Hello, all. Yet another Moonyverse idea that wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. The title comes from yet another Panic at the Disco song, and this time the lucky song happens to be Northern Downpour. In case you're wondering, the whole line is "For diamonds do appear to be/ Just like broken glass to me."
I own nothing but the idea, as it popped into my strange head. Enjoy.
James Potter frowned.
The man behind the counter was, honestly, not being all that helpful. He was frowning too, as far as James could tell. He tapped his fingers on the glass case a few times. "Sir, you are being rather difficult. You asked me to show you our collection of engagement rings. I've shown them to you, and you haven't liked any of them!"
"Well," James said, crossing his arms, "I want a simple ring. There's no need for it to burst into Handel's Hallelujah on my anniversary."
The man seemed to be frowning. "I think you may have chosen the wrong shop to be looking for a simple ring," He muttered irritably.
James heard him. "You know, I could very easily take my business elsewhere," he commented, "Since you obviously don't need my money," He glanced around the dimly lit shop. There was a musky smell in the air, and the large windows in front were dusty. The whole shop gave an air of being in a certain state of disrepair. Sighing, holding up a rather sizable coin purse, and returning it to his jacket's pocket, James said to the manager, "I'll stop wasting your time. I'm sure you've got a whole line of customers that are waiting around the corner, desperate for your services." He made to leave.
"No!" The man yelped. His eyes had gone wide at the sight of James's monetary value, stored neatly in a cloth bag. "I am so very sorry sir, if I appeared at all rude." He cleared his throat and flashed James a smile. "Tell me, sir, what exactly are you looking for?"
James sighed, thinking the question over. He was not particularly sure exactly what he was looking for. He just knew that if he wanted Lily to accept his proposal, he'd have to be sure to get a ring that wouldn't screech Baroque music at her. He ran a hand through his already untidy hair. "Okay. I'll make this as simple as I can. I want a simple diamond ring with a gold band. I don't want it to sing, dance, or perform in any special magical way. Have you got anything like that?"
The man was quiet for a few minutes, then he began rummaging around the display case. He eventually righted himself and present James with three different rings. "How about these, sir?"
James leaned in closer as the man began to describe each of the rings. Being a man with little experience with buying diamond rings, James allowed the terms "twenty four carat" "marquise cut" and "emerald cut" to bounce off of him. The man was speaking dutifully about the gold, the stone, the size, weigh, polishing techniques and just about anything else that he felt the need to ramble on about.
But James hardly noticed.
He was far too busy squinting determinedly at the rings, trying to force his eyes to focus. He was rather unsuccessful, but managed to eliminate one ring simply by the shear size of the diamond. It was probably the width of two of Lily's fingers side-by-side, an obvious no-no.
James continued to stare at the other two.
"Sir?" the salesman prompted when he caught on that James was not listening.
James jumped slightly, having been startled out of his trance. "Sorry," he mumbled, wrenching his wire-framed glasses from his face and wiping them hurriedly with his shirt's hem. "Lousy glasses; I've been needing a new pair."
The man nodded.
James squinted determinedly for nearly a minute longer, before deciding to pick the ring on his right. He wasn't concerned about the price; truth be told, he could probably afford to buy out the entire store. But James felt completely uncertain as the salesman rang up his purchase. Uncertain about how the ring looked.
Uncertain as to why he had just purchased an engagement ring.
James had not been planning to propose anytime soon. Not consciously. He blamed this spontaneity of the purchase on the escalating war casualties being reported. People were dropping dead left and right. Lily and James had been together for nearly six months. It only felt right that marriage should be at the very least considered. And who asked somebody to consider marriage without a ring?
So, there he was. Buying his girlfriend a ring.
And as he handed the gold over to the salesclerk, the reality of this purchase suddenly sunk in. James Potter had just bought a ring for Lily Evans. He was going to ask her to marry him, to spend the rest of their lives together.
James had never felt more terrified in his life.
James stared at the ring he had selected.
Stared, squinted, and widened his eyes as far as they would go at it.
But he could not clearly see the ring. All he could see was a blurry outline, and the occasional glint of light bouncing off the diamond. Only at a certain angle could he see the ring, and it was a rather blurry image. And this was all he could see sitting in the bright sitting room; the brightest room in the house. Granted, James was not exactly sure of how bright it currently was in the room. But the fact remained that his vision in the brightness of his sitting room was not much better than it had been in the dimly lit jewelry store.
