Happy Baby Upper Cut
Completely and utterly inspired by Gabriel Macht's trollish tendencies.
Summary: "Okay, here's the story folks. Harvey quits because Donna won't come back to work for him and they agree to open a yogaboxing gym: a new sport." In which Donna refuses to come back to Pearson-Hardman, Harvey insists on having her in his life, and so they compromise...but then things begin to get a little out of hand.
The empty parking lot that had previously existed across the street had been eradicated and replaced by the iron framework for a new building. Men in yellow hats and orange vests swarmed the construction site, yelling and pointing and hammering to no end. And in the middle of the chaos stood one man, solitary in his sharply tailored and thousand-dollar suit, with his slicked back hair carefully ensconced in a bright yellow hard hat of his own. Donna could recognize that figure with her back turned, had been paid to do so for the past 12 years. And so she furiously made her approach.
"Harvey Reginald Specter. What in the world do you think you're doing?"
The best closer in the city turned to face her wrath, with his usual infuriating smirk affixed upon his face. God damnit, only Harvey Specter could that construction hat look as sexy as it did on him at that moment. "Oh hey Donna! What a coincidence meeting you here, do you come to this area often?"
Donna rolled her eyes at his lax attitude, snapping back, "Shut up. I know that you know that I've been coming here every week for the past 5 years, ever since you sued and sent my previous yoga instructor to jail for sexual harassment for groping my chest. God, I couldn't go back to that gym after that embarrassment. What are you doing here?" She made a wide gesture that encompassed the entire construction scene within her question.
He raised his eyebrows and said, "First of all, you were happy when I put that perverted bastard in jail. (And she had admittedly been rather gleeful about the entire incident, because she's Donna and she doesn't let just anybody lay his grubby hands on her sacred body.) And for your information, I'm here to make you an offer that you can't and won't refuse."
"Oh please Harvey, I've heard you say that line to a million clients before you closed them, but it won't work on me. I refuse to come back to Pearson-Hardman." Her mouth drew into a hard line as she crossed her arms and glared at him, resolute in her decision. "Now go back to the firm and leave me alone."
"I can't. I turned in my resignation this morning."
For the second time that morning, Harvey brought Donna to a complete halt. Her eyes widened in shock. "What? Harvey, why? You live for your job, you can't just quit over my stupid mistake!"
He smiled gently, an expression that should have looked foreign on his face but didn't. "I can and I did. The job was fun while it lasted, but I need you, Donna."
The heartfelt words warmed her heart with both flattery and anger, but she chose to act on the latter emotion. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Harvey, you're nothing without your job! And what about Mike? You can't just abandon him like that, he needs you too."
Shaking his head, Harvey stepped closer and said, "I've made arrangements and explained everything to the puppy, he understands. Also, I'd like to think that I'm much more than just my job." His cocky grin backed the arrogance in that statement.
She stared at him blankly before questioning, in a rare moment of self-deprecation, "But why…? I'm just your secretary, you don't need me to get by."
"Donna, I can't be me without you." Harvey stared deep into her eyes, trying to convey the sincerity of his words. "You're like…the Goose to my Maverick!"
Donna let out a reluctant laugh, although she should have anticipated the movie reference. "Well, I better not end up dead anytime soon. So what's this offer that I can't refuse that you mentioned earlier? And you're not taking up a new job as a construction worker, are you? Because that's just depressing."
Acknowledging her reluctant acceptance of the situation with a smirk, Harvey waved his hand towards the unfinished building and proudly proclaimed, "This, Donna Paulsen, will be our new workplace."
"…You have one minute to explain yourself before I leave."
He quickly scrambled to clarify his words. "Just hear me out for a second. I was thinking all week about what skills we have outside of our work, and while we're pretty much awesome at everything we set our minds to, I realized – you do yoga and I do boxing. I know you've been training to become an instructor, and I've had the qualifications for years, so…why not?" He finished his speech, an odd blend of hope and confidence etched upon his face.
"Are you suggesting that we open some weird yoga-boxing gym together?"
"Yes. It's actually not that hard to do if you have the money."
"…Yeah, okay. Let's do it."
Harvey had not been expecting his admittedly ridiculous plan to go over so easily with the fiery redhead, and he hadn't even had the chance to mention the new Marni bag waiting in his car for her. "Wait, really? You want to do it?"
She smiled and began walking away, tossing her final words behind her shoulder. "I trust you Harvey. Also, you and I are pretty awesome at everything we do. Just don't blame me if this plan is a total crash-and-burn."
He chuckled and shouted, "Wouldn't dream of it! And if we do run into any trouble, I happen to know a fantastic lawyer who could help us out."
