"Sirius, where are you?" James' voice crackled over the phone.

"Um, well… I might be in the city, in an alley out back of a concert," Sirius winced as he said this, preparing for the onslaught of James' disguised worry.

He took a deep breath and leaned against the concrete wall.

"And, you couldn't tell anyone? You've been gone for three days, mate. We've been worried about you. Why haven't you been answering your phone?" Sirius could hear James' anger just beneath the surface of his concern.

He knew he couldn't tell James the truth. He couldn't explain that he was suffocating in the apartment with him and Lily. That his days working at the record store were beginning to drag and make his hands itchy. That he had been drinking a little bit more every weekend, getting a little more fucked up each time. Truth be told, Sirius didn't know what was wrong or why things were getting bad again.

"I just… I needed to get out. I'm sorry, Prongs."

He could hear James sigh over the phone, "Okay, well, when are you coming home?"

Sirius knew he couldn't hide any longer. He'd have to return sooner or later. Jumping from bar to bar and spending each night with a different guy was beginning to take a toll on him, anyways. He'd never admit it but, he had missed his friends.

"I'll be home later tonight. See you then."

"Okay. And, Padfoot?" James voice got quieter.

"Yeah, mate?"

"Be careful."

It was three in the morning when Sirius slowly opened the front door to the tiny apartment he shared with Lily and James. Someone had left the small kitchen light on, presumably for him. As he began his way down the hallway towards his bedroom, he heard a noise. Sirius backtracked, peeking into the living room to find Remus Lupin fast asleep on the couch. His knees were brought up to his chest and his hair was sticking up in every direction, seemingly defying gravity. Sirius sat down on the floor, his back leaning against the couch. He knew he shouldn't wake him, he looked so peaceful but Sirius couldn't help it. He looked equally uncomfortable.

Sirius shook Remus' shoulder, "Moony… Wake up… Come on, you can sleep in my bed, I'll take the couch… Moony."

Remus' eyes slowly opened, his pupils trying to become accustomed to the dark.

"Sirius? You're home. Thank god. I was-I was so worried about you." Remus mumbled.

"I know, I know. Why the hell are you out here on this couch? You should have slept in my room. You're way too tall for this rubbish thing. You would have been so sore in the morning," Sirius laughed at Remus' expression as he finally stretched his legs.

"I knew you would wake me up when you got home," and then under his breath, "well, if you got home." Remus allowed Sirius to take his hand and hoist him up off of the couch.

"I said I would come home and I did. Now, let's get some sleep," Sirius voice deepened with authority.

The two tired boys made their way down the hall to Sirius' bedroom. He flung open the door, not turning on the light as Remus plopped down, instantly pulling the covers over his head. Sirius peered through the darkness. There were still glasses and beer bottles lined up on his dresser, the room smelled stale from being left alone for an extended period, and there were at least three pairs of dirty boxers stuffed up against the wall next to his hamper. If Remus had been fully awake and functioning, Sirius would be enduring Remus' favorite lecture. James called it the "Mama Remus' Soapbox" and Sirius endured it at least once a week.

However, Remus was already beginning to fall back asleep. He looked exhausted. The worry lines in his face were just beginning to fade as his breathing got slower. Sirius looked at his dear friend and immediately felt guilty. How could he have left his friends to worry so much? Why didn't he just tell them what he was doing or where he was going? Most importantly, what stopped Sirius from voicing his feelings? He knew that although their friendship was mostly based around fun times and jokes, none of his closest friends would hesitate to lend an ear or a helping hand.

When James and Lily broke up for a short period of time a few summers ago, James was a complete and utter wreck. The whole group had stopped at nothing to put him back together (including watching "Dirty Dancing" for two weeks straight while James pretended not to cry.) When Remus got diagnosed with depression last autumn and couldn't get out of bed for a week, Sirius had come over and stayed at his apartment. He watered his plants and made sure that Remus ate, even dragging him into the bathroom, putting him the shower fully clothed, and washing his hair. They had all been there when Peter's mom died, accompanying him to the funeral and making sure he could say a proper goodbye. Sirius had watched as Remus had scooped Lily up off the ground when she had had her first panic attack. They were no strangers to each other's issues.

Sirius rubbed his eyes as the exhaustion of his latest bender washed over him. He looked longingly at the empty side of his bed, not wanting to curl his long legs up onto that god-awful couch. He knew Remus wouldn't care, they had slept in the same bed more times than he could count. But that was all before Sirius had come out. He didn't know if things were different now that Remus knew he was gay. At this point, he didn't care, he just wanted to sleep.

Sirius, not even bothering to change, crawled under the covers and let out a deep sigh.

"Sirius, are you okay?" A small whisper came from deep within the blanket.

