Shrek and the Shadow of Time
"You may live on, neglecting the very nature of time. Unlike other mortal things, time will not wear your body to dust, and twist your mind into insanity. You will not fear time, and in return it shall not fear you; as the shadow of time will eventually catch up to you, and consume your very soul."
Act one: The calm before the storm
Act 1, Scene 1
Enter king ogre and Shrek
King ogre: O spite, O hell! Our slaves have been freed by our enemy! Concealed by the darkness of night, wondered them into our great kingdom and let our slaves be free!
Shrek: Fret not great king, for I will travel yonder far, through woods and waters alike to find the thieves of the night that taketh thy slaves! Sweet king, I will need only your word and I shall depart!
King Ogre: No, good Shrek. Thou hath done more than enough; rest thy head, pour thyself a drink, and enjoy thyself a warm bath. I will gather mine army while you rest, and prepare to march.
Shrek: Yes, my king.
Exit Shrek
King ogre: Come hither, mine mighty ogre army!
Enter ogre army
King ogre: As many ye known, our slaves have been freed by the wuk-tuk; the barbaric natives to this land. We cannot tolerate them longer more, and so we march to their village, north of this kingdom. We shall taketh their life's, with not one spared! Come, my ogre brothers, let us charge!
Act 1, scene 2
Enter Shrek, laying in a tub
Shrek: Methinks king ogre is a good king, a true leader. I hope the wuk-tuk are not spared this time.
Enter servant
Servant: Good Shrek, king ogre wishes me to inform thee that the battle has been won, the wuk-tuk village of Asadfaran has been sacked, no survivors.
Shrek: Splendid! That teaches them not to mess with our slaves! We had won them fairly after all. Say, Good servant, were you born here, in the ogre isles? Or in our homeland, Ogaria?
Servant: I was born here, in the ogre isles.
Shrek: ah, well, I was born in Ogaria. In fact, the battalion of ogres that conquered this land and defeated the wuk-tuk tribe was led by me. I alone slain over one thousand of the barbarians.
Servant: Really? Incredible!
Shrek: Yes, well, sometimes I question my own actions.
Servant: What doth thou mean, good Shrek?
Shrek! Um, nothing, nothing at all. Good servant; take a break, have thyself an early lunch. I must prepare for the king's arrival.
Act 1, scene 3
Enter Shrek, king ogre, and the ogre army
King ogre: We have defeated the wuk-tuk once again!
Ogre army: Cheering
Shrek: Congratulations my king!
King ogre: Shrek, please come with me. I wish to speak with thee.
Shrek and king ogre enter the castle and head into the barracks. The table is surrounded with ogre war chiefs, Shrek and the king take a seat.
King Ogre: My brothers, during the attack we uncovered that Asadfaran is nay the main city of the wuk-tuk, and that our enemy has yet another city by the name of Flotsam deep the forest of Azul, twice the size of Asadfaran. They have no idea that we know the location of the city at the moment, nor do they know of the destruction of Asadfaran.
War chief 1: Then let us attack! I shall lead the army.
War chief 2: no you fool! It could be a trap! There is likely no city in the forest, only a plot to have us murdered!
War chief 1: then let them try, I say! We shall defeat them whether there be a city or nay!
King Ogre: Calm down, men! Let us not be brash here. Shrek, what doth thou think?
Shrek: If there is a city, we must attack as soon as possible. Without them knowing that we know of the existence of Flotsam, we have a massive advantage. But it is also entirely possible that it is a trap, and nothing awaits in Azul accept death.
War chief 1: well then? What shall we do?
War chief 3: Yes, tell us already!
Shrek: I say we send a small battalion of ten of our best men to the coordinates. We shall scout the place, then send a letter to the king informing whether their truly is a city in the forest.
King ogre: then there we have it! Tomorrow morning, I shall gather nine of our best men, and Shrek shall lead them to the supposed location of the city.
Act 1, scene 4
Enter Shrek and servant
Shrek walks into his room and lays on his bed. Servant is mopping the floor.
Servant: goodness! Shrek my lord, I'm afraid you've come earlier than I have expected! I have not yet finished shining thou floor!
Shrek: I care not for the cleanness of my floor. In fact, I prefer it dirty.
Servant: a dirty floor? But, lord Shrek, I mean no offense but a clean floor is what separates us from those barbaric natives.
Shrek: you truly were born in the ogre isles, weren't you? In Ogaria, under rule of king Argnitash us ogres took pride in a dirty floor! I am old, I know. I've outlived everyone who originally came to the ogre isles.
Servant: Well, good Shrek, I will leave you be.
Exit servant.
Shrek: tomorrow morning I must go to war, and do the one thing I swore never to do again.
End of act 1
Act two: The Traitor
Act 2, scene 1
Shrek and nine ogre soldiers inside a large military tent within a larger base. Soldiers are cleaning their weapons and training, and some are eating at a wooden table. Shrek is sitting in a chair bantering with joey.
Shrek: Joey, what did thou see during your scouting mission?
Joey: I hath found no city yet, but I hath found a lot of evidence of people moving in and out of the forest. I even found a trail, but made the decision to come back before I followed it.
