What's left of me

Cousland/ Alistair

Cousland/Teagan

Set around the fall of the Archdemon, Alistair deals the fatal blow ending the blight. Kaylee helps rebuild Fereldan, and the Grey wardens while dealing with her loss. Fergus has yet to be found, eventual Cousland/Teagan Pairing.

AN: And it starts, this plot bunny has been rolling in my head for some time now, and I always wondered why no Teagan pairings? He's a drool worthy, virtuous man, and the Female Warden flirts with him. So why no Teagan love? I decided that needed to change. Thanks for bearing with me, I've never written action before, I think it might take some practice. Also I want to thank my lovely readers, and don't worry I have no intention of dropping Ties that bind. It will be finished; I just had a bit of writer's block.

Author Shout Out: The wonderfully talented Erynnar. If you have not read Soulmates, you must rectify that. It is one of the best fics I've ever read. Erynnar you have inspired me to write Cousland. I was primarily F Tabris/Alistair, now I'm writing Coulsand/Teagan. Will wonders never cease? *Muwah * Much love Dearie.

Ch 1: Keep holding on

Finally they had made it, the top of Fort Drakon, where the Archdemon was waiting. This is what they had been working for, fighting for. Kaylee glanced to her left, Alistair flashed her a smile, and nodded. Soon it would all be over.

They had all watched in horror as Riordan's body fell to the ground with a sickening crunch, unable to do anything for him. Kaylee knew at that moment what she must do; she had to take the final blow herself. Alistair had to survive, he had to lead his people, and she was expendable. She felt a bitter pang of regret, for all the moments she would be depriving him of. All the memories they would never have.

Kaylee looked back at her companions. Zevran skillfully dispatched a group of Glenocks. His movements were so graceful; it was a beautiful, deadly dance. Leliana had gone ahead with a group of elves, both Dalish and from the Alienage, and led them into a sniper position. Wynne had briefly caught Kaylee's eyes. The look on the mage's face… it was so sad, like she saw what the young warden planned to do. Without a word, Kaylee charged, and plowed through the center of the darkspawn horde. She came through, spinning and slashing. Her speed and stamina was incredible to watch. The bard and the Assassin had taught her well.

While the horde had kept her busy, Alistair and Morrigan had circled the great dragon. Alistair settled into an intricate dance; jump, parry, thrust, bash. Kaylee and Zevran fought their way toward them, but they came too late. All she could do was watch in horror, as Alistair severed the dragon's head. Kaylee felt her legs start to crumble under her, a pounding in her ears as the whole world seemed to move in slow motion. Zevran caught her as she fell, and held her close.

She kicked and pushed away from him, refusing the support. She rushed forward, not stopping till she reached her fallen beloved. She cradled his broken body in her arms, her throat burned with rage, her eyes moist with the tears already threatening to fall. "You stupid, sodding nughumper! It should have been me…"

He reached up, and lightly touched her face. "Such language for a lady… You've been spending too much time with Oghren." He coughed, as his breathing turned shallow.

"Oh Alistair… don't leave me." She leaned forward and kissed him. "I can't go on without you." She grasped his hand in hers, holding on like her life depended on it.

Alistair gave her one of his trademark smiles. "Yes, you can. I …love you.. Kaelea Cousland…" Then his body went slack, and Alistair Theirin was gone. Kaylee threw herself over his body, and wept bitterly. Sick with grief, she refused to be moved.

Below, at the city gates, the Army had been holding their position. The men had rejoiced when they saw the burst of light from the top of Fort Drakon. Teagan sheathed his weapon, and went around to check on the troops. He stopped briefly in front of the Arl. "You alright, brother?" Eamon chuckled, "I think I'm getting too old for this, Teagan." The young Bann laughed, "No arguments here Brother."

Bruiser, Kaylee's faithful Mabri let out a long, mournful howl. It was quite unnerving to the rest of the party, it was almost as if the dog knew something they all didn't.

