p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It wasn't until the first petal fell onto the impossibly soft blanket that Saeyoung knew it was too late for him. The yellow of the thing was a stark contrast to the dark blue, standing out even against the stars patterned all over the fabric. Soft, healthy and bright, the appearance of it is anything but any of those particular adjectives. For with the presence of that sole petal comes the likelihood of impending death./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Maybe he should go to the doctor. For all his knowledge, this particular disease is not one he'd ever bothered to study up on. After all, when one's not in a position to ever love someone, why bother worrying about it? Plus, had it happened while he was still on the agency's payroll, they'd have simply removed it in a heartbeat./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"What a simple way to make sure their agents wouldn't stray from the course set before them. A handy little disease thats only cure is surgery. With the removal of the plant, the feelings disappear as well. Much cleaner than having to deal with cancer or love, both ending up in ugly deaths one way or the other./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It's hard to believe that such a beautiful thing came from inside of him. He's dark, cursed. A bad man with a terrible past. Yet he produced this one petal, the entire opposite of what he is. Brows furrowed, he reaches down and takes it gingerly between his fingers. It feels just like one from a freshly bloomed bud. A tulip, he thinks. There's tulips blooming in his lungs. How long does he have?/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"More importantly, what is he to do about it?/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"This is supposed to be a joyous time. The secret engagement was just announced last night and the happy couple couldn't have been more radiant. He's happy for them, as their friend. Besides, he knew he never had a chance. A shooting star is impossible to catch, after all, unless you have the stability of a sun./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The closest Saeyoung would be is the moon, and the moon is only good for helping the tide remain even on the earth. So he will keep circling, watching from the outside and making sure the whole of the RFA is safe, them included. He'll watch and he'll live his time out. And when the time comes, he'll either die or go under the knife and forget he ever loved him./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It's been a week since he's seen Saeran. After the party they'd both came home and retired to separate rooms, too depressed to talk. With every passing day the interval at which the petals make themselves known becomes steadier, slowly forming a predictable pattern. A slight cough and one comes falling out onto the kitchen counter where tired eyes try to fix up some breakfast but he just brushes it off into the bin, not even sparing it a second glance. The threat to his life is secondary when compared to the well-being of his only brother, brought back from the dregs of overdose and brainwashing. It's been a hard few years but the improvement is noticeable, as is the steadily rising warmth of their own relationship. Saeyoung's not sure Saeran will ever truly let him in completely, and that's okay. He'll take what he can get. He's used to eating from the scraps of others, plus this one… this is a well-earned struggle. Saeran could tell him to fuck off forever and Saeyoung would think it was deserved./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"A sigh escapes from Saeyoung as he pulls out the whipped cream from the fridge and draws a lopsided smiley face on the chocolate chip pancakes he's made, hoping to at least get a glimpse of his brother in return for a sweet meal. While neither of them are terribly social, it's rare to go this long without some interaction. Saeyoung's finding it hard to believe that Saeran's even left his room at all./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Plate in one hand and a steaming mug of hot cocoa in the other, Saeyoung makes his way out of the kitchen and across the living room, mind whirring as he walks. He's glad he's developed an algorithm that can seemingly predict when the petals will fall and has already started developing one that'll tell him when the disease will progress. This is a necessity so that he can keep it hidden from those around him; so he can plan how to get away when he's out, or take strategic bathroom breaks when someone is over./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The hardest part would be hiding from Saeran, but he'd have to come out of his room for that. As long as he's okay and not in the middle of some relapse, Saeyoung will take it as a blessing in disguise that he doesn't risk his hyper attentive brother noticing all of the random yellow petals in the garbage can./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Oh Saeran~" The door isn't completely shut so Saeyoung uses a hip to bump it open, standing in the doorway with the brightest grin he can muster. "I brought you some chocolate chip pancakes and hot chocolate!"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"He's greeted with the shuffling of sheets, then a grunt. "Fuck off, Saeyoung. I don't want to see anyone."/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Saeyoung sighs. Not a good day, then. "I'll just leave it on your desk then, for if you get hungry la-"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It's only two steps in before Saeran's standing in front of him, skin pale, eyes bloodshot. He'd shot out of that bed like a bullet the minute Seven had started to enter, a scowl on his face as he rips the plate and cup from Saeyoung's hands. "I told you to fuck off," he says, but there's less bite behind it than Saeyoung expects. The low rumbling of his stomach causes a small bit of color to return to his cheeks before he turns and drops them on the desk. "Thanks for breakfast. Now get out of my room."