Sirius was taken aback, thinking that Remus had been sound asleep. He didn't know how to answer. He didn't want to lie anymore.

"Not really, Moony," He whispered back, matter-of-factly.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really," Sirius sighed, just admitting that he wasn't okay was enough for tonight.

He just needed someone to know. Someone to cling onto when his brain was swirling around in outer space.

Without thinking about it, he reached out his hand and found Remus' underneath the sheets. He held onto it, wrapping his fingers tightly around Remus' warm hand. When Remus stayed silent and didn't hold onto him back, Sirius quickly slid his hand out from his.

"I'm sor-" Sirius began.

"S'okay," Remus mumbled breathlessly, taking Sirius' hand back into his own, this time, holding on tightly.

"I get it." Remus stated, before dozing off to sleep.

Sirius didn't sleep at all that night.

When Sirius woke up the next morning, he was alone. He blearily rubbed his eyes and tried to adjust to the sunlight streaming through his curtains. He looked around and noticed that there were no longer any beer bottles or glasses on his dresser, his dirty laundry was tucked away in his hamper, and the window was open a crack, bringing fresh air into the room. Sirius smirked.

He stretched, letting out a big yawn and piled his mess of long, unwashed, black hair on the top of his head in a bun. He reached for his phone, which he assumed Remus had plugged in for him because he sure as hell didn't last night. Remus J Lupin: Angel on Earth, Sirius thought as he unlocked the screen.. It was 12:30 in the afternoon and he had five unread text messages, two missed calls, and one voicemail. Sirius knew he couldn't deal with all of that before coffee.

He crawled out of bed, finally feeling how dirty his body actually was. He had mud all over his jeans and he reeked of cigarettes and cheap beer. After three days, he longed for a warm shower.

"Look who's home!" A sharp voice sounded from the kitchen as Sirius came out of his bedroom.

Lily, who had probably been up for hours, was brewing a pot of coffee. Her fiery hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. She was wearing her gym clothes, her sneakers still unlaced.

Sirius sneered at her, "Ugh, how can you possibly even consider going to the gym at this hour?" He thankfully took the mug of coffee she offered him.

"Sirius, it's almost one in the afternoon. And, you don't work out at any hour," she retorted.

Sirius rolled his eyes, dismissing the fact that she was right and took a big gulp of coffee.

Lily looked at him with disgust, "What I don't get it how you can drink that black. I need at least three sugars before I can even think of drinking it."

"Not all of us are weak, Evans," Sirius smirked.

Lily, not drinking any coffee herself, opened the fridge and pulled out a protein shake.

"So, Remus slept in your room last night? I caught him leaving this morning." There was an insinuation in her tone.

"Yes, because that god-awful couch you bought at the flea market is the equivalent of sleeping on rocks and there was no way I was letting him take the 3AM bus. He's too fragile."

"Sirius... Do you like him?" Lily was not one to beat around the bush.

He was baffled.

"No! The scrawny ones aren't my type. However, if your boyfriend keeps bulking up, you better watch out." Sirius downed the rest of his coffee and made his way to the shower.

Sirius stood underneath the hot water for far too long, letting it turn his skin pink. He imagined the past three days washing off of him. All the different bars, all the different guys. He closed his eyes and imagined each touch of the skin being erased by the steam that was quickly surrounding him.

But not last night, he thought.

Wait, what?

Sirius' brain halted and his eyes opened.

Yes, he held Remus' hands but that was out of friendship. It didn't mean anything. Remus was just reaching out to him and letting him know that he wasn't alone. There was nothing more to it! It was just Lily interfering with his thoughts. He could never have any sexual feelings for someone that ironed his socks.

Sirius shook the thoughts out of his head as he turned the shower off and got out. He stood in front of the fogged up mirror, his towel wrapped around his waist. He brought his finger to the mirror and wrote, "Sod off, Evans" in the center of a poorly-drawn heart. He smiled at his handiwork.

He staggered into his now-clean room and made sure to throw his dirty laundry into the hamper as to avoid Mama Remus' Tirade. He tugged on a fresh pair of dark jeans and a White Stripes t-shirt. He took his hair back into a bun and stared into his dusty bedroom mirror. He looked like trash and he did not care.

Sirius had almost forgotten that it was a Wednesday night. When they all graduated, it quickly became apparent how hard it was to keep in touch. So, James and Lily decided that it was time to establish a Family Dinner Night to keep them all together. Now, every Wednesday night, the whole gang comes over and Remus and Lily try to make an edible dinner. Approximately an hour later, James orders take out.

Sirius hadn't realized what day it was until Remus Lupin walked through the front door with grocery bags and his heart skipped a beat.

Shit.