Friends are for Life
Friends are for Life
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! Nor do I own Friends (the bit about the cheesecake is from an episode in season 8 or something). Nor do I own Lamb (by Christopher Moore, funniest book ever) and if you get the reference, please marry me.
Summary: When Naruto starts going out with Hinata, Sasuke is left feeling –gasp- snubbed and jealous! What is his plan to win back his best friend? Find out!
A/N: we've all been there. New eye candy, new crush…and it's like…who are you? I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND! So this is for anyone who can relate (either to the position of the ignored or the ignorer) and if you can't relate, well you're pretty darn lucky.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
"Heya," Sasuke greeted the blond, "Time for us to hit the video arca—"
"Shhhh!" Naruto shhhh'd him. Sasuke shhhh'd.
"It's Hinata. She's sleeping," the boy sighed happily. Sasuke blinked and looked around. The Hyuuga heiress was no where to be seen. "Where?"
"Here," he showed him a picture of the white eyed girl, "Isn't she beautiful?"
"Yeah, sure," Sasuke said irritably, "Now, about the video arca—"
"Oh yeah, about that, maybe we can go later? I have a date with Hinata in two hours!" Naruto squeezed his arm. "Thanks buddy, bye!"
Sasuke gaped at his retreating back, and that was how Sakura found him nearly an hour later.
"Sasuke-kun?" she asked, "Are you alright?"
"Did Naruto just ditch me for a girl? Naruto-who-chased-me-across-the-country-and-back-for-the-sake-of-our-bond, that Naruto…just ditched me for a girl?"
"Well she is his first girlfriend," Sakura said reasonably. But Uchiha Sasuke was not in the mood for reasonable.
"I'm not talking to him!" he declared childishly, and stalked away. Sakura blinked after him. "Was he even listening to me?"
0000000000000000
"Hey dobe," Sasuke called out to the blond, "Let's go!"
Naruto paused in the act of making googly eyes at Hinata to turn to his best friend. "Where?" he whined, "I'm kinda busy right now!" he jerked his head towards the pretty, pale skinned girl next to him.
"I've decided to let you come fishing with me," Sasuke sniffed arrogantly, "So come on."
"Um, thanks Sasuke…maybe some other time?" Naruto smiled winningly at him and walked away with his new girlfriend.
Sai stood behind the dumb struck Uchiha, all melancholic, depressed and smelling like sake.
"Naruto-kun doesn't remember us anymore," he said mournfully, "All he cares about is Hinata-san. I believe the emotion I feel is jealousy. What about you, shit-for-brains? Are you jealous too?"
The ANBU member fell down unconscious as a large fishing rod crashed down over his head.
"Uchiha Sasuke does not feel jealousy!" he snapped and stormed away.
000000000000000000000000000
"So you see Kakashi-sensei, the reason I need to get Naruto back to being obsessed with me is because if I let one go, all of them will go! What next, Sakura falling for thick brows and Ino dating Chouji?" Sasuke explained to his sensei.
"Hmmm…I see. So you're sure you're not in love with Naruto?"
"I'm sure," Sasuke said impatiently.
"Okay…but are you really, really sure?" the Copy Nin asked, hoping against hope that he could report the good news to the SasuNaru Fan Club and get enough money to buy the leather bound illustrated version of Icha, Icha Paradise.
"I'm sure!"
Oh well, there were always the PhotoShop'd pictures of them in drag.
000000000000000000000000
Naruto. Was. Scared.
"Sasuke…" he ventured after a pause, "…are you feeling alright?"
The Uchiha scowled at him. "Of course I'm alright. I made you a sweater, and I want you to wear it."
"That's what I was afraid you said," the blond sighed. His best friend was wearing a black, itchy-looking sack of a sweater, and holding out one for him, identical but for the color (a screaming orange that even Naruto had to wince at). It was the kind of think Ino and Sakura would run away screaming from, and then disinfect themselves for being near.
Unless they knew their precious Sasuke-kun had made it, of course. God knew what they'd do then. Fight over it, probably.
"Dobe! Are you gonna wear it, or not!?"
"Sasuke…I don't know how to put this delicately…but that's ugly. Like…really ugly. I'm gonna go now," he said and departed.
Sasuke blinked. But that was impossible! How could anything he made be ugly?
Sai walked by, still drunk. "Trying to woo him with clothes?" he sniggered, "Shit-for-brains, you dumbfuck. You'll just scare him away."