/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Shrugging, Saeyoung gently closes the door and stands there, staring a moment. It almost felt like Saeran was hiding something from him but those days are over… right?/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Doubting his twin won't get him anywhere. It's time to get back to work, to try to make enough money to set Saeran up for life after he's gone. If that's the route he chooses. Otherwise maybe he'll have enough for the surgery and hush money and be able to rest for a while. Whichever happens. He can take it in stride./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Not like he has much else of a choice./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Six months!?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Yoosung laughs, the sound as beautiful as chimes in the wind. "Yeah, we just couldn't wait, you know? After having to keep our relationship a secret for so long, we can't think of a reason to wait. So what about it? Do you wanna be my best man?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Saeyoung swallows against the bile he feels rising in his throat. Six months. That's on the long end of how long someone with Hanahaki disease can live, if precautions are taken. One of those precautions tends to be avoidance of the one they love, but this would be impossible. He's already lived with it for almost a month now. And he can't accept this offer knowing he won't be there, knowing that even if he lives, he won't be in any condition to walk down that aisle to give his best friend away./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Knowing that there's a high chance he'd die before and ruin everything, like he always does./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"But he's so hesitant about the surgery. Of course he's upset at the idea of losing his feelings; they're part of what keeps him going, what keeps him warm at night. One of the only things outside of Saeran that makes him feel there might be hope for him yet. He knows it's what is right, what is proper. It's what would be most beneficial to everyone involved. The possible (and rare) side effect of never being able to love again doesn't particularly bother him, because someone like him should never have been allowed to love in the first place./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"He's worried that somehow, removing the romantic feelings will also remove the platonic ones. What if getting the plant cut out doesn't just mean he'll no longer yearn to be with him; what if it completely severs their friendship? Granted, that's another thing a cockroach like him doesn't deserve but by god if he isn't going to fight for what he already has./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""...Saeyoung?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Yoosung's worried voice snaps him out of his head and Saeyoung looks up at him, fully aware of the pain and regret plastered across his own face. "I'm sorry, Yoosung, but I just… I can't do it." He can't promise he'll live to be there. He can't promise he'll care enough to show up./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The hurt that springs forth in those beautiful eyes is like a lance through the heart. Right now Saeyoung would really just like to curl up and die, so can those roots hurry up and work their way through his respiratory system so he'll suffocate, thanks. Why did it have to be like this? If his unrequited feelings were going to blossom into a nasty plant of death, couldn't they have done it sooner or later instead of now?/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I-I… okay, that's… that's fine. I'll ask someone else, I guess." The way Yoosung's words shake makes everything feel even worse and Saeyoung knows that if he were to look up, he'd see tears pressing to try to fall./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"A tickle starts in his lungs./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Oh god. Not now./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It's not time yet./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Bathroom," he manages to say before standing and bolting toward the indicated room, throwing a hand over his mouth. The door slams behind him just before the coughing starts. It's worse this time, the ache from each hack traveling through his entire chest./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"A handful of petals fall into his palm. As he's staring at them, there's a knock on the door./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Sae-Saeyoung? Are you okay?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Fine," he calls back, fighting the urge to cough as it rises again. "Just getting a cold I think. Not feeling the best."/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Oh. Uh… should I go, then?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""That would probably be good. Don't want you to get sick. You have a lot of planning to do." The voice that comes out is far stronger and calmer than the whirlpool of emotions inside of him. The cough pushes past and starts again./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Okay. Um. Feel better!"