CHOICES AND ACCEPTANCE
Summary: There are many things that are part of their process. Neal reflects on his relationship with Peter while he recalls a dangerous incident. Contains spanking.
A/N: This story was written for cookielaura as a part of the 2014 Fandom Stocking, so I tried something different than what I usually write. If spanking isn't your thing, that's fine, but please don't feel the need to tell me so in the comments. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the fic :)
Sitting on the bed produced a wince. Trying to lie down resulted in a hiss. Though he usually slept on his back, tonight, Neal gave it up as a lost cause and settled carefully on his side. Reaching back, he rubbed at his poor tender bottom. Peter had been firm and thorough, though experience told Neal that he wouldn't feel it by the morning. He pulled his pillow closer and let out a sigh. This was not how he had imagined his day going.
Neal swallowed. Then again, it could have been so much worse…
o - o - o
The top of the roof was completely bare. His heart racing, Neal ran to the edge to check for an escape, only to find that there wasn't one. He was trapped.
"Well, this is sweet."
Despite his panic, Neal turned around with a collected expression and raised his hand placatingly. "Steve, this isn't what it looks like."
"Oh, I think this is exactly what it looks like, Nick," replied Steve icily. Even if the chill in his voice wasn't enough, the gun aimed at his chest left Neal no space for doubts about the gravity of his own situation.
Neal swallowed. "You don't understand…"
"You broke into my computer. What were you looking for?"
"The algorithm," replied Neal immediately. "Your rival company hired me to steal it–"
Steve cocked the gun.
"WAIT!" Neal scrambled for an idea. "Look, you can use me to your advantage. If I give them a fake algorithm, you can profit from this. They'll put all their resources into researching this, while all the time you can just thumb your nose at them."
"Good idea," said Steve. "After I shoot you, I'll do that with the next thief that comes to my company."
"People will see! Look where we are," said Neal frantically. "You can't shoot me in broad daylight in the middle of a rooftop."
"Wanna bet? This is New York. You really think someone'll notice?"
"You want to risk a life in prison? Why don't we talk about this like civilized people."
"I have a better idea. Why don't you come inside so I can shoot you?"
"That doesn't sound like a good deal to me."
"Too bad." Steve gave him a mirthless smile. "Goodbye, Nick."
"Wait–"
"FBI! Drop your weapon! NOW!"
The shock and disbelief apparent in his face, Steve finally did as he was told.
While Jones handcuffed their suspect, Neal gave Diana a look of pure gratitude before grinning cheekily. "You came to my rescue. Diana, I'm touched."
"We wouldn't have to if you had stuck to the plan. We'll be lucky if this hadn't just cost us the whole case," she snapped before holstering her gun. "Of all the stupid things… Are you okay?"
Neal cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm fine. You got here just in time."
"You sure, Caffrey?" asked Diana with concern. She scanned him for any visible injuries before finally being reassured that he had come to no harm. Relieved that Neal was unharmed, she glared at him as her anger returned. "Damn it Neal, why couldn't you have just waited until tomorrow? Once we got the warrant, Peter would have been there as your backup."
"I'm sorry, Diana."
"You better be."
He was going to be sorry once Peter dealt with him. Neal had seen an opportunity and he had taken it – and his instincts were rarely wrong. It was only due to unforeseen circumstances and bad luck that Steve had caught him in his office. However, Neal doubted that Peter would see it that way.
A shiver ran across his back when Neal thought of how close he had come to being shot. He would have thought of something. He always did.
"Damn it, Neal…"
Neal felt his throat tighten when Peter frantically checked him over a few minutes later. When Peter breathed out in relief and placed a hand around Neal's shoulders, Neal subconsciously moved closer into Peter's almost-embrace. "If he had hurt you…"
"Peter…"
Peter patted his back. "We'll talk about this later at home. Right now, we're going to the office and I have to fix things with Hughes. … I'm glad you're okay."
It was weird how quickly these small gestures relaxed the knot around his stomach. "Me too," replied Neal with a playful smirk.
Peter patted his back once more before he let go and stepped away.