SMACK. Once more, the ANBU member found his face making friends with the ground, losing consciousness fast.
"Uchiha Sasuke does not have shit for brains," the black haired boy hissed, and stormed away.
0000000000000000000000
"Kakashi-sensei?"
"Yes, Sakura?"
"Have you seen Sasuke-kun around?"
"No."
"Me neither. Should we be worrying?"
The Copy Nin glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Probably."
-elsewhere-
"Naruto!" Sasuke bellowed, "I'm going to go looking for Suigetsu to get revenge for stealing my sushi!"
"Good luck," the jinchuuriki called out to him, feeding Hinata strawberries as she blushed the color of the fruit, "Take a cloak in case it gets cold."
Sasuke's eye twitched. "I'm LEAVING THE VILLAGE," he roared from the rooftop, "To seek REVENGE. I MAY DIE IN THE PROCESS!"
"Uh, right, send me a post card or something, okay?" Naruto said distractedly.
Sai strolled by, humming a few bars of 'God Save Our King'. The Uchiha quietly disappeared to plot some more.
00000000000000000000000
"Naruto," he croaked, reaching out for his friend, "I'm…dying…save me!" he was sprawled across the grass, a suspicious red something on his shirt.
The kyuubi carrier spared him a passing glance, his arm around a certain timid kunoichi whose initials were H.H. (bet you can't guess who!).
"Dude, did you know you have ketchup on your clothes?" he said casually.
Sasuke slumped to the ground. He was losing his best bond.
00000000000000000000
"Sasuke-kun why don't you just tell Naruto that you miss him and he's being an fuckstick and he needs to spend more time with you?" Yamato asked the boy.
"Because I don't miss him!"
"Right, and Kakashi-sensei isn't a pervert," Sakura snorted.
"Pink-haired little girl say what?"
"Go back to your book, sensei."
000000000000000000000
"You want me to what?" Shikamaru said irritably, "No, that's too troublesome!"
"Fine," Sasuke sniffed, "I'll just have to tell Temari that you called her home made cheesecake dry and mealy."
"You wouldn't!" the Nara gasped.
"Try me, spiky."
Grumbling about troublesome blackmailers, the shadow user went to find Naruto.
-elsewhere!-
"Hey Naruto!"
"Heya Shika!" Naruto waved at him. Hinata stuttered a greeting.
"You know why friends are awesome?" he asked the Rokudaime-to-be.
"Because friendship is precious?" the blond guessed.
"Because you can't cry on your own shoulder," Shikamaru corrected him.
000000000000000000
"So, it's a deal?"
"Done deal Sasuke-kun!" Ino squealed. He leaned in to peck her on the cheek, and jerked back quickly when she tried to kiss his lips.
"I said no cheating!" he snapped. She looked put out, and this time he held her head in place and brushed his lips against her skin before pulling away.
-elsewhere-
"Hey, blondie!"
Naruto winced. He'd just been about to lean in for his and Hinata's first kiss! "Yes, Ino?"
"You know why friends are awesome?"
"Because you can't cry on your own shoulder?"
"Because you can make a complete jackass of yourself and they don't think the damage is permanent."
0000000000000000000000000
"Sasuke-kun, why can't you go tell Naruto all this yourself?" his only female teammate asked.
"Because he's ignoring me," he said, and Sakura was a little alarmed at the sadness in his eyes. They made the cold stones of obsidian seem like warm pools of tar, fathomless and intense.
"I see."
"Love can be a pain in my life, love can be hard in my life," Sai sang. Yamato snatched away his bottle of beer. "Honestly, I was glad he'd started showing emotions, but at this rate he's going to become an alcoholic and die of hepatitis before his emotional range can develop at all."
"Gullible subordinate say what?" Kakashi asked absently, engrossed in his book.
"Keep reading, sempai."
Kiba read his lines again. "I don't know Uchiha, that's pretty hard to remember…"
"Oh, come on Kiba-kun," Sakura said with a sweet smile, "It can't be that hard."
The Inuzuka waggled his eyebrows at her. "You wanna know what is hard, baby?"
SMACK.
"PERVERT!"
-elsewhere-
"Hey, idiot!"
Naruto sighed despairingly. He was never going to get to kiss his white-eyed goddess, was he?
"Yeah, Ki—hey, what's that red mark on your face?"
"My tattoos, doofus."
"No, it looks like someone punched—"
"You know why friends are awesome?" the dog nin interrupted.