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"As much as he'd like to answer, he can't. This one hurts worse than the last and he just can't stop coughing, feeling something slowly working it's way up his throat. When it falls into his hand, the yellow offset by the dark red of blood, his heart sinks./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"This time it is a full bud./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"That means his time is almost up already./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Everything is hazy. Standing for more than a few minutes brings black spots to the corners of his eyes and god, how did this happen to him? The days are starting to blur together and all he does is type away at the laptop on his bed, trying to make everyone believe that he's okay. Yoosung found another best man; a friend from college. It stings just about as much as knowing he's getting married. It stings enough to remind him that he's still alive, if not for much longer./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"His stomach complains and his mouth feels like cotton. When was the last time he had anything to eat or drink? He's not sure, caught between the impromptu naps the lack of oxygen forces on him and the desire to finish this emone last job/em that will hopefully make everything complete. Then he'll go to the doctor./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Or maybe not./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Fuck. What is wrong with him? Not much time left and he still doesn't know what he'd rather do. It should be an easy choice, right? Just get it removed. There's no way his love will ever be returned, especially not in time to save his life. Yet he lacks the willpower to do that for the fear that he'll stop caring about Yoosung completely. There's no recorded cases of that but his anxiety still whispers that it could happen. And his depression says he'd rather die than live without Yoosung in his life at all./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Why him?/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The coughs have started to sound more like hoarse barks and as another episode hits him, he leans over to grab the bin sitting next to the bed. It's nearly filled by now, full of wilted petals and buds, all of them stained by his own blood. The colors go together so well, red and yellow; ironic how they represent the two of them. They're so beautiful but the combination is deadly. How truly appropriate./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"His entire body shakes with every hack, his ears ringing and his head light from the lack of oxygen. It wouldn't be unusual for him to pass out from coughing. Sometimes it's just too much on his dying body. It isn't until he finally manages to gulp in a few breaths and regain some sort of coherency that he notices the smell of soup and that he's no longer alone./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""S..Saeran?" Squinting at the blurry shape by the door, he pushes his glasses up and rubs his eyes, trying to dredge the sleep from them. "Why are you here?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"With his vision a little more clear he can make out the pissed off expression Saeran's wearing as he glares straight at the trash bin and he flinches; fuck. He's been found out./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Well, I emwas/em bringing your dumb ass some soup and asking you to go to the fucking doctor, but I guess now I have no choice but to drag you there, you fucking idiot." Saeran slams down the bowl on the bedside table, uncaring as soup sloshes over the side and steps forward, hand fisting in the sweat-soaked shirt Saeyoung's wearing. Yanking him up so that their noses almost touch, he glowers at Saeyoung. "Why the emhell/em are you just sitting in here, working? Did you think you'd be doing anyone a favor by dying? Do you think this is what Yoosung would want? Yeah, I know you're fucking in love with him," he adds in response to the shocked look Saeyoung gives him. "Did you even emthink/em about what this would do to me?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Suddenly Saeyoung's flying through the air, landing on the bed again with a loud squeak as the mattress protests the abuse. "I was working to make money so that you-"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Don't even finish that fucking sentence." Saeran's voice is a low growl now and when Saeyoung shakily props himself up he sees him digging around on the floor for something. "Put these nasty ass socks on and then we're going. Don't argue."/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Saeyoung ducks as black socks are chucked at his head and he sighs, pushing himself to sit up and pull them on./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The trip to the hospital is quiet but there's no doubt Saeran's still livid from the tension hanging in the air. Slumping back in his seat, Saeyoung watches the scenery go by with little interest in it. There's an empty ice cream container on his lap; he doesn't remember how it got there but he's sure it's for when he coughs. There's another one sitting next to Saeran but he's not surprised; Saeran's nothing if not prepared. They're opposites in that way. Probably just wanted to make sure he doesn't have to clean up bloody flowers later and honestly, who could blame him./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Once Saeran pulls into the lot, he unbuckles and turns to Saeyoung. "Stay here," he orders before grabbing both containers and disappearing. If not for the gravity of the situation, Saeyoung might actually be thrilled to know Saeran cares enough about him to force him to get help. As it is, he's having a hard time staying awake./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The click of a door and a hand wraps around his arm, tugging on him. "Come on, idiot, get out. You have to help me at least a little."