Hi, everyone, MarcellusMiro66 here! This is a Loud House crossover and a homage and deconstruction/reconstruction to "No Such Luck" AU stories. I have noticed that since this particular episode was released, it has been cited as one of the worst – if not the worst – episodes of the series as a whole. Lincoln discovers the ability to hop between various dimensions and decides to help stop a plot to destroy the world. The story can be good, bad, or So Bad It's Good; as long as it relates to the events of "No Such Luck", it is here. The tone is mostly lighthearted with a hint of Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy, Affectionate Parody, and often slight hints of Camp.
Enjoy! If you can...
Part 1: "Just My Luck"
(Friday, May 6th 2016)
(12 N)
"It's true... I really am bad luck."
Lincoln watched as the Royal Woods Squirrels lost against the Hazeltuck Lions, 3-to-0. He sighed from underneath the squirrel costume he donned, sneaking away from the stadium whenever he got the chance. Tearing it off and throwing it down to he knows where, he sulked all the way home with his hands in his pockets. Successfully managing to locate the spare key underneath the 'Welcome' rug, Lincoln entered the house and immediately headed for his boarded-up room. Prying away the wooden barricades with an acquired crowbar, he found everything (from clothes to toys) in brown boxes with labels that named the contents of said boxes. He huffed at this discovery: I should've expected this. Cutting the tape off the boxes labeled 'Clothes' with said crowbar, he pulled off enough clothes to last two weeks and stuffed them in his backpack, along with his laptop and Bun-Bun. He then resealed the box closed before hammering back the wooden bars, not intending to leave any loose ends.
He was, however, intending to run away.
Okay, that's not entirely true. If I do decide to run away, the result will be a media frenzy. If I decide to do something else – i.e., call the police – the result will be an even bigger media frenzy. If I commit murder – Alright, now you're just pushing it, Lincoln. Like that would ever happen. ... Well, let's say if it did come down to that. If I do commit murder, either I get arrested or my parents do. Yeah, it turns out that it's illegal to kick out minors under the age of 18 and considered child abuse. Who would've thought? Certainly not them.
Lincoln sighed to himself, halfway from the house and at a bus stop. He was definitely at a definite crossroads here. In fact, there were three; flee (run away), fight (call the police), or fright (commit murder). If there ever was a fourth option, he would taken it in a heartbeat. True story.
"You okay, kid?"
Lincoln wanted to be insulted by the question asked towards him. Wanted to be. Turning to face the person to the left of him, he examined him from head to toe. The boy seemed around either Luna's or Luan's age and had curly red hair and cyan eyes. He wore a blue denim jacket, a white-with-black-sleeves shirt with a blue plaid collar and end of sleeves, a faux chain mail mesh underneath a pair of blue skinny jeans and boots with black fronts, white backs, and a yellow line above the ankle. Around his hips was a black belt with a strange circular object attached to it. Yep, a typical teenager with a typical teenager's fashion sense.
"No." Brutal honesty at its finest.
The boy glanced around in uncertain concern, "... You...want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Well, kid, I can't help you if you can't help me."
"I never said I needed or wanted your help. I'm sorry, but that's the ugly truth."
"That seems...awfully harsh." The teenager turned away to glance at his watch, but kept the boy in mind as he did so. Twelve in the afternoon... "So...do you have somewhere you have to be?"
Lincoln huffed at this teenager's persistence of starting a conversation. He couldn't deny him a response, though. "... No. I just...need to get away from here."
The teenager cocked his eyebrows in piqued interest, "Care to elaborate or no?"
"As much as I need to... I don't want to."
"Well, you're gonna have to, sooner or later."
"Much more later than sooner." Lincoln was beginning to loosen up into the conversation. "So...do you have somewhere you have to be?"
"Well, yeah. I just got back from a comic-book convention and I'm heading home. Don't want to be late for my job."
"You're not from here? Do I mind if I ask you ‒ ?"
"You want to come with?"
"... Are you sure you're not a mind-reader?"
"Ha, I wish. I just wanna make sure that your family is okay with this."
My family... Family is the one reason for...running away? Am I seriously taking the first option?
"I'm pretty sure they'll be okay with it, considering they let me run amok in the mall. They trust me enough to make my own decisions."
Yes. Apparently, I am.
"Hmm. All righty then."
At that moment, a bus turned around the corner and stopped in front of them. Lincoln entered the bus first while the teenager followed behind and payed for both of their tickets before taking a seat beside him.
"So...where are we going?"
