League of Crude Ghetto Speak

(A/N Because I can do nothing but gritty Wire inspired parodies. Fuck yeah lack of skill!)

Inspired by-Lord of the Pimp: The Quest for Teemo's Soul (Too much inspiration)

The Wire

Songs recommended to enhance your ghetto tour experience:

NWA-Fuck The Police

2pac-Last Wordz

NWA-Straight Outta Compton

NWA-Gangsta Gangsta

Any gangster rap that refers to either: 1. Having anal with women that have large butts, 2. Shooting a "bitch ass nigga"

The Ghetto near The Institute of War

Just another day-in the ghetto! So obviously some shit had to go down. And it was. Because what else happens in the ghetto? Character development? Soft-hearted family-friendly action? FUCK NO, THIS SOME HARDCORE GHETTO SHIT SON. WEST SIDDDEEEEEEEEE. Anyway, there were three ghetto-ass Summoners doing some ghetto-ass shit. Except they weren't very ghetto. They were some spoiled nobles who had a talent for magic. They only acted like gangsters because they had a Nine Millimeter...Penis (A/N Yes you can shoot me now) and they needed to compensate.

"Sheeeeeeeeeit son, dis mothafucka tried to gank me 5v1 but then I turned around and popped a cap in his ass, cuz they bitch ass-"

Fiora walked by and the chatty summoner quickly became silent. Until Fiora was out of range, of course.

"Daayyyyuuummmmmm, look at that ass yo! Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit."

The rather talkative summoner you have been listening to for about ten seconds was named Daniel. And he wasn't very gangster at all. Rather skinny and pale, you could tell he didn't get out much. At all.

"Hey, are the rest of you gonna talk? It's gettin' kinda lonely up here-"

"Bitch ain't nobody ask yo ass for something. Sheeeeit. Bitch ass cunt nig-"

This rather foul-mouthed Summoner was named LCS360Hardscope#YOLOSWAG420. For the sake of convenience, we'll just call him LCS. Another rather skinny and pale guy, he's the kind of guy who would just cuss instead of making actual conversation.

"Ya'll should be askin' this bitch ass to talk, this mothafucka ain't neva talk in 'is goddamn life, I fuckin' swear."

"I don't talk because ya'll asses talk too much already. Sheeeeeeit, police could be anywhere. Pigs fuckin' everywhere wit' 'em sight wards, ya 'erd."

And the final summoner in this rather generic piece of shitty exposition was Spider. Probably the only one who could pass for being gangster, he was part of one of the gangs fighting for control of the Ghetto near The Institute of War.

"So ya'll ready for this shit?"

The answer was a resounding yes. Being rather bored and wanting to live a "gangster" life, they were preparing for their initiation into the gang.

"So lemme explain. We gonna drive real slow past this punk ass mark on this here corner, pull out our HexTech Revolvers, pop a cap in his bitch ass, drive away, and ditch the weapons in the gutter. Ya'll bitches understand?"

The nervous silence implied compliance and a want to get this over with.

"A'ight, let's go."

They all hopped into a rather unremarkable Zaunite hover car.

"Damn son! Ya'll can't at least affo' no car wit some rims or some shit?"

"Shut up mothafucka, you wanna stand out while commitin' murda? Sheeeeeeeit."

That shut up the other two rather quickly.

The Corner of the "Bitch Ass"

0700 hours

Spider, LCS, Daniel

"Spider, dis some dramatic shit! Why 'e 'ave to kill a nigga to get 'to the crew? Can't we just do something like grab some ass then run away?"

"Nigga, this ain't High School. Dis is just normal err' day life in the ghetto, wit' a murder err' day."

"CSI Piltover never prepared me for this! I thought all murders were tragic stories about white women getting knifed and the chasin' the bad guy and the emotional family fallout and-"

Spider turned around in his seat to face Daniel.

"Well ya shoulda watched The Wire. This is real fuckin' life, and ain't no bitch asses callin' the cops to us by killin' white people."

The car went silent as their target approached. The target wasn't that different from any other person on the Corner, chilling out in a lawn chair. Oddly though, he looked afraid.

Spider drove the car quickly past the Corner. Daniel and LCS unloaded on "Bitch Ass."

All was well until a gunshot shattered the back hood of their car.

"OH SHIT MOTHAFUCKA GET YO BITCH ASS OUT OF HERE DAMN SPIDA FLOOR DAT SHIT SQUEEZE IT NIGGA AHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Meanwhile, in a building nearby...

"Cupcake, I don't quite remember assassins doing drive-bys screaming like a little bitch. What did you do?"

"I shot the window to incapacitate the driver. One of the shooters blocked my bullet."

"Still doesn't explain why the other shooter's hysterical and screaming like a BITCH."

"I don't know why either. Maybe they were gay or something?"

Back to our "heroes"

Spider was flooring the gas pedal.

"DAMN NIGGA, WHY U SCREAMIN' SO LOUD. HE AIN'T EVEN DEAD. IT JUST GRAZED HIS MOTHAFUCKIN' SHOULDER. YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?!"

But Daniel's screaming was the least of Spider's worries.

"How did they know about our assassination, anyway?"

(insert Terminator 2 Theme here)

END CHAPTER 1

DUH DUH DUH DUH DUHNNNNNNNNNN

(A/N GG WP Pls don't report. Anyway, any mistakes you see, comments, criticisms, flames, anything at all-press that review button. Do eet.)