Norm's To-Do List
Dad told me to make a to-do list because I seem to forget to do stuff he tells me to do.
Norm, this is Dr. Doofenshmirtz. I am secretly reading your list to make sure that you haven't forgotten anything. AND I AM NOT YOUR FATHER!
Monday is Pie Day. Dad likes coconut cream pies, but personally, I can't stand the taste of coconut.
Seriously Norm, you're a robot. You don't have a mouth, you don't have a tongue. You don't have an esophagus, or a stomach, so QUIT COMPLAINING!
After I press his clothes (Try to make sure you don't iron in creases! It's SO annoying!) I have to make his coffee (Remember: two scoops of coffee grounds!) and his eggs. (Don't leave in the shells!) Then I have to stay out of his way as he builds his Inator—unless he asks for my help—and wait until Perry the Platypus comes (make sure you're in your closet!), and after he leaves, clean up the wreckage from the foiled Inator. (Are you trying to tell me somthing?)
Tuesday is Cookie Day. See above list. (Really Norm? Is that all the work you have to do?)
Wednesday is Muffin Day. See above list. (Muffin day is my favorite, so you had better do it right!)
Thursday is Ice Cream Day. See above list. (Norm! I'm lactose intolerant! Since when have we had an ice cream day?)
Friday is Cake Day. See above list. (You don't have enough stuff to do.)
Saturday is Smoothie Day. See above list. (I really need to give you more jobs…)
Sunday is Pancake Day. See above list. (!)
Well, that about sums it up! Until next week.
Norm, you and I are going to have a talk tomorrow…
Dad, why are you reading my list?
…I'm not reading your list….
Goodnight dad.
I'M NOT YOUR FATHER!Muffin Time
He never notices that I've swept, mopped, vacuumed, or polished the floor. After all this time, he still hasn't read my instruction manual. He always says I'm in the way, and he doesn't like the way I cook eggs.
But every afternoon, when the timer beeps, and I pull a tray of steaming muffins out of the oven, his face lights up. He smiles, and I say, "It's muffin time, sir!"
Chocolate, cinnamon, pumpkin spice, blueberry, strawberry, wild berry, banana nut, poppy seed, and pumpernickel (his favorite). Each day is different.
His mood can be foul all throughout the day. Then I say, "It's muffin time!" and he goes from being irritated to happy.
I've discovered a lot about muffins.
He's my dad. I've always thought of him as my father…he just won't give me the chance to say it.
But he always hears when I say, "It's muffin time!"