Disclaimer - The characters of this fanfiction, as well as the 'Sons of Anarchy' world belong to Kurt Sutter. I make no profit from this work
SPOILER WARNING – Do NOT read this story if you have not watched the first episode of Season 5. Also if you were truly disturbed by THAT scene towards the end of the episode, I would go back now.
Plot – Dawn's point of view during that scene and what drove her to return to her daddy in the first place.
Dawn Trager was pushing the speed limit as she drove through Oakland in the car she'd stolen from her mother and she knew it. She knew it and she didn't care.
She just had to get to him, to her daddy. He'd be able to help her; he'd do whatever it took to help her despite the magnitude of the mess she was in. He wouldn't care about the mess, wouldn't care about the trouble or the money, just about her and making sure she was safe.
One thing Dawn Trager knew for certain was that her daddy, Alexander 'Tig' Trager cared about her safety and well being above all else. It was why, when his marriage to her mother had broken down when she and Fawn were just 13, he'd pushed her away and not fought for custody.
He'd known what sort of dangers his baby girls' would be in if they stayed, if he had custody of them. And so he'd signed away his rights to them to their mother, despite the fact that she was a raging alcoholic.
A raging alcoholic could keep his baby girls' safer than he could. He was a notorious biker in one of the biggest motorcycle clubs in the country, a vicious killer with a lust for the kill and a taste of blood so fierce he'd never back away from a fight, no matter how against the odds his chances were.
His loyalties to his club, to Clay Morrow were buried in deep; to strong to question, to rooted in to be broken and destroyed. From marine to Clay's right hand man, Alexander Trager was a man that needed to follow orders to survive. Someone said jump, he asked how high and then he did as he was told.
Bad things happened when he tried to think and do for himself; he reacted without pause for thought, want to that dark place inside of himself where all he could feel was anger and hatred, the lust for the kill and that taste for blood that drove him to do the most unspeakable things.
Alexander Trager knew all of this and so had sent his baby girls' away, had given up the right to be in their lives save for one or two measly visits a year. All to keep them safe, to keep them out of the line of danger that he so constantly lived in.
Dawn hadn't know that as a teenager, she'd simply seen her fathers refusal to fight for and see her and her sister as rejection and she resented him greatly for it, acted sullen and cold on his biyearly visits, refused to be part of his life when she hit 18. It was only now, as an adult, that Dawn Trager knew this; knew it and understood it. Because she was living in that line of danger now herself.
It had started out as a simple need to make some cash. Sell some weed for a guy; take a slice of the profits. Simple, easy, safe. But things had soon escalated.
Soon this guy – Dawn never found out his name because he didn't want to give it – was getting her to deal coke too. Dawn had agreed because she needed the cash. She liked to party, to drink and smoke, but that of course didn't come cheap.
So she sold the coke too and gradually, over time, her slice of the profits got smaller and smaller. Dawn soon got pissed off with this. She was selling a lot of coke for this guy and yet she wasn't making much more cash than when she'd only been selling weed for him. Dawn decided to take her slice of the profits from the coke itself. A gram here, a gram there, bulk it back out with powdered laxatives and nobody need ever know.
It wasn't long before a gram 'here and there' just wasn't enough for Dawn. A small line that would have previously gotten her high now did nothing for her so she increased her 'slice of the profits' to a few grams here and there, again replacing what she'd taken with powdered laxatives.
Her dealer of course, wasn't stupid. Not in the least bit. He soon figured things out and when he did, he set a trap for Dawn. One Friday he gave her twice as much coke as usual and then had her jumped a few miles down the road, the coke stolen. Dawn knew he'd set this up because one of the men who'd mugged her was his bodyguard.
Dawn of course, couldn't do shit about this. Her dealer shrugged off her pleas that she'd been mugged and demanded the cash she'd made from his coke. He made it more than apparent to Dawn, without even saying the words, that if he didn't get the money then she'd be cut up and left for dead somewhere where she wouldn't ever be found.
So Dawn had gone to her daddy. Through her mother she knew that he'd recently been released from jail after a 14-month stint for gun charges and so would be at home in Charming. She knew he'd have the cash to bail her out on account of his club connections and so had come up with a lie to get ahold of it.