/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It's hard work, forcing his limbs to move but he manages to sort of fall into a wheelchair. His raspy chuckle morphs into a procession of coughs when Saeran mutters something about it almost being too late and how much he was going to make Saeyoung pay for this later. The original ice cream container is shoved under his mouth and he holds onto it for dear life, not paying attention to where they're going as Saeran wheels them in./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The sterile smell every hospital has hits him and it's too much, coughing and wheezing even harder until his life is nothing more than blackness creeping in the edges of his vision and the panicked shouts of his brother./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Then there's nothing./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Maybe he should go to the doctor. For all his knowledge, this particular disease is not one he'd ever bothered to study up on. After all, when one's not in a position to ever love someone, why bother worrying about it? Plus, had it happened while he was still on the agency's payroll, they'd have simply removed it in a heartbeat./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"What a simple way to make sure their agents wouldn't stray from the course set before them. A handy little disease thats only cure is surgery. With the removal of the plant, the feelings disappear as well. Much cleaner than having to deal with cancer or love, both ending up in ugly deaths one way or the other./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It's hard to believe that such a beautiful thing came from inside of him. He's dark, cursed. A bad man with a terrible past. Yet he produced this one petal, the entire opposite of what he is. Brows furrowed, he reaches down and takes it gingerly between his fingers. It feels just like one from a freshly bloomed bud. A tulip, he thinks. There's tulips blooming in his lungs. How long does he have?/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"More importantly, what is he to do about it?/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"This is supposed to be a joyous time. The secret engagement was just announced last night and the happy couple couldn't have been more radiant. He's happy for them, as their friend. Besides, he knew he never had a chance. A shooting star is impossible to catch, after all, unless you have the stability of a sun./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The closest Saeyoung would be is the moon, and the moon is only good for helping the tide remain even on the earth. So he will keep circling, watching from the outside and making sure the whole of the RFA is safe, them included. He'll watch and he'll live his time out. And when the time comes, he'll either die or go under the knife and forget he ever loved him./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It's been a week since he's seen Saeran. After the party they'd both came home and retired to separate rooms, too depressed to talk. With every passing day the interval at which the petals make themselves known becomes steadier, slowly forming a predictable pattern. A slight cough and one comes falling out onto the kitchen counter where tired eyes try to fix up some breakfast but he just brushes it off into the bin, not even sparing it a second glance. The threat to his life is secondary when compared to the well-being of his only brother, brought back from the dregs of overdose and brainwashing. It's been a hard few years but the improvement is noticeable, as is the steadily rising warmth of their own relationship. Saeyoung's not sure Saeran will ever truly let him in completely, and that's okay. He'll take what he can get. He's used to eating from the scraps of others, plus this one… this is a well-earned struggle. Saeran could tell him to fuck off forever and Saeyoung would think it was deserved./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"A sigh escapes from Saeyoung as he pulls out the whipped cream from the fridge and draws a lopsided smiley face on the chocolate chip pancakes he's made, hoping to at least get a glimpse of his brother in return for a sweet meal. While neither of them are terribly social, it's rare to go this long without some interaction. Saeyoung's finding it hard to believe that Saeran's even left his room at all./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Plate in one hand and a steaming mug of hot cocoa in the other, Saeyoung makes his way out of the kitchen and across the living room, mind whirring as he walks. He's glad he's developed an algorithm that can seemingly predict when the petals will fall and has already started developing one that'll tell him when the disease will progress. This is a necessity so that he can keep it hidden from those around him; so he can plan how to get away when he's out, or take strategic bathroom breaks when someone is over./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The hardest part would be hiding from Saeran, but he'd have to come out of his room for that. As long as he's okay and not in the middle of some relapse, Saeyoung will take it as a blessing in disguise that he doesn't risk his hyper attentive brother noticing all of the random yellow petals in the garbage can./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Oh Saeran~" The door isn't completely shut so Saeyoung uses a hip to bump it open, standing in the doorway with the brightest grin he can muster. "I brought you some chocolate chip pancakes and hot chocolate!"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"He's greeted with the shuffling of sheets, then a grunt. "Fuck off, Saeyoung. I don't want to see anyone."/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Saeyoung sighs. Not a good day, then. "I'll just leave it on your desk then, for if you get hungry la-"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It's only two steps in before Saeran's standing in front of him, skin pale, eyes bloodshot. He'd shot out of that bed like a bullet the minute Seven had started to enter, a scowl on his face as he rips the plate and cup from Saeyoung's hands. "I told you to fuck off," he says, but there's less bite behind it than Saeyoung expects. The low rumbling of his stomach causes a small bit of color to return to his cheeks before he turns and drops them on the desk. "Thanks for breakfast. Now get out of my room."/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Shrugging, Saeyoung gently closes the door and stands there, staring a moment. It almost felt like Saeran was hiding something from him but those days are over… right?