Shrek: and a good decision at that. We will eat lunch, then I will head out with you and Argannor and we will inspect this trail.
Enter Argannor
Argannor: Shrek, joey, dinner has been prepared. Shall we begin to feast?
Shrek: Indeed. Joey, gather the rest of the camp.
Act 2, scene 2
Nine soldiers sit at a large table eating.
Soldier 1: So, joey, hath thou found anything yet?
Joey: Indeed. I found what appears to be a trail.
Soldier 1: That could certainly be something of interest.
Soldier 2: Ow! This ploughing soup is hotter than hell!
Everyone: laughing
Argannor: it seems I failed to mention that small fact about the soup. My bad.
Soldier 2: Argannor you cheeky bastard you!
Argannor: Say, Shrek: Doth thou remember that time we went fishing with only but a stick and an old string with a hook, yet still ended up catching more than Joey whom had a proper rod?
Shrek laughs
Shrek: Yes, I remember. I believe we caught twice, if not thrice as many as him.
Joey: Thou are quite keen on reminding me of that, but I shall hath ye know my rod was broken! It was a shoddy rod, I tell ye!
Argannor: Aye, well, perhaps it was nay the rod that was shoddy, but he who held it!
Joey: Thou hath some nerve! I challenge thee to a rematch! By the old pond, near the willow! Shrek, what doth thou say?
Shrek: Perhaps another time. Once we get out of this forest we shall have all the time in the world to fish. But right now we are on a mission, a mission to…
Soldier 2: To kill as many savages as we can, and burn down their little village!
Everyone but Shrek: Cheering.
Shrek: (Solemnly) Yes. That is our mission.
The soldiers continue eating and bantering for some time, while Shrek sits still, with a blank expression on his face.
Argannor: why thy long face, sweet Shrek? Has something disturbed thee?
Shrek: what? Umm, no, no, I am quite good. It's just that, well, I've been thinking…
Argannor: thou needn't be hesitant with us, what is on thy mind?
Shrek: it's just that I have been thinking investigating this trail is a waste of time. I doubt there's anything there at all. I say we should just pack up today, and inform the king that no city is in this wretched forest after all, and no trap either.
Joey: Hath thou gone mad? How could we ignore that trail?
Soldier 1: truly, Shrek, are you alright? What you propose is absurd!
Shrek: it's a waste of time, I tell ye! No need to investigate!
Soldier 2: aye, well, its official; Shrek's gone of his rocker.
Argannor: how dare thou speak to the chief of command in that matter! I should place thee head on a pike, a lovely ornament it should make!
Soldier 2: shut thy trap, you damn fool! I outrank thee!
Shrek: EVERYONE CALM DOWN!
Silence.
Shrek: I don't want to follow the trail because…because I've already found the city. Last night I snuck out, and scouted the very same trail joey found. There is a city. But I refuse to attack them, I refuse to kill the wuk-tuk. None of you remember the days of old, in Ogaria, but we were no different from thee. We to were filthy, and "barbaric". They are Ogres just like us! We should help them, not kill them!
Soldier 2: He's a traitor!
Argannor: Shrek, how could thee?
Everyone: Chanting traitor
All of a sudden arrows fly through the window, killing soldier 1, 2, and Joey. Three wuk-tuk warriors charge into the tent, killing the rest of the soldiers. Shrek and Argannor are taken as prisoner and dragged off stage.
End of act 2
Act three: The prisoner
Act 3, scene 1
Shrek being dragged through a forest with a burlap sack over his head.
Shrek: let go of me! I'll kill every last one of you!
Wuk-Tuk warrior 1: quite, you! Or I'll make sure you hang on the end of a rope!
Shrek: where are you taking me? I demand an answer!
Wuk-Tuk warrior 2: truth be told; I don't think you're in any position to demand anything mate.
Shrek: listen! I'm not your enemy!
Wuk Tuk warrior 1: well then, what's your excuse for being this close to our city then, eh? Wrong place wrong time?
Wuk Tuk warrior 2: just taking a midnight stroll, eh mate?
Shrek: I swear on the name of mine father, and his father before him I am not thy enemy!
Wuk tuk warrior 2: well, you see mate that doesn't mean too much, cause your pa could've been a total ass, and what the hell does he have to do with this? How am I to take your word simply because you swear on the name of your bloodline that you're innocent?
Shrek smirks
Shrek: fair point.
Wuk-Tuk warrior 1: sorry, but it would make this journey a lot easier if we didn't have to listen to you babble the whole bloody way, not that I don't mind a good conversation, but at the moment it's a bit exasperating. Forgive me.
Wuk-Tuk warrior 1 smacks Shrek in the head with the hilt of his axe, rendering him unconscious.
Curtain
Act 3, scene 2
Shrek abruptly awakes in a filthy prison cell. There is a straw bed in the left corner, and a small wooden table with stale bread, and a rusty tankard filled with muddy water on it.
Shrek: Hello?
Enter an old man
Old man: I see you have awoken.
Shrek: aye, it seems so. Mind telling me where I am?
Old man: you are in the flotsam dungeon, being tortured.
Shrek: tortured?
Old man: indeed. I am the torturer.
Shrek: you, an old man?
