"That Night"

Lisa Cuddy

Sitting on the floor of what would've been my daughter's bedroom, I was trying to deal with that feeling of emptiness that had been so familiar to me in the last couple of years.

I should've been used to it by now. Stronger. More aware that, no matter if it's IVF or adoption, the chances of failure are always bigger than the chances of success. That's how most things work in every aspect of life, actually. But it's not how it works inside my head. Because each baby that I lost took away a piece of my heart.

This room is now only a pathetic display of my attempts at pursuing a life that obviously I wasn't cut out for. Why is that when truth is shoved down our throats continuously, we refuse to accept it?

Maybe it's just not meant to be. Not all women are destined to motherhood. It's really nothing to be ashamed of.

But I know very well this knot in my stomach. It's called failure. I shouldn't think of it as a failure, I know; but not getting what I want is a situation I'm not used to. College, medical school, residence, practicing Medicine and eventually becoming Dean of Medicine at Princeton-Plainsboro all seem ridiculously easy now. Laughable, isn't it? So many people that shouldn't have kids, that don't want to have kids, get pregnant on one night stands. I was able to achieve all that success at such an early age, but when it comes to a simple thing like having a child, I just can't.

As the pain was almost shutting down my throat, the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone. I prayed nothing had happened at the Hospital, because I was definitely in no condition of dealing with anyone's problems. Not even my own.

It was House. I feared he'd come for his moment of glory, after days of mocking and announcing how much of a lousy mom I'd be. "It's really not the greatest time for gloating," I warned as I opened the door. I was so ready to kick him in the balls. However, he looked very restrained, without that cynical and sarcastic defying look that was his usual self.

"There's more than one baby in the sea. The world is full of teenage boys riding bareback," He noted, wisely. But who cares for wise in moments like this.

I let him in and told him that I was done. Can't go through that again. As much I want a child, I can't.

"So, you're quitting," He stated. "Just like you quit IVF."

I nodded. "Yeah. Just like that." Sorry if it disappoints you, House, but I don't care.

"It's too bad. You would have been a great mother," he added. He wasn't mocking me one more time, he was really meaning his words.

My blood boiled. "You son of a bitch," I reacted immediately. "When I was getting a baby, you told me I would suck as a mother. Now that I've lost it, you tell me I'd be great as a mother." My anger was so intense I could barely catch my breath. "Why are you like this? Why do you need to negate everything?" I exploded. I knew he was going to make me hate him that night. That's House. He can't help being himself, even when he doesn't want to. I walked to him, angry, my eyes demanding an answer.

"I don't know," he finally answered, his voice almost inaudible.

And then it happened. In the flash of a second, I was in his arms. We kissed with desperation and desire, like two wild animals that had been hidden all winter, longing for the warm sun.

When we broke apart, and I finally regained conscience, our eyes met for a second. Where were you all these moments in which I needed your kiss, and didn't even know?

As speechless as I was, all he could come up with was "Good night." I stayed in that very same spot, my feet glued to the ground as I watched him go.

"Good night," I mumbled back as he reached the door, and left without looking back.

Author's Note: Reviews are much appreciated!! This is my first House fanfic and I'm anxious to hear everyone's opinions.

House's POV is coming soon.