A COUPLE WARNINGS to start off with. There is nothing graphic but a lot is implied. This is no longer cannon as of the 50th, but I'm in the middle of a very long story that revolves around the time war actually happening and you know the Time Lords being the absolutely awful people that they usually were. So if I ever reference the Time War it will be this version unless stated otherwise. This will have a lot of my own theories and ideas so be prepared to read things that you have never had any indication of. If I have done something that completely destroyed something in cannon besides the 50th please, please, PLEASE, review me about it so I can fix it. This is my head cannon and despite being fairly new to the Doctor Who fandom I want it to be as cannon as possible to the classics and BFA. Okay then let's get started.

Also please note I'm posting this with very few revisions done to it. I'll be back some time latter to fix some of it.

It had never been in his nature to stand back and watch when someone needed help. So when the call came he went willingly and with his head held high. Because even though they were corrupt and he had never really gotten along with his people, they still deserved help when they asked for it.

He went straight to the war chamber and straight into chaos. The council was made of politicians not warriors, or even travelers, they were people who never though that Gallifrey would ever even be touched by the rest of the universe.

It was Romana who noticed him first. Of course it would be, she was the only one who ever had any sense. Even as cold as she had become during her years of power she still knew more then the rest of the council combined.

"We don't have much time, our biggest problem is the extermination beams are killing people before they have time to regenerate we need to find a way to make a field that will at the very least slow the beams down." Her explanation was fast but she looked at him expectantly and some part of him was warmed to know that she still had such belief in him.

He paused for only a moment before bursting into action. The half completed field generator on the table had potential and he could see where Romana was trying to go with it but it wouldn't work, not as it was. He pushed people aside and shouted at them to shut up, to listen to Romana, and get him a time flux oscillator. They seemed to calm down after that. The council may have tried to kill him before but they knew him and that was enough to give them hope that didn't stop many of them giving him dark looks but they wouldn't do anything about it.

It took too long for him to finish building the machine and everyone in the room winced every few moments and the screams felt like they were echoing through time itself.

Gallifreyans were telepathic. Most needed contact to get the full impact of thoughts but there was always a faint connection to everyone. It was simply a part of looking in the un-tampered schism something that connected every Gallifreyan to time itself and that connection resonated in all of them. So when one of them died they could all feel it. During the war many were screaming as they died and the connection made sure that they could all hear those last agonizing moments.

It was subtle at first. He didn't notice right away. Though to be fair he was fighting for his life a good portion of the time. It was only when he stumbled into one of the telepathic broadcasting fields to report and Romana quietly commented that he was the only one regularly on the battlefield that hadn't regenerated at least once. He brushed it aside at the moment. But when he watched as the decisions on where to fight depended less and less on where the bystanders were living and more and more on how to take advantage of the Daleks he started to see what she had been hinting at. When it finally got to the point where they took the fighting to the vortex the Doctor protested and was immediately shot down. He was being tolerated on Gallifrey because he was a good soldier. (and if those words didn't twist his insides and strip his soul bare nothing else would) but this war had gotten too big for sentiments. If they did not get rid of the Daleks then Gallifrey would cease to exist.

"And don't forget Doctor." His name was spit out like a curse and he stood a little taller refusing to back away from the name he had chosen. "You had the opportunity to destroy them long before this war started. This is the consequence of your actions. Getting to watch the Daleks tear the universe apart." He recoiled at that but refused to back down.

"But it's not just the Daleks anymore. Trying to wage war in the vortex will rip the universe apart. Already timelines are splintering and you don't even care!"

"Oh, I care." He sneered. "I know full well what will result from moving into time. As it splinters we just need one successful timeline to rally around and solidify and everything else will just disappear."

"Once alternate timelines are made they don't just disappear." The Doctor started with growing dread.

"Let me clarify then. They will be eliminated."

"That's insanity!"

"NO! It is the only option right now and the only reason you can't see it is because you are still stuck in that soft nearly human body of yours!"