Old man: yes. You see young brutes would come to the dungeon and beat the prisoners to a pulp. Sometimes they spoke, but most of the time they were torn to pieces before they said a single word. An unpredictable and hardly effective method. Then one day I took a bad injury in battle, fighting your men. I simply could not fight anymore; I can barely walk in fact. I still wanted to serve my clan; I was not ready to retire. To die in battle wasn't an option anymore, so I became the head torturer. My methods differ quite strongly from previous torturers. I have not failed once to get my prisoners to speak.
Shrek: how?
Old man: oh, I'll show you. For now rest; you will need it.
Exit old man
Act 3, scene 3
Enter old man
Old man: wake up, prisoner.
Shrek: I'm awake. Actually I never slept.
Old man: that's a shame. We have a long day ahead of us.
Shrek: lets just get this over with.
Old man: follow me. Try to escape and the archers will pick you off, I assure you.
The old man leads Shrek through a hallway. They pass a room filled with torture devices and rusted prison cells.
Shrek: this is it then.
Old man: no no no, this place hasn't been used in half a decade, please follow me.
They continue walking through the hallway, then make a right turn entering a brightly lit room with a fireplace, and a large dinner table covered with food.
Old man: take a seat.
The two sit down across the table from each other.
Old man: well? Eat. You must be hungry.
Shrek begins to vigorously eat.
Old man: you know, you don't seem like a soldier of the king ogre; you certainly don't talk like one. but your definitely not a wuk-tuk. Your something else entirely.
Shrek: all I know is that I am not your enemy.
Old man: yes, you continue to persist that. But the men you were with, they are our enemies, they want to kill every last one of us. Are you saying you're a traitor?
Shrek: I guess you could say that.
Old man: tell me. What did you do?
Shrek remains silent.
Old man: so be it. You know, no progress is going to be made until you tell me.
Shrek: it's a long story.
Old man: trust me, we have a lot of time.
Shrek: fine. The truth is, and I've been trying to put this into words for a long while; the shadow of time has finally caught up to me. When I was a young lad, I found a small shack in the woods. I decided I stay there for a while. Little did I know, that shack belonged to a witch, a powerful witch. She wasn't exactly evil, but she practiced some very dark arts. Necromancy, time travel, you name it. She found me there, not angry with me, and told me that she would grant any wish I may ask. I told her, "I want to live forever". That was five hundred years ago. The witch did of course warn me this one thing before granting my wish, "you may live on, but the shadow of time will eventually catch up to you". I had no idea what she meant at the time, I was just a young foolish lad; but now I know. The ogre kingdom is not what it was. We were once a people of pride, and honor. Now we are cowards, and criminals. Liars, thief's, you name it. I do not belong here; everyone I have ever cared for is gone, and by each passing day I long for my death.
Shrek and the old man remain silent for a short while.
Shrek: believe me when I say I am not your enemy. I wish to join your tribe. Your people are the closest thing to what mine once were.
Old man: I believe you.
End of act 3
Act four: The Trial
Act 4, scene 1
Shrek and the old man walk through the streets of Flotsam silently. They make their way to a very large building.
Old man: this is it.
Shrek: this is what, exactly?
Old man: Jorvasker, the home of Asarius; leader of the wuk tuk. If all goes well, he should recruit you into our tribe.
Shrek: And if things don't go well?
Old man: then you should likely be burned alive, with me alongside you.
Shrek: Lovely.
Old man: ah, well, you know you are likely to suffocate from the smoke before the flames even touch you, so really it's not as bad as you think. Well, I suppose we best get going.
Old man enters the building with Shrek alongside him.
Curtain
Act 4, Scene 2
Old man and Shrek walk through a dimly lit cobblestone corridor, with a red, wool rug strung across the floor. Old man leads Shrek to a large wooden door, lined with iron castings. They enter a massive room, with gigantic torches in each corner, and smaller torches carefully lined across the walls. They climb three large steps leading to a large, gold incrusted throne where the king of the wuk-tuk was sitting.
Old man: you may find this absurd, but I've found a new recruit for our tribe.
Asarius: The prisoner? Are you mad?
Old man: Perhaps, perhaps not. Maybe my aging mind has finally cracked. But I trust him nonetheless.
Asarius: Hmm. What is your name, prisoner?
Shrek: My name is Shrek, your grace.
Asarius: Your grace? Truly, Shrek, that is not necessary. Call me Asarius. And, Shrek, why is it that you want to join our tribe, and betray your king? Call me crazy, but this sounds an awful lot like a plot to infiltrate our tribe from the inside; a Trojan horse. Your people slaughtered my people as if they were dogs! Your king came to our island, stole our land, enslaved innocent civilians, destroyed our city's, and they call us the immoral savages! And you, Shrek, yes I've heard of you. Shrek the slayer; killer of barbarians! How am I to trust you, let alone forgive you?
Shrek: to be honest, I don't expect you to do either. Every day that passes by, I regret those whom I killed. I seek a chance to redeem myself. I can help you defeat the King ogre. I know the kingdom inside and out, I know all their military strategies, hell, I invented half of them. If you recruit me into your tribe I will help you crush your enemy's.
