They were alone in Casey's house. It was very common now, since Sam started to go to college for some adaptation classes during summer holidays. Her mother was starting her new business and her father was working, as always.
In the last month, Casey stopped counting how many times she had had sex with Evan. Though it wasn't a great quantity, she had bigger problems. She thought about Izzie the entire day, except when they were together. Every single time Casey was cuddling with Evan, even after sex, Izzie appeared in her thoughts.
After Sam's graduation night she couldn't help it. But then it became an habit and she wasn't happy at all. She felt guilty as fuck because of Evan, and beside it wasn't fair for Izzie either.

So, that afternoon, even with the house alone for them, Casey asked Evan if they could talk about something. They were cuddling in Casey's bed in silence.

"So…" he started, "what was that thing you wanted to tell me?"

Casey felt relief about he began the conversation, and the best part was he didn't try to do any jokes. But, anyway, she felt sick. Trying to avoid the sensation of an imminent heart attack she said "Yeah… about that… I need you to listen to me, carefully and calmly."

"Ok"

"I have been… worried about something that's only happening in my head… maybe?"

Evan looked at her confused, but he let her talk.

"It's like… I have some shit to figure it out, and I don't know where can I begin. But I do know I have to deal with it, and I have to do it alone."

Casey made a long pause, so Evan felt free to say "I don't get what are you talking about."

"I've been having feelings for someone else, Evan." She said with her voice cracked, and finally looked at him, to find how he took it. He just swallowed hard and she saw how something broke inside him. "The problem is… I still love you, and I don't want to break up with you, but I'm not going to do that to you. I can't…" the tears in her eyes were about to come out.

"You… ehm... do you want us to break up?" he asked with puppy eyes, trying to sound calm.

"No, but it's just not fair to you… imagine having a girlfriend who has feelings for another person too. It's nonsense."

"But we can fix it… I mean, am I doing something wrong?

"No, no, no." Casey rushed to answer, she put a hand in his cheek, "I don't have any problem with you, ok? It's just me. You are a perfect boyfriend, who has a shitty girlfriend. I'm so sorry, Evan."

"You are not a shitty girlfriend. What are you talking about, Casey?" he asked her with a strange expression in his face. He sighed and look at the ceiling.

"I want to tell you who is-"

"No, there's no need." He cut her off.

"Yes. I need it."

"It's not going to change anything…"

"Yes, Evan. It's going to make you realise it's not your fault at all."

"It's not that douchebag Nate, right?" he asked worried, looking at her again.

"No" said Casey with a little smile, "No!" she repeated after thought about him. "How do you believe I'm going to have feelings for that asshole?"

Evan shrugged, "Who is he, then? Do I know him?"

"It's not he... " Casey looked down for a moment still with tears in her eyes, and then she forced herself to look in the eyes to her boyfriend. "It's she."

She looked guilty, like she did something with Izzie.

Evan went completely silent, with a blank expression in his eyes. He looked at the ceiling once more and then, Casey heard a really low "It's Izzie… right?"

"Yes… Izzie." answered Casey in the same tone. "Tell me something, please." She asked after a few minutes in silence.

"I don't know what to say… I don't want to lose you, Casey."

"I don't want it either, but when I'm with you I think about her. And when I'm with Izzie, I think about you." She was about to cry "I don't know! I don't know why is happening this to me. To us! You are the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. Any girl actually, and you fell in love with an idiot like me! You deserve better. I know that, but everytime I'm with her it's more difficult to hide my feelings away. And it's like I'm cheating on you.

"Something happened with her?"

"NO!" She screamed. "I will never do that to you, or to anyone."

"Well, you are not an idiot, Case. You are a beautiful person and… it's not like you asked for. Maybe, if you have some time… You will find out what you want."

Casey was so thankful with him for not saying that her feelings for Izzie will disappear in a few weeks.

"I can wait for you. I will…" he continued while he took her hand.

"I can't ask you to do that. It's not fair… or right."

"I know you aren't asking me for anything. I want to do it. Because I love you… I'm still your boyfriend," that's all she could take. The tears were streaming all over her face wetting Evan's shirt. "and I wanna be there for you."

"But I cannot promise you anything," she said sobbing "I don't know what am I going to decide."

"I know, I know. I'm not gonna push you or anything. But maybe… I don't know, Casey. Maybe it's just a crush?" He asked softly, only because he wanted to have some hope.

"Yeah, maybe…" Casey said to comforting him, she couldn't hurt him more for that day.

And a part of her was so afraid that wasn't just a crush, maybe if she said it out loud it would be true. She were so sad, and the fact that Evan understood it so well and calmly made her feel even worse.

"Thank you," she said smiling at him. "you are always so patient with me. I don't deserve it."

"It's not your fault, Casey. I mean… I'm not happy, of course. But it's not your fault. And you have to know I'm not gonna give up on us, until you tell me so at least."

"Okay, but please, don't have any hopes."

"I'm gonna try it."

They smiled sadly to each other while he wiped out the tears almost dry in Casey's face.

"Well, I think I'm gonna leave you alone, is that right?"

"Yes, are you going to be fine? You can stay here for a little while…"

"There's no need. I wanna take a walk."

He kissed her on her head and then walked out Casey's room closing the door carefully. Casey sighed and put her hands in her face. She just wanted to disappeared and stop thinking. Her phone rang when she received a new message. Casey took it and when she read the name 'Izzie' smiled immediately and at the same time she felt guilty as usual for it.

It definitely wasn't just a crush.

A month had happened since that night. Since the moment that definitely changed something inside Casey.

They were holding hands without looking at each other. And when Casey finally could talk, Izzie cut her off.

"Izzie…"

"I know, it's okay, Case."