The Doctor stumbled back in shock. What? Why would he think something like that? It was true that his light wry frame was now the unusual sight but to think that his views would change if he regenerated was ridiculous… unless that was the experience that every other Gallifreyan was going through. And if that was the case what were they regenerating into?

Regeneration is a survival tool. When it came time to switch faces, even if the process was voluntary, a Gallifreyan would unconsciously focus on the weaknesses of their previous form and move on from them. When the process was involuntary the differences were even more pronounced. In order for regeneration to make evolutionary sense the next body would have to be able to survive and deal with what ever had killed the last one. In this sense regeneration is like super fast evolution as showed in the time war. Take a people that have never experienced violence to the caliber of war and fast forward the evolutionary button and suddenly you have a race of blood thirsty warriors who have regenerated that way because that is what the Daleks facing them looked like and without ever seeing anything outside of Gallifrey and not knowing that there was a better way to deal with it they changed from ice: distant, beautiful, and cold. To fire: all consuming, hungry and burning hot.

When it first appeared the Doctor was nearly consumed. Fighting in a side dimension of the vortex would have been impossible to describe to humans because it was fighting on every level of what makes life. Fighting for your existence with your existence. It was in these battles that the Doctor excelled. So when an image of a small child completely cloaked in black appeared next to him he was startled. It was only his instincts that saved him. The form was like a black hole pulling in the essence of those around it and it pulled all those around it in. He pulled back and distanced himself watching as Daleks and Time Lords alike were pulled into the center.

"Doctor we have to leave." He was startled by the sound of mental communication but recognized it as Andred, one of the few people who were still willing to listen to him and one of the many who had been revived to fight. But suddenly the child was in front of them the Doctor gave a cry of anguish as the form with wide, blank, soulless eyes reached out and pulled. Andred disappeared and was gone. The Child turned towards him and he wanted to run. This wasn't something he could fight and yet it had taken one of his few friends. He had been fighting for so long already couldn't this be his end? He screamed at it even as he felt the TARDIS pulling him back into the main time stream. He collapsed on the floor shaking. Why was this still happening? What was he going to tell Leela who still stubbornly refused to leave Gallifrey? What was that thing? And why was the emergency signal going off? Forcing himself up he staggered to the console and set in the coordinates.

He was not prepared for what greeted him. He fell to his knees and watching in horror as the last part of the structure holding the looming building collapsed. The larger on the inside having collapsed long before suddenly contracted and the wind blew ashes and the scent of chemicals past him.

Nearby he heard a scream of anger and his head snapped up. It was a representative of the War council standing in the light of the flames she looked nothing like the robed noble's that Gallifreyans used to be. She looked more like a demon screaming in the vestiges of hell. Her head snapped towards him and he couldn't tear his eyes off of her furious face. Finally he asked. "What happened?"

"The Daleks! What do you think happened! They found out where we were getting extra regenerations from and set out to destroy our advantage!"

The Doctor felt a chill go down his spine. "What?" He finally choked out hoping desperately that he had heard wrong. Children were rare on Gallifrey the looms only made about a hundred or so children each year depending on how many Gallifreyans had died the year before so as to keep the population even. He had assumed that the looms had been shut down when the war started. No one had time to try and raise a child at the moment and even those in the academy had been drafted long ago. But the smell of chemicals in the air indicated that the Looms had been in use recently. His entire being shied away from what was in front of him it was impossible they couldn't have gone that far.

The woman sneered at him. "The council is only able to give a few sets of regenerations away every few years we needed more."

"So you started creating children just to kill them?" The Doctor screamed feeling betrayed and repulsed by the very idea.

"They weren't sentient. They never made any choices. They existed only for one purpose and now it doesn't even matter. We'll have to find a new way of supplying our warriors with life."

The Doctor finally snapped unable to listen any longer. "IT DOES MATTER! They could have lived you can't say that just because they never had a chance at life they didn't deserve it! You can't keep sacrificing those who you think don't matter! There will be consequences!"

