Rating: PG
Disclaimer: "Love is on the Way" remains property of Saigon Kick, Dark Angel unfortunately remains property of those dummies at Fox.
A/N: Had a spare moment, was feeling romantic...this is what you get. A M/Z though...rare for me. This fic is going to require you to suspend your disbelief for a bit...just go with it and accept it. Set after Zack gets out of Manticore after he gave himself up for Max.
Love is on the Way
Seattle was a stark place at night, even to Zack. Bums were out on the street corners, milling through trashcans to the accompaniment of a crackling fire. Their fingers were dirty and their faces grubby. Dimly, they reminded him of little kids who'd been rolling around in the mud, only to smile broadly at the unfortunate mother's discovery of their condition.
Zack himself was meticulous. His blonde hair was carefully parted and in place, his clothes didn't have a loose string on them. He supposed it was the military part of him shining through. He liked order.
The sidewalk in front of him stretched down the street, dissipating amongst the darkened distance. Burying his hands deeply into his pockets, he turned his eyes from the street into the air. The space needle protruded up from the rest of the city like a broken limb. It was crumbling and dark, covered in graffiti. Max found it a sanctuary, a place she could go to be alone and think.
There was only so much thinking one person could do before insanity crept in to dictate the situation. It was an ignorant safeguard. People who thought too often about too many things inevitably drew conclusions they couldn't handle, came across discrepancies in their beliefs they couldn't bring themselves to see. The mind would rather become ill than broken.
Zack hadn't come to Seattle in search of truth or answers. He'd come for a very simple reason, he was in love.
Love, he had found, could be a bitter, awful thing.
Lonely sidewalks
Silent nights
She was close now as he turned a corner, her apartment building coming into view. Technically, the building was listed as abandoned. Zack was confident that there wasn't a nook or cranny in the city that wasn't occupied by some form of life. People shoved themselves into cities like sardines in a can, he didn't understand why they didn't make more of an effort to spread themselves out. A little space was a wonderful thing.
A cloud made it's lazy way across the bright moon, and the night grew suddenly darker. The crackle of sparks popping off of a nearby fire seemed unnaturally loud in the blackness. The rest of the night sounds accompanied the rumbling flame: sirens, a man coughing, a motor running somewhere, and the characteristic light laugh of a woman.
Zack smiled. Even amongst the dimness, the laughing rose to the surface. There was always hope. Always the chance that Max might see and accept the heart he was offering. There was only so long it could continue to beat without some place to call home, and the crisp fall twilight was lonely without her.
Bring the evening
Deep inside
He smiled lightly to himself as he found a foothold on the outside of her building, looking up at her dimly illuminated window above him. So many times he'd snuck in through her window in the night that the procedure was now familiar. One foot there, lever up, grab here, other foot there...he could have drawn a map if he had to. As it was, the map resided deep in the depths of his mind. He'd traced the steps in his dreams when he'd been back at Manticore. Hazy visions of Max were all that had kept him holding on, knowing he'd sacrificed himself so that she could live. He'd vowed to make things clear to her if he got out, make her understand how he'd felt about her for so long.
His heart pounded as he methodically got higher. The euphoric rush of reaching the sill of her window nearly overtook him. After so long, she was only steps away. He could almost smell her, almost feel her tucked in his arms. There was so much he wanted to say, so much that he wanted to and not nearly enough time to get it all done.
Slowly, his blood rushing hotly through his ears with a loud roar, he peeked in through the window to find her sprawled across her bed on one side. There was a small desk lamp on in one corner, emitting a soft yellow light across the floor and walls. She was asleep, her back to the window. He could trace the gentle curve of her side, the slight swell at her hips, and the sleek lines of her legs.
He crept inside, his every move sounding like a nuclear explosion to his overly heightened senses. Max was seemingly unaware, her eyes remaining closed and the serene look never leaving her face.
Zack's heart was about to leap from his chest, and the very real fear that he would die right then and there filled him. His own love for her was frightening at times in it's extent. There was no way he could fathom that Logan Cale could possibly care more than he did.
He moved toward her prone form, one hand slightly outstretched and tingling wildly.