They had a case to salvage.
o - o - o
Shifting in the bed again, Neal finally settled on his stomach. With the lamp still on, he stared at the familiar shadows of the Burkes' guest room. It had been past midnight when he and Peter concluded their 'discussion', and though Neal had suggested taking a cab, Peter's mere look had persuaded him otherwise. Besides, it was not like they hadn't done this dance before – if anything, Peter looked vaguely exasperated that Neal even tried.
A year ago, Neal would have laughed if someone told him that he would be sleeping at the Burkes' house. If someone had suggested that he would let Peter Burke spank him, he would have thought that they were crazy.
Not that he did. Let Peter spank him, that is. It hurt, and if Neal thought there was some chance of talking Peter out of it, he always tried. And even if he didn't think so, he tried anyway. It wasn't like he wanted Peter to do that or anything. And it wasn't his fault that Peter was always completely unreasonable and determined to… well… If only Peter would listen to him…
Neal bit his lip.
He thought back to the first time – the completely sick feeling when Peter told him what he had in mind; just a month after Neal had been released into his custody. He had put up a token protest of course, but in the end he had let Peter guide him over his lap, had let him carry out the sentence. Because Peter was his handler, and if this was the new normal, it was still this or prison. Neal would rather take the swats while he plotted his escape, because he honestly hadn't thought he had any other choice.
He had never been so wrong in his life.
Because. He could have just said no, and Peter would have accepted it. Neal always tried to negotiate; always protested, evaded and bargained, but he had never just flat out said no to Peter. And if there was one thing that Neal had learned about Peter, it was that the agent wasn't abusive. Peter could be blunt, but he was fair, caring and kind – he was a good man through and through. With a sudden rush of guilt and shame, Neal wished the agent never discovered what had been going through his mind in the beginning of their arrangement.
He hadn't known back then. He did now.
Despite himself, Neal had come to trust Peter so deeply that it scared him sometimes. Even when he was going to bring his ass into a world of pain…
o - o - o
They had spent maybe an hour at the office before Peter drove them home. Once they got there, they had dinner, courtesy of Elizabeth. After putting the dishes away, El took Satchmo out while Peter and Neal spread the documents on their latest case on the kitchen table. Because Neal had been caught while breaking into Steve's office, they had to bargain with him to keep Neal out of jail, so now they had to find a new way to get evidence on the corrupt company. By the time they finally found a solution, El had already returned and disappeared upstairs.
"All right, that's enough for today," said Peter at last and moved to put the files back into his briefcase.
Neal's stomach clenched, though in a different way than earlier that day.
He gave Peter a cheerful smile. "I'll leave you to El, then. Time for me to go!"
"Neal."
"Peter."
Peter lifted an eyebrow. Neal widened his "carefree-who-not-me" smile, even as his tried to stop his hands from fidgeting.
Damn Peter for doing this to him. He did appreciate that Peter didn't make him do research and sit at the table after being punished, but at the same time, Neal hated the wait. He wondered if that was Peter's point all around – and damn it if Peter didn't always find his way to get under Neal's skin. With some wry humor, Neal recognized his focus was never better than when Peter was about to beat his ass – and if solving a case or fixing his mistake might make Peter more lenient, then Neal would eagerly work hard to put the agent in a good mood and maybe spare himself a few swats.
Well, a guy could hope at least.
But now it was the time for Peter to "deal" with him, and Neal didn't see any reason why he should make it easier on the agent. It was all part of their process anyway.
"I don't know why you always have to prolong this. You know I'm going to punish you," said Peter calmly.
"Punish me?" exclaimed Neal in outrage. "Peter, for what?"
"For what? You broke into Murray's office after I expressly told you not to. Worse than that, you got caught. I told you Murray was dangerous…"
Neal frowned. "I could have probably talked my way out of it…"He faltered when he saw Peter's expression.
Peter glared at him. "You want to run that by me again?"
"Not particularly, no."
"Neal, you…" Peter sighed, then ran a tired hand though his hair. "When he aimed that gun at you and I wasn't there to help… I prayed that Diana and Jones would get there in time." Peter swallowed; then glared at Neal. "Why did you put yourself in danger like this? Whatever possible reason did you have for risking your own life, Neal? I don't get it!"