This realization was a bit like a slap in the face for James.
It was really happening then.
His aggressive case of Retinitis pigmentosa, a disease of progressive blindness, was as real as ever, and it was beginning to rob him of his vision.
Considering what a huge deal James had made out of Remus keeping his lycanthropy a secret, James was a hypocrite. This was, of course, because he too had been hiding an illness from his friends. Only James was worse; he was still hiding it. And he had been hiding it since the first day he's met them all. The Marauders, soon after discovering Remus's secret, had made a pact to never keep secrets from each other again. James had disobeyed the rule; he had kept a secret, and important one too.
Well, James thought defiantly, it's not like Sirius and Remus didn't keep a big secret to themselves for over a year.
James's illness was, admittedly, much less life threatening than Remus's. But it did present an equally debilitating handicap, especially in the job field. So, James had spent life lying, cheating, and faking his way through things in order to hide his illness. To hide the fact that he was losing his vision and powerless to stop it.
James hadn't told anyone.
Not Sirius, or Remus, or Peter.
Not even Lily.
His mother was the only one who knew; because she had heard the Healers give James this prediction when he was first diagnosed at age eight. These predictions had been, unfortunately, rather accurate. James's life was a timeline of exactly how much his vision would suffer, and exactly when each loss would occur.
Night blind by age fifteen.
Tunnel vision by twenty.
Total blindness by about thirty-five.
And, thus far, the predictions had been right on. By age fifteen, James could not see at all in the darkness. A few months later even a dim light would cause him problems. And now, at age eighteen, he was beginning to notice a general fuzziness in his peripheral vision –it was as if he could still see out of the corner of his eyes, but was not able to properly send the information off to his brain to be processed, on top of already weakening vision in a general sense.
It was, James assumed, the beginnings of tunnel vision.
This was extremely worrisome, especially for a person in James position. He was in training to become an Auror. He was a member of the Order of the Phoenix. It had been hard enough to hide his lack of vision at night, let alone be able to conceal the fact that soon enough he would only be about to take in tiny amounts of visual information in the direct center of his line of vision. It could put many people, himself included, in danger.
James was knocked rather violently from his reverie by the sound of Lily walking in through the front door. Hastily shoving the ring into his jeans pocket as he stood to greet her, James felt all the blood rush from his face as he was again reminded of what exactly the ring he'd purchased meant. With Lily in the room, his beautiful girlfriend near him, James decided that he had completely lost his mind with this idea.
Lily Evans would never, ever marry him.
Hell, he was still in shock that she had agreed to date him in the first place, let alone the fact that they had been together for nearly six months. They'd moved into the same apartment together out of convenience and the fact that James didn't want to intrude on Remus and Sirius's newfound togetherness. It hadn't been out of love or anything like that.
What had he been thinking?
"James?" Lily said, looking concerned. "Are you alright? You look a bit pale."
"I'm fine," James said, though his voice was several octaves higher than the voice he usually used in conversation. He cleared his throat. "Just fine. Rough day at work…"
Lily nodded, but looked unconvinced.
Lily was annoyed.
Within the last two weeks, her loving boyfriend had been replaced by some nervous idiot who had a terrible habit of running headlong into walls at night.
No, seriously. James had run straight into a wall in a nervous panic the night before, after waking up suddenly. He had been muttering things incoherently, and when Lily sat up quickly upon waking herself to ask him what was wrong, James had panicked completely and tried to escape the room, successfully running into the wall and knocking down a few picture frames, which then shattered.
Lily was not amused. Every time she questioned James, he would quickly change the subject or (much to Lily's annoyance) he'd act like he hadn't even heard her. This newfound nervousness was doing a number on Lily's patience, and an even worse number on their breakable possessions all throughout the apartment.
Lily sighed, putting down the book she had been trying to study from for a test she had in the Healer's Training Program the next morning. It was no use, what with James bumbling around in the next room, probably plotting out which wall he'd run into next. I just wish I knew what is wrong with him…
"Pads, I am so incredibly stupid!" James moaned, his head in his hands, over lunch nearly three weeks later.
"I agree," Sirius said, looking mildly amused. "However, I do not understand what brought about this revelation." He laughed quietly to himself.
James lifted his head just a few inches away from his hands. "I had dinner with Lily's family last night."