"Oh, oh, I know! Because you can make a complete jackass outta yourself and they don't think the damage is permanent!"
"Because you can just sit there for hours in silence, and still have a blast."
000000000000000000000
"Hey—"
"Lemme guess," Naruto said to Shino, "You want to ask me if I know why friends are awesome. Right?"
"Actually…Kurenai-sensei asked me bring Hinata to her. Why? Because we have a mission."
"Oh."
"Goodbye Naruto-kun," the Hyuuga said, kissing his cheek. He watched, blushing, as she left.
"Hey Naruto!" Chouji said, coming up from the opposite direction, "Do you know why friends are awesome?"
"Because you can spend hours with them, not say a word, and still have the time of your life?"
"Because they're about the most precious things on the planet, but you don't have to pay a single sen for them."
"Goddammit, where do you get all these friendship sayings?" the jinchuuriki muttered to himself.
00000000000000000000000
Kakashi stopped reading his book long enough to speak to his sunshine student. "Naruto, do you know why friends are awesome?"
"It looks like there's no real answer to that question."
"It's because there are many reasons. But my personal favorite is that they'll think you're a good egg, even when you're half cracked."
Blue eyes looked up at him, searing his soul. "Kakashi-sensei, what's going on?"
"Figure it out, Naruto, you're a smart kid."
-elsewhere quite nearby-
Sai snored softly in his sleep. Sakura shot Sasuke a dubious look. "I don't see where you're going with this."
"Wait for him to wake up," the boy said calmly, pointing to the ANBU member.
00000000000000000
"Naruto-kun!"
The blond reeled back from Sai's breath. "Dude, have you been drinking?"
"I've missed you," he said dolefully. "I love you. But I never asked you to love me back…however, this ignoring of everyone except Hinata-san was more than I could take. I looked to drown my sorrows in drink."
"How's that working out for you?"
"Not so well, but I'm better off than some."
Naruto raised an eyebrow, slipping an arm around the other boy to hold him up. "Better off than who?"
"Shit-for-brains."
"A pox upon your family," Naruto replied, stung.
"No, I mean Sasuke-kun."
"Oh, I thought you were taunting me. Sorry, a pox off your family. Anyway, what's up with teme?"
"He misses you more than all of us, perhaps. He had the most of your attention, so he's lost the most. He's been trying to wrestle it back all day long."
"What are you talking about?"
"You. Hinata-san. You have been completely ignoring all your friends since you started going out with her. We are jealous. Sasuke-kun has been trying to show you that friendship is just as good as a relationship."
The blond boy's eyes widened. "Oh…that was what he was trying to do?"
"I'm afraid so."
"I gotta go find him!" Naruto yelped, "Sai, stay here and try not to get killed, okay?" he sprinted away before the alabaster skinned teen had a chance to reply.
"Yessir," he croaked, curling up to sleep on a nearby bench, "Stay here, and try not to get killed…and try to stop loving you, because heartbreak is a bigger bitch than any book could ever describe."
00000000000000000000
"Sasuke!"
The Uchiha turned to see…well, a blur of primary colors before he was viciously hugged.
"Naruto!"
"Dude…I'm sorry. I had no idea, I wasn't consciously trying to ignore you, I mean she's just so amazing, and it's so cool to have someone like me!"
"I like you. Sakura likes you. Kakashi-sensei likes you. Sai likes you. Shikamaru likes you. Tsunade-sama likes you—"
"Okay, I get it," Naruto cut him off, guilty, "I was an asshole. I'm sorry. I was too excited…but you're my best friend! As if I could ever forget about you!"
"It sure seemed that way today," Sasuke pointed out.
"Well…I'm allowed to be a pig sometimes. It's not like you never were."
"I'm expected to be a pig; I have a reputation to uphold," the Uchiha scoffed.
"Yeah, well…your face!"
"Your mom's face!"
"Buzz Lightyear's face!" Naruto yelled.
The black haired boy frowned. "Who?"
"Um…"
"Naruto," Sasuke informed him, "You're an idiot."
"But…?"
"You're the idiot that happens to be my best friend," Sasuke grinned.
"There we go!" Naruto punched the air triumphantly, "Wanna go fishing?"
"Screw that shit, let's go T.P. Anko-sensei's house!"
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.
Because…I'm going through SaiNaru phase and am learning to appreciate NaruHina and see the cuteness in Sasuke and Naruto's friendship. Who loves Sai? I love Sai. Who loves Sai? I love Sai!