I can remember my old life well… It was a life that I wish never happened. I never enjoyed getting fucked for money, even if they were willing to pay a ton. Every night ended the same way, a customer would leave the hotel room (or where ever we were) pulling up his pants satisfied. Then when the scum would leave, I would just lay there in bed trying to not think about what I just did.

I remember the first time I ever had been with a man. I was about sixteen at the time. His name was Rick King; he worked as a small house jobs person for our town. Rick was a very tall well shaped guy, who had all the girl's hearts. Hell I'll admit it I even fell in love with the guy. But when ever I'd sense myself drifting off to daydream about Rick I would shake the thought away. You'd think a teenage boy would be having crushes on various girls, but not with me. I just never felt attracted to women. It took me some time to really know why I didn't like girls. Sure I had dated with a few girls but something just didn't seem to click.

I had dates with a few girls, they were awkward as could be. Our conversations were filled with pauses that felt like a century had gone by. I've only kissed one girl, Suzy Marcus. We both sat under an old elm tree. The stars and moon gave off a romantic glow, a perfect time for a kiss. Suzy was a beautiful girl with a face that looked like an angel and the prettiest hazel eyes. Still to this day Suzy has never shed her year book beauty.

She looked at me with a slight smile and pulled up a little closer to me. Suzy put her fragile hand on top of mine, she then took a deep breath. Her warm hazel gaze was fixed on me.

"Aven… are you gay?"

I looked up at Suzy, I swallowed and tried to find words to project to her. Suzy laughed a little and then removed her hand.

"It's perfectly okay if you are…"

Finally I summed up the courage to speak.

"Well… umm I guess so… I mean…"

Suzy giggled, she tightened her pig tails a bit and then looked me once more.

"How long have you liked guys?"

I was glad Suzy didn't get embarrassed about what happened. Looking back on it, I feel bad for the poor girl. I mean here was this romantic moment and then it turns out the guy who she wanted to kiss is gay. I gave Suzy a small smile.

"Pretty much my whole life, it wasn't something where I just went gaga over a guy, it was in steps."

Suzy nodded and then blushed a little.

"Umm… have you ever kissed a guy?"

A small silence came over both of us. I had never kissed a guy and I was burning to. Just the thought of it made me blush. I shook my head at Suzy's question and sighed.

"Well… maybe you could practice."

I looked up at Suzy, she seemed awkward about what she said. I gave her a nervous smile.

"Okay."

Suzy propped herself up and brushed her hair back.

"Alright then… lets just do something light, no Frenching."

I nodded and then leaned in closer to Suzy. I could feel her body heat starting to get warmer and warmer as I got closer. I froze for a second, nervous as hell about what I would do. How I would do it, and most importantly if I did it right. I felt Suzy's lips gently peck mine. We both pulled away blushing madly, a few moments of silence filled the air. I looked over at Suzy, she looked back at me and let out a tired sigh and slouched.

"Want to call it a night?"

Suzy nodded her head. I stood up, and held my hand out for her to grasp. We got into the car and I drove her home. We didn't engage in a conversation through the whole ride. Both of us were tired and were eager to hit the sack. Fifteen minutes later the car reached Suzy's house. She Looked over at me with a half smile and stretched her petite arms out for a hug. Still to this day Suzy hasn't gained a pound over ninety. I embraced the small beauty queen and gave her a friendly peck on the cheek. She let out another tired sigh and started to open the car door, and then she turned around to look at me once more.

"Good night Aven."

"Night Suzy."

I waited until Suzy reached the front door before driving off. Even though I was tired as hell thoughts and questions kept coming up. Will Mom and Dad accept me? Will people hate me for being gay? Did I hurt Suzy? I never really found out the answers to any of those questions. Mom and Dad didn't find out until I was twenty. And neither of them seemed outraged, really they didn't seem to care. This was pretty typical for them though, neither took great passion in anything. I never thought of my Mom and Dad as true parents. Everything felt like the whole family was hired to act like a family, but with bad actors that didn't fit the role at all. Our family had reunions, strange ones none the less. Twenty five or more people would show up in a rented rec-room. They would come in groups of three or five each person putting on cheesy smiles and dispensing false love like happy pills in a ward.