"While not the best of plans, Prongs, I fail to see how this event determines your stupidity," Sirius remarked, staring disdainfully down at a lump of Ministry cafeteria food that was supposed to be potatoes. He looked up at James expectantly. "Well, come on. Out with it. How bad are we talking here?"
"Bad," James said miserably. "Well, you that Lily's mum died when she was younger, so it's just Lily, her dad and her sister," James said. "And her sister's disgusting husband who greatly resembles an inflated hot-air balloon. So, the point I am trying to make is that all of Lily's family is Muggle. Which I knew. I just didn't know how little I know about Muggles until I got there. I had nothing to say to them!"
"Oh, I'm sure you said something," Sirius remarked, smirking.
"You've got that right," James said, his head back in his hands. "But, I made it through dinner without saying too much. Dessert too, honestly. Until the end of it." James swallowed hard, looking up at Sirius with a face that screamed utter mortification. "We were talking about the decorations in the living room. You know, vases lamps, and all that. Then, because Lily kept shooting me dirty looks because I wasn't saying anything, I decided that I needed to comment on something. So, I did." James didn't seem to be able to continue. He returned his head to his hands, looking completely miserable.
Sirius was shaking with silent giggles. "So," he took a second to compose himself, "Exactly what did you say?"
James made some muffled noise that Sirius couldn't quite understand. He was only able to pick out the words "Floo Powder."
"Come again?" Sirius said.
"I-" James removed his head from his hands. "I looked at the urn where they keep her mother's ashes and asked if that was where they kept their Floo Powder."
Sirius burst out laughing. After a dirty look from James and several long minutes, he was able to compose himself. "I'm sorry mate. That's terrible."
"I don't know what I was thinking!" James groaned. "I know that they are Muggles! They wouldn't have Floo Powder!" He shook his head sadly. "It only gets worse…"
"Oh?" Sirius asked, his voice trying and failing to mask more giggles.
"Lily, well, she just started crying, while her dad looked at me like I was the stupidest more horrible thing he'd ever had the misfortune of meeting. Her sister started screaming at me, and Vernon the Blimp turned all purple and threw me out! Like, physically picked me up and tossed me out!" James sighed. "I tried to get a hold of Lily to apologize, but I don't know where she is. Not at home, where I managed to apologize at great length to her father. She's not with Mary. Not with the Longbottoms. I can't find her."
"Well, actually, she's with us," Sirius said, his smile fading a little. "She showed up about three this morning, drunk off her ass, begging Remus and I to let her stay for a few days." He sighed. "She asked me not to tell you. And sat there, verbally abusing your name for a while. Mostly she just cried and carried on about how embarrassed she was. Sorry, mate."
"Why did you let me carry on like this?" James demanded, looking horrified.
"I dunno, really," Sirius said, laughing a little to himself, "I've always enjoyed your stories, Prongs. They are usually rather entertaining. And you rarely fail to disappoint."
James just put his head back in his hands.
James decided, upon getting home that night, that this was all the ring's fault.
That stupid ring he'd bought on a stupid whim because he'd stupidly assumed that Lily would be interested in marrying a stupid person like himself.
How wrong he'd been.
Lily wasn't speaking to him.
She didn't want to see him.
He couldn't blame her, not even in the slightest.
He'd been delusional to ever think that she'd stay with him, let alone marry him.
Lily deserved someone much better than James. She deserved a smart, capable boyfriend who would never embarrass and hurt her so much in front of her family. She deserved someone so much better than James could ever be.
It was the ring. It was cursed. It was highlighting his weaknesses, proving that he wasn't good enough for Lily. Which, if James thought about it, he wasn't.
Lily was beautiful, intelligent, brave, and powerful. She deserved, no needed, to be with some one who was just like her. Smart, handsome, talented.
Not someone like James.
James was scrawny, marginally talented in certain areas, unnecessarily confident, and going blind. Stupid in every way shape and form. The type of person who hides something major from his girlfriend, and then proceeds to confuse her mother's remains for means of magical travel infront of her family. He had no business consorting with someone as wonderful as Lily Evans. He belonged under a fucking rock, rotting away the rest of his pathetic existence and protecting the beautiful girls of the world from having to deal with a loser like him.
James wasn't good enough for Lily. But, she deserved an apology at least. He had to try. Try to explain, to get her back. Even though he'd undoubtedly fail. The rejection would, as always, hurt. But, for all of his faults, stupidity often came in handy. James was just stupid enough to try and get her back.
