Dragonball Twilight
On the first (and probably only) episode of Dragonball: Twilight, Vegeta and Nappa are traveling to Space Australia in their space pods, when they find the planet called Twilight.
"Are we there yet?" asked Nappa.
"No." replied Vegeta.
"Are we there yet?" asked Nappa.
"NO." yelled Vegeta.
"Are we there yet?" asked Nappa.
"NO!," screamed Vegeta.
"Hey Vegeta!"
"WHAT!" Vegeta screamed in irritation.
"Look! A planet! Can we go there Vegeta? Can we? Can we?" asked Nappa.
"Oh, for god's sake! If it will shut you up for 5 minutes then yes, for the love god, yes!" Vegeta retorted annoyingly.
"Yaaaaay!"
As they entered the atmosphere, Vegeta could already sense that something was wrong about this planet. The scouter wasn't picking up any signs of intelligent life. It was only until they landed among the forest in a clearing of thick underbrush that Vegeta and Nappa noticed any life. A boy and a girl came out of the bushes and approached them warily.
"Hey look Vegeta! The locals." Nappa said with a grin as he spoke.
"I am Nappa, and this is Vegeta. He was a prison.."
"SHUT THE HELL UP, NAPPA!" Vegeta screamed in rage at him.
"...bitch." Nappa finished smugly.
"Fuck you, Nappa."
The boy looked at Vegeta and said, "welcome to planet Twilight, I'm Edward and this is Bella."
"Twilight? You mean like that gay book written by that idiot Stephenie Meyer," Vegeta inquired.
"She's not an idiot. She's a genius!" Bella retorted.
Vegeta chuckled and folded his arms as he replied "Oh yes, because its so hard to completely ignore Stokers Fable."
Nappa who was distracted by a squirrel decided to now chime in with, "Awww look! Isn't she precious, Vegeta? Can I keep her? Can I Vegeta? Can I?"
"Only if she's house broken Nappa." Vegeta replied sarcastically
"Yay!" shouted Nappa.
"Hey I'm a person! Not property!" Bella said with vehemence.
"Oh yes, your hardest decision in life was choosing between necrophilia and bestiality." Vegeta sneered arrogantly.
"Necrowhat?" Nappa asked.
"It means she likes to fuck dead people, Nappa." Vegeta informed him.
"That's weird… so what's the beastie thing?" Nappa asked in a confused tone.
"It means she like to fuck animals Nappa." Vegeta replied.
"Yay!" Nappa shouted
"God damn it, Nappa!" Vegeta said in an annoyed tone.
"You can't talk to my girl like that, monkey boy!" Edward interjected.
"Oh? And just who is going to stop me? You?" Vegeta roared with derision.
"Yes! because I'm a tool." Edward stated proudly.
"I...I...I honestly don't know how to respond to that." Vegeta replied after a moment's hesitation.
"Hey Vegeta! He's all sparkly, does that mean he's a faggot?" Nappa asked with enthusiasm.
"The term is homosexual, Nappa," Vegeta said, with his arms still crossed.
"Homowhat?"
"Homosexual, Nappa. Please just pay attention." Vegeta sighed.
"Wow! That sounds dirty." Nappa insisted
"I hate you Nappa."
Suddenly, the bushes parted to reveal another man, who walked to stand beside Edward and Bella.
"Hey, who is baldy and spiky hair?"
Vegeta gave Nappa a poisonous glare.
"Don't you even say it. I am Vegeta, the prince of all Saiyans! And this is my partner, Nappa."
The trio of retards snickered as the new boy pointed and asked, "partner as in," before he was interrupted by Vegeta.
"Sit boy," Vegeta yelled as the kid instinctively sat down looking up at Vegeta with puppy dog eyes.
Bella who was thoroughly confused asked, "How did you make him do that? we've been trying to get him to learn tricks for years."
"You want a biscuit boy, you want a biscuit," Vegeta asked while ignoring Bella and as Jacob nodded eagerly he yelled, "have a biscuit," before throwing one at the boy,
After the dog treat hit Jacob on the head and fell to the ground, Jacob ate it eagerly and immediately went into the fetal position rocking back and forth. Only Vegeta and Nappa knew what was going to happen in a few moments.
Bella began petting back Jacobs hair while whispering things into his ear before asking Vegeta, "What did you do to him?"
"You'll find out in a second tramp," Vegeta replied.
Bella turned up towards Vegeta and asked, "why are you such an ass?"
At that moment a sound came from Jacob and Bella turned towards her gay friend, when a small green thing burst out of his chest screaming, "SCREE!"
"What the fuck," Bella yelled as it latched on to her face, "NOT IN THE FACE! It's demeaning to women"
"It's what you deserve," Vegeta muttered as it exploded leaving Bella as a pile of smoldering body parts.
"Aww look Vegeta, her first blow job," Nappa yelled excitedly.
"She's dead Nappa," Vegeta Retorted.
"She must have been made out of something weak… like Raditz or something," Nappa replied.
"Probably Yamcha's kid," Vegeta snorted.
Nappa chuckled and said, "Heh, yeah."
An outraged Edward ran towards Vegeta and tried to punch him.
Vegeta effortlessly dodged the blow and several others that followed before kneeing the kid in the groin yelling, "Nut check! Yup nothing there"
Edward just fell to the ground and twitched for a few minutes while Vegeta and Nappa laughed at the eunuch. As he got up Edward tried to sucker punch Vegeta, but Vegeta caught his arm and tore it off.
While Vegeta was beating Edward over the head his dismembered arm, Nappa was yelling, "stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"
During the severe beating Edward fell down to the ground. Then Vegeta walked up and stepped on his chest crushing his ribs. Vegeta then pounded his foot into the boys chest until he the ribs were completely broken. Then to his surprise he heard a squeak come from the impact.
"What the fuck," Vegeta asked in amazement.
Then he repeatedly hit Edward producing the squeaking sound over and over again in amusement.
Vegeta chuckled and told Nappa, "if you hit him hard enough you can play a song."
As he played a little tune using Edwards squeaks of pain he looked at Nappa and said laughing, "I don't even know what that's from."
"I think it's Tetris Vegeta," Nappa replied energetically.
"Isn't that what you get from cutting yourself with rusty metal," Vegeta asked.
"No," Nappa said with excitement, "That's Aids."
"I hate you Nappa."
After a few moments watching the so called "vampire" scream in agony they both retreated to the comfort of their soundproof space pods. They took off with amazing speed and headed for the comfort of a safe orbit. Once there Vegeta opened his pod and blew up the planet with his patented Galick Gun attack. He then closed the door to his pod, but was shocked at what he saw happening. The entire planet was coming back together. He came to the inevitable conclusion that the Twilight Saga was just too stupid to die. Fucking fan girls.