I remember one reunion when I was about fifteen. I sat next to Aunt Carrie who came from California. She had a deep tan that made her orange and blonde hair that was only a few tints from white. I can remember her looking me up and down, scanning me to see if she could remember who I was.

"You're Gavin right?"

"It's Aven…"

Aunt Carrie seemed annoyed about me correcting her. She looked at me up and down once more, this time with a bitchy smirk. Aunt Carrie then put one hand on her hip and said.

"Hmm close enough."

She then walked off, I laughed a bit at her response. The rest of the reunion went on slowly, people talked about how there lives were going and other things you talk to people about in a reunion.

I remember the first time I made love to a man. This was about two months after I came out of the closet to Suzy. I was in my room when I heard foot steps coming down the hallway. I jumped up from my bed to find out who was in the hallway. Rick was at the end of the hallway fixing a hole in the wall. I didn't know he came into the house. Mom didn't say anything about Rick coming over to fix the hole in the hallway wall. And there was no way what so ever that Rick could have known about it with out word from Mom or Dad. I kept thinking of possibilities of how Rick came in and then he turned to look at me.

"Hey Aven."

I was at loss of words, never had I been this way for anyone. My heart pounded as if I as if I was about to have a heart attack. I then managed to at least spit out one word to him.

"Hi."

I tossed a nervous half smile at him and came back to my room. I plopped right back down on my bed and let out a deep sigh. I thought about Rick for a moment, that big strong body of his… And that voice that sounded deep and sexy. I was a boy in total awe for another man. I just laid there in awe for at least five minutes. I felt butterflies in my stomach, never have I felt this way for a man. Looking back on it makes me laugh sometimes. I didn't know anything more about this man than he was a small jobs person. To think he was my first love… how foolish of me. A few minutes later I herd a knock at the door, I walked over and opened it. Rick walked in a few feet, he then grabbed me and tossed me on the bed. He was soon on top of me, I felt his warm thick lips on mine. I then felt his hand undoing my belt, I pulled away just noticing that he had unbuttoned my shirt also.

I tried to catch my breath, I felt dizzy. Just a minute ago Rick was fixing a whole in the wall and now he was eager to fuck me. I mean all this just seemed so… fast.

"Rick wait a minute…"

Rick looked up at me.

"What's wrong?"

I couldn't look at Rick, he was just too intense for me at the moment.

"Can't we go a little… slower?"

Rick climbed back on top of me, he pulled off his shirt and then looked at me. He caressed my face and then kissed me. I ran my left hand down his pants and stroked him. Rick let out a small moan, he stared to kiss my neck. I pulled my left hand out, Rick then pinned both my arms up and gave a grin. Rick started to kiss my chest, I then felt him slowly work his way down my body. I was eager for him to take me, I felt Rick pull my pants down. I then felt him take my member in. This was it… this was the turning point in my life. Sensations ran up and down my body, I arched my back out of the sheer pleasure Rick gave to me. An hour and a half of pleasure passed. Both of us were exhausted, Rick looked at me and pulled me closer to his body. I cuddled up to him, our limbs were entangled with one another. Rick gave me a smile and rubbed the back of my neck.

"You know…you're something special."

I blushed at his comment and laughed a little.

"Hardly."

"It's no lie, you do have talents."

I smiled again, it was hard not to. Soon, my tiredness took hold of me and I fell asleep in Rick's arms. I can't remember how long I had fallen asleep but I do remember hearing Rick's voice.

"Come run away with me, I'll make you a big star baby."

I got right up after hearing his words, I looked at him with shock.

"I… can't just get up and run away with you, people will wonder…"

Rick gave me a laugh and started to rub me.

"Ah, don't worry about anything now that I'm here you don't have to worry at all."

Rick was a sweet talker, he always was and probably still is sweet talking people to run away with him. Now that I look back on it I feel like a fool for going with him. But that was in the past and no matter how much you try to change what happened it will always stay the same. You could spend your whole life trying to fix something you fucked up in the past. No matter what, you can't go back. You have to face what you did and accept it, and not fear it but be glad for it. If we all just dwell on what happened in the past nothing would get done. We would all be living on what happened and not living on what's happening. Believe me I've wanted to go back into the past countless times. When ever I was with a client, I'd think back on younger times and just wish I could go back. But that only led my life to a depression for years.