She only used her real name when it was a serious thing. Casey felt how Izzie let her hand go and in that moment, she knew it was the worst thing she ever felt.

"Hey," started Izzie in a cheerful tone, just to pretend everything was good between them. "You have to tell me about Sam's speech."

"Yeah…" Casey said a little bit confused.

"I think it's better to go home, it's getting late so tell me while we come back. But tell me everything."

Casey started the car trying to look normal around her. Mostly because she was acting like nothing happened.

And now there she were. Laying in the bed with her phone in her hands reading Izzie's message.

"Hello, stranger!"

Casey read those two words like fifty times. Izzie was right, she hadn't seen her in like four days. Mostly because in the last few days she made up a lot of excuses to be alone. She wanted to think but in the end she decided she had to talk with Evan. Anyway, she wasn't willing to tell Izzie about her feelings for her. Maybe if she got drunk again with that expensive vodka.

"Hey, what's up?" She texted back trying to sound relax.

"What is your excuse for today? Did you break a nail, maybe?"

"Actually, I was thinking to call for a doctor, I cannot feel my ears!" But then she sent another message.

"What do you wanna do?"

Talk to her was so easy, she doesn't have to think what she wanna said, it was like the words went out by itself.

"Don't know. I'm like super bored here..."

"Me too. Wanna hang out? We can build another fort tonight."

"Ok. We have a deal, Newton."

Casey smiled like the teenage she was, allowing herself to be happy only for a moment. Until she realized they were going to be alone again that night. She hoped nothing 'weird' happen between them again, because she won't be able to contain herself. Being with Izzie in the last weeks demanded so much self control.

But it won't happen anything, she promised herself in silence. She would have to do it. Not only for her, but for Evan and Izzie too.

Despite Casey spent four days avoiding Izzie, she was desperate to hang out with her and that made Casey felt weird and afraid of what could happen. Especially, that night when they were going to sleep in a fort made of blankets, sheets and pillows, just the two of them.

But when she heard the doorbell and knew Izzie was outside waiting, she couldn't help it and went running to open the door.

They had dinner with Casey's parents and Sam. Casey loved how much her brother liked Izzie. And of course she liked him as well. The only problem was that makes everything more complicated for Casey. Even though he always liked Evan as well, with Izzie it was something more special. They could talk about animals and biology. Sam had a connection with her, he couldn't have with Evan.

After the dinner, they went to watch something boring about penguins they've already watched like five times, or that was Casey thought.

Nevertheless, Izzie was really excited and genuily amazed with those animals and she spent the whole documentary asking questions to Sam.

Surprisingly for Casey, Sam didn't complain about Izzie's questions. Maybe because it was his fifth time watching it or it could be he always wanted to talk to someone as much as excited about this animals as him. When it finally finished, he said goodbye and went to his room.

"He is incredible." She said still looking at Sam who was already in the stairs. "He knows a lot about animals."

Casey was bored but Izzie's happiness was contagious.

"I know." She replied proudly because that guy was her older brother.

"So... Are you going to build that fort or what?" she asked turning around to face Casey.

"Right, yeah. Come on. We can do it in my room…"

Izzie looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"The fort…" Casey added stupidly.

"Yes… I didn't say anything." Izzie shrugged pretending an innocent look but her little smile made Casey felt a little bit nervous, so she pushed her softly.

"Shut up."

While Casey was picking some blankets and sheets, Izzie changed her clothes and put her own pajamas. When she came back to the room, Casey was looking inside her closet, so Izzie took advantage of her and thrown a pillow into Casey's head.

"Hey!" Casey said looking at her and returning the hit with the same pillow.

Izzie took another one and thrown it at Casey again.

But Casey couldn't catch it because she was holding two blankets, and the pillow hit her in the eye.

"Fuck!" She said, letting the blankets fall and covering her left eye with her hands. It was really painful so she pressed hard to stop the sensation. Casey run to her feeling really guilty.

"Shit! It wasn't my intention, honey. Let me see."

"I'm fine." Casey said with both hands still in her eye and her face all wet because of the tears.

"You're not fine, Casey! Let me see!"

Izzie grabbed Casey's hands and forced her to put it away.

"Open" She said with her hands in Casey's face. "Open the eye, Newton."

Casey blinked several times. She couldn't see well because of the tears. Izzie blew softly into Casey's eye to calm down the pain. They were too close again. Izzie's breath was fresh and really helped with the pain. Casey didn't feel nervous about having Izzie so close of her, probably because she was seeing everything blurry.

"Can you see? Do you want some ice?"

"I'm fine." Casey said again laughing.

"I'm so sorry, I thought you were going to catch it. Are you sure you are okay?" asked Izzie wiping the tears out of Casey's cheek.

"Yes!" answered Casey still seeing bright dots with her left eye.

"Would you forgive me, please?"

"I'm gonna think about it, but for sure, I'm not going to build any fort now." She said, sitting on her bed.

"Yes, you will." Replied Izzie laughing and picking up the pillow.

"Why are you so sure?" She asked wiping the dry tears.

"Because you love me… despite everything."

"Maybe that's what you think…" Said Casey, crossing her arms around an unfolding blanket.

"Or maybe you cannot lie to me…" Izzie replied sitting next to her, hugging the pillow.

Casey raised an eyebrow but she was too tired of hiding her feelings all the time, and she didn't feel like pretending. Not even joking.

"That's true… I cannot lie to you. And I don't want to either."

"So… that means you are going to build the fort?"

"Only if you help me."

Izzie jumped out the bed smiling like a child.

"Let's go!". She took Casey's hands and helped her to get up.

Casey couldn't do anything but smiled radiantly at her friend. For god's sake. She loved that girl.