Denial
Jack felt the familiar pull gently tugging at every cell in his body. But he didn't want to go back yet, he knew what was waiting for him, and he wasn't ready. He wished for the darkness to swallow him up, drag him into oblivion where everything was numb. The pain, the memories, they were too much to bear. Endless darkness, endless silence, even that was better than facing what he knew was unavoidable.
As he drifted through the nothingness, faces flittered through his mind, and when they smiled, he smiled, because somewhere inside, he knew it was important to him that they were happy. Maybe he would join them one day, join him one day, and finally be at peace, but it wasn't likely, because the universe was a cruel place.
The pull back to reality suddenly became more forceful and he no longer had the strength or will power to fight it, letting himself get dragged back to life.
He took his first breath of oxygen and opened his eyes. It wasn't his usual gasp of agony, because it was different this time. The physical pain of returning did not bother him; it had been replaced by a heartache that was much stronger.
He lay perfectly still, hiding the fact that inside, he was scrambling around, trying not to drown in his own despair. This was his punishment. Living forever with misery and guilt as his constant companions, but he still wasn't ready.
He didn't want to rise from under the red blanket. He didn't want to acknowledge the weeping woman beside him. He didn't want to see the body she was hunched over, because then it would all become real. There would be no going back. And he wouldn't be able to deny, that his world was now empty.