I said yes, to run away with Rick, he told me to be ready to leave tomorrow at eight. I can remember Rick putting his clothes back on and leaving the house. I sat in bed for a few minutes before getting up. I put my clothes on and started to hunt for a suitcase. I thought about what my new life with Rick would be like, my innocence did not let me see past Rick's plastic charm. I didn't bother to pack anything else except clothes, I figured it would just slow me down with extra luggage. It took a half hour to pack up everything I needed, I slid the suitcase under my bed. I was so excited about this new chapter in my life I could barely contain it. But I was careful not to let anyone on that I was leaving.

The rest of the day passed rather quickly, the next day was an extreme opposite. The day was filled with me constantly looking at the clock. Around seven thirty I took the suitcase and hid it near a bush so that no one in the house would see me carrying it. I started pacing around my room ready for Rick to drive up. I looked at the clock to see ten minutes had passed, my excitement kept getting bigger and bigger as time got closer. I remember having Mom walk in, she never knocked and that was a bad thing for her and me. Thank god she never walked in on anything "Private" or I think the poor woman would probably have a heart attack. In case you didn't know Mom was modest when it came to intimate things. She never wanted to hear jokes about anything sexual. Mom said that crude humor was the rudest thing. She was right in a way I guess if you go to far.

"Hey sweetie."

I turned around and smiled at her.

"Hi mom, do you need anything?"

"Oh no, I just came up to check on you. You know I haven't really talked to you since yesterday morning."

I smiled at her, hell it was nice that she came up to see me. There was an awkward silence for a minute.

"Well Honey, I'm gonna go."

"Bye mom."

"Bye son."

I never had a terrific relationship with my mother. I'm not saying it was horrible and she neglected my ass. But as I said before our family was like a few actors who did a shitty job acting. I looked over at the clock it was seven fifty eight, time to head out. A few seconds later I herd Rick's car drive up, I quickened my pace and soon was out of the house. I grabbed the suitcase and headed for my new life. Rick greeted me with a kiss.

"Hey sugar lips."

I blushed.

"Hey stud muffin."

Rick started to drive off, he then put one hand on my thigh.

"Ready babe?"

I smiled a bit.

"Sure am…"

"Great."

Two hours later we arrived at a hotel. Rick grabbed my bag and we headed for the entry. I waited as Rick got the keys, he motioned for me to come over. The room was pretty nice, Rick plopped down on the bed. I crawled on top of him and gave him a peck on the lips. I then undid his pants and traced my finger around the elastic of his underwear. I wanted to show Rick how I was talented. The size of his member was pretty damn big, especially if you never went down on a guy before. I eased him in soon it wasn't a hassle for me anymore. After Rick reached his climax I came back up and laid my head on his chest. Once again we both fell asleep in each other's arms.

"Wake up sugar lips, we got somewhere to go."

Rick's voice didn't jolt me awake like it had before, I slowly got up. A few minutes later I had waken up, I did the morning routine. Rick was ahead of me this morning, he called for me to hurry up. Once we were in the car Rick told me where we were going. I had no clue where it was or what it was. I just had faith that Rick wasn't going to take me to some alley and kill me. That hope dimmed as our relationship did. The car stopped at a place called "Mark's Men" we got out and headed for the building.

Inside was dimly lit, a few neon signs were placed in a few spots. It looked a bit like a bar, I didn't see any women so I knew this has to be a gay bar. I was right about one part, but one other thing was held at "Mark's men". A tall gruff looking guy walked into view, Rick greeted the man with a handshake. I stood there a bit shy.

"Who's this guy Rick?"

Rick looked over at me with pride.

"Well Mark, a new worker at your bar."

I looked at Rick with question, why didn't he tell me? I didn't want to be a bar attendant. That was my innocence that spoke for me. Ah, the feeling of being young and unaware of what was really out there. Mark looked at me up and down, then back at Rick.

