Chapter 1: First Love
His large calloused fingers entwined with mine. My heart fluttered and I leaned in closer, resting my head on his shoulder. First love was like that, you didn't know the difference between the need for physical contact and true emotions. But of course, I was a sensible kid and didn't need anyone to tell me what the difference was. I knew. I knew oh so well. And yet, I didn't care. I craved attention, and that was what he gave me. Even though it was for a short period of time, I felt special, like I actually mattered.
Two years later, I would find myself standing amongst rows and rows and columns and columns of stones. Stones engraved with names, none of which I knew, except one. Before me was the stone that marked where his body should have been buried. But they never found it. They found everything that pointed to what I knew was the obvious. Asami was dead. I felt it in my heart that night I ran away. He panicked and went after me. I lost him and an hour later I felt my heart stop. At first, I didn't know what it was. I shook it off, thought it to be nothing more than just the strenuous exercise that being chased by Asami always was. Then, after a little while, I started doubting that was what it was. It wouldn't go away, and I knew I had to go back.
When I'd gotten back to the penthouse there were Asami's men everywhere, seemingly extremely occupied with something. Asami was nowhere to be seen. That's when I saw it. A body covered with a white sheet lying on a gurney. I immediately started towards it, but Kirishima spotted me and pulled me back away from it. "Kid, there's nothing to see!" He said. But I could hear the restraint in his voice. I wretched myself free from his grip and grabbed the sheet, tearing it off the body. There, lying even in death, was that bastard that I'd loved so much in all his beauty. Even though I felt it in my bones, knew who was under that sheet, I still lost all train of thought, my vision swam, my legs weakened, but I still stood strongly enough. I couldn't breathe and my hands were cold. My lips ran dry and the whole of my body tensed. Just several hours ago I'd been in this man's arms. Just several hours ago we'd been sharing tender touches and whispers of loving nothings. Just several hours ago we'd been sharing laughter. Just several hours ago I learned that he had a fiancee.
I shouldn't have been so brash about it. I should've asked him about it. Instead, I acted immature and gave up what was my life as penance. It was my fault, and the fact that it was my fault made me enraged at myself. Enraged at the woman he was supposed to marry. Enraged at Asami. That jerk always kept secrets. But in the end, it all came back to me. It was still my fault. If I hadn't just left like that, he wouldn't have had to run outside without protection. He wouldn't have had to worry.
No one was able to tear me away from that body until it was put in the forensic morgue. "WHY? WHY DID YOU COME AFTER ME?" My own cries still echo in my mind. They are still at the tip of my tongue. "Because I love you." I can hear his voice in reply in my thoughts. Of course, he'd never said that to me in real life. I totally understand. Why would he, king of Japan's dark underworld, love a stray cat like me? I work for his enemy, he is my enemy. This forbidden love was bound to not work out, and yet, I still clung to him.
Just several days after the body was put in the morgue, it disappeared. Even under all that heavy, tight security, it had been stolen. The next day a mutilated body was found at the docks, but it was confirmed that the body wasn't his. I was terrified, disgusted, and angered that someone would dare to do something as morbid as defile his body even in death. I was jealous. I never got to see him one last time.
Kiwi: I'm back. Surprised?
Cavan: They obviously are. You've been on hiatus for so long.
Kiwi: I know.
Cavan: So what are you going to do now?
Kiwi: Well one thing for sure, I'm going to keep working on this, since it's the only thing that's actually still running in my mind. I feel terrible for totally ditching out on everyone that'd been counting on me like that, but I've changed. I am such an indifferent person now, and it's not even funny. For now, I'll be uploading little tidbits here and there for the fun of it.
Cavan: Well, at least you're uploading something, right?
Kiwi: Yeah… Well, I apologize to whomever I made promises with, so much has happened just this past year and it completely changed my perspective of life.
Cavan: Don't worry, you hung in there the best you could've. Time to look ahead for a brighter future!