Harvey had bet it would only be 3 weeks before the puppy would miss them too much and would come to visit. Donna had disagreed, giving him a full 4 weeks before he gave in to his desire. But they were both wrong; anticipating their thoughts, Mike Ross did not step foot inside their new gym until Week 5 after Harvey's departure from Pearson-Hardman.
Harvey always sets up the place every morning before opening, hanging up the punching bags and laying out the yoga mats, while Donna slept in another hour; she claimed she needed her beauty sleep (not that she's not beautiful without the additional hour – Donna doesn't appreciate such limitations being placed on herself). He doesn't really mind, because the coffee she brings with her is well worth the wait, and he also appreciates the hour of solitude. However, one morning, Harvey's daily peace was shattered when he heard, "Woah. Batman takes off his suit in the Batcave? Weird, I was beginning to think that you slept in those things."
"Nobody runs a gym in a suit. Don't fall in love with me after seeing my true self, Boy Wonder." Despite his casual words, Harvey was kind of pleased to hear Mike's voice; he had begun to miss the puppy's young and foolish antics. "And the gym's not open yet, how did you get in? Are you reverting back to your criminal tendencies, Michael?"
"Hey! I object, it's not breaking and entering if the door was wide open," Mike retorted with a grin. "And what kind of name is Harvey and Donna's Happy Baby Upper Cut for a gym anyway? It barely even fits on the sign."
"Donna wanted something happy, I wanted something manly, and so we compromised." Harvey refused to be embarrassed. In fact, he was rather proud of the compromise that he had so wisely created. "I think it has a nice ring to it. And the customers definitely don't mind."
"Yeah well, when you've got Michael Jordan advertising this place, people are definitely more willing to overlook the small things." Mike shook his head in awe at Harvey's seemingly unending list of contacts and favors. Then he looked around the gym, at its high-tech exercise machines and spacious boxing rings and then at the owner himself, looking good in a simple T-shirt and gym shorts. "But I have to admit, they definitely don't just keep coming because of the celebrity endorsements."
Harvey allowed himself a moment of pride at his accomplishments before squashing it to move onto more important matters. "Why are you here, Mike? It's definitely not to just compliment Donna and me, so did you really just miss us that much?" He slowly raised an eyebrow and cocked his head with a teasing smirk.
Mike flushed red and hastily exclaimed, "No, no way!" Then he took a deep breath and hesitatingly said, "Actually, I just wanted to know if you guys maybe have a job opening here?"
Now Harvey's other eyebrow went up to join the one still hanging there. "What did you do, Michael?"
"Actually, for once I'm not in trouble." Mike let out an embarrassed huff of laughter and admitted, "Practicing law illegally isn't really worth the trouble when you're working for Louis. Even with the money."
Harvey was willing to believe that; after all, he would quit if he had to work under Louis too. But still, there was one problem… "What exactly do you think you can do at this gym? I don't recall you including boxing or yoga as one of your skills, and this is not something you can use your eidetic memory for."
At this, Mike's face broke out in a grin. "I may not be able to box or do yoga, but I do happen to have my black belt in taekwondo – 8th degree." Harvey's incredulous look prompted a defensive exclamation. "No, really! I had to protect myself somehow when I was younger, and it's not like Trevor could always be there to protect me. So I enrolled at the nearest Tiger Academy and found out that I'm not too bad at it."
Harvey considered the idea in his mind. Yoga and boxing were one thing, but adding taekwondo into the equation could be pushing the boundaries – ah, who was he kidding.
"Fine." At Mike's enthusiastic whoop, Harvey rolled his eyes. "But don't think you're getting your name on the sign. The only way that'll happen is if we replace 'Baby' with 'Puppy,' and then that's just not manly at all."
He knew that puppies always brought more trouble, and so he wasn't surprised when that pretty paralegal Rachel Zane popped in a month later. She was emphatic about her skills at judo, and with Harvey's utter approval, she gave an impressive demonstration using Mike as her prop; she was hired on the spot (although Donna's threatening to cut off his coffee supply if Rachel wasn't hired might have had to do with it too).
However, when Louis bought Donna's old gym from across the road the following year and started up his own business with Norma and Harold as his wingmen, the situation started becoming rather ridiculous.
("Please Harvey, I happen to be a master ballet dancer; I've been dancing since I was five. My studio will crush yours."
"Okay, let me just text your wife and warn her about what will happen if you spend all that time with Norma. See, that's funny because you still don't have a wife and because Norma's the best you'll ever do.")
The bright lights that constantly shone from Get Litt Up were an eyesore to witness every day.
When Jessica abruptly showed up one day, citing difficulties with Hardman and offering to help manage the business, Harvey gave up on trying to squeeze any normalcy out of the situation.
Author's Note: I refuse to apologize for this poorly written piece of crap (just kidding, I'm so sorry this exists).