Things had gone smoothly. Dawn's daddy had handed over the cash without question. It'd taken him a whole day to get ahold of it but Dawn didn't mind because she soon remembered just how much she loved to spend time with her daddy.
They shared stories from her youth, laughed and joked, played on the swing set at Teller-Morrow and shared lemonade in the sunshine severed by a strange sort of man with only two fingers and a tendency to stare.
Dawn had showed her daddy childhood pictures of them together, had laughed when he couldn't remember the stories behind him. She'd hugged him and told him she loved him, had allowed him to hug her back and kiss her like he had when she'd been young.
She'd grinned and waved as she'd left and had been sad to go. She felt guilty at conning so much money - $12,000! – out of her daddy but she was going to make that right. Once she was out of the mess she was in she was going to return to Charming and try and rebuild her relationship with her daddy, one that had long ago crumbled away.
But things had gotten worse, the mess Dawn Trager had gotten herself in got deeper. She'd taken her dealer the cash and informed him that she was quitting, that she didn't want to deal coke for him any longer. The dealer had taken the cash and agreed, but only if she promised to keep dealing for him until he could find someone to replace her.
Knowing she had no choice in the matter – again the words hadn't been said but her death had been heavily implied – Dawn agreed. Once again, she started taking coke for herself and replacing it with powdered laxatives, despite the risk; the temptation was just too great.
Just under a month after agreeing to deal coke until a replacement could be found, Dawn Trager's life took a turn for the worst. A replacement was found but her dealer wasn't going to just let her go. Oh no, she'd stolen coke from him and cost him many customers who'd worked out how much their coke had been cut.
He'd sent someone to kill Dawn but the young Trager had sensed the danger before it'd arrived and fled, stolen her mother's car without second thought. She was halfway to Charming before she realised she was heading to her daddy's place.
Now here she was in Oakland, on the home stretch, so close to her daddy she could practically feel his arms around her. She put her foot down and drove even faster, too desperate to see her daddy to care about the speed limit. He'd help her, she knew he would and he'd get every man that hung a reaper on their shoulders to help too.
But Dawn Trager really should have cared about the speed limit. Close to the Oakland border she spotted the flashing lights in her rear-view mirror, heard the loud, piercing siren that informed her she had to pull over. She did.
Dawn knew that her mother wouldn't have reported the car as stolen – she was lost in another one of her month-long benders – and so knew that if she just stayed calm, smiled and was polite as anything she'd get given a ticket and then be allowed to go on her way, a ticket her father could also help her with.
A tall, black police officer in plain clothes got out of the unmarked car with the cherry light on the roof. He appeared calm and collected, seemed reasonable and honest. Dawn was certain he'd give her a ticket and then leave her to get on her way.
Dawn rolled down her window as the officer approached the car, offered him her best and most innocent smile.
"You were going a little fast back there young lady." The officer said in a serious and business-like tone as he leaned against the car, one had on the roof, the other on his hip. He kept his eyes on Dawn and the young Trager felt a shudder of distrust and discomfort go up her spine.
"Yes, I know, I'm real sorry about that officer." Dawn said sweetly as she battered her eyelids. She knew that flirting and playing the innocent wasn't going to do her a damn bit of good but she was going to try anyway. After all, flirting wasn't illegal.
"Licence and registration please." The officer said sternly, not at all fazed by Dawn's flirty ways. He was totally expressionless and Dawn was having trouble getting a read on him; she couldn't understand why he was making her feel so uneasy.
"Of course officer." She said as she handed over both. The officer only took her licence. He stared at it for a long while, eyes flicking back and forth between Dawn and the little plastic card in hand. Eventually he nodded his head, although this gesture seemed to more for himself than anything else.
"Dawn Gemma Trager." The officer drawled slowly, a hint of a smile working its way onto his lips as he spoke. "Any relation to a Mr. Alexander Trager Dawn?" he asked, hint of a smile on his lips again.
"He's my daddy." Dawn confirmed with a nod of her head. She tried to remain calm and composed but her unease in the situation was obvious by the way her once cheery voice suddenly shook just a little. "I'm on my way to visit him." She added, an urgency in her voice she hoped that would suggest he was expecting her. And soon.
