TITLE: Letting Go
AUTHOR: Pedellea
DATE: May 9, 2007
RATING: K or PG
SUMMARY: At night, Boone comes back to Shannon. Shannon/Boone and Shannon/Sayid. Oneshot.
SPOILERS: Hearts and Minds, Deux Ex Machina, Do No Harm
DISCLAIMER: Lost belongs to J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof, Bad Robot, ABC and Touchstone Television.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm kicking it old school – this is a first season piece that I started way back. As well, there are quite a few other stories with the title "Letting Go" in the Lost fanfic world, but I could think of no better title. Sorry for any confusion caused.

As always, reviews are most appreciated! Thanks for reading!

LETTING GO
By Pedellea

Among the hollow made of twisted tree branches, far away from the caves and the beach, under a starry sky - this was where Shannon spent her nights now, cuddled among the leaves and dirt. A few weeks after Boone had died, while wandering in the jungle to clear her agonizing thoughts, she had found this spot. She felt a familiar comfort and safety while nestled in the enclosure – it seemed that Boone himself had been in the hollow somehow.

She was starring into the murky distance, when a familiar voice called out.

"Hey, princess."

When he was still alive, the term was always spoken in a derogatory way. But tonight, Boone's voice was gentle and considerate. Shannon turned to look at him. He was as handsome as ever.

"What are you doing out here in the middle of the jungle?"
"I wanted to see you again."

Boone nodded. It was not the first time that Shannon had seen him in the jungle. In fact, on the first night she found this spot, he appeared and spent a silent night with her. She clung on tight to his side, hoping to death that it was all real. He had stroked her hair, as real as ever, until she fell asleep. In the morning, however, she woke up, cold and alone, clinging on to a tree branch.

That didn't deter her from coming back again. The second and third nights were spent in the same manner, and it was on the fourth night when he spoke for the first time.

By the tenth day of finding her secret place, the other survivors had thought that she had regained a sense of self and was finally moving on with life after her brother's death. There were no questions about where she stole away to in the evenings. As long as she returned by mid-morning, which she did, virtually no one dared inquire about what she did at night.

Sayid was the only one who had gently prodded her for an explanation for her nightly disappearances.

She only shrugged in response.

"What does it matter?"

Grieving, she had been taught, was a private matter. This much she told Sayid. It was the way she had dealt with her father's death, and she knew no other way to deal with Boone's. After that, Sayid left the questions alone.

But, the fact was that she was far from dealing with any part of her grief. And tonight, Boone brought it up.

"I can't be here always, you know."

She gave him a sharp look and had a tone to match.

"Why not?"
"Shan, I'm not even here now."
"Yes you are. You're right here."

He paused, and chuckled softly.

"You know I'm here only because you want me to be here."
"So you're calling me crazy? Like I'm seeing things or something?"

He gave her a look, then smiled a little.

"I'm not crazy, Boone. I just don't want you to go away."

They lapsed into silence, and Shannon snuggled into Boone's chest, feeling the rhythm of his breathing. This was real. He was real. He had to be.

His breathing had nearly rocked her to sleep until he spoke up softly.

"You have to let me go, Shan."

She blinked the sleep out of her eyes, and gave him a confused look.

"You have to let me go."
"No."
"Shan, you need to."

She sighed with frustration, a little annoyed at his persistence.

"Why? Because Jack did?"

It came out more bitter than she'd like, but maybe she was still bitter at Jack for not having tried hard enough. He gave her a sad, sympathetic smile.

"It's what's best."
"How do you know what's best?"

He looked at her, the sympathy still holding in his eyes. She stared back at him, defiant. It was something they used to do, these staring contests, with her winning every time, and him giving in to her every request.

However, this was not the same. She knew in her heart that she had already lost this battle. Finally, she looked away from his steady gaze, and sighed.

"I... can't."

He pulled gently on her chin to look at her face to face.

"You underestimate yourself, Shan. You can. You've always been strong."
"But how?"

Boone lowered his hand from her chin and gave a sad but reassuring smile.

"You know how."

Instead of the usual anger she felt when Boone pissed her off, Shannon felt panic rising in her chest and filling her mind.

"I can't... you... you can't... I don't know how! I don't know! You can't leave me!"
"Shan..."
"You're gone, but you're... not! You're here. Right... here. Don't leave, Boone. Don't..."
"Shan..."

As she sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder, he drew her into his strong arms again, and hushed her quietly. This was a familiar routine in Shannon's life – her doing something stupid, him making the situation better. But there was a finality about the way it all unfolded tonight, and maybe that was what Shannon was desperately holding on to.

As much as Shannon didn't want it to end, the exhaustion in her soul took over, and the tears stopped running. He held her for every moment of it, like he always did.

An uneasy peace filled the air, but Boone broke it.

"Shannon."

She sighed deeply.

"I know."

He looked down at her and cocked his head slightly.

"I'll be here. Just... not like this."
"I know."

Resignation was not Shannon's specialty, but she finally let the tiredness of putting up with the charade triumph over her.

The last thing she felt was a gentle kiss on her head as she drifted off into the night.

She woke up this time without the feelings of loneliness that often aroused her from dreamless sleep. In fact, she felt a gentle hand brushing strands of hair from her cheek. She spoke out groggily.

"Boone?"
"No, it's me."

Confused, her eyes blinked open.

"Sayid?"

Knelt beside her, he gave her a gentle and warm smile.

"What are you doing out here in the middle of the jungle?"
"I..."

She stopped, hearing Boone's voice echo in her head with the exact words. Shannon looked into Sayid's eyes, whose own were prodding her to continue.

"Just needed some time alone."

He nodded knowingly. It was the same with him when his Nadia had been taken away.

"I can take you back to the beach, if you're ready. Or I'll stay... or go, if you..."
"Stay."

Sayid gave another nod and sat down beside Shannon. Once he had settled, she rested her head in his shoulder, grateful for the company. He pulled her closer, smoothing her hair. She sighed away the tension that had gripped her for too long.

"Thanks."

She felt his chin on her forehead.

"Take your time. There's no need to rush."

As much as the emptiness gnawed a hole in her heart and as much as she wanted to run away from it, she chose to stay still for once.

"I know."

Shannon's eyes slipped close again, breathing in the peace that she had so desperately desired for a long time. The last vestiges of fear had somehow fled with Boone. He was right after all, as he always was. She jerked a little at the thought of him being gone.

Sayid rubbed her shoulders a little.

"You okay?"

As she nestled deeper into his chest, she came to a realization. Her lips curled up a little and she looked into Sayid's eyes.

"I am."

She was finally ready to let go.

THE END

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