Song A/N:
Song and lyrics are "Skyfall" by Adele and are on the "Skyfall" James Bond movie soundtrack. The lyrics are italicized. Tina's memories and thoughts are underlined. "Skyfall" is easily found on Spotify. I suggest that you listen to it while you read.
A/N: I do not own Glee, Adele, James Bond, or anything else. TRIGGER WARNING for implied threats of gun violence.
They are two triumphant dream-songs deep in their Regionals set on college theater stage in Indianapolis, and McKinley High School is now going to sing about a nightmare.
Blaine has already stepped out, slim and elegant in dark blue trimmed with golden shooting stars. It's uncomfortable up here, exposed as she is, and centered in the spotlight. It's harsh and hot on her face and its makeup lies thickly pancaked on her features. She matches her accompanist, with a pair of shooting star barrettes in her hair and gold slippers strapped on her feet.
The air's heavy and oppressive with portent, because everyone in the club now knows what this song means.
They're on stage behind her, standing precisely in three rows, their figures hidden. A second set of lights halo them dimly. Blainey looks so dapper. He glances over at where she's standing, smiling faintly as he plays the first, hesitating, haunting chords; E flat major, the key of dread; 4/4 time, like a heartbeat, or a footfall.
Tina imagines Mike, smiling with pride too, watching the livestream in his Chicago apartment. She knows her parents and grandparents are all probably hugging each other close, crossing their fingers or burning incense, but there's no way that Rachel, Santana and Kurt would be so emotional about it. She thinks they'd be lounging gracefully like cats, glasses of wine in hand, about the glare of Rachel's pink laptop. Sleek, sarcastic, sophisticated, and utterly beautiful.
Time to tear off the scar. The judges are sitting in front of a long table; two women and a man with papers and mikes in front of them. It's their job to see if she is going to be found wanting.
And like she was back then, she isn't scared now. She's still shocked that she isn't - that she wasn't.
Her heart thumps, loud and muffled, against her chest, but her head is clear and everything else fades into a fuzzy warm haze. Clear and focussed, while the undercurrent of her memory swells swift and sure.
This is for you, and for all of you.
It's a steady, rolling rhythm. Determined and devastating, a set of measured boots echoing slowly, slowly, down a school hallway.
She starts to sing, quietly, against Blaine's adagio. There isn't a sound emerging from the mass of blank dark faces out there in the world beyond the stage. On the many mornings after the many nights that followed, Tina wearily vowed to never talk about this because dreaming of it again and again hurt far too much. Even now, she stumbles, and her first line is imperfect.
This is the end
Glee practice after school; not everyone had come in. "McKinley is under a freeze." And in the choir room, we did.
Tina finds her voice.
Hold your breath and count to ten
Somewhere outside the choir room there was a deafening bang
Feel the earth move and then
Hear my heart burst again
Jake and Joe and Unique and Ryder and Marley froze in mid-dance in front of the piano. Where is Mr. Schue and Blaine and Sam? Tina remembered later that Kitty's bored pretty face drained itself of blood as the announcement crackled through the intercom. She'd dropped her phone, which hit the floor squarely on a corner and cracked the screen. They aren't here and they can't help. It's... up to me. It's up to me.
For this is the end
I've drowned and dreamt this moment
Tina ran, slipping against the floor. The switch on the wall hurt her palm as she thrust it down, abruptly shutting off the overhead lights. The thin spring sunlight tiptoed in through the windows nearest the ceiling. She couldn't stop the short plaintive cry from her lips as she realized that the choir room hadn't been locked. The hallway was suddenly conspicuously empty. She slammed the door shut anyway. And those strange paces felt as if they were coming closer, closer, as she quickly stepped as silently as she could to rejoin the rest of the kids.
Tina spoke rapidly. No stutter. "We need to get away from the door. It's not locked."
Ryder gestured with his chin towards the back wall. "They shouldn't be able to see us against the back wall if they're looking down from the outside. We can crouch down behind the chairs and maybe they'll just walk by and ignore us if we're really quiet."
Kitty rolled her eyes, scornfully. Unique muttered under her breath.
Marley, hesitantly: "Maybe they're far away still? We could try to escape. Tina, what do we do?". Her last syllable wobbles on the edge of hysteria. She must know she doesn't make any sense. She's thinking about her mom.
Marley's tears rolled down her pale cheeks and Jake encircled her in his arms, holding her tight. Ryder pinched his lips and shook his head. While Joe began a steady, whispery stream of Bible verse, Ryder took giant leaps across the floor, chair in hand, and wedged it underneath the door handle. On his return, he opened his arms and took Marley under one arm, Unique under the other. Kitty neatly slipped in between them and ended up directly under Ryder's chin. Their eyes darted back and forth.