It took nearly a week of pleading phone calls, persistent owls, and few long sessions of begging Sirius to mention him to Lily before Lily finally agreed to see James. They were to meet by the swings in a park near their apartment and talk at seven o'clock that night.
James arrived at six forty-five, afraid that he'd be late otherwise. The sun was slowly sinking as he took a seat on a nearby bench. His stomach tightened uncomfortably at the sight. It would be dark soon.
Seven o'clock came and went.
James stayed rooted to the spot in the park, afraid that if he happened to move, Lily would appear the second after he'd left.
Seven thirty.
It was nearly dark now.
More time passed. James couldn't see the face of his watch anymore. He couldn't see anything, to be perfectly honest. Just the faint outline of a nearby streetlamp.
"James?" Lily's voice sounded somewhere off to his right. It sounded rather nearby. "I can't believe you're still here. It's nearly eight o'clock –I got held up at work." She didn't apologize, just stated the fact.
"It's alright," James said, finding himself suddenly very nervous. He stood up. Taking a deep breath, he said quietly, "Lil, about dinner the other night," he could feel her cross his arms angrily, "I am so sorry."
She didn't say anything.
"I don't know what was wrong with me. You just kept like urging me to say something, because I was too stupid and nervous to say anything, and then the only thing I could think of was not only incredibly stupid, but equally as insensitive. I am so sorry, Lily, I really am."
"Well, I'm sorry too," Lily retorted, her voice angry. James assumed that her face had probably become enflamed. "I'm sorry that I ever brought you to meet my family. I'm sorry that I kept urging you to say something. And I'm sorry that I ever agreed to date you, Potter."
That stung. They had sworn off the surname thing by the end of their sixth year at Hogwarts, agreeing that they could at least consider themselves familiar enough with each other to use their first names. He was being demoted to a sixteen-year-old jerk again in her eyes. "Lily, please. You know that I didn't do it to hurt you-"
Lily scoffed. Then she made a noise of despair. "My mother died almost years ago, Potter. Five freaking years ago, and the pain is still as fresh as the day it happened. We kept the ashes in the house, to remind us of her. And then you turn it into a magical household item? That just ripped my heart out! Not to mention how it affected my father and sister!"
"I know," James said, his head bowed in shame. "I'm sorry. I really am."
"What if it had been you?" Lily countered, choosing to ignore his last comment. "What if I had said something like that about your dad? In front of your mum? Wouldn't you have been angry, hurt? Wouldn't you?"
"I would have been," James said quietly, looking up at what appeared to be a rather fuzzy outline of something with red hair. He could see what he believed to be the lamplight bouncing off of the locket he'd given her at graduation. "And I understand why you are angry at me. I just wanted to try to make things right between us. I miss you."
Lily, however, did not seem touched by his statement. In fact, it seemed to make her even angrier. "You miss me? And you were expecting, what, exactly? For me to just suddenly forgive and forget? You made a fool of me in front of my family! You've gone and upset everyone that I have left!" Lily let out a strangled yell of frustration. "Look at me!"
"What?" James responded, his heart suddenly beating double time.
"Potter, look at me!" Lily all but screamed. "Why are you staring off in the distance? I am screaming at you, you could at least look at me from time to time!"
"I-" James tried to make his frazzled brain produce and excuse, a reason, something, anything to bail him out of this sudden and unwelcome change of topic.
Lily's footsteps echoed off the pavement surrounding the bench that James stood next to. She grabbed his left arm and forcefully rolled the sleeve up.
"What are you doing?" James yelped, trying to yank his arm away.
"Checking you out, Potter," Lily said. "You've been nervous for weeks now. And you're not looking me in the eye, so you've obviously got something to hide." After careful inspection and much poking and prodding, Lily released his arm. "Well, whatever it is you're hiding, being a Death Eater apparently isn't it."
"You thought I was a Death Eater?" James asked, trying to distract her.
"Well, you've been acting strangely!" Lily said, her voice growing defensive. "You've been so distant and nervous and then you let that comment about my mother fly while having dinner with my family! I'm not sure what I am supposed to think, but I had to check!"
"Lily, I'd never-" She cut him off, not to be distracted much longer.
Lily grabbed James by the collar of his shirt, forcing their faces to be within inches of each other. He could feel her breath on his face, warm against the cool air outside. Lily appeared to be searching his eyes for something, as if they could lead her to see into his soul, force the truth from him. James, however, could see nothing but a vague outline of white. "Why won't you look at me, James?" Lily demanded, her voice softer this time.