Hold me darling
Touch me now
She gasped audibly when his hand came into contact with her shoulder, but the light touch didn't seem to alarm her. Max didn't live in the constant suspicious state that he did. She was used to living with others, and the sudden presence of someone in her room (albeit a decidedly benign presence) didn't activate her defense mechanisms immediately.
Rolling over, she cracked open her sleepy eyes. They were endless, and he knew that he could drown in them. That, he reflected, would be a wonderful way to leave the world.
"Zack!" Her voice yanked him out of the velvet brown of her eyes, shoving him back into reality. He was still lightly touching her shoulder. It was direct skin to skin contact, and it made him shudder. She was everything in the world that he wanted, and she was desperately close.
"Hey," he replied, his voice rough and husky. Even as he was about to burst, it was difficult for him to convince himself that he had to tell her exactly how he felt. As far as being sentimental and romantic went, Zack was clueless. He knew what was happening deep down inside of him, and in his head he would write sonnets, but his tongue was clumsy.
Let the feelings
Free tonight
"What are you doing here?" she asked, still groggy with sleep.
He bit hard onto his bottom lip, drawing it into his mouth for a moment to chew thoughtfully on it and searching his mind for an answer. Nothing reasonable came to him. There was nothing that him brought him back to Washington other than the insatiable need to see her once again.
"I needed to see you," he finally muttered. It was the truth, although probably a vague response from Max's perspective. She sat up a little, her warm, dark curls showering lightly back behind her.
"What's happened? Is something wrong?" she asked, alarm momentarily glimmering in her eyes.
"No, nothing's wrong," he shook his head and let his touch slip from her for the first time since she'd awaked. She didn't seem to notice even though the gentle glide of her skin under his fingers drove him mad. She was wearing a black, ridged tank top. He could see the outline of her body through it and for a few short moments watched the low expansion and contraction of her ribs with her breathing. For some reason, it was singularly beautiful that she was alive. There was little else in the world he valued so much as Max's well being. He would do anything for her, and he tilted his head slightly to smile at her.
"Just around for a visit?" she asked skeptically. She was smiling back though, her white teeth peeking through the top of the expression.
"Some sort of rule that says I can't come around because I feel like it?" he asked, relaxing a bit.
"Of course not." There was genuine affection in her gaze, and it made him melt.
Love is on the way
I can see it in your eyes
Let's give it one more try tonight, Baby
He wanted to touch her. Every fiber in his being was aching to pull her into his arms. He would gladly hold her under his wings to shelter her from everything. She would know no pain or misery, there would be only the same heavenly smile that was currently crossing her lips.
She was ethereal.
Easily, he could see himself fighting for her. He would walk into death without hesitation if it meant that she could live. There was nothing he wouldn't give her. Yet, as she sat inches away from him in split seconds of silence that seemed to stretch into blissful eternity, she had no idea of the extreme depths of his attachment.
She was so different from all of the others. He cared about all of his siblings, but they were all just that to him...siblings. Max was more. She was everything.
"Cindy's not going to be around for a couple days," Max announced. "So, you can crash here if you need to."
Sleeping under the same roof as Max was a prospect that made his muscles quiver all the way down to his bones. Just to be close to her was a blessing. She ran one hand distractedly through her hair, pushing it back from where it had fallen against her forehead. Digging the other hand into her sheets, she waited for some sort of response from him. Zack was still working at trying to get out the all so important words which seemed lodged in his throat.
"We need to talk..." he announced, unable to find some other way of broaching such a foreign topic. Sometimes things would simply fall out of his mouth, but when they were alone and all the pressure was off, things became infinitely more difficult. But, he was confident that once she understood him, she would grow to feel the same.
Love is on the way
I can see it in your eyes
Let's give it one more try tonight
"About what?" she tilted her head. He wasn't sure exactly how much she knew about his feelings, and he certainly didn't want to make a complete fool of himself. The desk lamp was still on, casting a halo around them that made the room feel hazy. Being there with her, in that moment, seemed like a dream. That dreamy sensation gave him the courage he so needed.
