Becker walked into the locker room, relieved to find it empty. Loosening his tie and unbuttoning his jacket, he moved to one of the benches and sat down heavily. His let his head drop and his shoulders sag as he finally allowed the weight of the day's events wash over him.
Lieutenant Evan Jameson had been a good man, a good soldier, and an even better friend. And if he hadn't been beside the 4x4, he'd probably have still been alive. But he had been and when the Ankylosaurus crashed into the side of the truck, it had rolled and Jameson had been crushed beneath the combined weight of truck and dinosaur.
Becker stood up and removed his jacket, placing it on the bench. Moving to his locker, he undid his tie and pulled it free from his collar. He draped it over the hanger and began unbuttoning his shirt as he thought of how Margaret Jameson's face had lit up at seeing him before she looked to his right and saw Lester standing solemnly beside him. Her face had gone blank and pale as she stepped away from him, backing into the house as she shook her head.
Undoing the buttons on his cuffs, he didn't think he'd ever forget the soft "no" she'd uttered as she sank to the floor beside the staircase. He'd started to go to her when Evan's father Paul had come in. It had only taken a moment before he was beside his wife, trying to comfort her as tears ran slowly down his face. Neither he nor Lester had even said a word.
Becker placed the white dress shirt back on its hanger then slipped the tie back under the collar before picking up the suit jacket and placing it over both. Turning back to the bench, he brought his right foot up and began untying his shoe. He thought about how he'd gone into the Jameson's kitchen and gotten them both something to drink as he'd done so many times before. When he'd returned they'd moved to the sitting room and Lester was explaining that there had been an accident. He handed Paul and Margaret their glasses and had fielded questions from the pair. He told them what he could and it was one of the rare occasions where he'd been able to be mostly truthful about what had happened.
Removing his right shoe, he put his foot back down and brought his left foot up onto the bench and repeated the process, remembering how Margaret had hugged him as he and Lester had prepared to leave. When he'd told her to call if they needed anything, she'd made him promise to do the same and it had damn near broken him. He'd stepped outside and once the door had closed behind them, he'd asked Lester if he could have a few minutes. The older man had nodded briskly before heading back to the car where their driver was waiting.
Becker removed his shoe and placed the pair in the bottom of the locker. He removed his suit trousers, neatly placing them on a hanger before he grabbed his jeans, trainers, t-shirt and his leather jacket. He dressed quickly and shut the locker with a bit more force than was necessary, locking the suit and all it represented inside. He turned around and leaned back against the locker, his head resting against the cold metal, his eyes closed and hands clenched into fists.
This was how Jess found him a few minutes later. She looked behind her quickly before she moved quietly into the room. "Hil?"
Becker flinched. He'd been so lost in his own thoughts he hadn't even heard her come into the room. He opened his eyes, but didn't look at her.
She walked over to the bench, leaving it between them for the moment. "How are you holding up?"
"I'm fine, Jess."
Jess sighed. "No, you're not. And you're not expected to be. He was your friend."
Becker moved away from the locker, stepped over the bench, sat down, and pulled Jess to him in a loose embrace. "We had dinner with his parents last weekend. And today I had to tell them – " his voice broke and he wrapped his arms tighter around her, his head resting just below her breasts.
"I know."
He loosened his grip and pushed her back slightly, finally looking up at her. "It could be you one day."
Jess's confusion was evident. "What?"
"If you stay with me. One day Lester and who knows, maybe it will be Parks or Abernathy, or Davidson, but one day they will show up at the door and tell you that I've been killed."
"No."
Becker pushed her further away. Standing quickly, he began to pace. "Jess, it will happen. You need to face that."
Jess stepped in front of him and gripped his shoulders. "No!"
"Jess – "
She let him go, but remained steadfastly in front of him. "No, Becker. It will not! It's possible that you could be killed. I know that. But it's not a certainty. For all we know, I could get in my car tomorrow morning and never make it here."
Becker grabbed her shoulders roughly. "Don't ever say anything like that," he shouted.
Jess broke his hold and glared up at him. "Why not? You just did!"
He stepped back, running a hand through his hair. "That's different."
"No, it's not. I accept that what you do is dangerous. I accept the fact that there could be, and note I said COULD BE, a day when I'm sitting at the ADD and I'll have to watch you get mauled by a raptor or a t-rex. Things happen, Becker. Accidents happen and we can't control that. What happened to Evan was an accident. A terrible accident, but that's what it was. An accident."
Becker started to speak, but Jess cut him off before he had the chance. "All I'm saying is that Evan knew the risks. We all do."
"But Jess, you shouldn't have to worry about – "
She walked over to where he was standing and cradled his face in her hands. "Stop. I said I know the risks of working here, of being with you and it doesn't change anything. I will continue to work here and after waiting for over two years for you, I'm not letting you go. Okay?" she asked as she let her hands fall to her side.
Becker nodded. "Stay with me tonight?"
A small smile flitted across Jess' face before she became serious again. "I wouldn't be anywhere else."
"I might not be the best company."
She thought about teasing him, but today was not the day for it. "It's fine."
He grabbed his jacket off the bench and put it on. "How much longer do you need to stay?"
"Long enough to get my stuff from my locker. Lester has Connor covering the rest of my shift. He ordered me to take you home."
"He did, did he?" Becker asked as Jess went to her locker to get her things.
"He did. And he doesn't want to see either of us here tomorrow."
Becker frowned. "That's not necessary."
Jess sighed in frustration. "Yes it is. Damn it, Becker! No one will think less of you if you allow yourself to mourn the loss of your friend, but they might if you don't."
He grabbed Jess' arm lightly as she moved past him on her way to the door. "I'm not good at this, Jessica."
"You're not supposed to be. No one is. No one should have to be."
Becker nodded as he stepped beside her. "Jess?"
"Yes?" she asked, turning to face him.
"Thank you."
She gave him a half smile and took hold of his hand as they headed for home.
