Why can't I love her? She's smart, funny, hell I'm pretty sure she had my kid! And yet still nothing. I do not love Lisa Braeden. When she's upset I don't cry for her sorrow, not even on the inside. The only reasons I'm staying is for Sammy and Ben.
Why can't it be perfect?
This loves not even real
Why don't I cry for you?
Love was dead from the start
I don't crave her body, no matter what bendy shenanigans the Gumby Girl creates. I don't need her and if I left I would forget her, just like last time. But still I stay with her and stay faithful, because I actually do care about her. I play along with her. Pretend we are perfect. But this life is just a lie.
I don't want you I don't need you I will forget you
It doesn't matter
I will play along , writing our song , we are perfect¨
I love you
I can't see why she doesn't say anything. I mean is she blind! Can she not see that I don't love her and she's not strong enough to work this out? Maybe she doesn't want to see.
When I think about it too much she asks if something is wrong. But I just smile and tell her that we will be together forever. Just another patch on a relationship with more holes than Swiss cheese.
No this is all wrong
why aren't you gone?
I know you're not that strong
don't listen to me
we will always be
so perfectly happy
I'm no Tiger Woods, but I can't help but feel that I abuse her with all this lying. It's not like she can tell even though my façadeis flimsy at best.
Every night I dream of hunting. Of Ghoulies and Ghosties and Long-Legged Beasties. Of demons and the Impala and Sam. I even dream of witches and that's saying something. These are the dreams that get me through the day. But then there are the dreams that make me yearn for my old life.
The greatest of my dreams are the ones of a certain dark-haired beauty. These dreams should be of her. But instead of cheery brown eyes, in my dreams I see deep indigo ones full of innocence and power. I see trench coats and muscles and wings black as night and soft as the clouds that float upon it. I can feel his hands on me pleasuring me in ways I could never consciously imagine as I moan his name. Castiel.
But I could never have him. How could a human and an angel ever be together?So Cas continues to be the Juliet to my Romeo and Lisa continues to be the Duckie to my Andie.
the lies you succumb to
blissfully unaware
I don't know how you can't
see through my façade
What I would give to be with Cas. To run away and hunt like the good old days. But I vowed not only to my brother but to Lisa and Ben that I would take care of them. I'm many things but I never go back on my word and I never let down my family.
I don't want you I don't need you I will forget you
It doesn't matter
I will play along, writing our song, we are perfect¨
I love you
I continue to live this lie. I hate it. I hate my job. I hate my car. I even hate my house. I think she sees that. She tries to be spontaneous and exciting but I just can't be settled. I need to move. To stay in cheap motels and cross the country in two days in the impala just to check out a stupid vengeful spirit. But she still wants to play house.
no this is all wrong
why aren't you gone?
I know you're not that strong
don't listen to me
we will always be
so perfectly happy
Maybe one day a guy will catch her eye. Some Joe- Schmoe business type who's as boring and the hybrid he drives. Someone who will love her like I did once upon a time in a land far far away. I pray to Castiel every night for it. He never answers.
and maybe one day I will
get to see your smile
in the arms of someone
who loves you like I do
I can't keep this up much longer. I want to leave but I don't want to hurt her. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place with no way out. I need a miracle to drop out of the sky and rescue me.
no, this is all wrong
why aren't you gone?
I know you're not that strong
She won't leave me though. She's too happy. I have a better chance of Azazel trying to kill me in my garage followed by Sam rescuing me like some prince charming. But hey, a guy can dream can't he?
don't listen to me
we will always be
so perfectly happy