/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Doubting his twin won't get him anywhere. It's time to get back to work, to try to make enough money to set Saeran up for life after he's gone. If that's the route he chooses. Otherwise maybe he'll have enough for the surgery and hush money and be able to rest for a while. Whichever happens. He can take it in stride./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Not like he has much else of a choice./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Six months!?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Yoosung laughs, the sound as beautiful as chimes in the wind. "Yeah, we just couldn't wait, you know? After having to keep our relationship a secret for so long, we can't think of a reason to wait. So what about it? Do you wanna be my best man?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Saeyoung swallows against the bile he feels rising in his throat. Six months. That's on the long end of how long someone with Hanahaki disease can live, if precautions are taken. One of those precautions tends to be avoidance of the one they love, but this would be impossible. He's already lived with it for almost a month now. And he can't accept this offer knowing he won't be there, knowing that even if he lives, he won't be in any condition to walk down that aisle to give his best friend away./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Knowing that there's a high chance he'd die before and ruin everything, like he always does./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"But he's so hesitant about the surgery. Of course he's upset at the idea of losing his feelings; they're part of what keeps him going, what keeps him warm at night. One of the only things outside of Saeran that makes him feel there might be hope for him yet. He knows it's what is right, what is proper. It's what would be most beneficial to everyone involved. The possible (and rare) side effect of never being able to love again doesn't particularly bother him, because someone like him should never have been allowed to love in the first place./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"He's worried that somehow, removing the romantic feelings will also remove the platonic ones. What if getting the plant cut out doesn't just mean he'll no longer yearn to be with him; what if it completely severs their friendship? Granted, that's another thing a cockroach like him doesn't deserve but by god if he isn't going to fight for what he already has./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""...Saeyoung?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Yoosung's worried voice snaps him out of his head and Saeyoung looks up at him, fully aware of the pain and regret plastered across his own face. "I'm sorry, Yoosung, but I just… I can't do it." He can't promise he'll live to be there. He can't promise he'll care enough to show up./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The hurt that springs forth in those beautiful eyes is like a lance through the heart. Right now Saeyoung would really just like to curl up and die, so can those roots hurry up and work their way through his respiratory system so he'll suffocate, thanks. Why did it have to be like this? If his unrequited feelings were going to blossom into a nasty plant of death, couldn't they have done it sooner or later instead of now?/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""I-I… okay, that's… that's fine. I'll ask someone else, I guess." The way Yoosung's words shake makes everything feel even worse and Saeyoung knows that if he were to look up, he'd see tears pressing to try to fall./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"A tickle starts in his lungs./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Oh god. Not now./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It's not time yet./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Bathroom," he manages to say before standing and bolting toward the indicated room, throwing a hand over his mouth. The door slams behind him just before the coughing starts. It's worse this time, the ache from each hack traveling through his entire chest./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"A handful of petals fall into his palm. As he's staring at them, there's a knock on the door./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Sae-Saeyoung? Are you okay?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Fine," he calls back, fighting the urge to cough as it rises again. "Just getting a cold I think. Not feeling the best."/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Oh. Uh… should I go, then?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""That would probably be good. Don't want you to get sick. You have a lot of planning to do." The voice that comes out is far stronger and calmer than the whirlpool of emotions inside of him. The cough pushes past and starts again./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Okay. Um. Feel better!"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"As much as he'd like to answer, he can't. This one hurts worse than the last and he just can't stop coughing, feeling something slowly working it's way up his throat. When it falls into his hand, the yellow offset by the dark red of blood, his heart sinks./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"This time it is a full bud./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"That means his time is almost up already./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Everything is hazy. Standing for more than a few minutes brings black spots to the corners of his eyes and god, how did this happen to him? The days are starting to blur together and all he does is type away at the laptop on his bed, trying to make everyone believe that he's okay. Yoosung found another best man; a friend from college. It stings just about as much as knowing he's getting married. It stings enough to remind him that he's