It was not his words that shock her, but his tone. Sasuke spoke with conviction - his cool, obsidian eyes betraying nothing as he declared, almost detachedly, his plan to slaughter all the tailed-demons and Kages to ultimately raise forth a new revolution. One where he would rule in darkness and hatred. Alone.
Sakura didn't hear any of this.
Her mind was frozen, struck into silence the moment Sasuke breathed the first word about his betrayal. And as he continued on, she felt nothing but coldness envelope her. A bitter feeling that seized her lungs, invaded her veins, and halted the flow of oxygen to her brain - the coldness completely embraced her.
And she relished in it, if not for the fact that it felt so damn familiar.
In fact, this entire scene was familiar. Sure, they were older; their physical features had altered, he was taller than last time and his shoulders had broadened almost too attractively and yes, she had slimmed out from years of training - but that was where the differences ended. Behind all of that, the scene had not changed in the least, because she was still stuck staring at his retreating back, as he walked away from her yet again.
From the corner of her eyes, she caught Kakashi shifting tensely, his own eyes darting in bewilderment and alarm and Sakura knew he was at lost with what to do. For a split moment, she felt satisfaction at that - finally, almost five years later, both he and Naruto would experience the trauma of watching Uchiha Sasuke walk out of their life, and intentionally into the darkness. She wasn't alone this time. They will finally understand her feelings.
And as she helplessly watched Sasuke trek away, it was only the panicked realization that this time, he will never come back that jolted her back into reality.
"S-Sasuke-kun!" She cried out impulsively, her voice strong with determination. Sakura blinked ferociously and when the dust didn't disappear, she raised a shaky hand to her face, only to feel wet, thick tears brim her eyes. When did she start crying?
She bit down on her bottom lip as Sasuke made a show of turning around. His movements were slow and deliberate. Sakura didn't know if she wanted to scream in anticipation or cry at how nostalgic that looked. "I…" Sakura clenched her fists desperately. "I-I don't understand why you're doing this." she said weakly, her body trembling slightly at how pathetic that sounded. She always sounded piteous when it came to Sasuke; that sure as hell didn't change.
He made a noise of disbelief, caught between annoyance and disregard. "How annoying are you?" Sasuke mocked, a cruel sneer covering his face. She tensed at that, her mind unconsciously drawing up memories of a young Sasuke only capable of half-hearted glares and insolent smirks. Sakura wondered when that changed?
"You don't need to understand." he dismissed simply, as if she was too insignificant to explain to.
"Sasuke-kun…" she tried again, her lips moving despite the fact that she knew nothing she'll say will budge him. Still, her brain clawed deliriously for anything that might stop him. "If…if there's even a little corner in your heart that thinks of us, that thinks of me -
He scoffed at that, breaking her train of thought. She licked her dry, chapped lips. "Stop deluding yourself, Sakura." he spat out distastefully.
" - please," Sakura begged, growing even more desperate. The dirt shifted beneath her; she realized she had unconsciously moved upwards from her kneeled position, leaning her body towards Sasuke. "It can still be like the old times." she promised, green eyes wide in distraught.
"T-Team 7! We're all here for you - me, Kakashi-sensei, Naruto!" she gestured wildly to them, glossing over quickly the sad glint in Kakashi's eyes - he seemed ten years older all of a sudden - and how Naruto stood silently watching, a heavy frown on his lips. Sakura wondered why he wasn't saying anything. Perhaps it was too intimate to interrupt, she thought bitterly. "You don't have to do this, we can- we can go back to before. W- …I just don't want you to be alone, Sasuke-kun." Sakura all but whispered the last part, her voice trailing off despairingly. But even to her own ears, it didn't sound convincing enough.
They all watched listlessly as Sasuke recoiled at her words, like she had burned him, before angrily stepping forward. He halted after a few steps, keeping the distance between them wide. The pitiful side of her roared in disagreement, silently wishing that he would move closer, if only so she could delude herself that he was still hers - he was still Sasuke.
"…Alone?" he growled indignantly, his rinnegan flashed turbulently. "What do you know about being alone?"
"I-I -
"Nothing, you know nothing." He cut off her stammers. "Don't pretend you have any idea what that word means."
So what?! she wanted to scream I still love you so much! I'm here for you, damn it. "I-I… I still want to help you -
"How?" he roared, frustration and anger spilling out from his voice.
"How will you help me if you don't fucking understand?! How will you ever learn to understand me?" He looked wild, crazed, and drunk on despair. She thought he looked beautiful.
Despite out how beautiful and alive he looked, his words were painful, cutting deep into her soul with its brutal honesty. Sasuke was right -
She didn't understand him, didn't know his pain, couldn't grasp the extent of his burdens, of his loneliness - but damn it all, she wanted so badly to understand him. She loved him so much and Sakura didn't know when her love would ever be good enough for him. She didn't know when he would finally realize how much she loved him, how unconditional and full her affections were. And how she pleaded every day of her life, even in his absence, that she could take away his pain and suffer the burdens herself. If he could just see that, see her -
Sakura inhaled sharply and blinked wildly at her passionate monologues. Focus, focus Sakura, she chastised herself.
Sasuke was still looking at her demandingly and she had to refrain herself from screaming in frustration I don't know! Instead, she looked to her right, at Kakashi, mostly to avoid Sasuke's insistent stare that seemed to pierce holes through her, but also to seek some sort of guidance. Five years later, and she still didn't have the answer to dispel even an ounce of Sasuke's pain.
Kakashi, however, could only avert his eyes at her pleads and she knew, without even checking behind for Naruto's help, she was alone on this.
"P-Please…" she started again after a moment, her mind blank on responses and her heart heavy with something akin to lead. And it didn't help that Sasuke's unexpected flare of emotions had passed and now, he looked as if he was succumbing back to his hole of darkness, his face void of any emotions. "I'll learn to understand, I- I'll do anything to help you, ju- just please don't leave again - w-we love you… I- I love you, Sasuke-kun."
It was silent for a moment and Sakura wanted to cry again -
Don't she begged in her mind please don't retreat into your shell again. Don't leave me.
But of course, in the same fashion as her first confession, Sakura held her breath and watched, unblinkingly captivated as a slow, attractive smirk stretched across Sasuke's lips. It looked as cold as it did the night he left Konoha. No.
Eyes trained solely on Sasuke - in the midst of their volatile confrontation, the pair had unknowingly forgotten about their other two team-members - she knew the words he'd say, before he said it. The parallels of this situation were not lost on her. "Hn." he grunted familiarly "You're…really annoying."
That was the last thing she heard before she felt something pierce her chest.
Almost instantaneously, her chest tightened and her heartbeat quickened and Sakura knew he had struck her unconscious, yet again. Truly, she should've been prepared, should've anticipated this - it seemed Sasuke clung more to the past than he liked to admit; they played that confession step by step - but as she felt her eyes flutter shut and she felt her body buzz uncontrollably with weightlessness, Sakura could only manage a dry chuckle. The irony of him going as far as to knock her out again, just like last time. It was all so familiar.
And as her breathing stilled and she collapsed face-flat onto the dirt before her - hopefully Kakashi-sensei will grab her in time - Sakura couldn't help but think that -
The nostalgia tasted bitter on her lips.
Sasuke-kun…
;
psa: i love sasusaku.