Asarius: Well Shrek, you are rather convincing. I do believe you can help me greatly in this war. However, I cannot trust your word, not yet. To gain my trust, you shall complete a trial for me. A trial of intelligence, strength, and loyalty.
Shrek: Consider it done.
Act 4, scene 3
Enter Shrek
Shrek walks through the streets of flotsam silently. He comes across a beat down wood shack with a straw roof. Shrek knocks on the door. A man in rags opens the door.
Enter man
Shrek: Is this Aladdin's house?
Man: Aye, it was, till he died that is. I bought it just a few days ago.
Shrek: I'm investigating Aladdin's death. I need to check this house.
Man: Sorry, mate I'd rather not have guests over at the…
Shrek: Kings orders.
Man: All right then, bloody hell, come on in.
Shrek: Perhaps you could stay outside while I investigate.
Man: yeah, of course mate, just hurry the hell up.
Exit man
Shrek enters the house.
Shrek: Empty…
Shrek thoroughly searches the house, lifting up every chair and rug. Shrek then opens up a pantry and finds an odd square shaped coin tucked in the back.
Shrek: hmmm. Hey you, come in here for a minute!
Enter Man: yeah?
Shrek: is this yours?
Man: No. What is that? You think it's worth money? We'll split it fifty-fifty!
Shrek: No. Do you know any antique shops, or something?
Man: No… well, I know this one place, Helens Trinkets and odd ends, or something like that. She's a queer woman, that's for sure. Sells these tokens and jewels of the sort, claim they give you good luck, and retain your youth. She's fraud, I say. But a lot of people follow her, and actually believe the shite she says. You ask me, I think she's up to no good; always hanging around strange folk who are in town one day, gone the next. But yeah, that looks like something she would sell. Might want to check it out.
Act 4, scene 4
Enter Shrek through a wooden door
Shrek walks through an odd shop, with a variety of odd trinkets on the walls, and strangle relics hung throughout the shop.
Helen: How may I help you, Mr...?
Shrek: Mr. Shrek. I found this coin; I was wondering if you know anything about it?
Helen: where did you find that?
Shrek: Unimportant.
Helen: I see. Well it would help to know where it came from, that way I can better figure out what it is.
Shrek: hmmm… Aladdin's house. I found it investigating his murder: king's orders.
Helen: Oh. Well, I'm afraid I've no clue what this coin is. Sorry, but ill be no more help to you.
Shrek: Id like to search this shop.
Helen: that's not necessary, really, I assure you I'm uninvolved…
Shrek: lies.
Helen: What?
Shrek: you're lying. Your pockets, you've had them torn, and sewn on new ones. But why tear off perfectly good pockets on a dress you bought so recently? As it's practically in mint condition; well except for the pockets of course. Any idea? I'll tell you why: these square coins are rather large, aren't they? Far too bulky to hold an abundance of them in one pocket…unless you tear them out and put in larger ones.
Silence
Shrek: so now that we are on the same page, tell me what these coins are.
Helen: Alright, you bastard! They're a sort of…currency.
Shrek: Money?
Helen: No… a reward, from the holy one. An immortal lord. We do tasks for him, and in return he gives us the tokens. They grant you luck, and good fortune. Gather enough of them, and you could live forever!
Shrek: what kind of tasks?
Helen: Whatever the holy one wants done, we do. He wants something, we get it for him. He wants someone, we find him. He wants someone gone… well…
Shrek: Do you know what happened to Aladdin?
Helen: He…I…
Suddenly a dark fog surrounded Helen. She collapses to the ground. Shrek hurries towards the corpse. He inspects the body, and finds a note in her pocket. Shrek reads the note aloud:
Shrek: "Meet me at the frolicking pony inn, 10:30".
Shrek looks up and stairs directly into the audience:
Shrek: The game is on.
Curtain
End of act 4
Act five: The Mystery
Act 5, scene 1
Shrek sits at a wood table in a crowded inn. Men are drunkenly dancing, singing, and some are fighting. Shrek intently watches the door. A man enters.
Enter mysterious man
Shrek: 10:30 on the dot…
The mysterious man sits down at a table across from Shrek. Shrek gets up and takes a seat next to the man.
Shrek: How are you?
Mysterious man: um, quite all right…say, do I know you?
Shrek: Yes, I've met you before in town: surely you remember? So, do you come here often?
Mysterious man: well, uh, yes actually.
Shrek: Me too. This place is great for meetings.
Mysterious man: Meetings?
Shrek: yes, meetings. Organized meetings, to…talk about things, with specific people. You see, when you have secretive meetings in dark, secluded places, it becomes a bit obvious that your trying to hide something. People catch on to you, and next thing you know you're in prison. But at a public place like this, nobody would assume you would go here to talk about secret things, so nobody expects you are involved in any secret things. It's quite clever really. Not that clever though…
Mysterious man: Who are you?
Shrek: doesn't matter: what does matter is I know you're involved.
Mysterious man: Involved in what? I've no clue what you're talking about, truly you must…
Shrek pulls out the square coin from his pocket
Shrek: Look familiar?
Mysterious man: where did you get that?
Shrek: two possible things are going to happen right now; you're going to tell me everything and I'll send you on your way, or, you're going to tell me everything and spend the rest of your life rotting in a cell. Choose wisely.