"Because," James said quietly, trying to force something from his mouth. The truth, a lie, just something to appease her, to sate her anger. "Because…"
"Because what?" Lily demanded, and her voice wavered the way it always did when she got emotional. "What reason could you have for hiding something from me, for refusing to look at me?" She gripped his collar tighter. "Because what?"
"Because I can't even see you!" James exclaimed, his volume forcing Lily to release him.
"What?" Lily asked, confused.
"I can't look at you because I can't see you, Lily. I can't see anything. Not at night, anyway," James said, his words as painful as if they were being ripped from his chest "I'm night blind. I have an aggressive case of a disease called Retinitis pigmentosa. I'm going blind."
"Liar!" Lily spat.
"I'm not lying," James said, trying to keep himself calm, as well as keep Lily calm. "Really. I'm going blind. I wouldn't lie to you."
"Bullshit," Lily said, and he could hear her begin to pace. Muttering things to herself, none of them particularly flattering, all of them about himself. "You're just trying to make me feel bad for you!" she accused. "You're trying to make me feel sympathetic so you get out of jail free for being such an ass the other night."
"I am not," James said, although he had allowed himself to give up the information partially in the vain hope that it would derail Lily's pent up anger. He cleared his throat. "It's true, Lils. I'm not making it up, I swear."
"Just trying to make me feel sorry for you," Lily continued. "Well, I don't buy it Potter. You screwed up, and now you're trying to make me feel bad for you. I am not doling out any pity and understanding today you low-life scum!"
Had James been able to see, he was certain that he could have deflected the blow. However, night blind as he was, Lily managed to vent her anger all over his face
Swearing under her breath before stalking off, Lily left James alone in the park, annoyed and scared that it was the last time that he would ever not be able to see her.
Lily knew that James was lying.
She just knew it.
Granted, she had to be impressed with the lie. It was, in all honesty, one of James's more creative falsehoods.
Quite original too.
And, generally convincing. He'd even been able to prattle off a pseudo-Latin name for a disease on the spot.
Impressive, even for James Potter.
But, then again, Lily had known that James was an inventive and creative liar. After all, she had suffered through the Marauder's Reign at Hogwarts. As a Prefect no less. She had heard nearly all the excuses in the book.
Blindness, however, was a new one.
So, Lily was quite surprised to find herself at the filing desk at St. Mungo's at nine thirty the next morning, chatting idly with Peter. Not that she was surprised to be chatting with Peter, the two of them often had conversations in the morning because they worked in the same building; Lily as a Healer-in-training, and Peter as a document organizer in the filing department. But she was down there, fully intent on convincing Peter to hand over James's medical files.
Because even though he was lying, Lily was compelled to look. Just to be certain. Just to be positive that she was right.
Not that she had any doubts.
But she had to be completely sure of herself before she saw James again. Just to throw it back in his face.
So, she was sitting there, chatting with Peter. "So, how did the date with Melody go last week?" Lily heard herself asking.
Peter frowned. "It never actually happened. She stood me up."
"Oh, gosh Pete, I'm so sorry!" Lily exclaimed, feeling rather stupid.
"Nah, it's okay," Peter said, grinning. "I actually met somebody at the bar while I was waiting. We're going out tomorrow night."
"Really?" Lily asked, hoping that she didn't sound as shocked as she actually felt. "That's really wonderful, Peter! What's her name?"
"Isabella," He said, smiling widely. "She actually just moved here from Italy…"
Lily smiled and listened as Peter chattered on about his upcoming date.
"So, how are things with you and James?" Peter asked after a few minutes. "I haven't heard from him in a while."
"Actually, Peter, that's part of the reason I came down here," Lily said, seriously. "I was wondering if I could take a look at James's file."
"Why?" Peter asked, looking suspicious.
"Just for some healthy girlfriend-mandatory snooping," Lily said, trying to sound light about it, though her eyes had widened considerably in the lie. "Need to make sure he is wandering around with Spattergroit."
Peter still looked uneasy. "I can't just let you take the file, Lily."
"Oh, no, I'll give it right back, I promise!"
Peter grumbled, and begrudgingly disappeared into the filing room. After nearly three minutes, he appeared again with a rather thick file in his hand. He handed it to Lily, watching her very carefully.