"Can he suck cock?"

I gasped out loud, Mark laughed at my reaction. Everything made sense now, Rick was going to make me his whore. If I had the balls I had today, I would have told both of them to fuck off and leave. But I was too meek and shy to do anything. I just stood there thinking what my life as a whore would be like. I felt like an idiot for leaving home, I could have lived a life without passing though the hands of strange men. But now I was trapped in this life of alleyways and prepaid love. It would take several years before I would ever get out of this life. I would lose all respect for myself and fellow man.

Rick looked at me and shot a grim smile at me. I could tell he enjoyed the predicament I was in now. I was an easy game for Rick, all he had to do was sweet talk me a bit and then bam! He had me in his web. Mark and Rick proceeded to talk about what "talents" I had and things I wouldn't and would do. I couldn't bare to hear the conversation so I went outside for some fresh air. An activity bus pulled into the gas station not far from "Mark's men" Several cheerleaders pored out of the white and blue bus. Some stayed outside and chatted away as other went inside the gas station. One girl looked familiar, I couldn't really tell who she resembled.

"Aven?!"

I looked over, it was Suzy. She ran over to me surprisingly fast for such a short girl.

"Oh thank god… I thought you…"

Suzy noticed the sign, she then looked over at me. I couldn't look her in the eyes, tears started to stream down her face.

"Tell me you not…. Are you?"

Suzy's tears started to stream harder, I brushed away the tears from her face. It hurt me bad to see Suzy cry, I loved her dearly and never wanted to see her in pain. She embraced me and ceased her tears, Suzy looked up at me. I didn't have to use words to tell her what I've become, she knew in her heart.

"Just promise me something okay?"

"Anything."

Suzy took a deep breath and then backed out of my arms.

"Be safe… I don't want anything to happen to you, I love you…"

"You have my word."

I then held Suzy tight, she started to cry a little and so did I. I'll never forget the day I became a whore, even when I become old and forgetful I'll still remember that day well. You don't forget things like that, no matter how much you try. The memories will cling to you until you die. Five minutes passed and I still had Suzy in my arms. I didn't want to let go of the petite cheerleader, she was one of the few people who gave me heaven in the world. I loved this girl with all my heart, I really did. Suzy gently pulled away from me, her mascara was smeared from crying. She then held both of my hands and gave a little smile. Suzy looked over at the gas station and back at me.

"I have to go…"

We exchanged a quick embrace, and Suzy ran off. This was the last time we would see each other in eleven years. I walked back into "Mark's Men" and looked around for Rick; he was sitting in a booth with Mark. I walked up to the two, with a shy smile. Rick stood up and wrapped his strong arm around my hip.

"Well Mark, We'll see ya tomorrow."

"Bye guys."

Once Rick and I were in the car, Rick started to rub my left thigh. His hand went up my leg and then I felt him fingering my belt. I wasn't in the mood to fuck, especially him. I pulled his hand away.

"Rick… I'm not in the mood."

He shot a sly smile my way.

"Aww, what's wrong?"

Rick started to rub my thigh again, I didn't bother to push away my new pimp's hand this time.

"It's nothing, just drive."

Rick did what I told him, about ten minutes later we were back at the hotel. I ran up to the room with out Rick and plopped down on the bed. I just sat there, emotionless. I herd Rick use the card key to open the door, I still sat there. Three minutes later I told Rick my thoughts on him making me be a prostitute.

"Rick… Why?"

Rick looked at me with question.

"Why, what?"

I was pissed that Rick was being so coy.

"You know why you ass!"

Rick looked at me, this time more harsh. I knew I had made him mad.

"Don't you call me an ass you cunt!"

By now we were engaged in a fight. I was ready to go off, I wasn't afraid of him.

"Why the fuck did you make me a prostitute?! Did you think you could just use me as quick cash?!"

Rick stormed over, he grabbed me by the wrist and flung me back onto the bed. He then was on top of me, he grabbed my neck and tightened his grip. I could breathe, but it hurt like hell. I put both my hands on his arm and cocked my head back letting out a moan filled with displeasure and pain. Rick smiled grimly, I was his bitch. He pulled in closer to me and whispered.

