Title: The Cracktastic Adventures of Sam and Kurt
Authors: Demented Symphony and Ashieluffshue
Rating: I guess R?
Summary: There really is no ryhme or reason. In a perfect world this fic wouldn't even exsist. We were just bored on AIM and this is the result. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: WARNING! PURE CRACK! We do not own Glee. If we did well you can just imagine the damage we would do.
*Kurt opened the cabinet and all that was there were a box of Wheaties*
Sam: Brain fart
Kurt: Hahaha xD
Sam: What you never get those? They aren't stinky well, not all of them
Kurt:Nope. I never get them (x /waves hand in front of nose xD
Sam: Oh come on, everyone gets them! I bet yours smells like roses ;)
Kurt: Well, maybe they do, but you'll never know xD
Sam: Soo if you don't have brainfarts, what kind do you have?
Kurt: I'd rather not share that, sorry
Sam: Comeon dude I told you mine
Kurt:Yours wasn't so embarrassing
Sam: O.o
Kurt:What? Don't give me the judging look!
Sam: So if you won't talk about your farts will you talk about I dunno OOOH, I can burp the alphabet!
Kurt: Ew! Only you can do that!
Sam: Nah, Puck and Finn one time did the national anthem
Kurt: o.O
Sam: Was pretty cool
Kurt: Of course it was *eye roll*
Sam: :-) I knew you'd agree!
Kurt: Mhmmm... of course I would. By the way, your roots are showing!
Sam: I don't dye my hair dude *shifty eyes*
Kurt: Yeah and I don't wear clothes designed by Alexander McQueen *eye roll*
Sam: Who?
Kurt: A British designer who made very pretty clothes
Sam: Why would you buy from some british dude when there are children in Indonesia working for pennies a day and thier clothes cost like half the price in Wal-Mart
Kurt: Oh whoa. Calm down o.O So I'm guessing your clothes are from Wal-Mart?
Sam: What? Seriously my bullesye shirt cost me 10 and I'm sure some lucky kid got 1.2 cents of that money. It's my way of helping the world.
Kurt: *tear* You make me proud *hugs*
Sam: *Kurt's hugging me! SCORE!*
Kurt: Aw! You like me! Your gay is showing, Sam!
Sam: My gay was always showing. You just had to know where to look *I can be very deep like a Cullen. WORD*
Kurt: Oh my gosh you're a Cullen! So you have pointy fangs?
Sam: Umm, no. But I do secretly sparkle in the sunlight. And I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to geico.
Kurt: I know you sparkle *blushes and swoons* And oh my gosh! Gieco saved me money too! And did you know that wood chucks actually chuck wood? o.O
Sam: Wow. I didn't. Did Sally ever find those shells down by the seashore she was looking for
Kurt: She did! And she shared them with me!
Sam: Really? She said that she would save some for me *pout*
Kurt: I could share mine. But only if you make out with me! *devious grin*
Sam: Wow, you drive a hard bargain. *Instant mint spray attack*
Kurt: WHY DON'T YOU WANT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *cries*
Sam: O.O Dude why you freakin I'm just searching for my tail
Kurt: /tilts head
Kurt: Are you one of those blue creatures with tails from that one movie which made billions of dollars but is actually very shitty and boring and looks like a combination of Pocahontas meets Smurfs?
Sam: Ummm, only if it turns you on. If it doesn't I'm more than happy to be a jelly filled donut
Kurt: Ewww... no! They are fugly! But you'll make me fat!
Sam: DANG IT YOUR SO PRISSY! WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOU LIKE ME! MY CREYS!
Kurt: YOU HAVE TO WORK HARDER THAN THAT! I'M A FREE BITCH, BABY!
Sam: BUT I WAS BORN THIS WAY!
Kurt: AND I'M IN LOVE WITH JUDAS!
Sam: But but I want to take a ride on your disco stick!
Kurt: WELL, SHOW ME YOUR TEETH
Sam: But boy your a monster!
Kurt: And you be my paparazzi
Sam: I wanna be your bad romance
Kurt: Blaine already is. Sorry
Sam: *pout* Boys boys boys
Kurt: Yes, I only like boys. These days I'm going for the dapper ones because the jocks are heartbreakers! MY ETERNAL CREYS
Sam: I'm a dream maker I swear just give me a chance Kurt! What does dapper have that I don't?
Kurt: That's what she said!
Sam: .
Kurt:Balls to come out of Narnia. While you are stuck there and will freeze to death -.-
Sam: *whispers* How will I get around the White witch?
Kurt: Brain fart on her Duh! Winning!
Sam: You are so smart
Kurt: Of course I am
Sam: My brain farts dont work on her! What do I do now?
Kurt: RUN BITCH RUN!