Teagan nervously looked back at the hound, and then cleared his throat. "You don't think.." He couldn't even bring himself to ask. No, they would be fine; Wardens are made of tougher stuff.

"Kadan will not fail." The stoic Qunari spoke to no one in particular, his voice was steady, his eyes never flinching.

Oghren came up beside the two nobles, and took a long swig from his flask. "The Warden doesn't know how to fail, and she's too ornery to die. She'll be fine."

"Maker's Breath!" The rest of the small group turned to see what the Bann was pointing at. Kaylee and the small advance party were making their way through the gates, at a very slow pace. It was soon evident as to why. They had taken a few injuries, but most importantly they were carrying the body of a fallen comrade. It only took one look for Teagan to recognize him. "Eamon…." His voice wavered, "It's Alistair…"

The Guerrins rushed forward to help, after a moment Teagan had to look away. It hurt to see Alistair like that; he was covered in blood, and grime. His armor was heavily dented, and stained. It was so hard to believe that this was the same little boy he used to wrestle with, that he went riding with…. They may not have been related by birth, but he had always loved the boy like his own flesh and blood. He looked over at the young woman that had captured Alistair's heart. Her face was so pale, even more so then was normal for her.

"My Lady?" Before he could finish, her steps faltered, and she fell forward. Before anyone could react, the Qunari caught her. "Kadan.." She had been wounded far worse than she let on. If something was not done fast, they could lose her too. Kaylee trembled in his grasp, "Don't leave me…." She whispered, and then Kaelea Cousland knew no more…

Kaylee had been unconscious for quite a few days, it seemed as if there was nothing anyone could do for her. Even Wynne could not tell if the young woman would yet make it. There was nothing else the mage could do for her, she was still alive, but nothing would rouse her. It was almost as if she was lost to the fade.

Bruiser had refused to leave her side, no one dared to try and move him. He slept on the bed next to his mistress, positioning himself between her and the entrance. Kaylee's friends and well-wishers drifted in often to check on her, all except one. Morrigan had left right after the battle; she had vanished without so much as a goodbye. It had struck the older mage as odd, since the only person the apostate seemed to care for was at death's door.

Kaylee began to stir, her hound woofed softly, brining the mage's attention. Wynne leaned over her, checking her over once more. Kalylee slowly opened her eyes, "Mother…" her voice sounded weak and scared. Wynne chuckled to herself.

"No child, just someone who loves you like one." She breathed a sigh of relief; she had been so worried they would lose her also. Bruiser licked his mistress' face, and barked happily. After a moment, he jumped down, and ran down the hall.

Kaylee tried to sit up, then groaned and fell back on the pillows. Her side and shoulders felt stiff, like they were still healing. "Easy child, you gave us quite a scare." Wynne sat down next to her, as she continued to fuss over the young woman.

Kaylee bit her lip, she was almost afraid to ask. "And…Alistair?" Wynne averted her gaze and sadly shook her head. "I'm so sorry dear one… What do you remember?"

Kaylee felt the tears sting her eyes, and she just let them fall. She was tired of being strong for everyone else, tired of holding it in. "I… I had hoped it was just a dream. It should have been me Wynne. He shouldn't have died..."

It was heartbreaking; Wynne was at a loss of what to do for her. She had been afraid the end would part the two lovers. "He saved you Kaylee. It's because of him, you still here."

Kaylee shivered despite the warm weather. "You should have just left me Wynne, you should have just let me die." She shook as she wept. She knew it was crazy, but she kept expecting Alistair to walk through the door, and tell her it was all a cruel joke.

Wynne flinched like she'd been burned. She knew the young woman had lost a great deal in such a sort time. Her whole family killed in front of her, her brother was still missing, and all her friends had perished due to a jealous man's betrayal. Her mentor that had saved her life only to be sacrificed to the blight and finally the only man she ever loved. She had to watch them all die, and had been powerless to do anything about it. Unsure of what else to do, Wynne held the young woman close, much as a mother would do to comfort her child.

