It didn't start out so hard.
Did things ever really start out hard? No, she didnt believe so, watching the way the water bashed against the cliff-face. It had been easy just to decide she was going to do it, going to come out here and face the storm.
Her heart was empty- she wanted to die.
It hadn't really started out so hard, she relised flatly, the dark mist spraying her toes. Sure, braving the storm would have been difficult, but who was she to say, when she had come out before it, after all?
"Nee-san? Where are you going?"
The girl grinned wrily as she stared into the waters, recalling the voice of her little brother. Below her, she could hear the cracks of stone as peices fell away.
"Can I come too, Nee-san?"
She'd told him no, told him to go to bed, it honestly wouldnt matter anymore. She'd just take a step forward and it would all be over, wouldnt it?
The stone kunoichi frowned, her brow furrowing. Inside her viens, she could feel her chakra pulse, her fists relaxed by her sides, the mouths in her palms asleep for now, their toungs lolling out like a dog's.
"No no, not this time, baby brother." Deidara smiled gently back at the little one, ruffling his blond hair. Blue eyes of her equal stared back at her, near tears. She hesitated. "Maybe next time, though, hmm...baby brother?"
Deidara recalled vagely that the cheerful, bright-eyed little boy had bounced his way to the academy to tell his teacher. She hadnt wanted him on this mission anyway.. Assassinations were fine to take the boy along with, he was blind anyway and moved only through a diffrent site system.
He'd been able to see bodyheat, but seeing like normal people had been beyond it.
"Going to jump, Deidara?"
She jerked, spinning around, black cloak swishing around her, making the scarlet clouds almost seem to move through a onyx sky. It was only Sasori, she noted with her good eye, relaxing.
Sasori was her partner.. he understood her better then the others, and forthat she was greatful. The blond turned again to look out into the ocean. Her brother came to mind again.
"Nee-san! Sensei failed me!" Deidara frowned at the crying boy, stroking his hair gently.It was far softer, and more managable, and made her envious, because it had taken years to train her own hair to hide her left eye.
The trainer had always been failing him, hadnt he? He said that he needed to see to be a shinobi there, but Stone was a miserable place to live.
"Hmm...its okay, baby brother. I'm here, I am..shhh..." Deidara replied, the young boy drawn up to her chest. It seemed that babys and grown men both liked to rest their heads on her breasts, but for him, she'd let it last. She wouldnt complain.
Deidara recalled that as the night she became a missing nin, having take her little brother to the boarders of a nearby country too small to have shinobi. She'd bandaged his hands, hiding the mouths therein and telling him to never show them to anybody. And she'd left him in that forest nearby a village never knowing shinobi before, with all forms of weaponry she'd managed to leave him, and left.
More rock fell away from the cliffside, and Deidara tilted her head to look at Sasori.
"Going to jump?" He repeated, his hair tousled red as he watched her expression.
Somehow, when Sasori was around, she found she didnt feel so bad anymore. To Deidara, he was much like a drug to make her forget her pain. She doubted he knew that though, and when the storm passed this would disappear like it had never happenned.
Deidara managed to smile at him.
"Maybe."
Sasori nodded, and they both looked out at the ocean again, and in the few moments of silence, Deidara wondered.
Did Sasori feel as content as she did when they were near one another? Did it mean anything? And..as heasitant and childish as it seemed...Deidara felt she loved him. But they were a team, though, partners and members of the Akatsuki too, and she couldnt afford to mess that up by allowing her hormones to take control.
"Were you sent to find me?" Deidara asked, moving to brush her bangs away dispite her habbit. She needed to feel the marred flesh beneeth it, just to remember that, solidly, they were more then diffrent.
Sasori was a puppet. And the rough looking shell he wore everywhere was also a puppet. And Deidara... she was just her. An ex Stone-nin who'd marred half her beautiful face as a child, glass and kunai alike ripping and snaring the flesh apart.
Uncontiously, her hands clenched, and she remembered it was all her own falt anyway. Her own explosioin.
But Deidara glanced back in suprise at Sasori, whos hand had reached and grabbed her own, moving the hair away from her face completely. She stood still, and for a moment she could of sworn he carassed her, tracing the scars, examining her ruined eye.
Her shock then was nothing compared to what it became when Sasori kissed her forehead, a small, tender, reassuring smile on his face before he turned and walked away, the blond hair falling infront of her face again.
"Maybe."