Mysterious man: alright, I'll tell you! Listen, I didn't want to get involved in this, really! There is this man, the immortal lord we call him. He possesses great powers! He tells us to do things and we do them!
Shrek: and what happened to Aladdin? Did this immortal lord kill him?
Mysterious man: Aladdin was catching on to our cult, and became dangerously close to exposing Helen and I! I was commanded to kill him, I had to! I didn't want to, but the immortal lord promised me eternal youth, and great wealth! I couldn't resist!
Shrek: where can I find him, the immortal lord?
Mysterious man: if I tell you he'll kill me!
Shrek: not my concern.
Mysterious man: No! I can't tell you!
Suddenly Shrek jump from his chair, grabs the man by the neck and pins him against the wall. The inn remains unaware of the quarrel.
Shrek: I am becoming very impatient.
Mysterious: Okay, okay! Our hideout is hidden away, deep in the…
Suddenly the dark fog surrounded the man, suffocating him to death. Shrek dropped the man's corpse. In a burst of anger and frustration, Shrek kicked the table with all his strength, flipping it over and launching a tankard of ale into the air, spilling it on the wood floor.
Shrek: Damn it!
The inn went silent. Everyone first looked at Shrek, and then noticed the corpse of the mysterious man on the floor.
Shrek: king's business! Nothing to see here!
Inn keep: Hey! Who do you think you are walking into my inn, busting up my tables and choking folk to death?
Shrek ignores the man and walks up to the bar. The inn keep backs up nervously. Shrek tosses a small bag of gold onto the counter
Shrek: this should cover it.
Shrek walked outside and sat against the wall of the inn.
Silence
Shrek then lifted his head up in realization.
Shrek: Perhaps Aladdin had some information on the immortal lord, and his cult. He can't help me, but maybe he's still left behind something of use…
Curtain
Act 5, scene 2
Enter Shrek
Shrek walks through the hallways of Jorvasker, enters the throne room, and walks up the steps to Asarius's throne.
Shrek: My king, I need some information on Aladdin.
Asarius: yes, what do you need?
Shrek: Aladdin's belongings, where are they kept? His house was wiped clean.
Asarius: you see; this is a trial. The idea is to do it by yourself, without my help. If you cannot find Aladdin's killer, then I'm afraid…
Shrek: I've already found his killer. He's not a problem anymore.
Asarius stares at Shrek with disbelief.
Shrek: It's not over though, not yet. Aladdin, he was murdered for investigating some kind of cult, led by this supposed "immortal lord". Aladdin was killed at his command. I've uncovered two members of the cult, but both were killed by some form of dark magic before I could get much out of them. I suspect it was the immortal lord himself.
Asarius: Goodness! This is quite the situation.
Shrek: Indeed. Aladdin had uncovered a considerable amount about this cult, perhaps even the location of the immortal lord. He likely had journals, and information that could be of use. Do you know where his belongings are?
Asarius: I am afraid all of Aladdin's belongings have been burned…
Shrek: Damn it! Surely he must have left something behind!
Asarius: …However, in Aladdin's last few weeks before he was murdered, he was seen with a man named Gerard of Rivertown nearly every day. It is entirely possible he may be of assistance to you as well. He may have even been involved in Aladdin's investigations on this cult.
Shrek: Thank you, your grace…I mean, Asarius. Where can I find this Gerard of Rivertown?
Asarius: In the eastern district of the city, about three doors from the east gate. His house will be the one with the head of a lion above the door. And Shrek; You have found Aladdin's killer, and technically completed the trial I gave you. I will allow you to join our tribe as a citizen. But bring me the head of this madman and I promise you will find a spot on my council, and be given the title of war chief.
Curtain
Act 5, scene 3
Shrek walks through the eastern district of flotsam. He stops in front of a medium sized home with the head of a lion above the door. Shrek goes to knock on the door. Before he can knock, Gerard opens the door.
Enter Gerard
Gerard: What do you want?
Shrek: I'm working with the king to investigate the murder of Aladdin. I would like to speak with you.
Gerard: All right, come on in, take a seat.
They enter the house. Shrek takes a seat as Gerard pours drinks for the two of them. Gerard hands Shrek a wooden tankard of mead and sits across from him.
Shrek: It has been made clear to me that you had been spending a considerable amount of time with Aladdin mere days before his death. Is this true?
Gerard: Yes.
Shrek: the reason for this?
Gerard: look, I know what you're getting at here. So why don't you just save us both the time and accuse me of murdering him, then I can say no and be done with it.
Shrek: I'm not accusing you of anything. I know you didn't kill him.
Gerard: so why are you here?
Shrek: Aladdin was investigating a secret cult, led by a man who calls himself the immortal lord. Aladdin became a threat to him, so the immortal lord commanded his followers to kill him. I'm trying to find this immortal lord, and take down his cult. However, I think you already know all that.
Gerard: Aye, your right. You see I'm a bit of an expert on all things magical. Monsters, curses, and so on. Aladdin hired me to help him in this regard. We discovered a great many things about the immortal lord and his followers; and as a result, Aladdin wound up with a knife in his back while he was sleeping.