Her face twisted and the Doctor had never seen anything so repulsive. "Is that a threat?"

"No."

"Make sure it's not you renegade. You don't want the council as your enemy." And with that she turned to leave. The Doctor was left with the flames. Why was he still fighting? These people didn't even deserve it. Cannibalizing their own race just to live a little longer. Leaving sounded like the best thing in the world. Better yet dying. Never having to see how far his own people had fallen. They were monsters. What did that make him? One of their best warriors?

He let his head fall and let the tears fall freely. Finally hearing the screaming in his head got to be too much. They were monsters but they were suffering and it was partially his fault. He would keep fighting and hope to find a solution. What else could he do?

Potential energy of an individual's time line is a powerful thing. One of the few truly immortal races in the universe survive off of it. So when the council started looming children just for the purpose of stealing their regenerations hundreds of timelines were created and then destroyed in an instant. It created an excess of energy and when the Daleks destroyed the looming banks all that energy gathered and created what became known as the nightmare child. It wandered through the battlefields draining all that came close to it of life. Trying to gain back what had been stolen from it.

The Doctor collapsed as he felt his time line split. NO! He had been so careful. Making sure that his time line was tightly contained. He looked up startled to find himself staring back. "You should leave now." The other him stated simply his own eyes were blank and the Doctor finally got to see himself. He was ragged he should have regenerated long ago. The scars crisscrossed across his entire body and he was favoring his left side. It wouldn't have been so shocking if it weren't a mirror image of himself.

The Doctor shook his head. "Arcadia is falling I can't leave."

The Doctor snorted. "You wont be leaving. I'll be right here. But I know what's going to happen and you have to leave. Try and save our timeline before they get to it." And with that the Doctor jumped up and ran into the fray towards a figure that appeared out of nowhere. The figure stumbled and let out a snarl and the Doctor backed away in shock. Tall muscular and cloaked in red the figure grabbed his double's head and pulled it sharply to the side snapping it. The Doctor gasped as he felt his own timeline start to die. The figure didn't pause however it simply raised its hand and the Doctor watched in horror as his own corpse sat up from the ground. With that time line dead the body should have disappeared in a sense it never existed. But now it had a time line of it's own. A never were.

He watched in horror and forced himself to stand and fight even as Daleks and Time Lords alike turned towards this new threat. The Daleks hailing their superiority as they killed the undead only to have them rise again. It was only when the Daleks upped the power and the whole body disintegrated that the battle started to turn. The Doctor was forced to watch as Arcadia fell. Not just to the Daleks but to their own collapsing timelines. The Neverweres.

Watching the main figure as he decimated the field the Doctor could feel nothing but pity. He didn't know who the Figure used to be. But it was obvious that they were in pain. Everyone was in pain. It was the only constant left. Everyone and everything was hurting and lashing out and trying to survive and committing horrors to do so. This was just the result of their actions. The result of fighting. The result of war.

When examining the Time war one has to realize that the battle wasn't just on one dimension and that the paradoxes that were beginning and ending and were permanent and then were never there were numerous. It was possible to live in one timeline and jump to another just like that. Everything was breaking down. It was possible to run into multiple versions of yourself doing the different paths all at the same moment and then have them disappear a second later because they existed and never were all at the same time. And that was where the Could've Been King came from.

The Doctor watched in horror as the Dalek emperor finally claimed the crucible. This was it. They couldn't keep going like this Time Lords were officially dying and running out of regenerations. The weapons the Time Lords were falling back on were ripping holes in space-time the nearby galaxies had been decimated. He had to know what to do next. He couldn't walk away from this he had been fighting for too long. He had killed too many times. He wasn't even sure if he knew how to stop fighting. And yet the horror was getting to him. He had to see Romana the only one who still called him Doctor. He had to see if there was an end in sight.

He traveled quickly and walked into the chamber with such single-minded focus that he nearly missed the people in the chamber. He couldn't miss the sound of a long lost voice though.