Sam: Momma said these shoes will take me anywhere
Kurt: Then bring yourself to me! And just come with the shoes on
Sam: *Closes eyes and leaps*
Kurt: OHMIGOSH YOU'RE HERE! /FLAILS
Sam: I told you I would *dashing smile*
Kurt: Y-you made it out of Narnia! My happy creyyyssss *tackles you into a hug*
Sam: There there, there there. No more dappers for you cuz I'm a free bitch baby
Kurt: Dapper, who? o.O
Sam: *My jedi mind tricks are working already*
Kurt: Who's this Jedi and why is she on your mind? Humph!
Sam: YOU CAN READ MY MIND? O.o
Kurt: YES I CAN! AND GASP! I CAN SEE QUINN THERE. MY NEVER ENDING CREYSSSS
Sam: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK I SWEAR!
Kurt: THAT BITCH! WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T? I EVEN HAVE A DICK
Sam: She's just um cleaning
Kurt: I CAN ALSO GIVE YOU BABIES!
Sam: SUPER SPERM! MY LOVE!
Kurt: ONLY IF YOU HAVE THE SUPER SPERM, IF YOU DON'T THEN I'LL HAVE TO GO TO PUCK SO WE CAN MAKE BABIES
Sam: I want your babies Kurt! I will travel to the ends of the earth in search of this super sperm
Kurt: You either have it or you don't!
Sam: I do! I swear!
Kurt: LET'S HAVE SEX TO FIND OUT!
Sam: Bought it off ebay a year ago *searches room* It's here somewhere
Kurt: Bought what?
Sam: The super sperm
Kurt: o.O
Sam: It was buy one get one
Kurt: AHHH... WELL FIND IT QUICK! I'M ALL NAKED AND LONELY HERE
Sam: *DAMMIT WHERE IS DAT SHIT!*
Kurt: I'M PICKING UP MY PHONE TO CALL PUCK, SAM!
Sam: *FUCK*
Kurt: DID YOU FIND IT?
Sam: *Light shines and angels sing* FOUND IT
Kurt: YAY!
Sam: *drinks it* 1 UP!
Kurt: NOW GET IN HERE, COWBOY!
Sam: YEEEEEHAWWWWWW! (ok wtf?)
Kurt: YOU ARE SO SMEXYYYY, SAMMYYYY... OUR BABIES WILL BE BEAUTIFUL!
Sam: *Insert witty Nav'i here*
Kurt: I don't understand Na'vi!
Sam: *sniffle* YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL!
Kurt: OF COURSE I DO! WE JUST HAD SEX! YOU USED ME! *WAILS*
Sam: O.o I gave my life for you!
Kurt: Liesssssssssssssssssss I want a divorce! Now!
Sam: NO! No means no!
Kurt: WELL, I WANT IT! SO GIVE IT!
Sam: *Pulls down pants* Come and get it!
Kurt: *LOOKS AT SAM LIKE AN AWESTRUCK PUPPY*
Sam: Yeah, that's right!
Kurt: I WANT YOU INSIDE ME! NOWWW!
Sam: I'mma tap dat ass
Kurt: YES, BABY!
Sam: LEMME RIDE THAT DONKEY DONKEY!
Kurt: I'M NOT A DONKEY! HOW DARE YOU!
/PULLS UP PANTS AND WALKS AWAY ANGRILY
Sam: What? It's a good song!
Kurt: I'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT
Sam: It's because I'm old school. *does cabbage patch then busts down to do crybaby*
Kurt: YOU CALLED ME A DONKEY
Sam: It means baby got back.
Kurt: WHY AM I WITH YOU? MY NEVER ENDING CREYS
Sam: Because I love you Kurt
Kurt: OUR BABY WILL BE A DORK LIKE YOU O.O AWWWW
Sam: Let's hope so
Kurt: I LOVE YOU TOO, SAMMYYYY
Sam: Now shake what you momma gave ya
Kurt: He'll be a fashionable dork (x
Sam: My happy creys
Kurt: My momma ): YOU'RE LIKE DAPPER, BRINGING MY MOMMA INTO A CONVERSATION
Sam: yeah shake it don't break it took yo momma 9 months to make it
Kurt: HE COMPARES MY MOMMA TO A BIRD
Sam: Free bird?
Kurt: NO! DEAD BIRD! MY DEPRESSED, NEVER ENDING CREYS
Sam: Ummmm*rubs back* There there?
Kurt: Let's bury dapper with the bird!
Sam: Can I shave his eyebrows first?
Kurt: Sure why not.
Sam: *fist pumps air*
After ditching the body Sam and Kurt rode off on a unicorn into the rainbowy sunset and had lots of gay sex.
(Thankfully) The End