Shrek: I need you to tell me everything you know.
Gerard: Shite, well, what should I start with?
Shrek: The immortal lord, what exactly is he?
Gerard: you haven't figured that out yet? The immortal lord is not a god, or a holy being as his followers claim. He is an ancient species, possibly the last of his kind. Highly intelligent, and very dangerous. What you are dealing with is a higher vampire.
Shrek: A vampire? Vampires are as real as talking donkeys. A story made up to scare children.
Gerard: You're mistaken. True, the vampires that suck the blood of innocent villagers in the night, and cower at the sight of garlic are fiction. But thousands of years ago in an event known as the great collide, our plane of existence collided with multiple other planes. This could have been disastrous, but thankfully the collision was very brief, and little permanent damage occurred. Though many other worldly creatures and beings entered our plane of existence during this event; dragons, werewolves, and higher vampires. These species have all been hunted mercilessly, and are now well extinct, or so I thought. As Aladdin and I uncovered this cult, it became irrefutable that the immortal lord was indeed a higher vampire. He is immortal, manipulative, and uses ancient forms of dark magic known only to be used by higher vampires. And when we learned the truth, well…
Shrek: Lets say your right, and he is this "higher vampire" you say he is, then how can I defeat him?
Gerard laughs
Gerard: I don't think you understand: this is a higher vampire we are talking about. Any attempt to dispose of him would be suicide.
Shrek: you said they were all hunted and extinct, so there must be some way.
Gerard: They were hunted by the most powerful mages and monster hunters to ever walk the earth. They used ancient methods, now lost in time. There is, however, one method still known by men, a very dangerous method, and a hardly effective one.
Shrek: tell me.
Gerard: Higher vampires, unlike the other species that entered our world in the great collide, never fully left their plane of existence. They live on both, simultaneously. They draw energy from their world, and use it to grant them immense powers, and immortality. If one was to somehow enter this plane of existence, they would be able to kill a higher vampire while inside: this would cancel their ability to drain power from their realm, and consequently kill them in our world as they would now be rendered mortal, and shrivel into pile of ash.
Shrek: How can I enter this realm? Can you get me there?
Gerard: There are many ways, but the only way I know is through an ancient spell. If done right, the spell should tear a hole in our dimension leading directly into theirs, effectively creating an inter-dimensional portal.
Shrek: I need you to open this portal.
Gerard: not that easy. I've hardly any expertise in inter-dimensional travel. I kill monsters, and break curses; and that's where my services end.
Shrek: And Aladdin? Will you not allow the opportunity to have his death avenged?
Gerard: I'm sorry…
Shrek: How many more must die? How many innocent people must be corrupted and manipulated to become slaves and killers? Will you sit here, and do nothing?
Gerard: Fine! I'll open the portal! But listen carefully when I say there is a high chance this will fail. You could be torn to pieces upon entering it, and it's unlikely I'll be able to maintain the portal for long, so you'll have to be quick or you could wind up stuck in there. Not to mention this is dark magic we're dealing with, and that always has its consequences. The odds of this working are very slim.
Shrek: Maybe; but this is the only option we have, and I swear to the old gods and the new I will kill the immortal lord, or die trying.
Curtain
End of act 5
Act Six: The Vampire Hunter
Act 6, scene 1
Gerard reading from an old black book with a red pentagram on the cover:
Gerard: Aiene leurien walreue, yarue seine klaruas, varan shara ghul, bathrak zarul ugaeilik!
The room shakes and an unstable, circular black portal appears in the centre of the room.
Gerard: The portal in unstable! You must hurry!
Shrek: Where can I find him?
Gerard: He will know when you enter the realm, and confront you! You need only wait! Now go through the portal, and good luck!
Shrek rushes towards the portal. The room shakes violently and Shrek is knocked back. A black fog fills the room. Shrek can feel it entering his lungs, as it poisons the air.
Gerard coughs and falls to his knees.
Gerard: Go! Leave me!
Gerard dies
Shrek gets up, runs across the room and dives into the portal, disappearing into it.
Act 6, scene 2
Darkness and silence.
Enter Shrek
Suddenly Shrek appears from nowhere and begins falling from the sky. He initially panics, then steady's himself. He continues falling, faster and faster. Flames start to appear behind Shrek as he rockets towards the ground. Shrek remains calm. He maneuvers his hands to form the sign of quen. A magical orange shield encircles Shrek mere moments before he hits the ground. The shield bursts upon impact, as the ground instantly forms a large crater beneath Shrek. Dust and ash fill the sky. The ashes slowly fade away to reveal the stiff body of Shrek laying in the bottom of the crater. Suddenly Shrek's hand clenches into a fist, and he takes a deep breath. His lugs burned as he inhaled the ice-cold air. He stands up, slowly. Shrek then realizes his surroundings. There were no trees, plants nor grass. Just a dark, gloomy, barren wasteland. The ground was made of a dark, purplish black rock, with the occasional crater or jagged formation of black stone protruding from the otherwise flat ground. Shrek looked into the sky, and saw no sun. Only a pitch-black void of darkness. The sight was chilling.