Something Zack wasn't normally considered was timid. He was often blunt to a fault. He'd been raised to give orders, and telling other people what to do or advising them on what they should do didn't make him bat an eye. He wasn't shy about telling others what he thought of them or their actions. And, he liked to take charge of any situation he came across. This situation, however, was one he would have liked to have remained a passenger in. Still, he couldn't sit idle.
"Do you remember back in Manticore when we used to sit up at night?" he began with a reflective tone.
"Yeah," she smiled.
"Whenever something bad happened," he tilted his head back a little, letting his eyes drift shut for a moment as he mentally traveled back to the time period at hand. "Or after one of Ben's stories...or whenever training got particularly difficult, we'd sit up together...just us."
Even though Manticore had been all they had ever known, it still was difficult to deal with. Max and Zack had drawn strength from one another. It was easier to move on knowing that they weren't alone. It had been on a foggy night back when they were but small children that Zack had devoted himself wholly to her. They fit like matched puzzle pieces, and with her the world always seemed at peace once again.
Time of seasons
Wipes our tears
"Things always seemed better with you, Max," he announced. "Lydecker, Manticore...none of it really mattered."
Her eyes darkened perceptibly. He could see her mulling through what he'd said in her mind. Back when they were little, he'd been all that she'd had. Now her world was opened to new possibilities. Zack had never really moved on past Manticore, and a part of him still wanted to climb into bed with her and let the wobble of the world even out.
He sat down, his weight making a noticeable depression on the side of the bed. Max rolled slightly into him and didn't bother to roll back away. Body heat penetrated into his side, burning him. His eyes clenched tightly closed, and he swallowed deeply. Waiting for her reply was a long, torturous affair.
They were good for each other, she had to be able to see that. Together they'd broken out of Manticore, and they'd been only children then. Together they could move the world, or push it aside to make their own. All things considered, Zack preferred the latter. He didn't want to change the world, only find his own place in it. And he could only conceive that possibility with Max at his side. If only she would come to see his point of view, they could be safe and happy...and complete.
No rhyme or reason
No more fears
"Zack..." she sighed a little, sinking her teeth into her luscious bottom lip.
He didn't want to hear no. He couldn't hear a refusal. It would be too much, and he couldn't stand it. The least she could do was give him one night, one moment in which to express himself. There was only so long he could hold it all back. The point of no return was quickly approaching, and the fear of rejection was spurring him wildly on.
"Don't say it yet, Max," she shook his head firmly, taking her hand in his.
She paused obediently, waiting for him to say what he had to. They seemed to be at an understanding with one another. If Max had realized how desperately Zack needed to talk, she showed it by gently squeezing his hand. She was as supportive as always, there for him from the beginning. Sitting there in the dimly lit room, his palm laying across hers, he felt a tidal wave of emotion slam into him.
"I care about you, Max," he breathed. Her grip tightened slightly but steadily. "I worry about you constantly, you're in constant danger here in Seattle."
"I'm not leaving, Zack," she shook her head. That had come out differently than he'd intended it to, and he shook his head lightly to clear his mind.
"That's not what I mean," he replied. Words weren't one of Zack's strong points. He wasn't overly articulate, especially on matters as abstract as love.
All the dreaming
Is far behind
Jumping quickly from the realm of the verbal to the much more comfortable realm of the physical, Zack reached out to her. It was easier for him to convey what he meant through a touch than through some carefully crafted sentence. The English language could pay no homage to the extent of love he held for her. There was no word to aptly describe the loyalty and all encompassing affection he harbored. Not even Logan Cale would dare to put such a reverent thing into verbal form.
He slid a hand up her arm to land upon her warm jaw. His thumb moved back and forth along her jaw line, relishing in the feel of her supple skin. Was there anything so wonderful in the world as she? He doubted Eden could offer anything better.
You are here now
And everything's alright
"You're everything to me, Maxie," he shook his head. His emotions were now so raw and near the surface that they were utterly impossible for him to hide. He'd traveled up the entire west coast from southern California to find her. Life wasn't so unfair that it would drive him to her with such zest only to have him turned away. She couldn't be so cruel.
Poets and authors liked to think that love could overcome any obstacle. That, Zack knew, just wasn't the case. No matter how strong it was, love was fallible. He was only too aware of that as he looked at her, knowing she didn't feel quite the same.
