Dear Evil Teddy Bear,
I am darkness. I am justice.
It's been a year since the hellhounds came for me; a year since I went to hell. Hell was hell. What more can I say? No words could even begin to describe Hell. But I got out. I'm Dean Winchester, after all. This is the part where I flash you my trademark smile. But the times are different. Sometimes I can no longer feel; sometimes I feel I'm drowning in my own fears and nightmares. I went to a nut doctor once, she told me I was depressed, I told her she was butt ugly. That was the end of that.
I'm a changed man now, or rather a demon. I fight my kind. But I have learned that life isn't just black and white. I sure was naïve back in my human days. I thought I was the good guy. I thought I was doing the right thing. In a way I was, but nowadays it's not about being a good guy or doing the right thing. It's about redemption. It's about saving Sam, saving the world and saving myself. I suppose a part of me still believes in God.
The old Dean's still in here somewhere, you know. But he needs me; his demonic side. I'm the new and improved Dean, with a few changes. It's ironic how I've become one of those things I used to hunt. At least I'm not a vampire. Have you seen those fangs? They're fugly. Seriously at least for me, I've got the whole sexy demon thing going on. The ladies love it. Not to mention the fact that I inhabit a handsome, and -ahem- hot man. Be envious, be very envious, gentleman.
I never did return to Sam. Call me a coward, I don't care anymore. But I couldn't see him again. I care too deeply for him to let him see me like this. He doesn't need this demon, he needs his brother. I can't be his brother anymore. But I still watch him. I watch his back and make sure he doesn't get his skinny little ass kicked by some demon. But Sam doesn't need to know that. He has plenty to deal with. I won't be another burden on his shoulder.
Bobby's the only one that knows I've escaped. I showed up a couple days after my escape at his place. He wasn't surprised. Apparently I'd made myself a kind of a name down there. Who would've thought it? Me, famous? Pretty cool, huh? Bobby thought so at least. But believe me it wasn't easy convincing Bobby that I could be trusted and that I was still partly Dean. Bobby's the only that can know. He doesn't understand why I won't tell Sam, but then again, he doesn't need to. He's my connection to Sam; I can't be watching Sam every second. There's a big fish I have to fry first.
Lilith. I'm close to her. I can feel the end approaching. The end of this world or the end of war, I don't know for sure. But lately Lilith's all I can think of. It's selfish of me when apocalypse is coming. But I still think that somehow Lilith is connected to all of this, scratch that- I know she's playing a big part in all of this. But I've seen worse. In hell there's much worse, things beyond your imagination or nightmares.
Lilith is just a fish in a pond, there are plenty other big fish. And I'm just getting started. After all I'm doing what I do best; hunting evil. I'll probably kill myself someday...
But for now I fight. I fight for Sam because I want him to have the normal life he always wanted. I wanted it too, deep down. Who wouldn't want their mom, dad and brother to be just one happy family? But I can't have it, so I might as well make use of my demonic side to give him his. For Sam... It always comes down to Sam. He's still my brother and he'll never stop being my brother, even if I stop being Dean. As long as I have Sam there will always be a small part of me that's still Dean.
Signed,
Dean Winchester
(Just call me Batman)