Shrek: My god…
In the far distance, Shrek sees the vague outline of what appeared to be a stone castle. Shrek advances towards the structure. Shrek continues walking through the wasteland until he is directly in front of the large castle. He pushes through the massive wooden gates. The castle was cold, and dimly lit, with only a few torches seemingly placed at random to provide light. There was an old, torn black rug leading from the entrance, between two chipped and cracked stone tables, and finally halted at the start of a large, spiral staircase. Shrek grabbed one of the torches off the wall, and began to climb the staircase. It ended at the entrance to a medium sized rectangular room, with two cracked pillars holding up a stone platform, with a rotted wooden fence around the edge. In the centre of the room was a circular platform, about one foot from the ground, with a two-step staircase circling around it. In the centre of the platform laid a jagged, black steel alter, covered with dry blood. Skulls and human bones surrounded the alter. Above it was a rusty, crooked chandelier, hanging on one side more than the other. Long, flat stone benches lined the walls of the room, with flickering torches above each one.
Shrek suddenly felt an ominous, dark presence. He felt as though death itself was standing next to him. He heard footsteps coming from the platform above. Suddenly a pale faced man wearing a black cloak appeared at the edge of the platform. He placed both hands on the wood railing.
Zarule: Ah, I see you have allowed yourself into my home. I don't remember handing out invitations…
Shrek: Save the banter. I've come here to kill you.
Zarule: Yes, of course. Well surely you realize what I am by now: I cannot be killed.
Shrek: Maybe not in my world, but here you bleed and die like all the rest.
Zarule: So you're not as stupid as you appear! I misjudged you. Though I must ask, why do you want to kill me?
Shrek: You're a murderer, a manipulator and a liar. You must die. You killed Aladdin, you killed Gerard, and you tricked dozens into doing your dirty work for you. You're a monster.
Zarule: Yes, well, quite literally I suppose! True, I've killed many, and tricked many. I've betrayed my own followers: Those tokens I give them; they hold no magical property's whatsoever! A useless trinket! Yet they are willing to kill for them…
Brief silence
Zarule: Though now that I think about it, you've done the very same things I have done; if not in greater quantity.
Shrek: What?
Zarule: Well, Shrek the slayer, how many innocent wuk-tuk savages have you killed? A thousand? More? And your people, the ogre kingdom, have you not betrayed them? Have you not committed the very same sins of which you accuse me of, and intend to kill me for?
Shrek: I…
Zarule: You are no different from me Shrek; a cold-blooded killer.
Shrek: I am nothing like you. And what kind of dark magic allowed you to gain that knowledge on me?
Zarule: Magic? No magic. You see, excluding some of the more obvious ones, I have a great many gifts; I know what people want to hear, and see what people don't want me to know. You do not want to kill me to avenge Aladdin, or Gerard; you could care less about them. Your soul reason for wanting me dead is for your own personal gain! Well, Shrek, I can offer you immense power, and wealth! Join me and we shall conquer the world together! I can offer you my blessing, and you to shall be a shadow of the night.
Shrek: I...I…no! You will not manipulate me! Your honeyed words will not sway me!
Zarule: A pity. Then I must kill you.
Zarule jumps from the balcony and lands in front of the alter. He begins to advance towards Shrek as he draws his sword.
Zarule: I am Zarule Bathrakas, last of my name! Shadow of the night! I have seen the rise and fall of empires; witnessed the extinction of entire civilizations! For each day you have lived, I have lived a thousand more! You, ogre, shall die by my hand like every other opponent I have faced. Draw your blade.
Shrek slowly unsheathes his sword and steadily holds it in both hands.
Zarule lets out an ear-piercing scream and lunges at Shrek; spinning in the air with his blade extended in front of him. They begin to duel. They entire a whirlwind of viscous combat, swiftly parrying and dodging.
Zarule: I have underestimated your ability's!
They continue to fight. Shrek casts magical signs and attempts to strike Zarule with his blade to no avail. Zarule disappears into a black mist and phases back into the room behind Shrek, landing a blow on his upper shoulder. Shrek ignores the overwhelming pain and continues to fight. He angrily and impatiently swings his blade directly at Zarules head but the attack is swiftly countered by Zarules blade. Zarule strikes another hit on Shrek's chest, leaving a massive gash. Shrek falls to the ground.
Zarule: This is your end. Any last words?
Shrek lifts his head up and looks Zarule directly in the eyes. He spits out a mouthful of blood.
Shrek: Go to hell.
With a massive burst of anger and adrenaline, Shrek jumps from the ground and pushes his sword directly through Zarules chest. Zarule falls to the ground as Shrek pulls his sword out of him. Blood pours through the wound, and covers the floor, running through the cracks between the stone like a river.
Zarule: You fool! By killing me, you have killed yourself! I am the last of my kind! Without me, this world will crumble; I alone have been preserving the entire realm!
Zarule dies
The castle began to shake. The loose chandelier falls to the ground, and the balcony crumbles to the floor. Shrek runs down the staircase, through the entrance and rams through though the door. The ground began to crack. Shrek continues to run, jumping over massive craters that formed in the ground. Then a massive chunk of black rock fell beneath Shrek, and plummeted into a dark void. Shrek began to fall. Shrek desperately pulls a black crystal from his pocket, and crushes it in his hand.
