Tickle Monster
Harry Potter sat in the grass and thought. He didn't go all Winnie-the-Pooh and hit himself in the head, but he was thinking. The voices were talking to him again, telling him to kill people. When he laughed, his neighbor paused in his hedge trimming and stared
They were in the Three Broomsticks. It was very noisy. Harry had told Hermione that the voices had told him to kill Ron and she had laughed and said, "Not without me!" The voices then took over and he stabbed her.
In the head.
Luna and Ginny had come over for dinner because they had been feeling distant for the past few weeks.
He hadn't told them about the voices so nobody knew. Ginny was going on and on in this ridiculous high pitched voice and makeup and lipstick and Her New Love. Harry turned to her and shushed her. Then he calmly and seriously said to her, "Ginny, the voices are telling me to kill you."
He then proceeded to tell her his evil plot and nail her foot to the floor. He set a rat after her and she began to run in circles. She fell and he took the opportunity to nail her hand to the floor with Luna's help. The two of them watched for a while as Ginny flopped on the floor. Harry made Luna some coffee and they laughed and joked for a while. Voldemort and Dobby suddenly appeared with cobbler and Harry announced he was bored. Voldy yelled, "TICKLE FIGHT!" and they swarmed Harry. He proceeded to attack Ginny, who was still just flopping on the floor.
He asked Luna for help and told her to hold Ginny down. He grabbed a very dull pencil and began to stab Ginny's legs.
She screamed.
He stabbed up and down both legs, then screamed, "Y'all come connect the dots!" They drew pictures and played dots for a while then Harry grabbed a knife. He cut Ginny's hands and feet off then separated fingers from toes. He hollered, "Puzzle time!" and the rest came running. They built the hands and feet, glued them to a board, and gave them to Harry. He hung it above the mantle, proclaiming it a thing of great beauty. He gave out sharp pencils and knives and said to draw pictures. They cut and drew and did arts and crafts and had a great time.
Harry got bored again so they played Monopoly on Ginny's back, seeing as they had no floor space. Dobby happily took socks instead of money and yet still managed to win somehow. Voldy got mad when he lost and shot Dobby with a pistol that was conveniently sitting next to him.
Harry and Luna were sawing Ginny's legs off with a couple of serrated bread knives. When they finished they decided to play doctor and perform surgery. Emergency surgery was quite interesting. They flipped her on her back and, using an old pocket knife, cut her stomach open. They stabbed her stomach with a flat tipped screwdriver and orange stuff spilled out.
They cut her kidneys out with the bread knife and showed them to Voldy, who began poking them with his wand.
Fimally they did something they had always wanted to do. They grabbed Ginny's head, jerked it up and cut all her hair off.
They threw the hair like confetti and got back to work. They grabbed some barbed wire and began a complicated knot and hung it up. Then they stuck Ginny through the hole in the end and let her go. They each got a rusty shovel frome nowhere and began to beat her with them singing "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon.
No one mourned the loss of Ginny Weasley.
They had had too much fun causing it.
**************************~FIN~*************************