Title: Someday
Author: Helen (HelenItsme)
Rating: T
Summary:When I finally looked up at everyone I saw that most of them were crying. They were so saddened, they felt so empty. But just like I said, their pain didn't even compare with mine.
Spoilers: this one shot takes places after season 3. Warning: character death. If you don't like angst, don't read it.
Authors Note: nothing much to say, just that this is a one shot and I won't even consider to write more, so please don't mention that in your review. I just came up with this, so sue me that I love to write angst.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from One Tree Hill. I also don't own the quotes or the poem I'll be using some time during this one shot.
Someday
Sometimes life turns out different than you'd expected. Sometimes it surprises you, and not always for the better.
Just like the death of Peyton Sawyer.
It took everybody by surprise, including me, course. She got hit by a car. It seems so surreal, like on of those situations you never imagine happening. It wasn't the driver's fault, and it wasn't Peyton's. Just the wrong place at the wrong time, I guess.
It's weird to think about how I casually said a 'bye' to her when she left my place after hours of girl talk. I didn't even think about it; it just seemed routine. It wasn't until the next day that the realization hit me. That casual 'bye' I muttered as she left was goodbye forever.
I remember knowing about it before I even found out what had happened. I woke up and things were, things felt… Different. I don't know how to explain it, it just was. Breathing in oxygen felt different, waking up and getting ready for school felt different. It was as if I was doing everything wrong, like something wasn't right about the routine I knew so well and that I should be doing something different.
So I called Lucas.
It's kind of ironic. Any other day, I would've called Peyton if I felt like there was something wrong, if I was panicked, but not that day. I can't explain it, because I don't know why. That one day, I didn't call Peyton. I called my boyfriend.
He picked up his phone with a voice I'd never heard before. Somber, hurt, maybe even angry. Then, I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I knew I'd heard him sound like that before, I just couldn't remember when. It wasn't until later that I realized he had that same tone in his voice when he had found out about Keith's death. The tone in his voice was odd, and not knowing why he sounded that way scared me. At the time, I had no idea what was going on.
The words he said to me then were simple and to the point and are still spinning round and round in my mind. "Something bad happened, you need to come over. Now."
Maybe it was the way his words sounded so overwhelming, so powerful. Or maybe it was the fact that I had woken up with that weird vibe. I don't know exactly, but it doesn't really matter.
I arrived at his place in no time, without even thinking about my appearance. He stood there in the middle of the room, tears streaming down his face, clearly not bothered to hide his emotions. I took a step towards him and met eyes with my boyfriend. The sadness in face overwhelmed me and fear hit me like a punch to the stomach.
Then, he whispered one word, one single word. The one word I prayed he wouldn't say escaped from his mouth in a whisper almost inaudible and changed our lives forever.
"Peyton."
Then, it hit me. All of it. I didn't need an explanation.
We held each other close and cried for minutes, hours… Days. I don't know. At that moment, time seemed to stop, like nothing else mattered. Time didn't matter.
School felt so different without her there. Maybe it just didn't seem important, maybe we'd lost all motivation. From then on, I knew I would be walking through the halls alone. I always had Luke, or Haley, or Nathan close by, but it wasn't the same. Nothing was the same without her.
The headmaster's voice talking through the speakers that day was one that I had dreaded. After everything that had happened, all I could do was lower my head as he spoke.
"It saddens me to start this school day, with such a mournful tone. We can say that the death of Peyton Sawyer feels like a great loss and that she didn't deserve this in any way. Some saw her as a best friend, and some didn't even know her at all, but as headmaster at Tree Hill High, I ask all of you now, for one minute of silence in remembrance of Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer."
And we all did. For one minute, the whole school didn't say anything. Silence fell upon the halls instantly as thoughts and memories seemed to flood people's minds. Everyone was thinking about Peyton in different ways.
The only thing I could do was listen as my mind repeated the same sentence over and over again: my best friend is never coming back.
Her funeral was just like she'd wanted it to be. Short, with old records playing on the background while the people who most needed to say something talked, and everyone else simply listened.
Everybody who knew her wanted to come, but I knew what Peyton wanted. All best friends joke around and talk about the future. Thinking back to one of our mindless late-night conversations, I remember her words to me. She wanted her funeral to be quiet, with only with the people she'd truly loved.
As much as it pained some people, like Bevin, or Theresa, or Skillz, or Tim, or Dan, or even Rachel, she didn't love them, so they couldn't be there. If they wanted to visit her, they could come any time they wanted, but that day, that funeral, was for her, just the way she would have wanted it.
I remember her dad's speech clearly. He had been the first to speak, and his eloquent words had brought tears to everyone's eyes. I was so sure that my speech just wouldn't mean anything anymore. His words were so pure and so frightening at the same time.
Then, and only then, did I realize that her death scared me.
Without her in my life, everything would change.
And change scared me.
When her father finished, I knew it was my turn. I didn't want anyone to have to wait, though I was sure they knew how hard the speech was for me. So, taking a deep breath and mustering every ounce of courage I had in myself, I walked onto the stage and began to speak.
"Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer was a lovely daughter, an amazing artist, a gorgeous young woman, not your typical cheerleader, a fantastic friend, but most of all, she was my best friend..." I paused to look around the room at all of the faces staring up at me.
"And when someone you love so much dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose them all at once. You lose them in pieces over a long time. And maybe that's what hurts the most. The way her mail stops coming, and her scent fades from her pillows, and even from her clothes in her closet and drawers. But it doesn't matter that this goes away, because she will be in our memory forever."
My voice cracked but I ignored the lump in my throat and continued.
"She was the kind of person who didn't like to show her emotions, she'd rather draw them. Most of you know how she loved to draw, but what many of you didn't know is that she also loved to write poems. So now, I've written a poem for you, Peyton Sawyer, to show you how much I loved you, and will love you forever, and that you will always be in my heart and memories:
If tears could build a stairway,
And memories a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
And bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken-
No time to say goodbye.
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you
No one will ever know."
When I finally looked up at everyone I saw that most of them were crying. They were so saddened, they felt so empty. But like I said, their pain didn't even compare with mine.
Finishing the last sentence as I looked up at the sky. "Goodbye Peyton. Although we'll miss your cheerful smile here on earth, it will brighten angels' days for the rest of eternity. I'll be seeing you… Someday."
The End.