Yet, there was the possibility that she could. How could she not feel some tingle of something for him when he felt so strongly about her? They would offer each other everything. They were meant to be together. Logan, he was a momentary distraction. But, when it all came down to it, Max and Zack were the same. They held a connection between them deeper than Logan could ever hope to attain -- one Max couldn't ignore.
She opened her arms to him, and he gladly fell into them. The action alone released things within Zack that he hadn't realized he'd been holding back. She cared, and she was holding him.
Love is on the way
I can see it in your eyes
Let's give it one more try tonight
He gripped her tightly, unwilling and unable to let her go. Her hair fell wildly about his face, and he drew in every bit of her he could store away in his memory. They were an uncertain couple at best. As long as she insisted upon remaining in Seattle where the enemy was nearly breathing down her neck, they couldn't live the life he had dreamed up for them. He wanted to have a vivid picture of her in his mind to save until he could be with her forever.
Zack buried his face against her shoulder. His lungs were crying out for air as if he couldn't get enough. It was the absolutely delightful smothery feeling that he got whenever he thought seriously about Max.
He loved her. Soon she would love him, too.
"Zack," she started to push him back a little, urging him to relinquish the hold he had on her. He pulled back slightly, enough to be face to face with her. He didn't let her speak, however. They were beyond words, what they had surpassed anything that either of them could ever say. So, instead he leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to her lips.
It was far beyond what he had ever expected. Beneath his, her mouth was soft and giving. She didn't pull away, didn't push him away. Instead, she remained and allowed the contact. Those few moments were pure perfection. The taste of her filled his mouth and the knowledge that he was finally kissing the women who was his one true love permeated his very soul.
Never having been a very religious man, in those short seconds, Zack believed wholeheartedly in a benevolent God.
"I can't..." she muttered, breaking the kiss. Zack loomed close to her, knowing that the moment had to end but sad that it had all the same. She wasn't there yet, she wasn't ready to accept what they were. He would wait for her, devoted and blind to all alternatives, he would remain in the shadows of the night, waiting.
And in the morning I'll be gone away
All the things I left behind
He nodded, saddened but still determined. Nothing could change the fact that he was in love with her, and nothing ever would. Just as he had from birth, he would be there for her. There would never come a situation in which he would abandon her. That, perhaps, was a fault in his training. Max was his comrade and he was expected to leave her if she was lost in combat. He wondered if any of the people at Manticore had realized what a faulty soldier he had truly been.
Once he'd told of her of his first day outside of Manticore. The world seemed suddenly in color, but those colors were so much brighter with her nearby. He'd been so nervous that first day when he'd walked into Jam Pony to ask Normal for a job. She'd been hostile toward him then, believing that he'd taken the job lost by a friend. Once she'd discovered his true identity however, everything reverted back to how they had once been. He'd been silly to think that the years apart hadn't changed her. She needed time to work through things.
He stood up and looked toward the window at the now darker night. He wasn't sure what he'd expected when he'd crawled in through her window, answers perhaps. He couldn't go on not knowing whether she could ever reciprocate his feelings for her. But, he'd kissed her, and she'd allowed him to. That was one giant step in the right direction. There was no question now whether she knew how much she meant to him. He'd told her outright, he'd shown her.
"You know that if you need me for anything..." he trailed off, forking a hand through his hair.
"You've always been there for me," she nodded.
If you need me I'll come night and day
Let's stop the hands of time
Zack felt better than he had earlier in the night. For the first time in years, he felt like he had her back. He smiled at her, pulling at one of her curls as he did so.
"I'll be back, Maxie," he vowed.
He turned to leave then, escaping back out the window onto the desolate streets. The same dirty bum was still standing on the corner, his fire burning about half as high as it had been before. The sirens in the distance had since ceased. Still, the night was thick with a veil of sounds, among them yet a cheerful and gentle laugh. He wasn't sure which direction it was coming from, but it was comforting. As Seattle fell behind him, and so the women who held his heart, he paused to glance back.
He would give her everything if she asked for it. And, when he saw her peering out her window into the darkness, his heart swelled and he knew that the wait wouldn't be long.
Love is on the way
Let's give it one more try tonight.