"My hometown of Middleburg. Oh, I never got to introduce myself." The teenager stuck out a hand to do so, "My friends call me Zero... Penn Zero."
Lincoln returned the gesture and did the same, "My name's Lincoln... Lincoln Loud."
At the same time the bus departed, Vanzilla passed the public transport vehicle and pulled up to the driveway. The Loud Family got out and walked up the front steps in silence, each sibling (and parent) exchanging concerned glances at the star athlete. Knowing Lynn was quite disappointed over the loss of the game, they all knew better than to try and comfort her. In the eyes and mindset of Lynn Sr., it couldn't possibly hurt to do so, right?
"Don't worry, Jr. You'll get them next time."
"... Thanks, Dad." A small smile was sent his way, proving that doubt wrong. As the family entered the house and spread around to do their own thing, Lynn alone was heading up to her and Lucy's room of the second floor when she noticed Lincoln's boarded room. Lincoln... I'm starting to think you're not really bad luck...but I'm not sure if you're really telling the truth, though. She swiftly turned tail and headed back downstairs to the backyard. Glancing around for a moment's notice and finding her brother not in sight, she softly sighed in regret: "Linc... I take it you're mad at us and I get it. You wanted some time for yourself, and I had a hard time believing it. Not just me, but the entire family as well. When I assumed you were bad luck, you took advantage of it...and that was my mistake. I should've chose better words or, better yet, never accused you as such. What I'm trying to say is... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you. We may have sold your bed and drawer for a few bucks...my decision as well. If you want to come in tonight, you can use the spare key under the rug." Or was it the other rug...? I'll check first. "Again, I'm sorry, Lincoln. See you later." She entered the house and commenced her search for the spare key upon discovering that it wasn't where it was supposed to be.
Little did she know...
Approximately 9 Hours and 36 Minutes Later. . .
Lincoln and Penn boarded off the bus just a few feet away from an abandoned movie theater. Named 'The Odyssey', it was appropriate that the two rectangular frontal pillars included depictions of certain characters and scenes from the epic poem of the same name. Among its other characteristics were the marquee with disjointed and scrambled letters (only the word 'Closed' remained unscathed), the boarded-up setup that were frankly reminiscent of his own room, and the mere fact it was located right next to a restaurant named 'Fish Stick On A Stick'. Need he say more?
It made absolutely no sense when he and Penn were making their way towards it, but eventually it did.
"I take it this is your hangout place?"
"More than that, actually. This is where I work."
"... How? It's closed down, isn't it?"
"Not entirely." Penn pulled a spare key from his pocket and unlocked the front entrance, beckoning Lincoln to follow him inside. When he flipped on one of the many light switches, the white-haired boy was surprised to find the interior of the theater was in surprisingly good shape, especially compared to the exterior, much to the redhead boy's amusement. He did a quick survey of the building's contents while conversing with him.
"It's something, isn't it?"
"... Yeah. It's really cool...if not awesome. I'll be the judge of that."
Well, I can't wait to prove you wrong, kid...
"The only question I have is, why is the movie screen triangular instead of rectangular?"
... Well, shoot. I don't think I've told him yet. Should I or should I not...?
"Isn't that like a custom thing or something like that?"
Alright, let's hope Lincoln proves to be the secretive type...
"It's part of my job."
"... Really? A triangular movie screen instead of a regular rectangular one is part of your job?"
"Yeah. You wouldn't believe me if I told you the truth."
"So what you said to me was a lie?"
"Not exactly."
"Care to elaborate or no?"
"As much as I need to... I don't want to."
"Try me."
It was then that Penn not only decided to tell Lincoln the truth, but also realized that their entire conversation up until that point was a complete reversal of their earlier one. Not that it was important or anything else, but still... He just brought it up.
"Alright then. You just have to promise me that you'll not tell anybody else."
"I've been quite the secret keeper lately. Believe me, I've seen stranger things."
"... The show or the phrase?"
"... The-the phrase. Although the show was great...if a little bit overrated."
"You and me both, kid. So...are you ready?"
"I've been ready."
Penn nodded and made a "Wait here and take a seat while at it" gesture as he marched up to the balcony where a device of levers and buttons awaited him. After a few minutes of pushing and pulling, an eerily realistic landscape of space was cast onto the movie screen. Lincoln was at a loss for words, literally standing at the edge of his seat and eventually walking towards it to get a better look.
"Yeah... It's something."
"And cool?"
Lincoln turned to Penn and smiled.
"No. It's awesome."
Penn returned the smile to Lincoln.