"You look just like him." The officer said, an odd and gruff chuckle rumbling deep in the back of his throat. Dawn shuddered at that, even more unnerved. She didn't know what to do with that statement because she knew damn well she didn't look that much like her daddy. Before she could even contemplate some form of reply, the officer pulled his gun on her. "Step out of the car please Miss. Trager." He ordered, stern and calm.
"Excuse me?" Dawn choked out, eyes going wide with shock and confusion, hands automatically coming up to show she was unarmed, the way her daddy had always taught her.
"Step out of the vehicle Miss. Trager before I drag you from it." The officer barked, still sounding calm and stern despite the elevated level of his voice.
"All right… I'm getting out!" Dawn snapped sounding angrier than she'd intended as she lowered one hand to the door handle, never once taking her eyes off the officer's gun. It took her three attempts to open the door as she was shaking so much.
"The front of the car. Move! Now!" the officer ordered, still in that calm and stern voice that was making Dawn feel increasingly uneasy and scared. She nodded and did as ordered, gulped once she was in front of the officer so he wouldn't see her do it.
"I don't understand officer, have I done something wrong?" Dawn asked, pleading now, desperate, innocent and almost childlike. Somehow she knew this had nothing to do with her speeding, the stolen car or the drugs she'd dealt back home. She was totally lost as to what was happening and why.
"Hands on the hood." The officer instructed, ignoring Dawn's pleas. "Wide apart, head down, mouth shut." He added. Dawn nodded and did as she was instructed, a terrified and choked up sob escaping from deep in the back of her throat as she did so. She managed to keep the tears at bay though. Just.
A silence followed, one that seemed far longer to Dawn that it really was. She couldn't hear the officer move, couldn't even hear him breathe. She wondered if maybe, just maybe this was all a very bad dream…
Finally a noise broke through the silence, seeming louder than it really was. Liquid in a glass bottle that was being titled to the side. There was no sound of water splashing against the ground, no indication that the officer had taken a drink from the bottle. Nothing. Just the slosh of the liquid as the bottle was titled.
Dawn gulped again and licked her dry lips nervously, titled her head to the side just a little in hopes of being able to catch a glance of the officer so she could work out what he was doing.
She saw nothing more than the officer's hand and the damp rag clutched loosely in it that had a strong, sharp smell to it that made Dawn feel woozy and high. Before she could scream, cry out or beg, the cloth was covering her mouth and nose.
Dawn was terrified. Her heart pounded with fear and her throat became tight, a startled gasp became lodged in it. She tried to scream, to kick and fight her way free, to push the rag away from her face but she was unable too. The officers grasp was too strong and whatever was on that rag was so powerful, her vision was blackening within seconds, head spinning so much her knees buckled and mind emptied.
All that Dawn was aware of before her vision blackened completely and everything became null and void was the frantic pounding of her heart and the mind numbing fear that had a vice-like grip on it.
She already knew she was going to die.
SAMCRO
Asleep, unconscious, comatose… whatever or wherever Dawn Trager was she wasn't alone. Memories kept her company, wonderful and sweet. Memories of her childhood, days spent with her daddy, every single one of them one of many she'd reminded her daddy about the last time she'd seen him.
4 year old Dawn and her twin sister Fawn were hiding under the table, trying to stifle their giggles. The tablecloth hid them from view, but their giggles would give them away. They giggled even more so when they heard their daddy coming.
"Where are you girls..?" he called out, chuckling himself. "I will find you, you know! You can't hide from me!"
They heard him open and close various cupboards, look behind the kitchen door and even in the oven.
"Oh no…" their daddy cried, sounding forlorn. "Where have my babies gone? I've lost them!" He pretended to weep then, his chuckles giving him away. Fawn started giggling even louder, loud enough to give away their hiding place.
"Shush, he'll hear us!" Dawn muttered under her breath as she nudged her sister with her elbow.
But it didn't matter. Their daddy knew where they were. They heard his hurried footsteps approach the table and then suddenly his boots were visible below the tablecloth. Both Dawn and Fawn gave in and shrieked with laughter at that, laughing so much tears of mirth rolled down their cheeks.
"Got you!" their daddy roared happily as he wretched up the tablecloth and caught sight of his girls. "And you thought you could hide from me!" he grinned.