"You're mine, if you ever think about getting away I'll make you scream… got that?"

I nodded, I was fucking terrified at what Rick had said. Rick had let go of my neck and then I started to rub it. He looked at me and undid my belt and pants. Rick came in for a kiss, I wrapped my body around his. I then let my body go limp, Rick pulled down my pants. I closed my eyes and let the pleasure flood in. An hour passed and I was still limp. I felt like all my emotions had merged together into something so big, my body couldn't react. Rick rolled over on his back and pulled me close to him. I relaxed my body on top of his and then gently rubbed his abs. I was terrified at Rick, I knew now that he wouldn't have any problem hurting me. This wasn't a relationship I had wanted at all. I wanted a man to love me and care for me, someone who I could be close to.

The rest of the day went by rather slow and boring. The next day was rather interesting, Rick and I returned to "Mark's men", this time there was a crowd of men. Mark spotted us and walked over.

"Glad to see you two again."

Rick gave a slight smile and Mark looked over at me.

"Well boy… we got a bloke in your room waiting for some good ole fucking so get in there."

Rick pushed me to move, I walked into an even dimmer lit hallway. I started to walk down the hallway, I stopped at a door that had my name on it. I opened the door and poked my head in, I then stepped in. The room was a green tint with old looking furniture. The room had a 1920's feel to it, I turned around to see a man looking at me with lust.

"Umm… Hi…"

The man looked at me up and down and gave a chuckle. He looked to be about in his mid thirties, he had a black suit on. This man looked very successful, but had a scummy air to him.

"Come on baby, take it off."

I gulped and started to unbutton my shirt. The man kept a hungry gaze upon me, I felt nervous as he looked at my body.

"Come here."

I walked over to the guy and wrapped my body around his. He held me close and started to kiss my lips, I acted like I enjoyed him. He started to stand up, and put me on the edge of the bed. He slipped off his suit, and came to me. I put myself on top the man and started to make out with him.

"Give me a hand job baby."

I took a small sigh and grabbed his man meat. I started to tug and he started to moan. I looked away as I jerked the guy off, looking at his dick would just make me feel even lower. Looking at him would give the same out come. No matter what I looked at, I lost a lot of respect for myself. I felt dirty for what I was doing, I didn't enjoy a moment of it. I started to run lists in my head to keep myself from thinking about what I was doing. I felt something hot and sticky run down my abs… I almost puked when I realized what it was. I knew the guy was done… well for the hand job. The man looked satisfied, he then pulled me in for a kiss. I then started to go down his body. I took in his member and sucked for a good while. After he was done I came back up and laid down. He looked over at me and started to gather his clothes.

"You're a good fuck."

I gave a tired smile as I watched him put the fee on the table.

"Thanks."

The man walked out and I still laid there in bed. I felt sick as a dog for what I had just done. A few minutes later another man came into the room. He was much younger than the scummy business man. I pulled myself up and prepared to give this guy pleasure. I then asked him what he wanted.

"Umm well… what do you do?"

I shot a fake smile at the guy.

"Blow jobs, hand jobs, anything along those lines."

The guy gave a small smile.

"I'll take the full package"

I faked another smile, I was in dread. He sat on the bed and I put myself on top of him. He striped down to his boxers and pulled me in for a kiss. This guy was much more tolerable than the scummy business man. Still it was no joy fucking this complete stranger. I didn't really show any emotion with my clients. Maybe one moan or arch my back a little, but nothing grand. I was never good at faking it, I really didn't know how to fake it. I would just lay there and take it nothing more nothing less. Now that I think about it, I have no clue why I got so many clients. You'd think they would want some guy moaning and "enjoying" them. But I guess some men are greedy fucks. I've only had two men make me climax, one being Rick the other… well I'll get into that later on.

After the guy was finished he gathered his clothes and got dressed. He gave his thanks and left, I laid in bed once more. I noticed there was a bathroom, I jumped up and took a shower. I was eager to get the feel of scummy clients off my skin. After the shower I looked at the clock. It was almost twelve at night. Rick came into the room a few minutes later; he shoved a wad of cash in his wallet and looked at me with pride.