Whipping out her wand, Lily quickly made a duplicate of the file and handed the original back to Peter. He gaped at her. "Well, I told you I'd give it right back."
"But-" Peter sputtered.
"I just want to read it, Pete, I promise," Lily said quietly. "I'll burn the copy the second after I finish with it. Okay?"
"Okay…" Peter said, uncertainly.
"Thanks a million Pete!" Lily said, kissing his cheek , the file tucked into her bag. She turned to go, then turned herself back around. "Peter? Could you not mention this to James? Please?"
"Okay."
"Because if you do, I'll hex you within an inch of your life," Lily said, her voice communicating that it was a joke, but her eyes betraying the fact that if word got back to James, Peter Pettigrew would be spending the rest of his natural life as a vegetable in St. Mungo's.
Peter laughed slightly, and he watched Lily turn the corner. Then looking curiously down at the file in his hands, Peter pulled out his own wand.
He made a copy, and quickly tucked it into his desk drawer.
Whatever Lily was after, he was sure that the Dark Lord would be interested to know as well.
She could not believe it.
This was a joke, this was planted, this was a result of drinking too much coffee on an empty stomach this morning because Remus and Sirius keep nothing worth eating in their house for breakfast and now she was hallucinating.
It could not be true.
It just couldn't.
She read the file once. Then twice.
By the third time it had finally sunk in.
James actually was going blind.
He really hadn't been able to see her that night in the park.
He had been telling the truth.
There wasn't a cure.
He'd be totally blind by his mid thirties.
Mid thirties.
For a moment, Lily couldn't think.
Then, she found herself angry.
At James for not telling her.
At whatever being up there controlled this type of thing, for robbing him of his sight. It just wasn't fair.
And then, Lily was gripped by an overwhelming sadness. Sad for all the things that he would miss out on by being blind. He'd miss parts of his children's childhoods. He'd never get a chance to actually see his grandchildren, should he live that long.
Not to mention the danger factor. Being blind could get him killed.
Being blind could get them all killed.
And then the anger returned. And Lily was flying out of Remus and Sirius's house so quickly that Sirius hadn't even had time to register that it was her until the door was already swinging open in the breeze.
James was lying on his couch, staring absently at the ceiling. He'd always liked ceilings, mostly because they were bland enough that he could normally stare at them and pretend that his vision wasn't failing –there weren't enough details in a ceiling that James would feel like he was missing out on something.
I should have just told her, James found himself thinking. I should have just told Lily from the start that I'm going blind. She might have believed me then. She wouldn't think it was a stupid excuse… He sighed, and continued to stare moodily at his ceiling. It wouldn't change things much. She's still pissed at me; I don't blame her. I'm pretty pissed at myself in all honesty. What was I thinking?
The ring was in his hand. It felt heavy with his right hand closed over it and resting on his chest. Like the weight of the ring was pushing down on his heart. Or, maybe he was just being over dramatic. Maybe he just missed having Lily around.
Maybe I should return the stupid ring, James thought to himself. Obviously I've no need for it anymore. He checked his watch; it looked like it was already nine thirty. Oh well, maybe I'll return the ring tomorrow then.
James was beginning to drift off into an uneasy sleep when the door flew open. The sound threw James into panic mode. He stood quickly, snatched his wand off of the coffee table and pointed it between the intruder's eyes. In his haste James missed two rather vitally important things: first that his apartment was protected by wards and only Lily or the other Marauders could get through those wards, and second he had dropped the ring on the floor, in plain view.
Lily didn't waste time with pleasantries, nor did she seem at all bothered by the fact that she had a wand aimed directly at her. Instead she pulled the file from her bag and threw it down at James's feet. Papers scattered all over as the manila folder lay open on the carpeting. "By thirty-five?"
"I-" James was quiet. He lowered his wand, unsure of exactly what to say. "Yes."
Lily balled her fists. "You never thought that maybe, it might have been a good idea to mention this before? Say, within the last seven months?" Lily seemed angry, but the effort appeared half hearted. "Never once crossed your mind that it would be a good idea to tell your girlfriend that you are going to be completely blind by thirty-five?" Her voice was wavering, like she was trying to choke back an all consuming emotion.
James sighed. "I'm sorry. I should have told you before… I was –I am– ashamed of it. It's not exactly something I'd want advertised." He shrugged, his head bowed. "But, you're completely right. I should have told you. I'm sorry."