"Grandfather!" He froze. It couldn't be. He had checked up on her several times in his life making sure she was safe, but he hadn't seen her in years... not since Lucie. The Doctor shied away from the thoughts and tried to focus on Susan. She couldn't be here. She couldn't be a part of the horror. He wouldn't be able to deal with it if she was.

But suddenly there were arms around his waist. They were frail and he could feel the age in them. But there was no doubt it was her. Even if his hands had committed nothing but horrors for so long he automatically pulled her in and held her tight. She shouldn't be there but he couldn't help but feel grateful to feel the soft presence of a mind untouched by war.

"What are you doing here?" He asked roughly "You shouldn't be here."

"The council sent a message to every off world Gallifreyan asking for help. I wanted to come. I needed to find you first though. Oh grandfather it's been so long. It's time for me to regenerate though. I know my regenerations were locked before but you need help."

"No. We need your help now." The The Doctor looked up only to find that they were now alone in the room with the Council. Romana was standing looking on in horror. She looked up at him and the mental warning came to late. He screamed as Susan was ripped away from his arms.

"Stop it! STOP IT!" He screamed as the high councilor pulled Susan away and grabbed her head. His screams mixed with hers as he was forced to watch as Susan had her regenerations drained from her. He didn't even exist any more, he writhed against his captors. No longer having any rational thought. His only purpose was to destroy them. Destroy them all. He screamed as her body hit the floor. Finally going limp. He could feel his lips moving but didn't register on what he was saying. He had held her in his arms only moments ago.

He was done. He was ready to give up. There was no reason left to keep fighting. They didn't deserve it. They were going to rip the universe apart. They had killed Susan.

"I warned you." The Doctor's head snapped up to the woman he had seen so long ago in front of the burning looms. "You didn't want to make an enemy of the council. We needed a new way to get regenerations. So we took them from the traitors, the ones that left the planet. Will you be next?"

He wanted to be. There was nothing left. He watched in numb shock as the main councilor, Susan's killer, took in a deep breath. The Doctor winced as he felt the man's physic field expand across the whole planet.

'Master's of Time. We are facing our darkest hour. In order to face the oncoming battle's I have made the great sacrifice. I have merged myself with the Relics of Rassilon. I now have the power to consume the Daleks. We will emerge victorious. I am God! We have the divine ability to win this war. And now we shall. WE SHALL UNLOCK THE MOMENT AND DESTROY OUR ENEMIES! And when this is over the whole universe will know that we are the ultimate power. Nothing can stand in our way. We are the chosen! We will win! I will lead us in to victory! I am God! I am RASSILON!'

The Doctor had gone numb. No… No… They couldn't… They would. His horror was just cemented as he felt the entire planet send back the mental equivalent of a cheer. When had this happened? When had the battle shifted from defense to domination? When had they become desperate enough to destroy it all? And why had he been fighting with them at all?

He dropped as the guards finally let him go. They walked out of the chamber he just sat there shaking. A hand of his shoulder and he spun around only to find Romana there. "I tried." She whispered her voice conveying the mirror image of his own brokenness. "I couldn't stop them." He sat there unable to answer. The moment was broken when a time shift materialized in the middle of the chamber. The Doctor felt nothing as nearly a dozen Daleks appeared. Romana gave a scream and The Doctor jumped up going in to battle mode, Romana was still alive, Romana at least deserved a chance... He couldn't loose her too. Not even thinking, he grabbed her hand and they ran, energy beams missing them by inches. They ran to a corner and there was no sound both of their respiratory bypasses activated both of them freezing as the Daleks neared. Her voice echoed quietly through his mind. 'We can't let the council do this. They will destroy everything in the universe.'

'I know… but what else is there. Look at this. The Daleks have just broken into the last sanctuary. It's only a matter of time before they get the Hand of Omega and the Untempered Schism. Either the Daleks will destroy the universe or the Time Lords will! It's just a matter of choosing the lesser evil!'