Shrek: This better work Gerard!
The crystal explodes, forming a wavering black hole. Shrek is pulled inside.
Act 6, Scene 3
A portal appears in Gerard's home and Shrek is forcefully pushed through. Shrek solemnly acknowledges Gerard's dead body on the ground. Suddenly three wuk-tuk soldiers led by Asarius enter the room.
Enter Asarius and guards
Asarius: What the bloody hell happened here?
Shrek: It's a long story. The immortal lord is dead.
End of act 6
Act Seven: The Breaking
Act 7, scene 1
Asarius stands at the front of a massive gathering hall in front of a large crowd of people.
Asarius: We are gathered here today to induct a new member into our tribe!
Everyone: Cheering
Asarius: By now everyone has heard him; Shrek the vampire hunter! Hero of flotsam! Shrek has demonstrated that he is willing to risk his life for our tribe; with one hell of a demonstration at that! And I, king of the wuk-tuk and my council have decided Shrek is indeed worthy of joining us. Shrek, please come forth.
Shrek walks through the crowd and steps up onto the podium. Shrek takes a knee in front of Asarius.
Asarius: Do you swear to upkeep the honors and responsibilities of a wuk-tuk?
Shrek: Yes.
Asarius: Do you swear to commit your life to the people of the wuk-tuk tribe?
Shrek: Yes.
Asarius: And finally, do you swear to kill every last damn ogre that has sworn his loyalty to that moron king who thought he could take our land, and enslave our people?
The crowd cheers and yells insults at the king ogre.
Shrek: Every last one.
Asarius: Then I name you Shrek: War chief of the wuk-tuk, and adviser to the king! May you live a long life, and blah blah blah. Bring out the mead! And the ale!
Everyone begins to merrily feast and drink.
Asarius then steps back onto the podium after some time and gathers the crowd's attention.
Asarius: Ahem! May I have your attention! I'm sorry everyone, but I have been thoroughly advised by my council to do something I do not personally find necessary; but if so many of you feel we must, then so be it. Release the prisoner.
Two prison wardens drag out a bound Argannor strapped to a mobile wooden contraption. They place him in the centre of the podium.
Asarius: Truly, Shrek, I apologize for this frankly offensive questioning of loyalty, but my council does not know you as well as i.
Shrek: What shall you have me do?
Asarius: I need you to kill this man, to show you truly are wuk-tuk, and show no emotional attachment to your former people.
Shrek: Argannor is a friend! I cannot simply kill him! Not like this!
Asarius: And when you lead a battalion of soldiers into the gates of the ogre kingdom I'm sure you will have to kill many more former friends. I am sorry Shrek, but you must kill this man.
Shrek draws his blade. He slowly walks towards Argannor.
Argannor: Shrek please! I am your friend! I hath known thee for years! Please…
Shrek: Shut up!
Shrek lifts his blade. He goes to swing but drops his sword before making contact.
Shrek: I will not kill him! I can't!
Asarius scoffs.
Asarius: How pathetic. My council was right, as usual. If you will not kill him, then I will. Archers!
Before Shrek could react, three arrows penetrated Argannor, killing him instantly.
Shrek: NO!
Shrek broke out into a berserk rage. He charged at Asarius and cut his head from his shoulders in one great swing. The guards charged at Shrek but he parried their strikes and chopped them down as well. The archers fired at Shrek, sticking four arrows in his back. Shrek ignored them, and charged at the archers, killing them all. The entire crowd began to attack Shrek. Shrek viscously slaughtered each and every person in the room, one by one.
Suddenly the room went silent. Shrek's senses came back to him as his adrenaline decreased. Shrek was covered in blood. Around him laid a massive pile of body's. Hundreds. Shrek had killed the entirety of flotsam. For the first time in his life, he began to cry, and fell to his knees amongst the pile of corpses. He repeated Zarule's words:
Shrek: "You are no different from me; a cold blooded killer".
End of act 7
Epilogue:
Epilogue, scene 1
Enter Shrek
Shrek walks through an unknown city street and stops at a horse and buggy station. He approaches the driver.
Shrek: I'm looking for a ride.
Driver: Where to?
Shrek: North from here.
Driver: How far north?
Shrek becomes mildly impatient.
Shrek: Far.
Shrek hands the driver a large bag of gold.
Driver: Oh! Well, yes I suppose I can take you north, as far as you want! Though, you do know that's human territory up there, right? Run by some dwarf, I think. They don't take too kindly to us ogres in those parts.
Shrek: I don't care. Will you take me or not?
Driver: yes! Climb aboard! We'll leave shortly.
Epilogue, scene 2
Enter Shrek and Driver
The carriage stops in a forest, in front of a river with an old bridge across it.
Driver: I'm afraid this is as far I can take you.
Shrek: That's fine. I can walk from here.
Shrek jumps off the carriage. He walks across the bridge and through the thicket. He crosses through bushes and streams until he reaches a beaten, rocky path. He follows the path until crossing through a wall of thick foliage to reveal a large swamp, surrounded in gigantic willow trees. In the centre of the swamp laid an old, overgrown mud hut, made with the remains of a large tree trunk
Shrek: This will have to do
Curtain