Dawn and Fawn took off running then, Fawn towards the stairs, Dawn towards the garden.
"Can't catch me!" Dawn shrieked when she realised her father had chosen to chase after her instead of Fawn. She made it as far as the back door before her daddy's arms looped around her stomach. He hoisted her up off the ground and Dawn giggled so hard she could barely breathe.
"Hey there Dawnie!" her daddy ginned as he put her up on his shoulders. "Let's go get your sister and go for an ice cream!"
"Ok daddy!" Dawn shrieked happily…
"Daddy!" 9 year old Dawn cried happily as she catapulted herself down the stairs as fast as her legs would take her. Her daddy had been away on 'business' for a few days and she'd missed him terribly.
"Dawnie! Hey baby!" her daddy said as he dropped to his knees and held his arms open for her. Dawn threw herself into them, wrapped her thin arms around his neck. She giggled when he planted a kiss on her forehead, his beard rough and tingly against her skin.
"I've missed you." She informed him when he stood up and ruffled her hair. It was then, as she gazed up at him, that Dawn realised her daddy's face was all red and cut up. "Are you okay daddy?" she asked.
"I'm fine baby." Her daddy insisted as he ruffled her hair again. "Daddy didn't look where he was going is all." He explained, before smacking his head and making a 'duh!' sort of sound, indicating that he through himself an idiot.
"You're so silly daddy!" Dawn giggled, not realising at all that he was clearly lying.
"Where's your sister Dawnie?" her daddy asked as he looked through the open kitchen and living room doors in search of his younger – by 7 minute's, enough for Dawn to drag about – daughter.
"Still at school; she had soccer practice today." Dawn explained.
"Just you and me then Dawnie." Her daddy grinned as he held out his hand to her. Dawn took it and shrieked softly when she realised how cold his ringers were, something that made her daddy chuckle. "What do you want to do baby?" he asked.
"Can you take me for a ride daddy?" Dawn asked, for she loved nothing more than going for a ride on the back of her daddy's bike.
"Of course baby, of course." Her daddy nodded. "Go and get your helmet Dawnie." He added as he gave a gentle push towards the closet where she kept her helmet.
Dawn cheered and rushed to get her helmet, strapped it on and joined her father who was ready and waiting for her on his bike out front.
"On you get Dawnie." He said as he patted the space behind him. Dawn got on at once, held her daddy tight around the waist the way he'd instructed her too so many times before, put her feet on the foot rests near the back wheel. "Ready baby?" her daddy called out over the roar of the bike starting up.
"Ready daddy!" Dawn nodded in way or reply.
And then they were off, zooming around Charming at what Dawn was convinced was a hundred, million miles an hour (but was actually just below the speed limit). Dawn giggled and shrieked with joy the entire time, loving the thrill of the ride, the wind in her hair and the time spent with her daddy.
Soon they pulled over at the little store just down the road from Momma Gemma's house. Dawn felt giddy at the sight of it, knew why they were at it. The store sold the most amazing homemade snickers infused ice cream that Dawn's mother had outright banned them from eating. But Dawn and her daddy frequently sneaked away to have some; they both had a major sweet tooth whereabouts Dawn's mother and twin sister preferred savoury snacks.
"Don't tell your mommy!" Dawn's daddy said as he led her into the store. "This'll be our little secret Dawnie." He winked as he pressed a finger to his lips.
Dawn giggled and nodded, understood the need for secrecy. Her mother had a tendency to explode at her daddy for the littlest thing.
As Dawn and her daddy munched away on their ice cream cones inside the store, they made a great deal out of hiding behind the shelves every time someone came into the store, as if they expected Dawn's mother to appear. She never did of course and they knew this but they played the game all the same.
They arrived home just as Fawn got home from soccer practice. Dawn dutifully sat aside as her daddy listened to Fawn tell him all about her up and coming match against the boys team. She didn't mind that her twin sister now had all of their daddy's attention for she and him had a secret that was theirs and theirs alone and that made Dawn feel very special indeed.
"Why are you leaving daddy?" Dawn wept, tears spilling freely down her cheeks. She'd always been the crier in the family. "Don't you love us anymore?"
