Blue In My Eyes

by wrestlefan4

Leonard McCoy. A sad drabble type thing. Reflecting on when he left for Starfleet, aching from the loss of his wife, and the years to come when... it still hurts even after all that time.

~First thing I have posted on here in over a year. Inspired by the song Heartbreak Station by Cinderella. Go check youtube. Your feels will thank/curse you for listening. Reviews are love, as is Leonard McCoy~

-x-

Packed my bag. There wasn't much left to put in it. Slung it over my shoulder. It felt like the weight of the world down upon me. Head hung low as I boarded that shuttle. Decided to go where somebody needed me. Just needed somebody to need me.

Thought I'd go as far away from you as I could go. Tilted my head back to look up at the sky. Told myself the tears in my eyes were only stars. Told myself I couldn't save you, or me, or us. But these hands know what they're doing even if my heart is feeling numb full of scars.

I can trust these hands, can't trust much else.

This uniform feels like a cage instead of an escape. I still feel trapped so far away. Open spaces fill my lungs with an ache. Tightness in my chest I just can't shake. There's blood on my hands, another one slipped away. Amber fire in a bottle. Still trying to forget you. God damn I tried my best, god damn I try every day.

Time slips and I learn to smile. Hiding my pain once in awhile. Behind my work, behind my grin. The blue in my eyes is there because you put it in.

There's blue in my eyes because you put it in.

And once I met a man who shined like the sun. Golden, and steady, alive with a glow. He calls me Bones, an irony, 'cause you took my heart and you scarred my soul. Sometimes I feel like my flesh has fallen away. Another cold kiss from burning glass lips, and I fall on my knees but forget how to pray.

Get up again when the red alarm sounds. Picking these cold bones up off of the ground.

I can mend skin, and muscle, organ and bone. I can make laughter out of a moan.

But I couldn't save what mattered the most.

Our life.

Looking down at my hands and noticing the lines. Wondering when I grew so old on the outside. It's long past time I should have let you go. But darling this old soul was bound to yours so long ago.

I don't know how to undo myself from you. New lines on my face just remind me I'm getting older, best years behind me. One time we planned to do this together. But I'm still alone and for the life of me...

I don't know how to make it alright.