a/n - Just a funny little one-shot with some alightly adult humor. I could extend it, but I think I'll let you guys fill in the blanks.

In Bloom

Gibbs had a sneaking suspicion that Vance had given them a long weekend just to get DiNozzo out of the building. Not that he could blame the Director, Tony had been in fine form all that week leading up to April first. He really couldn't blame DiNozzo either, after eighteen straight days of work, his pranks had allowed the rest of them to blow off enough steam to keep sane.

Luckily, the thieves were locked up, the stolen weapons recovered before they could do harm, and enough of the paperwork was done to keep legal off their backs until Monday. That meant Gibbs was going to enjoy a rare day of solitude working in his yard. It was unseasonably warm, so the first order of business was to water the beds before he started mowing the lawn.

Soaker hose going, Gibbs bypassed the lawnmower to join his next-door-neighbor at the hedge that ran along the property line. Every Spring the two of them worked out a plan to share the labor after Dale's wife determined how she wanted the hedge shaped. "So, what's it going to be this year, flat or rounded?"

"Who knows?" Dale shook his head as he looked over his shoulder. Through the picture window, a woman could be seen sitting on the sofa, studying a book. "Our oldest is getting married in the back yard this summer and Cheryl wants something fancier."

"Fancier?" Gibbs didn't use the glare on his neighbor of fifteen years, but the eyebrow did go up. Dale just laughed and shook his head.

"Don't worry, I already told her what our limits were. Anything beyond that and she'll have to hire a landscaper and it'll come out of the budget I already gave her for the wedding."

A retort on his tongue, Gibbs was stopped from telling Dale what an optimist he was by movement at the other end of his yard. Dottie Myers was coming down the sidewalk, her toy poodle making a bee-line for Gibbs' yard. The annoying woman in pink polyester and her dyed to match dog were the bane of the neighborhood. She gossiped and complained, the dog left presents in everyone's yard. Before the brightly colored dog could squat in Gibbs' flower bed, Dottie yanked hard on the leash to pull it back onto the sidewalk as she started to scold Gibbs.

"I have never in my life... how can I walk down this street with those, those things? Poopsy and I will have to find another route to walk... what is this neighborhood coming to?" Still screeching, she picked up her dog and crossed the street, heading back the direction she'd come.

Leaning over the hedge, Dale gleefully nudged Gibbs. "Whatever it was you did, keep doing it, okay?"

Gibbs was baffled, but amused. "I would if I knew what it was." Now curious, he walked back to the front of his yard and stared at the bed he was soaking. "What the hell?"

Dale had to walk to the front of his yard and down the sidewalk to see what Gibbs was staring at, but he burst out laughing the moment the flower bed came into view. "Damn, Gibbs, I didn't know you could grow them, I always used to buy them at the drug store."

Although he was a man of few words, seldom was Jethro Gibbs at an absolute total loss for words. However, the sudden arrival of three neon colored condoms standing proud among his rose bushes rendered him speechless. As they watched, two more popped up from under the bark dust and within a few moments, they too were standing at attention.

The five new additions to the garden were perfectly spaced, so Gibbs had a pretty good idea where to look next. Sure enough, number six was making its appearance, completing the row. Dropping his head, Gibbs started to laugh, while Dale was hanging onto the mailbox to keep from falling over as he howled.

"Man, Gibbs, somebody got you good, that was brilliant. I wish whoever it was had let me in on it. I would have loved to record that. The look on your face..."

Gibbs was aware of his own reputation enough to know that successfully pranking him would be considered one for the ages and without giving himself away, he carefully looked around. Sure enough, the morning sun was reflecting off a lens across the street. When the curtain moved, Gibbs straightened up and pointed before crooking his finger. The curtain dropped back down and the door opened.

It took a few minutes, but eventually a neighborhood teenager was standing in front of Gibbs, scuffing his foot on the cement, staring straight down. Gibbs had a pretty good idea what had happened, so he waited, glad the young man never looked up to see the smirk.