"Dawnie listen to me, listen…" her daddy pleaded as he cupped her face in his hands. "I love you Dawnie, don't you ever forget that, okay?" he went on as tears formed in his eyes. 13 year old Dawn was shocked by that; her daddy never cried.
"I don't understand…" Dawn cried. "Don't leave us daddy, please don't leave us!" she begged. "Please daddy, please…"
"Dawnie… baby I'm sorry." he replied as he shook his head. "Dawnie, me and your mom… we just can't be together anymore. We fight so much and it breaks daddy's heart that you have to see that, okay baby?"
Dawn nodded at that, despite not understanding. She'd rather have her daddy home arguing with her mother than for there to be no arguments and no daddy.
"I don't want you to go daddy…" Dawn wept. "Please daddy, don't go, stay with me please!" she begged as she took ahold of the front of his leather cut and tugged on it. "Please daddy, I'll miss you so much."
"Daddy will miss you too baby…" he replied, tears spilling down his own cheeks then. He ducked his head and shook it back and forth, gave a heavy and weary sigh. "Dawnie… I have to go because you aren't safe with me here." He explained, voice emotionless and stern.
"I don't get it daddy…" Dawn whispered.
"You know about daddy's club right baby?" her daddy said as he stoked her hair. She nodded. "Well daddy's club goes after the bad guys, we stop them from doing bad things…" he explained.
"You kill them." Dawn replied, words a statement and not a question. Her daddy looked shocked by that, his eyes went wide as saucers, but otherwise he remained composed.
"Can you understand why you won't be safe if I stay here with you?" he asked, neither confirming nor denying that he killed people. Dawn gave no answer. "Dawnie, do you understand?" he demanded sternly, giving her a little shake.
"Yes…" she hiccupped as she nodded her head. "I think so…" she added, for in reality she wasn't certain.
"They will use you to get to me baby." Her daddy replied, shuddering softly as he spoke. "I can't, I won't let that happen baby. I love you so much Dawnie and I can't stand the idea of you being in danger because of me…"
"You'll keep me safe daddy!" Dawn insisted tearfully.
"I will baby, I will… but only if I leave you Dawnie." Her daddy insisted. "You'll be safe without me baby, safe. Nothing would make me happier than knowing you and your sister are safe okay? You understand baby?" he asked, tears spilling thick and fast down his cheeks.
"I do…" Dawn nodded regretfully. She wished she didn't understand but she did. "I love you daddy, I'm going to miss you so much!"
"I'm going to miss you too baby, so much." He replied as he kissed her forehead. "I love you so much Dawnie, so much, don't you ever forget that okay?" he begged.
"I won't daddy, I won't." Dawn promised. She wrapped her arms around her daddy then and clung to him, buried her face in his chest. His arms wrapped round her at once, one hand on her back, the other atop of her head. He kissed her forehead again and again.
"I'm not going to let anything happen to you baby, I promise you…I love you so much…"
"Dawnie… hey Dawn… baby?"
This memory wasn't familiar at all. There was nothing about the desperation and panic in her daddy's voice than Dawn recognised. She was certain that she'd never heard him sound so emotional, so terrified. It just wasn't like him at all.
There were other sounds too, unfamiliar and rather haunting. The clang of metal hitting metal and vibrating, crickets, trains on distant tracks. Scents too, pungent, disgusting ones. How could this be a memory when Dawn could smell blood, gasoline and death? Then there was that feeling; she was groggy and light-headed, felt sick to her stomach. And oh yes, she was lying in water too, slimy and thick and smelly…
This was no memory.
"Ohh baby… wake up! Oooh mmm… shit!
Her daddy's voice was real now, above her and so much louder, so much clearer, not a ghostly memory of times gone by. He was wrought with emotion and clearly struggling to know what to say. He even sounded like he might be crying, something he never, ever did.
In her state, whatever it was, Dawn felt uncertainty and panic, confusion. She was gradually coming to and everything was becoming sharper, more focussed, more real to her. Dawn was suddenly aware of how wet she was, soaked right through to the bone and that her hands were bound. She could sense there was someone near her, but they seemed to be in a state of unconsciousness too. Her throat tightened as the rank stretch of death, blood and decay seeped into her system and her nose burned as she inhaled the sharp scent of gasoline.