"You did good baby"

I looked over at the chair that I fucked my first client in. I still felt sick for what I had done. I looked up at Rick I could tell he saw the mystery in my eyes. He walked over and stopped. Rick gently grabbed my face with one hand.

"You'll get over it, it just takes time."

Ricks attempt to make me feel better failed. His attempt seemed a bit faked. It felt like it was something he had to say, not something where he felt bad for me. I was only an object to Rick, I knew it he knew it. Even though I was just some object to Rick resting in his arms at night helped mend the pain somewhat. All I really needed was someone to love and hold me. You never know how much it means to have someone love you until you have no one. I never really had anyone to love me the way I wanted them to. Of course I had Suzy, but she couldn't help me. I needed a guy who could just make me forget all the pain and sooth me.

Rick sat down next to me, he rubbed my bare back and gave me the chills. He looked at me with a faint smile.

"Let's go."

I grabbed my clothes and slipped them on, I followed Rick out the door. I was back in the bar, other prostitutes and pimps were there also. The pimps looked satisfied with the cash. The prostitutes shared the same expression, misery. None of them wanted to be there. No prostitute wants to do what he or she does. Even if they say it's the sweet life, its probably just some lie. No matter how much I wanted to quit I couldn't, there was just something that held me down. For ten years my body would go though tons of men. I met all kinds of men, all scums. I've met men who have sick fantasies, just thinking about some make me want to vomit. I just can't understand some of them, some want to fuck a child. Some even want to fuck someone blood related. All this is just sick; god must have been high when these shit fucks were born.

After we arrived at the hotel I plopped back into bed. And submerged myself in the sheets, it was a pleasure not to be laying in cum stained sheets. Rick got into to bed with me and pulled me over. He ran his fingers though my hair and I relaxed.

"We're heading out for my house tomorrow baby cakes."

I gave a smile to him and then got on top of his strong body.

"Goodie."

My body went limp on top of his, I then fell asleep. To tell you the truth Rick was probably the nicest pimp there was. I'm not saying he was the Mother Teresa of pimps, but he was decent none the less. Well… he was good to me for a year. In the end it was rocky as hell. I don't know why it was so hard, or why Rick treated me like he did. But without him I wouldn't have grown stronger.

The next morning I got up quicker than I used to. I did the morning routine and Rick and I headed over "Mark's men". This time I went straight into my room and prepared for clients. I had no clue how many guys I would be fucking today, it could be anywhere from one to ten men a day. I did not look forward to screwing; it made me sick to my stomach when ever I thought about it. I fucked over a hundred men in my career, each one was degrading and unsatisfying.

At about twelve men eager for dick started to pour into "Mark's men". The men would meet our pimps, the pimps would then lead them to our rooms. The security system for the building was strange. If a client forced you to do something you did not want do you had two choices. One scream for someone (hopefully your pimp will come and get the client out) or point the roulette hidden under the mattress at the client. I never had to use the roulette to scare someone off at "Mark's men". Nor did I have to call for Rick to come rescue me.

Fifteen minutes later a client came into my room. He was tall maybe about… six foot four. Only two inches shorter than I, the client greeted me. He told me what he wanted, just a quick blow and go reasonable enough. The client left satisfied and I was left with the taste of cum thick in my mouth. Rick came into my room stuffing more cash into his wallet.

"Take a break."

I was glad to have time off from screwing, I walked into the bar and sat down in a booth. Another worker at "Mark's men" sat down across from me. He was a handsome guy, golden blonde hair and blue eyes that were filled with mystery.

"So… worn down yet?"

I looked at the guy with question.

"What do you mean?"

He smiled then handed me a beer.

"The new ones are always innocent, I envy you."

I gave the handsome man a half smile.

"Who are you?"

"Jake, you're Aven right?"

I nodded my head.

"How long have you been working here?"

Jake sat back, he took a sigh and looked at me.

"Three years in this hell whole."

"So that would make you…"

"Seventeen."

I looked at Jake in disbelief, there was no way he could be telling the truth.

"You're shitting me…"

Jake let out a small laugh.

"Nope, I started selling cock since fourteen. Not proud of it either."