"He said not to lie to you and he paid me a hundred bucks to record it for him."

"Of course he did." Gibbs flipped open his phone to the team picture Abby had put in it. "Which one?" The answer wasn't as surprising as some may have thought and Gibbs pulled three twenties out of his wallet. "I want a copy, too."

The kid finally looked up and saw the grin. "Sure thing, Agent Gibbs, and thanks." Now one hundred and sixty dollars richer, he scurried back home.

"What are you going to do?"

Gibbs held a finger up, ignoring Dale's question for the moment as he hit a familiar speed dial. "My house, one hour, don't be late." Call complete, Gibbs shoved the phone back in his pocket as he grinned at Dale. "Hey, the day's still young."

-NCIS-

Fifty-five minutes later, Gibbs heard a car pull into his driveway just as he was taking the steaks out of the fireplace. He tracked the movement from the car, the pause at the flower bed, the slow steps up the stairs. Next came the hesitation at the front door, the deep breath he could almost hear and then the door opening.

"Hey, Boss."

Gibbs wanted to make him sweat, wanted the pleasure of watching him squirm, but the image of portly Dottie Myers in her skin tight pant suit running away with her yapping poodle was just too much. The corner of his mouth twitched and a slow smile spread on the other man's face.

"You're not too mad?"

"Oh, I think you can earn my forgiveness." Gibbs turned and walked into the kitchen, forcing him to follow.

"Umm, okay, what do I have to do?" Green eyes widened as they took in the steaks already plated and the pan of hash browns on the stove.

Gibbs took a second skillet and started frying eggs. "Two things, first Fornell won't be home until late tonight, so we're making a trip to his place after breakfast."

"And the second?"

Smirking, Gibbs let him sweat as he fried the eggs and loaded both plates. "You make sure I'm around when you show that tape to Tony."

Tim McGee laughed and took his first easy breath since he'd gotten the call. "Sure, Boss, I can do that."

Over breakfast, McGee explained about the length of toilet paper tubing that was buried in the dirt and filled with baking soda before the base of an unrolled condom was stretched over it. Enough loose dirt over the top to cover it and it was ready and waiting for a good watering to react with the baking soda. Gibbs grinned as he shook his head. "Who else have you pulled this on? Bright red ears told Gibbs that there was quite a story there.

"Umm, I think I'll plead the fifth on that one, Boss."

Laughing, Gibbs let it go for now, but made himself a promise to pay more attention to the quietest member of his team.

Once breakfast was done, Gibbs and McGee gathered supplies to take to Fornell's. Gibbs did have to raise a questioning eyebrow when McGee shoved the empty condom wrapper back in his jacket pocket instead of throwing it away. "I do have a trash can, McGee."

Before answering, Tim showed him the rest of the torn wrappers already in his pocket. "Every Monday, DiNozzo goes through my jacket to see what I did over the weekend. Thought I'd give him something to find."

Gibbs made a note to get the security footage from the squad room on Monday as he picked up his own coat. Outside, Gibbs stopped to admire the additions to his yard and Dale stopped his own weeding to join him.

"Damn, Gibbs, I would've thought they'd have deflated by now."

After having been treated to a Gibbs' steak and eggs breakfast, McGee was feeling especially brave. "Not in a Marine's yard."

The hand came up, but it was a ruffling of the hair and not a head slap. "Come on, Einstein, let's get to Fornell's."

-NCIS-

Tobias Fornell was a creature of habit, as anyone who spent time with him knew. Every night before bed he went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water to wash down his vitamin. Once he finished drinking it, he rinsed the glass before refilling it to water the sad little plant on the window sill over the sink. It never got enough sunlight to flourish, but it never dried out. Nightly chore done, Fornell was reaching for the light when movement caught his eye.

He was staring down the sights of his gun before he realized what he was looking at as it rose from the dirt. "What the... GIBBS!"