But in the meantime, no one seemed to know what to do and the waiting might get them first.
That first waiting moment felt like forever
What to do came to her in a flash. Tina grasped Unique's two palms in her own hands, squeezing them tightly. The other girl's palms were clammy, but her own felt surprisingly warm and sure. She tilted her head to the right towards the little, glass panelled room jutting off from the main area. "Mr. Schue's office. He always locks that door."
So overdue I owe them
Swept away, I'm stolen
Marley whispered, "We're going to die. I'll never see my mom again." Jake wrapped his arms around her and held her, tight.
Tina saw the sweet little gesture and sharply suppressed the dull ache that suddenly burst into flame inside her belly.
She suddenly wanted to sink down to the floor in a soft heap and just cry and cry and rock herself to sleep. Maybe then, everything - this bad, bad dream - would be over.
No
It's not over.
"No," decisively, "we will be fine. But we have to get to that office." And, practically dragging Unique with her, she led them to the open office door. Unique's foot caught in the leg of a chair and its foot made a dark black streak across the floor, a sharp noise. Tina winced. Everyone else followed, dumbly, except for Joe's prayers in the shadowy stillness.
I never thought I'd miss a Sam impression of all things, right now. If I could give Blaine a hug again, I'd give him a trillion more. I'd let Marley have every solo and Kitty could steal all my Tater Tots and I'd eat Brittany's fondue like I would never eat again.
Silent now, she gestured them away from the glass wall inside Mr. Schue's office. As they scrunched uncomfortably close together, behind the desk or between the file cabinets or in the corner, she managed to close the office door - quieter this time. She motioned, making sure no one was visible through the glass. Unique let go of Tina's hands and held onto Ryder and Kitty on either side of her. Marley tucked herself in the furthest corner, shaking like a leaf, ,and Jake pressed his shoulder close to hers. He never does say anything. He's probably thinking about his mom, too. And Puck. Tina took up a spot parallel to the glass panels, Ryder on her right; but she hid well within the dense shadow of the wall. Lights off now. And thankfully, this door handle didn't budge. But if they come in here and see the faint shadow or outline of a shoe or a hand or the gleam of someone's eyes - "Shhh, everyone! Quiet!" She sounded sure. She almost felt sure.
Marley stifles herself and it does go quiet as the proverbial mouse.
Back on stage in Indianapolis, Blaine's dark head leans over the keys and her voice goes clear and loud, telling the story. Her lungs open and her throat opens and her eyes go wide with the memory as it colors Adele's words and her words. The horror that Tina imagined reflected on everyone's face as -
- the choir room door opened
They're in the choir room. They're here.
The chair didn't work.
Time stands still now as it stood still then.
Why aren't they just leaving? There's no one else there. Unless they heard us.
Wait. The black streak from the chair, on the floor. They know we're here.
Another person might have just given up then, but in Tina, everything crystallized in a moment. It was as if the path was now laid out before her and she'd have to see it through. She put her chin up defiantly.
I won't go down without a fight.
Back on a dimly lit stage in Indianapolis -
Let the sky fall
When it crumbles
We will stand tall
Face it all together
Kitty had gripped herself so tight that the knuckles showed white.
Let the sky fall
When it crumbles
We will stand tall
Joe kept praying, sitting upright like a statue against a file cabinet. He looked calmer than I felt. Like he was ready to see God. I wished he could calm me. But he opened both his eyes suddenly, searched my face, and he returned my gaze. A slight nod and I knew I wasn't going to let go of all of this so easy.
Face it all together
At skyfall
That skyfall
They're standing right outside and trying the handle. She clapped a mouth over Ryder's gasp. Tina could see a faint dark moving shadow on the floor and those intrusive footsteps pacing the length of their choir room. She closed her eyes as -
Gold and blue light shower the stage. Blaine's never sounded better on the piano and Tina's almost crying with the beauty of it, or the pure sadness she'd felt at the moment when the sky was about to fall. Despair wrung her out dry like a dishcloth and left an empty shell. No Mike. No college, no career on Broadway, no prospect of beating Rachel Berry at her own game. But beyond that, no glee club. Nothing but loss. Behind her, Tina can sense, rather than hear, the glee club moving swiftly about in rustling costume. They're singing now with her, boys' voices with the tender deep undertone against the sweetness of the girls'. Blaine's singing too, like the angel of music personified.
