It was that time of year again…Christmas. Francis use to love the holiday until what happened three years ago. He looked out the frosted window of his empty mansion. It was snowing…just like that day. Francis hated Christmas, hated snow, and he hated himself…If he hadn't told Arthur to leave for the last of the finishing touches for his Christmas party, he would still be here, but Francis had to be perfect.
He clenched his fists and threw his glass of wine across the room. "Why did I have to have everything just right?! Everything was great, but I just had to add one more thing!", Francis yelled at himself. He fell to his knees and sobbed. He kept chanting one word over and over…"Why?"
The Frenchman pulled himself together and walked over to Arthur's CD collection and picked out a Beatles album. "You always did love the Beatles, Angleterre…", He said softly. When he listened to Arthur's music, he would always feel better because it would feel like he was still there with him. "I know I always made fun of your music choices, but now I love them more than ever.", Francis began to hum along with one of the songs.
Francis fetched himself another wine glass and poured more wine. He drank and drank. He had a habit of drinking away his sorrows. Alfred & Matthew tried to comfort Francis through this hard time, telling him everything would be okay, but this was not okay & it would never be okay. Arthur was no longer here & his life was empty.
He thought about suicide many times, but he knew Arthur wouldn't want that for him. Francis tried to move on, but lingering moments and thoughts of Arthur would shatter him completely. Sometimes, he wouldn't even leave his house, but today he decided he was going to visit his Arthur's grave. He needed closure and he needed to tell him how he was feeling…
Francis drove through the heavy snowfall and finally made his way to the church with roses in hand. He found his grave and kneeled down and ran his hand over his hand-craved name on the cold stone, "Bonjour, Angleterre…", Francis whispered to the stone.
"I know you can't talk back to me, but I know you are listening…I am so sorry about what happened that Christmas night. If it wasn't for me, you would have never had that accident and I wouldn't be buried in all this grief." Tears began to stream down his rosy face. "I miss you, Angleterre! What am I suppose to do without you?! I feel so lost…", Francis lowered his head and continued to sob.
Suddenly, Francis felt a warm feeling on his shoulder. He knew it had to be Arthur trying to comfort him. He always hated when Francis cried. Francis realized that Arthur was trying to help him move on and not to feel at fault about what happened.
Francis wiped away the tears and stood up and looked at the gravestone with a loving gaze, "Thank you, mon amour. I know that you are always with me, but I will never get over you. Je t'aime et Joyeux Noël, mon Angleterre." And with one more glance at the headstone, Francis walked away.