still alive, if not for much longer./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"His stomach complains and his mouth feels like cotton. When was the last time he had anything to eat or drink? He's not sure, caught between the impromptu naps the lack of oxygen forces on him and the desire to finish this emone last job/em that will hopefully make everything complete. Then he'll go to the doctor./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Or maybe not./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Fuck. What is wrong with him? Not much time left and he still doesn't know what he'd rather do. It should be an easy choice, right? Just get it removed. There's no way his love will ever be returned, especially not in time to save his life. Yet he lacks the willpower to do that for the fear that he'll stop caring about Yoosung completely. There's no recorded cases of that but his anxiety still whispers that it could happen. And his depression says he'd rather die than live without Yoosung in his life at all./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Why him?/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The coughs have started to sound more like hoarse barks and as another episode hits him, he leans over to grab the bin sitting next to the bed. It's nearly filled by now, full of wilted petals and buds, all of them stained by his own blood. The colors go together so well, red and yellow; ironic how they represent the two of them. They're so beautiful but the combination is deadly. How truly appropriate./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"His entire body shakes with every hack, his ears ringing and his head light from the lack of oxygen. It wouldn't be unusual for him to pass out from coughing. Sometimes it's just too much on his dying body. It isn't until he finally manages to gulp in a few breaths and regain some sort of coherency that he notices the smell of soup and that he's no longer alone./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""S..Saeran?" Squinting at the blurry shape by the door, he pushes his glasses up and rubs his eyes, trying to dredge the sleep from them. "Why are you here?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"With his vision a little more clear he can make out the pissed off expression Saeran's wearing as he glares straight at the trash bin and he flinches; fuck. He's been found out./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Well, I emwas/em bringing your dumb ass some soup and asking you to go to the fucking doctor, but I guess now I have no choice but to drag you there, you fucking idiot." Saeran slams down the bowl on the bedside table, uncaring as soup sloshes over the side and steps forward, hand fisting in the sweat-soaked shirt Saeyoung's wearing. Yanking him up so that their noses almost touch, he glowers at Saeyoung. "Why the emhell/em are you just sitting in here, working? Did you think you'd be doing anyone a favor by dying? Do you think this is what Yoosung would want? Yeah, I know you're fucking in love with him," he adds in response to the shocked look Saeyoung gives him. "Did you even emthink/em about what this would do to me?"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Suddenly Saeyoung's flying through the air, landing on the bed again with a loud squeak as the mattress protests the abuse. "I was working to make money so that you-"/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;""Don't even finish that fucking sentence." Saeran's voice is a low growl now and when Saeyoung shakily props himself up he sees him digging around on the floor for something. "Put these nasty ass socks on and then we're going. Don't argue."/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Saeyoung ducks as black socks are chucked at his head and he sighs, pushing himself to sit up and pull them on./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"—/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The trip to the hospital is quiet but there's no doubt Saeran's still livid from the tension hanging in the air. Slumping back in his seat, Saeyoung watches the scenery go by with little interest in it. There's an empty ice cream container on his lap; he doesn't remember how it got there but he's sure it's for when he coughs. There's another one sitting next to Saeran but he's not surprised; Saeran's nothing if not prepared. They're opposites in that way. Probably just wanted to make sure he doesn't have to clean up bloody flowers later and honestly, who could blame him./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Once Saeran pulls into the lot, he unbuckles and turns to Saeyoung. "Stay here," he orders before grabbing both containers and disappearing. If not for the gravity of the situation, Saeyoung might actually be thrilled to know Saeran cares enough about him to force him to get help. As it is, he's having a hard time staying awake./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The click of a door and a hand wraps around his arm, tugging on him. "Come on, idiot, get out. You have to help me at least a little."/p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"It's hard work, forcing his limbs to move but he manages to sort of fall into a wheelchair. His raspy chuckle morphs into a procession of coughs when Saeran mutters something about it almost being too late and how much he was going to make Saeyoung pay for this later. The original ice cream container is shoved under his mouth and he holds onto it for dear life, not paying attention to where they're going as Saeran wheels them in./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"The sterile smell every hospital has hits him and it's too much, coughing and wheezing even harder until his life is nothing more than blackness creeping in the edges of his vision and the panicked shouts of his brother./p
p style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'GNU Unifont', Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"Then there's nothing./p