'There's always a way out' Her plan flooded his mind and he stiffened. 'I wouldn't ask this of anyone but you know it's what has to happen.'

'How long have you been working on this?'

'Since the beginning, I did everything I could to make sure that the council never thought of using the Schism as a weapon.'

'But now you want to?'

'We have to. The entirety of existence is fraying at the seams. Half the monstrosities of this war weren't created until it started if the universe is to survive at all, then none of this can even be part of the fabric of time anymore. You know that.'

He shook his head slowly. 'We can't'

'We have to.' She insisted he pause his concentration slipping and then it was too late.

"EXTERMINATE!" The beam hit him straight on and he screamed and vaguely registered Romana whipping out her blaster and destroying the Dalek casing. He couldn't let himself regenerate. Look what it had done to everyone else. He couldn't let his own mind be changed not after being presented with the ultimate choice. He couldn't. He wouldn't. He had to.

The flames ripped at his body and Romana shied away. Years and years of holding back regeneration when he should have given in long ago made for an explosive ending. He tried to hold on but found himself slipping away. This was it. He hated it, he was dying and he was living, and he hated himself. He should have saved Susan. He should have stopped the council instead of turning a blind eye. He should have found a way to stop the Could've-Been-King, The Nightmare Child they were just victims twisted by the hatred of two powerful and dangerous species. He should have… He never would… He hated himself… He couldn't regenerate… He was done.

The Doctor stumbled back, clothes feeling tight and restricting, shoes that no longer fit, and knowing only two things. The first: Romana was right; It was the only option: Gallifrey had to burn. The second was that he hated himself and he would for the rest of his life. For all the choices he could have made, for what he was about to do, and for the question on whether or not he would have been able to make the choice without regeneration. He would hate himself.

"Let's move. We don't have much time." He vaguely registered a new voice and an accent he had never had before. But Romana was nodding and they split up as he made his way to his TARDIS. Romana would distract them. She would go to their new gathering place at the edges of the time war and keep them away from the point in time where he would steel the moment. It was the only way he would be able too... and when the final moment arrived she would be the conductor, the first and last thing to disappear when the moment channeled the vortex.

The TARDIS was in mourning. Had been since the TARDIS gardens had been destroyed but the sorrow and devistation was new. She knew what was coming, probably always had. He patted the console gently before directing the TARDIS to the moment. It was surprisingly easy to steal, he supposed he had Romana to thank for that.

The plan was simple. When Romana opened the Untampered Schism she would direct all the power to his TARDIS where he would use the moment to channel the energy to trap everything that had been touched by time energy within the last several years into an ever looping and shrinking moment until it was all gone. Romana would die trapped inside, and he would have to survive until the process was finished. He didn't let himself think as he prepared the TARDIS absently noting that the TARDIS had managed to gain complete access to all the Matrix information. She was a smart girl, but it wouldn't be necessary he planed to die after this. This was his last stand. He couldn't live in a universe like this anymore.

The energy transfer was blinding and powerful and he wouldn't have been able to direct it at all if the very fabric of the universe wasn't working with him. The universe itself wasn't quiet sentient, but it had a way of fixing problems and this time he was the one doing to fixing.

The screaming started soon after and he forced himself to go to the doors of the TARDIS and open them. He had to see the consequences. It was his penance.

Every scream as Time itself turned on its masters cut deep into his soul and with every moment his mind got quieter and quieter. And then it was over and he was the one screaming. He was done! Why wasn't he dead? Why did he have to be the one to end his own people? Why did he have to be the champion of the universe? WHY DID IT HAPPEN AT ALL?

It was over… and there was nothing left.

On a whole the society was corrupt. They had all been taught from a very young age that they were the universes most superior beings. They were taught to accept that the council knew best and that no matter what happened, time could and would be rewritten in a way that suited them. So when they finally got to the point where even Time could not continue on with their actions. The universe chose its champions: Romana to start the end, and the Doctor to finish it. It was fixed and it was eternal. The only way for the universe to survive. In the end no one won. Especially not the Doctor.