AN: i don't own anything, so dont sue. Merry X-mas!

Deer santa:
I wud like a kool new owel fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
yer Frend,
RoN

p.s. make sure I dun gEt a muroon swater this year frm mum. I hate muroon.

Dear Ron,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in dumbness. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the new owl. At least HE can spell!
Santa

P.S. You're getting the maroon sweater: Harry is the one who gets the new green one, haven't you figured it out yet? Your mother likes him more. Have fun on Christmas day.


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody (Especially Harry)
Love,
Hermione

Dear Hermione,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mum and dad to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Seamus

Dear Seamus,
Look, your dad's banging your childhood babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new wand, galleons, a new broom, a life-size train that will make me loads of galleons, a few more galleons, a dog, more galleons, a pony, a tuba, and some more galleons.
Love,
Draco

Dear Draco,
Who names their kid "Draco" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree in the common-room, and I left carrots for your reindeer on the window-sill. So, could you please make a certain boy with raven hair and green eyes notice me?
Love,
Ginny

P.S. His name is Harry.

Dear Ginny,
Milk makes me have shitting problems and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words: Fire Whiskey. By the way, Harry is never going to notice you- try your luck with someone more desperate, how about Dean Thomas?
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,Colin

Dear Colin,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.

Love,
Santa

P.S. Tell your mom she got the part.

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Percy

Dear Percy,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your dorm.
Santa


Dear Santa,
I really really want a new owl this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Ron

Ron,
I see that you have now learned to spell. Congrajulations. Now back to business: that whiney begging may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're still getting an ugly sweater.

Santa

P.S. Don't write to me again.

Dearest Santa,
I don't have a chimney in my dorm, how do you get inside?
Love,
Harry

Dear Harry,

First, stop calling yourself "Harry", that's why you're getting your ass kicked by my good friend Voldie. Second, you don't live in a dorm, you live in an ugly, ghetto closet, that you just HAPPEN to call a dorm. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do: through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,
Santa

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