Dawn had no idea what was going on and she frantically tried to pull herself out of the dark abyss she'd been in since that cop had forced a chemical soaked rag over her face. She was in danger, she knew that much and her daddy was somewhere nearby. He was close to her and yet he wasn't with her, wasn't trying to get her out of whatever danger she was in.
Why wasn't he helping her? Did he not he love her anymore? Did he no longer care for his baby girl?
"No baby…"
Dawn came too then, as her daddy whimpered out his life-long term of endearment for her. He sounded like he was pleaded with someone, but with whom Dawn didn't know.
She shifted ever so slightly and heard the ripple of water right by her ear, felt her bound hands sink deeper into the slimy and rank water in which she lay. She tried to open her eyes and tilt her head up but she wasn't quite there yet. She didn't dare open her mouth to speak for fear of what would enter it when she did.
Suddenly there was s splashing sound, close and somewhere below Dawn's feet. Someone was pouring something into the water in which Dawn lay and the young Trager knew from the strong, chemically smell that suddenly burned her nose even more so that it was gasoline.
Someone was pouring gasoline over her and yet her daddy still hadn't come to her rescue, still hadn't pulled her from the danger she was in. Why wasn't he helping her?
"No! Nooo!" Dawn heard her daddy scream, scream in a desperate and panicked way that she didn't normally associate with him. The fact that she was in danger was only reinforced to Dawn by this. Her daddy had promised to keep her safe and now, now she was in danger and he wasn't helping her despite being close. This meant that somehow, for some reason, he couldn't help her…
"Baby… Ah, baby ah…" he cried, voice louder and more shrill, more panicked and desperate with every word he spoke. The splashing sounds continued, the stench of gasoline got stronger, the burn in Dawn's nose got more intense. Dawn wanted to scream, to get up and run away but she couldn't. All she could so was open her eyes and shift into more of an upright position. She just wasn't capable of doing more.
"Stop!" her daddy yelled, an order that was frantic and pleading, underlined with the almost firm knowledge that he wasn't able to 'stop' anything. "Oh baby…" his voice was lower here, softer, more like the voice of her daddy from years gone by. He had seen that his Dawnie was awake; he knew that she was conscious and somewhat aware of what was going on around her.
"Daddy..?" Dawn managed to croak out as she took in her surroundings. Night had fallen and it took her eyes a while to adjust to the gloom. When finally they began to focus, Dawn realised that she was in a large, rectangular metal pit with a few inches of gasoline infused water in the bottom.
And she wasn't alone; there were people at her feet. It took Dawn a few seconds of gazing intently at them to realise that the two people in the pit with her were dead and that one of them was in pieces. She gave a startled and frightened sob at the realisation, pushed herself upright a little more and tried to back away from the corpses. She kicked at them and backed frantically away as she whimpered in disgust and fear. Dawn knew, just knew, that without her daddy's intervention she was going to end up a corpse too.
"I'm so sorry baby. No, no…" Dawn's daddy cried out to her as she frantically tried to back away from those corpses. His words offered Dawn nothing in the way of reassurance or comfort, nothing at all. In fact they only heightened the sense of fear and panic within her. He was telling her he was sorry because he couldn't help her, because he couldn't save her! Dawn was trapped, trapped like a rat in a big metal coffin that was filled with gasoline. She knew what was coming although she didn't dare let herself think of it and instead focused on trying to get away from the corpses, to escape.
Dawn's bound hands, the tight confinement of the pit and the slippery, waterlogged bottom of said pit made moving away from the dead bodies very difficult indeed. Dawn wished that she could see her daddy, so she could know why he wasn't coming to her aid or pulling her free from the pit in which she was trapped.
"Ahhh!" Dawn heard her daddy scream, the noise harsh and piecing, shill in her ears. "Let me go! Let me go!" he pleaded, followed by the sounds of someone pulling on and rattling a metal chain informing Dawn that her daddy was tied up; bound and chained to something. He was close enough to see her, to know what was going on, but not to help her. No, not to help her. But to watch her die.
"What's going on daddy?" Dawn pleaded, for didn't and couldn't understand why she was in a gasoline and corpse filled metal pit, her hands bound, her daddy close by but unable to help, unable to do anything but watch and plead for her.