Jake slumped back into the booth and took a sip of beer. I shot a sympathetic half smile at him, he smiled back.

"Well you grow a little smarter and stronger in this business. You really know who to watch out for."

I nodded my head, Jake pulled in a little closer.

"Let me give you some advice."

"Okay."

"If you ever get a gun pointed at your head, just do what they want. It's not worth getting killed over to keep dignity. Believe me kid, the day you start hooking is the day you'll never get your dignity back."

I never forgot what Jake said to me. I will always be grateful to him.

"Thanks."

Jake smiled, though the depression he had a warm glow to him. Like the innocence of the little boy who he once was still there.

"Anytime…"

Jake stood up, gave me a pat on the back and walked off. Break was over and I came back to my room. I stretched a bit and sat down in the old chair I had my first client in. I looked at the green wallpapered room. The lights were always dim, to create a "romantic" feel. As if you could have a romantic moment with a hooker. The bed was a king with brown and cream sheets that no matter how much they were washed they still held the stiffness of a hundred men's cum. The lamps looked like something bought from an antique store, as a matter of fact they probably were. They had dust on them that had gathered for god knows how long. The old wood floor had numerous stains on it. The room had the feeling of loneliness and despair. I've walked into that room many times and the feeling still hits you just as hard as it did the first time. That room takes the sprit out of you, you really do get drained. You start to feel depressed and weak. I don't know what makes this room so damn depressing, maybe it's the combination of all the men who have worked here. Ten or more men have sold there bodies in this room.

Even now that "Mark's men" is shut down the feeling of despair still lingers strong. Another client walked into in the room of despair, I sat down on the bed and he walked over. He crawled on top of me, I wrapped my body around his. We started to kiss, I arched my back a bit to act like he make me hard.

"You want it bad don't you?"

I nodded my head and we continued to kiss. I started to undo his pants, then a loud bang filled the building. We stopped fooling around, the client whipped out his wallet and paid me.

"Here take it!"

He then bolted out of my room. I jumped out of bed and poked my head out the door. All the other workers looked at each other, all confused about the gunshot. Jake walked over to my room, he looked a bit nervous.

"Jake what happened?"

He looked at me and then back out into the hallway. He closed the door and plopped on the bed. He had his hands behind his head, his white t-shirt pulled up some exposing his stomach. Jake took a deep sigh.

"Long story short "Mark's men" has rivals who… well are a tad trigger happy."

I took a gulp, I started to get worried. Jake sensed my fear.

"Don't worry, they won't shoot whores, only the pimps."

Jake's words soothed me a tad. I then focused on him, he looked tempting laying there. He had the innocence of a boy but yet had strong air to him. I could go on how beautiful Jake was. Even if he wasn't trying to make men drool he did. Jake looked at me and smiled shyly. He rolled over on his side to get a better view at me.

"Come here…"

I walked over and plopped back down on the bed. Jake looked at me up and down.

"You're a good looking guy you know that?"

I blushed at what Jake said, I shook my head. Jake gave a playful punch and laughed.

"Don't be that way."

We started to tumble with each other, I pinned Jake down. We looked each other in the eyes, all I could think to myself was how beautiful he was… I only met him today and I'm madly in love with him. I was just a teenage boy in love, I didn't know anything about pain. All I knew was love back then. The prostitution thing had not settled in yet.

I went in for the kiss, I felt his warm lips on mine. It felt so right… it was so passionate. I leaned in more to be closer to his body. Jake pulled away and jumped out of bed he had his hand on the door knob. I looked at him waiting for his next move, listing for his next words. Jake turned his head to look at me, he looked hurt.

"I'll can't do this… I'm sorry."

Just like that he was out the door, I bolted to the doorway I looked around. I then ran outside and called his name. I found him a few yards away. I ran up to him he looked at me with those misery filled eyes.

"I'm leaving this place for good… I can't stand it any longer."

"I'll go with you."

Jake smiled a little, he gently pushed me up against the building. He had my face in his hands and then kissed me. Jake put his forehead up against mine.

"I wish you could, but people will be looking for you… Rick will probablyskin you alive if you run away with me."