Finally Kaylee spoke, "why did it have to be him, Wynne?" The older woman smoothed her hair from her eyes, and kissed her forehead. "I don't know dear one…. I just don't know."

Kaylee took a deep breath, "How do I go on with out him? I don't think I can." The mage smiled, and wiped her tears away. "You can by taking it one day at a time, and let your friends help you. We're all here, lean on us when the burden becomes too great."

"Ah.. My dear warden, you finally see fit to grace us with your presence." Kaylee looked in the direction of the door, Zevran had propped himself right inside the doorway; and crossed his arms. "So my lovely Wynne, It seems I must survive poisoning to get near your delectable bosoms? Why didn't you just say so?"

Kaylee blushed and looked down, her memory had flooded back and she was so ashamed of how she'd treated him that day. "Zev…. I'm so sorry. I…"

The Antivian crossed over, and knelt next to her bed. "My dear Kaylee, it is all forgotten." He grasped her hand in his and kissed it.

Kaylee breathed a sigh of relief, and then furrowed her brow. "Wait… did you say poison?" The blonde assassin smirked, "Yes my warden, I did. Unfortunately, you got a shall we say 'healthy' dose fighting the darkspawn in the last battle."

"Luckily, Zevran was familiar with the type of poison, and knew the proper antidote to give you." Wynne added.

Zevran suggestively waggled his eyebrows and winked. "What can I say, I'm a man of many talents."

"And modesty is at the top of the list." Kaylee felt a small smile grace her lips. Maybe Wynne was right. She just needed to take it one day at a time. Her train of thought was broken by the sound coming down the hall. Her hound had returned with Sten, Shale, Oghren, and Leliana in tow. Bruiser then jumped back on the bed, and woofed softly. Kaylee reached over and patted his head.

Leliana had brought a tray, and placed it on the bedside table before sitting next to her bedside. "You gave us quite a scare dear sister." A look of relief washed over the orlesian, the dark circles under her eyes still apparent. "You really should eat something, you were out for a few days."

"I'm sorry Leli, It wasn't the plan." She sighed, knowing Leliana was right, but her appetite wasn't there. Her stomach so queasy, Kaylee wasn't sure if she'd ever want food again. Kaylee took a deep breath, as she willed her stomach to settle.

Sten bowed his head to her as he spoke. "Kadan." He was never one for many words, but his meaning always shone through. Kaylee reciprocated the gesture. "Thank you Sten."

"It's good ta see ya up and around Warden." Oghren took a long draft from his flask, and belched loudly. Kaylee couldn't help but laugh, "You too my friend…. You too." The dwarf had always been able to make her laugh even when she didn't feel like it. It was a rare gift.

Finally she looked over at Shale, she was leaning in the corner. "I am relieved it did not break permanently. It was gravely injured." The golem spoke simply, with her arms folded; as she usually did. Kaylee noticed several of Shale's crystals were cracked; she made a mental note to purchase some new ones for her.

"So am I, Shale. Indeed it could have been much worse." Kaylee took a long look around the room, and her heart sank. She turned back to Leliana. "Morrigan? Is she?" The words stuck in her throat, she just couldn't bring herself to ask.

The companions shared a glance; the room was so quiet they could have heard a nug's nose twitch. Finally Zevran stepped forward, "Morrigan is … gone my Warden." Kaylee stared at the antivian like she hadn't heard right. "What do you mean, gone?"

He cleared his throat and continued. "Let me clarify, she is not dead. She left, shortly after you fell; she just left, with out a word to anyone." Kaylee fingered the intricate band on her right index finger, 'just left…' She knew their task was done, but she thought their friendship had meant something to the witch, something more than that. Finally she spoke.

"I had hoped…" a single tear rolled down her cheek. One question hung in the air, a question that no one in attendance had an answer for. 'Why?' Kaylee looked around at her friends gathered around the room. She felt so loved and cared for, the feeling enveloped her like a blanket. As difficult as the coming days would be, she felt she might be able to go on with her new family around her.