Dawn looked around her for a way to escape. Anything that could help her up and out of the corpse filled coffin in which she was trapped. A ledge maybe, a discarded piece of junk that she could stand on or perhaps the abandoned gasoline canister. But there was nothing, nothing but those dead bodies and they would do jack shit to help Dawn get out of that metal pit. She could stand on them sure, but the boost they'd give her wouldn't be nearly enough to help her reach the top of the pit, to help her escape.
"Goddammit!" her daddy screamed, the cry prolonged and anguished. "Let me go! Let me go!" he pleaded, the chain he was likely attached too rattling again like he was moving around, trying to get to her or the person who'd put them in this situation in the first place. Dawn had no idea if it was a man or a woman or if there was more than one person up there because as yet, she'd not heard them say a word to her daddy.
"Daddy..?" Dawn wept as she started to claw at the wall she'd been leaning against when she'd woken up, fingers curling against the metal, searching for anything she could grip onto, anything she could use to haul herself out of the pit. There was nothing, nothing at all but smooth and relentless metal. "Oh god… get me outta here!" she pleaded when she realised she had no chance of escaping herself. Maybe, just maybe, if she pleaded hard enough and screamed loud enough her daddy would be able to break free of his restraints and pull her to safety, would be able to fend of those who had done this too them and take her away, back home to a place where they'd be safe. Dawn knew this was an impossibility but she clung into this hope anyway.
"Oh baby…" her daddy muttered next, voice suddenly low and somewhat calmer than it had been moments previously. He seemed almost resigned to Dawn's fate, her inevitable death. Somehow, this was far scarier than his desperate pleading and frantic screams.
"Daddy… what?" Dawn murmured as tears began to spill from her eyes. She'd kept them at bay until that moment because her fear had kept them that way but now she couldn't keep them away any longer. She just wanted her daddy to say something to her, anything that wasn't 'baby' or 'I'm so sorry'. She wanted him to reassure her, to promise her that things were going to be okay because he was her daddy and he was going to keep her safe.
"Oh man, I'm sorry… please…" Dawn heard her daddy plead. He sounded on the verge of just breaking down completely, of giving way to his emotions in a way that he rarely ever did. He was clearly desperate and scared, lost for what else to do. There was no pulling himself free of his restraints so he could come to his daughter's aid. All he had were his words, his raw emotions and neither were his forte. "Please not her, kill me, please I beg you. Please…kill me please…" Dawn's daddy sounded almost emotionless as he tried to offer his own life in exchange for hers, as he begged for her life to be spared. But he wasn't being emotionless and Dawn knew it, far from it. He had too much emotion inside of him, too much to let out and he didn't know how to express what he felt; the fear and the desperation. For the first time in his life he had to reason with someone, to try and save the life of someone he loved; Dawn, who was completely at their captor's mercy. And he knew, as Dawn knew, that if things were the other away around, if their captor's daughter was trapped in the gasoline and corpse filled pit and he was the captor that he would have no mercy. None at all.
"Daddy..?" Dawn called out, although she didn't know why. She knew she wasn't going to get an answer from him, knew that he could do nothing to save her. Knew it and yet called for him anyway. She was desperate and scared, so very scared and she wanted her daddy. Dawn wanted him so much it physically hurt, pain that was only worsened by the knowledge that she'd never get him, not now or ever again.
"Please." He begged one last time. But it wasn't enough and he knew it and Dawn knew it too. She knew it and she couldn't do a thing about it. She was trapped like a rat in a big metal coffin that would soon be her tomb. She made no attempt to escape because she knew it was pointless, she knew it was futile. She just wished her daddy would say something to her, anything reassuring and comforting because she was going to die and she was going to die all alone and the only thing that would ease her crippling fear of death in any way was her daddy telling her than he loved her and that everything would be okay…
"Know my pain Mr. Trager." Came another voice, deeper and calmer, far more sinister than any voice Dawn Trager had ever heard if only for the fact that it was the voice of her murderer. Dawn curled into herself then, expecting death to come right then at that very moment. But nothing came, nothing happened for an agonisingly long moment. No one spoke and no one moved. There was nothing put the gentle dripping of gasoline infused water dripping from Dawn's clothes. The young Trager froze then and looked up, looked up into the night sky and paused her frantic sobs momentarily in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, this man had changed his mind, that maybe he'd decided that scaring her daddy into believing he'd kill her was enough. It wasn't.