"Peter, I…" Neal bit his lip, trying and failing to come up with an answer to Peter's question.
Maybe it was that he had been alone in this for too long. He had had Mozzie of course, but Moz rarely played the inside with him, which often left Neal walking into danger with nothing to fall back on except his own skill and instincts. It was hard sometimes to remember that he wasn't on his own anymore; that he had people watching his back.
Neal remembered the look in Steve's eyes, the horrible certainty that in a second, a bullet would tear through his chest…
He wanted to argue with Peter, but he couldn't. Mostly he just wanted this whole day to be over so they could move on to something less stressful.
Sensing the change in Neal's mood, Peter squeezed his shoulder once before taking his usual place on the sofa and patting the spot next to himself.
Neal stepped closer to Peter, stopping just two feet away. "You really sure you want to do this?"
"For Christ's sake, stop stalling," snapped Peter a bit impatiently, and Neal's stomach clenched again. But Peter was right – they had postponed this for long enough.
At Peter's wordless gesture, he sighed before pushing his slacks down and lying over Peter's lap. He jumped and then melted a little as Peter placed a hand on his back – even knowing what was to come, that form of contact was both scary and soothing. Then Peter raised his other hand and brought it down sharply on Neal's ass.
'Ouch.'
Clasping his hand around Peter's ankle, Neal held dear as the swats kept coming. Clenching his fist, he stared at the pattern on the carpet and hoped it would be over soon.
o - o - o
They never really talked much about the punishment itself. That suited Neal just fine.
After Peter had finally released him, Neal had glared at him – more out of habit than any real emotion really, because he was too spent to be upset with Peter. But his ass hurt, so a bit of sulking was to be expected…
Looking around the dimly lit bedroom, Neal bit his lip again.
The spanking had only partially eased the guilt that was eating at him, at the same time leaving him open and vulnerable. He was about to bury his head under the pillow and maybe cry a bit when someone knocked on the door.
Almost despite himself, Neal smiled. "Come in."
Hesitantly, Peter opened the door and stepped into the room. "May I?"
"Sure, it's your house."
"I can go if you want me to…"
"You can stay, Peter. … Please?"
Still somewhat uncertain, Peter picked a chair and placed it next to Neal's bed. Lifting himself on his elbow, Neal tried to mask his discomfort as he half-sat so he could face Peter on the same eye level.
Naturally, Peter noticed. "You okay?"
Neal gave him a crooked grin. "I will be by tomorrow…"
Peter took a deep breath. "Neal, I'm…"
"I'm sorry, Peter."
Peter blinked.
"I should have listened to you," said Neal in a low tone. "I screwed up the case–"
"You really think that's what I care about?" asked Peter in disbelief.
"No, you – I didn't mean to worry you. I thought it was safe, but…" Neal spread his arms helplessly. "I'm sorry."
Peter let out a deep breath. "When I thought he was about to shoot you… Neal, if anything happened to you…"
"I know." Suddenly, Neal blinked back tears. "I'm sorry."
"I know you are."
Slowly, Peter leaned forward. Then he pulled Neal into a powerful hug.
Enveloping his arms around Peter's waist, Neal laid his head on Peter's shoulder, his body shivering even as his eyes glittered with tears of relief, being safe, letting go, finally being safe and letting go.
Peter awkwardly patted his back before placing a clumsy kiss on his neck. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you…"
"You won't."
"Promise?" asked Peter with a hint of a smile.
Neal smiled right back. "Well, you can always take me in hand if you think I'm going to break it."
Peter swallowed. "Please don't."
They stayed like that in silence for several minutes, until Neal was overcome by tiredness and let out a yawn.
Peter pulled away and smiled ruefully. "I think we both need to get to bed…"
"Right."
Giving Neal's hand one last squeeze, Peter then stood up and returned the chair back under the window. "Well, I'll see you in the morning then. Goodnight, Neal."
"Night, Peter." Sweet dreams.
As the door closed behind Peter, Neal laid back down, once again settling comfortably on his stomach with his arms hugging the pillow, imagining he could still feel the echoes of Peter's hug.
A soft smile on his lips, Neal turned off the lamp and fell into a happy sleep.
THE END