Chapter 1: Scene 1
Take 1
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Footsteps
They had become his alarm clock all too quickly.
Well, in all actuality, the mammoth being they belonged to made it so that they were less footsteps and more reminiscent of a stampede of elephants running above him.
"Damn you Dudley. Your fat ass needs some kind of counseling or something. No, forget counseling, you need weight management. No, not even that. More a gastric bypass and emergency liposuction." Harry muttered to himself as he sat up, wiping the plaster off of his exposed upper body.
It was damn hilarious to him how something that big had this immense need to get even bigger. And how he was willing to actually run to get more food…Harry laughed every time he thought of his humongously rotund cousin.
But as he rose, or attempted to rise from the makeshift…
Bang, Flop Flop Flop, Crash, Thud!
Director: Goddammit…someone get him some help…
Harry: What happened?
Director: Dudley fell down the stairs, and, subsequently, through the floor. Shooting's done for today, guys, we're gonna need to get Dudley out of the cellar and patch this hole up.
Harry (Snickering): Alright, I'll go check my lines over for next chapter in my trailer, could someone get me out of here?
Director (Sigh): The dangers of working with overweight actors these days…I knew we shouldn't have granted that wish from the Make-A-Wish Foundation…I get it, he's dying from morbid obesity, but I'm sure he had a bigger wish than to be featured in a Harry Potter Fan Fiction production…
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Chapter 1: Scene 3.5
Take 2
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And this literally scared the hell out of Harry.
And he contemplated what to do. He could try and run, but the pain was still gripping him in the after-current of the curse, and it was beginning to get much colder. And he was sure that running would do no good, he had seen how quickly the one he called Black Eyes could move.
Suddenly there was the sound of footfall again, and the figure before Harry was looking around some more, his white hair getting in his face every so often. But he smiled as he finally looked back to Harry, ruffled his hair a bit and then turned and lifted his backpack.
As Harry saw this, he turned as he heard a group of people break through the trees behind him. And as he looked, he was able to make out the reflective, bald head of Kingsley Shacklebot, the frighteningly electric pink shade of Nymphadora Tonks' hair, and the incredibly unique silhouette of "Mad Eye" Moody.
Bam.
Kyoto: Goddammit. Who put this root here?
Director: Someone help Kyoto up, please.
Kyoto: And move that damn root.
Director: Yes, and someone move that root…
Director (Muttering): How hard is it to just not trip over the goddamned root?
Kyoto (Shouting): I heard that! You try and avoid the roots in pitch darkness wearing size 15 boots, ok! That shit isn't easy!
Director (Shouting): You don't actually have to walk anywhere. As long as you are away from the camera, you'll be fine.
Kyoto: …Hmm…Well…you shoulda told me that beforehand!
Director: All you have to do is not draw attention to yourself.
Kyoto: I'm 6'5" with white hair, standing in a forest setting cast entirely in darkness. That's like asking Snape to not suck as an actor.
Snape (Shouting): Hey! I resent that! I'll have you know I trained at the top acting and improv schools in the world!
Kyoto (Muttering): And yet you still can't sell an asskicking. You flub that fucking fall one more time, and I'm hitting you for real.
Director: Do what you have to do to make the scene.
Kyoto (Grinning): Ok, I will. But I'm adding something to my contract for next chapter.
Director: Oh?
Kyoto (Walking off): Yes. No Goddamned visible, above-ground roots!
Bam!
Kyoto: Dammit!!
Director (Muttering): How the hell do you trip over the rug at the entrance to your own trailer?
Kyoto (Shouting): Fuck you, man!
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Chapter 1: Scene 5
Take 1
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"Fate." Harry stated, completely lost.
"Yes, Fate. But I have come upon a name from another culture that I like much more that that crude word western civilization has given me. You, my good boy, can call me Karma."
"And I'd like it if you called me Harry, not some stupid 'my dear boy' or something. You aren't my mother."
"You are right there, de…Harry. However, I feel the need to show a great deal of love towards you. I must say, I have been somewhat of a…bitch to you so far, wouldn't you say?"
Harry sat there, staring at her. He was…lost. Completely swimming in information, confusion and a mix of lack of understanding and complete enlightenment. Completely…staring down her shirt.
Karma: Harry…
Harry: …
Karma: Harry…
Harry: …
Director: Cut!
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Chapter 1: Scene 5
Take 2
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"Fate." Harry stated, completely lost.
"Yes, Fate. But I have come upon a name from another culture that I like much more that that crude word western civilization has given me. You, my good boy, can call me Karma."
"And I'd like it if you called me Harry, not some stupid 'my dear boy' or something. You aren't my mother."
"You are right there, de…Harry. However, I feel the need to show a great deal of love towards you. I must say, I have been somewhat of a…bitch to you so far, wouldn't you say?"
Harry sat there, staring at her. He was…lost. Completely swimming in information, confusion and a mix of lack of understanding and complete enlightenment.
Completely…staring down her shirt.
Again.
Karma: Harry…Not again…
Harry: …
Karma: Harry…Goddammit, wake up
Harry: …Boobies…
Director: Fuckin' A…Cut!
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Chapter 1: Scene 5
Take 3
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"Fate." Harry stated, completely lost.
"Yes, Fate. But I have come upon a name from another culture that I like much more that that crude word western civilization has given me. You, my good boy, can call me Karma."
"And I'd like it if you called me Harry, not some stupid 'my dear boy' or something. You aren't my mother."
"You are right there, de…Harry. However, I feel the need to show a great deal of love towards you. I must say, I have been somewhat of a…bitch to you so far, wouldn't you say?"
Harry sat there, staring at her…
Karma: Wait. Cut.
Director: Um…cut? Only I can say cut.
Karma: Then say it, I have an idea.
Director: Um…cut?
Karma: Thanks. Harry come with me.
Harry: Um…ok…
--Karma and Harry walks off to the side.--
--They talk for a moment.--
--Karma grabs the sides of her top and unbutton them, and then pulls them apart, flashing Harry.--
--After a bit of talking again, she re-buttons her shirt and they walk back over.--
Harry: Okay, I'm ready.
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Chapter 1: Scene 5
Take 4
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"Yes Severus, it may be, or may have been. But a child stripped of their innocence is like unleashing a spiteful demon on a room full of people with a loaded pistol in hand."
Director: And that's a wrap on the Pilot Chapter!!
Cast & Crew: Cheers
Harry: I'll be in my trailer!
--Harry rushes into his trailer.--
--60 seconds later, as the Wrap Party is beginning, Karma sneaks into his trailer.--
Director: …Here's to hoping he's this…excited…to work once Blaise is on set. Well…neither here nor there, time to get drunk and make bad decisions. Hey Tonks! Ever made out with a Fan Fic Director?!
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