They'd also sensed them raising the gun. Probably to try to shoot the office door open. They must have seen. They must have seen. She removed her hand from Ryder's mouth and balled up both hands into fists, tight, bone-breaking, but she doesn't shatter into a million pieces, even though her jaw was so tight her teeth felt like they'll break in her head. It will be okay. It will be okay. Maybe it won't? No, it can't be the end.
This is not how it's all going to end.
Ryder tilted his head towards Tina. They scrabbled desperately for each other, and she was the first one to find his hand. His palms didn't sweat, and neither did hers. He gripped Unique's forearm to reassure her because she was so scared and the gulf between them suddenly dissolved into almost nothing. A whimper escaped her throat. Tina didn't know if it's Unique or if it's her, but if it was her, Ryder didn't have any time to stop her.
She looked around the tiny little room and tried to meet each of their eyes, to give them reassurance. It was dark, so she didn't know if they actually saw her. She just wanted them to know that she was there, and that she knew that they would be all right.
They said later that they felt the strength pour from me. That's funny. I didn't feel calm or strong.
The rest of the glee club starts to add their voices in with hers, weaving in and out as brilliant as threads through a tapestry.
Skyfall is where we start
A thousand miles and poles apart
Where worlds collide and days are dark
You may have my number, you can take my name
But you'll never have my heart
They
walked
away.
Her voice rises to triumphant crescendo and the music flows out of her.
It's a chorus of thanksgiving and it's a promise at the same time. The sky may fall, but I'll stop it from falling on you.
The choir door closes softly and the next hours are an exhausting blur. Tina rubbed her eyes many times during the long hours that followed. By far, the waiting was the most difficult part. Tina barely remembers, now but she knew that she couldn't let them run out and run home. She'd made them stay, wedged in like so many sardines. The air got dense and stale. We stayed there for a million hours. I made them stay because I didn't know where they were. They were angry and frustrated and wanted to fall apart. But they heard me, and we didn't.
Let the sky fall (let the sky fall)
When it crumbles (when it crumbles)
We will stand tall (we will stand tall)
Face it all together
We stayed there until the police came. It was well after dark by then. Blaine and Sam came running and pulled us up and we were all so stiff that we stumbled over. I fell into everyone's arms. We all did. We all cried.
Tina's voice soars on for all of them and leads them upward and onward to the sky. The rest of the lyrics are so easy and she, as a bird, flies upward to circle the audience.
It's just the boys' voices now, deep and smooth.
Let the sky fall (let the sky fall)
When it crumbles (when it crumbles)
We will stand tall (we will stand tall)
Face it all together
At skyfall
(Let the sky fall
When it crumbles
We will stand tall)
It's the sure feeling that I love you and I will protect you no matter what.
Now it's the girls' turn and they're so complementary. Black and white keys sing under Blaine's talented fingers as he applies the pedal. The artful notes slip together like silk or butter against the steady heartbeat of the chords.
Where you go I go
What you see I see
I know I'd never be me
Without the security
Of your loving arms
Mom. Dad. Mike. Everyone.
Keeping me from harm
Put your hand in my hand
And we'll stand
The glee club stops dancing. The note hangs in the air. It's now just Tina's voice and the piano behind it.
She ends, quietly.
Let the sky fall
We will stand tall
I love you. I love you. I love you. I'll never forget what's important. I'll never forget love. I'll never forget you. Hug me and never let me go, ever, ever, ever.
Impulsively, Tina throws out her arms as if to hug the audience, Indianapolis, Lima, New York, the world. She's in love with the world and the world's in love with her. The stage light falls, like gentle rain, warm on her face. And the last two words are soft, sweet and still.
At
skyfall
She holds that last note until it dies.
And the lights, one by one, achingly, step by aching step, go out.
That's it. The audience is stunned and silent and then a different sort of clamor; applause. Applause and it's loud and everyone's standing and cheering and practically hopping off their feet. TShe can feel Mr. Schue's smile and the glee club's smiles and she can feel everything and it's so utterly wonderful because she never thought she would feel anything ever again.
She's bathed in smiles and love. Love me and never let me go because I love you.
In later years, Tina manages to heal over her scar. She even forgets that this was her biggest solo, and even the incident at McKinley becomes a footnote in what becomes a long history of more notable events. The only thing she ever carries in her heart, ever, is the memory of her last thought on a college theater stage in Indianapolis, right before she put her shaking hands on a first-place trophy:
The sky may fall but I'll stop it from falling on you.