It was then that he saw it: the ring, on the ground. No less than a foot from where Lily was standing. It was glinting in the light, casting a rainbow on the far wall. In plain sight. His heart seemed to sink and leap into his throat at the exact same time. What was he going to do? What if she saw it?
Lily, however, did not seem to notice the ring. Instead, she seemed mildly off balance because of James's blatant apology. As if she had expected him to fight her on this. He'd just given in, told her she was right. That never happened.
"What?"
"I'm sorry?" James said, confusion on his face, still distracted by the ring on the floor.
"What did you say before?" Lily said, her voice quiet.
"I'm sorry," James repeated. "You are completely right; I should have told you." He sighed, putting his hands into his pockets. "You deserved to know right from the off. As do Remus, Sirius, and Peter. I haven't told anybody because I was too ashamed of it. And because of that I've been lying, and worse, I've put you all in danger. I'm sorry, I really am."
"I-" Lily started. She bit her lip, then found herself saying, "I don't care."
"What?" James tilted his head in a gesture of confusion.
"I don't care if you're going blind. It doesn't matter."
"Really?"
Lily swallowed hard. Seeing him standing there, looking rather pathetic, wearing clothes that he probably hadn't washed since she left, Lily realized just how much she had missed him in the last week or so. So, she swallowed again, this time her pride. "Really," She said quietly, "And I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I accused you of lying. I'm sorry that I've been so mad at you for the last week. I know you didn't say that thing about Floo Powder on purpose… I shouldn't have gotten so angry."
"No, it's fine," James said, his eyes darting back to the ring, his heart pumping quicker with every passing second. "Really, you had every right to be mad at me… I was an ass."
Lily wasn't really listening anymore. She was watching James, as he stared, looking horrorstruck, at a spot on the floor. Then, she noticed something was sitting there. Whatever it was, it was shining in the light. "James," she said quietly, confusion evident on her face. "What is that?"
"What is what?" James asked stupidly, noticing that his voice seemed to have been raised several octaves. He found himself blushing, and noticed that he was beginning to feel light headed and nauseas from the sudden kick of adrenaline pumping through his veins. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"That," Lily pointed. "On the floor. You keep looking at it; what is it?" She frowned, convinced now that James had probably broken something. "You've been running into walls again, haven't you?" She nearly smiled. "What did you break this time?" She took a step toward the ring, going to inspect the damage.
James reacted on instinct, and snatched the ring off the floor before Lily could get any closer. Forced to his knee by the sheer desperation of his drive, James decided that he needed to make a split second decision. He only hoped that Lily wouldn't kill him afterwards.
"James, what on earth has gotten into you?" Lily demanded, as James turned to face her, the ring held cautiously between his fingers. He was biting his lip, looking up at her with big pleading eyes. The words she had been about to speak died in her throat, and she stood staring open-mouthed at the man in front of her.
"This wasn't exactly how I'd planned to do this," James said, his voice uncharacteristically quiet, a note of nervousness present in it. "But n-no time like the present, e-eh?" He cleared his throat, and reached out for Lily's hand, which she allowed him to take without any resistance, still looking at him with wide eyes. "Lily Evans, I have loved you since I was thirteen years old and you called me a 'big-headed buffoon' in the Common Room. Would you do me the honor of making every stupid daydream I've had about the two of us being together since then come true? Will you marry me?"
Lily stared at him. He began to panic, expecting the worst, preparing mentally to make a run for it, change his name, move to Canada where she could never find him. But Lily seemed to have lost the ability to speak. So, after an agonizingly long moment, she nodded. "Yes," She finally choked out, her eyes glassy. James beamed, and slipped the ring onto her left ring finger. He was glad to note that it seemed to fit her perfectly.
An hour later, as the two were lying together on the couch, Lily laughed.
"What?" James asked, smiling at her.
"Well, I think I'm going blind too," Lily said, giggling. "For second there, when the ring was on the floor, I thought that it was a piece of glass or something. From the look on your face, I was about to accuse you of breaking another vase."
James looked at her for a second, as if he'd never seen anything like her. Then, they laughed, laughed and laughed until they couldn't even remember what was so funny anymore.
The End!
Just a note on Retinitis pigmentosa: In most cases complete blindness does not occur. But James has an advanced case, but not quite advanced enough to have blinded him from the start,and to be honest it's my fanfic and I can do what I like with it. :)
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