Well, Chidi thought. This is... original.

"I've had a lot of interesting responses to that lecture," he said slowly, "but this is probably the weirdest."

"Oh, what?" Eleanor Shellstrop said with a snort. She'd plunked herself down into the chair across from his desk, even when he told her she had to make an appointment. "You've never had anyone hop a plane, fly halfway around the world, crash into your office, and demand you speak to them?"

"Yes. That is exactly what I'm-wait, what was that?" He stared at her, mouth dropping open a bit. "I'm sorry, Eleanor, did you just say that you flew halfway around the world to come and talk to me?"

If moral philosophy professors were the sort to get stalkers, he'd think Eleanor was one of them.

She nodded. "Yes," she said. "See? See how important it is that we talk?"

"Well, I mean - I guess, if you're already here, I can shuffle a couple meetings around, and we can-"

"Great!" Eleanor cut him off, and immediately barreled right into an explanation. "Okay, so, like - six months ago, I almost died. Like, literally, it was within seconds, I almost died. And I kind of had this... I dunno, this epiphany. Yeah, I had this epiphany that my whole life, up until then, I'd been a complete dirtbag, and if I'd died just then, I would've left nothing behind me on Earth but a slowly-fading trail of suckiness. So, I decided to change, turn my life around, and be good from then on."

"Well, good for you!" Chidi said. "That's actually a very common response to near-death experiences. People often have a religious or moral awakening where they're inspired to start doing good for others. Now, some of the great moral philosophers would say that if it took nearly dying for you to be good, maybe you're not really good. But then again, Aristotle would say-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, Clark Kent. The thing is... it didn't last. Being good sucked a bag of dicks, and it wasn't worth it, so the whole, change myself thing? Didn't stick. I backslid. I backslid hard." Suddenly, her face broke out into a little smile, and she let out a juvenile - but admittedly adorable - snort. "Ha! 'Backslid hard.' Title of my porno."

Chidi blinked a couple times, before deciding to just move on. "Okay, so, you went back to your old ways. But that doesn't explain why you're here."

Eleanor, for once, paused, her mouth twisting up a bit as she thought over her answer. Finally, she said, "The other day, I sort of spilled my guts to a really understanding bartender. I thought that only happened in the movies, but he was very chill about it. And he said something interesting to me. He said, 'What do we owe to each other?'"

At those words, Chidi looked up, really looking at Eleanor for the first time.

"Anyway, I don't know why, but that really stuck in my head," she continued. "So I Googled the phrase, and that's how I found your lecture. Three straight hours of you talking about what it means to be good. And, dude, I normally space out halfway through a podcast. So the fact that I actually listened to three hours of your philosophical junk is a big deal, you're welcome. And now I feel like... this is where I need to be. In order to be a good person, I mean. I mean, if anyone can teach me how it's done, it'd be you, right?"

"Well, I mean, I've dedicated myself to the study of ethics and what it means to be a good person, and I've always tried to live a moral life, but-Eleanor, you have to understand, being a good person isn't something that they teach classes in," he said.

"Well, maybe they should!" she said. "Maybe there'd be less dirtbags in the world if they did! Come on, Chidi, I'm throwing myself at your mercy here. Teach me how to be good! If this doesn't work, nothing will!"

Chidi sighed, rubbing his temples. His head hurt. "How long are you in Australia for?" he asked.

"I fly back to Phoenix in five days."

"Oh my G-" He cut himself off, hands flying over his eyes for a moment. When he finally looked at Eleanor again, he said, "You expect me to teach you ethics - an incredibly complex and subjective issue that has challenged the minds of some of the greatest philosophers that ever lived for centuries - in five days?"

"Well, I don't expect to be able to write a thesis on it!" she said defensively. "Just, like. Give me the basics. A crash course!" Eleanor's face lit up. "If this works, you could totally get a book deal out of it. Chidi's Five-Day Crash Course in Being Halfway Decent! That'd sell like hotcakes."

"I'm not gonna take on an impossible task for a book deal!"

"Okay, don't do it for the book deal, do it to see if it's impossible. Prove me wrong."

Chidi was silent for a minute. He'd only known Eleanor Shellstrop for about ten minutes, and already, he doubted she was going to be anything like the typical philosophy student. And even if she didn't seem bad, she definitely didn't seem great. Trying to teach her to be ethical - in five days, no less - would be a fool's errand. An utter waste of time.

But she'd come all this way. And she was asking for his help.

Chidi let out a long, slow sigh. "...Fine," he finally said.

Eleanor's face brightened. "Wait, really? You'll do it?!"

"I'll do it," Chidi confirmed. He was totally going to regret this, wasn't he?

"Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Chidi! I won't let you down!"

Opening his top desk drawer, Chidi produced a copy of What We Owe to Each Other, and handed it to her. "Read this tonight," he said. "And I'll spend the rest of today drawing up a lesson plan. If I'm gonna do this in less than a week, I need to be properly prepared."

Eleanor nodded. "Got it, got it. No problem, I'll just read this... three-hundred page book in one night..." She flipped through the pages, before suddenly looking up. "Oh, you want me to leave."

"Correct."

She stood, grabbing her purse. "When do I come back?"

"Tomorrow, nine AM," he said.

Eleanor gave a huge grin, and nodded, heading to the door. "See you tomorrow, teach!" And she left, slamming the door behind her in her excitement.

"Bye," Chidi said to the empty space Eleanor no longer occupied.

And that was when the anxiety set in. He'd promised to teach someone who, frankly, came off as kind of a tool, how to be good, in five days. He'd promised to help her become better, to change her life.

Now all that was left to do was... all the actual work.

Chidi groaned, setting his head down on the desk. His stomach hurt.

On the way back to her hotel, Eleanor promised herself that she'd start reading the book Chidi had given her the second she got in her room.

Instead, she bingewatched six hours of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Whatever, she thought. He should've known better. Anyone who'd talked to Eleanor for more than thirty seconds had always (correctly) guessed that she never did her homework even when she did get graded.

Maybe this whole thing was stupid. You couldn't find what it meant to have a conscience in a book. That was just common sense.

She'd settled into bed and was trying to fall asleep for the night when she caught a glimpse of the book, sticking out of her bag. Shaking her head, Eleanor shut off the light and rolled over, determined to ignore it.

Come on, Eleanor, the voice in her said. You know better than this.

Shut up, voice.

Chidi doesn't even know you, but he still agreed to help.

Exactly. If he did know me, he wouldn't have agreed.

No. He would have, because he's a nice person. A good person. The kind of person you want to be, remember?

...

If he can put his whole life on hold for you, you can read a book.

Eleanor let out an exasperated huff, kicking off the hotel's duvet and turning on the bedside lamp. She grabbed the book out of her bag, and opened it to the first chapter.

This was going to work.

This had to work.