Hellllo! Its been awhile! But you know that itch ya get? You just need to write something, it nags and nags and nags, even if you don't really know what 'it' is? Yea that hit me, this is the result of that collision, so I hope you enjoy it :) Feel free to review if you wish. But as long as you enjoy it that's all that really matters right?!

She was goofy, crazy, sometimes sullen, occasionally spooked, but never scared. Not since she was a child, at any rate, and she liked to pretend she had locked those memories in a box and thrown away the key. She most certainly didn't cry. Well...at least not very often, on the border of never. The last time she could actually remember having cried, was the day her brother had died. It was also the last time she remembered truly feeling fear. Fear for her brother, in that split second before the car hit him. Fear for her future, what would tie her to the world of sanity now? He was the only thing that got her through those early years in foster care.

And now, her life had changed again. And she just didn't know how to deal. So she did something she did well. She found the highest building she could, set up a harness rig, and stood on the edge of it, waiting for just the right moment.

The wind was strong, but she found her balance in it. It moved around her, catching her blond hair and whipping it about her face. It dried the tears on her cheeks. She could feel its cool embrace and it soothed her. Her muscles relaxed and she closed her eyes, a smile gracing her upturned face. Noises in the streets below drifted up to her, but they were vague and distant. There was nothing down there that mattered in this moment. There was only her, and the wind, and the jump. She was almost ready. The adrenalin began to hum through her veins, such a sweet melody. Such a beautiful release of everything.

Lean muscles coiled and readied, a few steps back, the feel of smooth tiles beneath her feet as strong legs carried her forward in a short sprint. Her feet hit the edge and she sprang, arms flung wide as if she could catch wind and fly! The adrenalin sang now, the free fall awakening it fully. There was nothing now, nothing but the screaming wind as it rushed past her ears. Laughter, girlish and high pitched, escaped her.

This was freedom! It was life and love and laughter, sweet and beautiful. And then it was over, the rope pulled her back to reality with its sudden stop.

XoXoX

Her jump over, she found herself back on the roof, sitting with her knees hugged to her chest, and all the problems she had before the jump clambering once more for her attention. She was facing so many new things, new emotions, new friends (Not that she really had many old ones.). Parker wondered if this was how normal people felt. If it was she didn't care for it. The confusion, the uncertainty, the vulnerability. She could live without it all! Then again. To give it all away meant giving away the team. It was just over a year now that they had formed and already they had wormed their way into her twisted little heart and mind.

Parker hadn't realized it at first, hadn't seen the signs that would have warned her it was time to leave. The hints that doors with in her were being slowly unlocked, walls were being knocked down. She was beginning to feel things again. Things she hadn't felt in so long, they were practically non-existent. A lot of it was a jumbled mess of confusion, some of it she understood. Some of it she liked and some of it she didn't.

All of this, though, wasn't what had her fearful to the core. Wasn't what had tears springing to her eyes. She didn't know how to be 'her' anymore. The lone thief who didn't need anyone or anything. Parker had realized something crucial, just after the team had split up temporarily. She didn't know how to be alone anymore, how to rely on herself.

It had taken her time to work it out. Why she felt so sullen and agitated. It had come to her on a job. When she realized she missed the sound of Hardison's voice, all his tech speak. Missed the sound of Sophie's smooth accent. Missed Eliot's growls, and the reassurance he provided, that should anything go wrong he would be there to kick whoever's ass needed kicking. And Nate. She missed him to. He was the closest thing to a father figure she had ever had. And no matter how sideways the con had gone, he always knew how to fix it.

For better or worse, she needed these people in her life. Need wasn't something she had felt in a very long time. So much had changed. And more was sure to follow. There was nothing she could do about it. She just needed to find herself again. Find the new Parker.

Velvet ~