Rita Loud cared for her family. She truly did. This meant she protect her kin from any danger, outside or inside. To her, superstition was an example of said dangers, if not great or worse. It was just an example. So, when she decided to chastise Lincoln for allegedly spreading his bad luck to the rest of the family, she received a stern talk from Lynn, her daughter out of all people. The speech was basically how he was not bad luck as they originally assumed him to be, but it caused her to greatly reconsider her decisions concerning him nonetheless.
"Lynn...you think this is true?"
"No, Mom. I know it's true."
Said decisions included her unwillingness to support Lincoln after he was shunned by his sisters following a rather admittedly embarrassing attempt to win a video contest, her agreement to willingly place Luan (her own daughter) in a cage to prevent any lethal pranks from occurring (which was a rather decent Freudian excuse, but still) on April Fool's Day, and ‒ most infamously ‒ her uninvolvement to participate in the dreaded [*shudder*] Sister Fight Protocol (which was immediately discontinued after its first and only use). However, this incident in which she and the rest of the family got behind Lynn's rumor of Lincoln Loud (her own son and only) being a bad luck charm and cursing the rest of them easily overshadowed them all in the span of two days. Given how it involved boarding up his room, selling his furniture, and locking him out of the house...
It wasn't difficult to see why.
"Where is he?"
"I haven't seen him since this morning."
And the worst part? They never get the chance to apologize to him ever again.
"Mom...? Mom! MOM!"
"What is it? I don't think it's space."
"Don't worry, it is. But it's part of another dimension."
"Another dimension?"
"I know. Crazy, right?"
"Actually...when I think about it now, it's starting to make sense. Have you ever heard of the multiverse?"
"Funny. I was supposed to ask you that same question. But to answer the question, the multiverse is practically my job. My two friends and I have to make the multiverse is in balance and protected. As such, we use the Multi-Universe Transprojector to transport ourselves to various universes."
"Really. That's...a word exceeding awesome. Is there a universe where there are evil counterparts of us?"
"Unfortunately, yes. Been there. It sucks. Take my word for it."
Lincoln and Penn had been staring at the galactic landscape for some time now, endlessly chattering about the endless possibilities of a vast expanded universe whilst wondering what to do next.
"You think we can take a trip sometime? You know, whenever we get the chance?"
"Huh. I thought you weren't interested."
"Yeah... That was then. This is now."
Penn contemplated his decision to show Lincoln the ups and downs of being a professional at his job before walking away. He activated the movie projector, which glowed a light blue, before racing down to join him. The emitting beam engulfed them and moved upward to shoot them into the movie screen. When the dust cleared, all that was left was the boys' belongings and a written note to whom it may concern.
Ronnie Anne Santiago was a tomboy, plain and simple. She was a girl who acted like a boy, dressed like a boy, and even spoke like a boy. However, she wasn't like most tomboys; unlike most, she harbored feelings. Not just physical, but emotional as well. You can see where this is going. It was during (fittingly) first grade that she caught her first glimpse of a certain white-haired boy who would forever change her life. She didn't know what to make of the ensuing butterflies in her stomach and the rising heat in her cheeks when she saw him making a friend of his own, but it was purely justifiable as she was still young and innocent to the power of love. (No, I'm not going to make a Huey Lewis reference...but I just did.) So, being a tomboy and the school's perceived bully of choice, she flung mud and sand at the two boys, who subsequently ran away.
Of course, Ronnie Anne formally met Lincoln when she accidentally skidded on her skateboard and scrapped her right knee in the process. He offered to bandage it up, but she only accepted once she realized he wasn't going to give in. Another offer he made to her was for him to walk her home; had she not agreed, they wouldn't have got to known each other better. Thankfully, she did, and the rest was history.
"Well, where was the last place you saw him?"
"In the backyard."
"You guys were at a game. Why was he at home?"
"We...accidentally left him at home by mistake. Just tell me when or if you see him, okay?"
"Of course, babe. Good night, Lori."
"Good night, Bobby."
Something was wrong. Judging by the way Lori spoke in her conversation with Bobby, numerous theories began to populate in Ronnie Anne's ever-so-growing mind. One thing's for sure, though... (Left him by mistake, my ass...)
Something was definitely up...
When the light considerably dimmed, Lincoln glanced around and took in his surroundings. Everything around him resembled everything from his favorite science-fiction/space opera films of old. Aliens of different shapes and sizes strolled around like they owned the joint alongside normal human beings while spaceships flew across the sky avoiding any means of traffic whatsoever.
"This is amazing."
"Lincoln Loud... I welcome you to Xandar, home of the Nova Corps."