It happened so suddenly, so unexpectedly that Dawn didn't react straight away. The falling cigar that would ignite the gasoline in which Dawn lay moved as if in slow motion but what happened next happened so quickly it was like someone had his the 'fast-forward' button. Dawn turned away and tried to scramble to her feet just as the pit burst into flames, as the cigar ignited the gasoline that surrounded her and began to lick its way up her legs and the back of her jacket.
Dawn screamed, loud and shrill and piecing as the flames consumed her gasoline soaked body. The pain was immense, all consuming and like nothing Dawn had ever experienced before. The harsh burn of the flames didn't just claw at her flesh but at every part of her: at her blood and bones and all her innards. Dawn's skin was smouldering and melting under the heat of the flames, bones splintering within her, blood bubbling and boiling with a hot, venomous poison that coursed through every inch of her. Her vision was consumed by the fire, too bright and too close and when she shut her eyes, she could still see it. All she could spell was the putrid, rank stink of her own burning flesh.
Soon Dawn was on her feet, running around the pit, bashing and clawing at the metal walls as she tried to escape the pain, the flames. She screamed the entire time, never once stopping, yet her screams didn't block out his. Somewhere beyond her agony, beyond the fire and her impending death Dawn could hear her daddy screaming. What he was screaming was unclear yet he was screaming nevertheless. He could see and hear everything that was happening to his baby girl and he couldn't help her, he couldn't save her…
"Daddy!" Dawn screamed, finding it in herself to cry out that if nothing else. She didn't know why she was screaming for her daddy because she knew he couldn't help her and she knew she was beyond saving. The flames were eating away at her bit by bit, destroying her, consuming her. Dawn couldn't think, couldn't do much of anything but give into her agony, but scream and cry out and wait for death to come. The pain now was near indescribable; white-hot pokers thrusting through every inch of her being, her wounds then salted before they were even finished being made. Dawn longed for death and screamed for it, cried out for it but still it did not come.
And then suddenly there was almost nothing, no pain, no sound, no vision. Dawn felt herself drop to the ground and although she knew the flames still consumed her, she did not feel them; she didn't feel anything at all. She wasn't dead yet but the end was here; this was it. After the briefest moment she was back, back in that last drug induced memory that had filled her mind before the harsh realty of her impending death had dragged her into consciousness again. She was 13 years old once again and her daddy had just told her that he was divorcing her mother and leaving the family home. Dawn felt his hands, rough and covered with rings cup her cheeks, which were unmarred by the flames that had killed her and were as perfect as they had been on that fateful day.
"Dawnie… baby I'm sorry!" he whispered as he stared into her eyes, his own glazed with tears. Dawn nodded then because she knew, she knew just how sorry he was. He'd walked away from her and her sister to protect them and yet she'd died because of him anyway. He'd failed in his duties as her father and this would haunt him for the rest of his life. He was sorry, so sorry, so very fucking sorry and he always would be. "I'll miss you so much baby." And then his lips where on her forehead, warm and wet, soft and oh-so reassuring. "I love you so much Dawnie, so much, don't you ever forget that okay?"
Death came to take Dawn then, her time had come, her minute's were up yet before she went, she managed to cry out one last time despite the fact that the agony was gone and despite the fact that she felt at peace.
"Daddy…"
And then there was no more.
When I watched this scene in Sons I was horrified, I really was. I watch a lot of fucked up things but this really got under my skin and was on my mind for days. But I applaud Kurt Sutter for having the guts to go this far, to put this in because it really shows the realities of how monstrous and dangerous this men can get. Kim Coates and Rachel Miner (Dawn) were both excellent in this scene and I think it goes without saying that this was one of the best, most emotional and hard-hitting scenes in Sons of Anarchy's history. When this story came to mind I knew I had to write it and honestly, it was just as harrowing writing about it as it was watching it. I hope you enjoyed my take on it. Please review.
Reviews would be loved; remember I'm not getting paid to write this story and I give up a lot of my free time to do so. Reviews are all I ask for in return - they are extremely motivational and make my writing worthwhile.