I tried not to cry.

"I don't care… I want out of this life."

Jake looked at me tenderly.

"I know, you'll get you're leave soon don't worry."

He kissed me once more and walked off. I didn't bother to watch, it would just hurt more. I came back inside and met up with Rick. He grabbed me by the waist.

"Ready to go home?"

I faked a smile and said.

"You bet."

Rick put his arm around me and we headed for the car. I remember trying to hold back tears but it was no use. Tears streamed down my face, I didn't really make any noises which made me feel like I was choking. God it hurt me so much that Jake was gone. How could I love him so much if I only met him today? Time after time I've tried to make myself not love Jake. But it was no use I couldn't stop loving the bastard.

A few minutes later I stopped crying. I started to feel tired so I drifted off. I remember the dream I had. I was back at home, safe from the scum's safe from any harm. Then I remember having the feeling that all that safety was fading. I felt like my innocence was robbed from me. I felt something on me, lingering there. I wanted to move but I was too fixed in sleep. I felt like I couldn't get away like I was drowning in some ocean of failure and despair.

I opened my eyes taking in my surroundings. I was in a bedroom; I then saw Rick's hand on my stomach.

"Easy… I didn't mean to spook you."

I have a nervous half smile and then laid back down. Rick climbed on top of me and looked into my eyes with plastic concern. He started to rub the back of my neck.

"Something wrong baby doll? You seem distant."

"No…"

"You sure about that?"

Rick started to rub my neck harder making me squirm. He then kissed my neck and I wrapped my body around his. I stretched my body and let out a sigh. Rick started to rub my bare stomach, I felt him finger the waist band of my pants. His hand slid down my pants and grabbed my dick. There was no pleasure this time, I couldn't feel anything.

The next morning was the same as the next, I did the routine and Rick and I drove to "Mark's men". I came back to my room and prepared to get fucked by strangers. One man came in I fucked him he fucked me. He paid and left, I rested a bit. Then another man came in, he wanted a hand job. I gave it to him and he paid and left. I laid back down, and rested for a bit. Two other men came into my room that day. Rick came and got me early, He told me to take a shower at home. We didn't exchange a word in the car trip home, I had a gut feeling something wasn't right. Rick pulled into the garage and cut the engine. He looked over at me and gave a quick smile. We both got out of the car and entered the house.

"Take a shower, I don't want the clients smelling other men on you."

I looked at rick with a raised eyebrow.

"Why are we having clients over at the house?"

Rick took his coat off and tossed it on a recliner.

"Just trying something new baby… you know spice things up."

"Okay…"

I went up stairs and took a shower and changed. Fifteen minutes later three men showed up. They looked about twenty five or so. Rick greeted the men and pointed to a room for them to go in. I walked over to Rick and whispered in his ear.

"What the fuck is going on?! Is this some orgy?! You know I only do one on one!"

Rick laughed.

"Relax baby doll, they'll take turns."

I looked at Rick grimly, he pushed me forward. I looked back at him, I couldn't believe what Rick had gotten me into. I walked into the room shyly, two men looked at me with lust. I thought to myself "where's the third one?" I looked back and got pushed down to the floor, the third one sat on top of me and punched me several times. He didn't punch me hard enough to make me bleed profusely but I still had a few scratches.

"Don't kill him! He'll be no fun to fuck then!"

I heard one man shout, I then was lifted up and tossed on the bed. The other two tied my wrists down with rope. One jumped on top of me and pulled out a pocket knife and held it to my neck.

"What cha gonna do now pretty boy?"

The man grabbed my head and pulled it back exposing my neck more. He then put the cold steel blade on me neck taunting me with it. I fidgeted to get free from the ropes but it only made my wrists start to bleed. The other two men sat down and watched as the man with the pocket knife undid my pants. I then felt the blade under the elastic of my underwear. For a minute I thought this fucker would cut my dick off. But it was just another sick game to toy with me. He then put the pocket knife in his other hand and stroked me with his free hand. I groaned out of displeasure, he laughed a bit and then held the knife at my neck once more.

After the man with the pocket knife was done another man came out and whipped out a pistol. The other two untied me and pushed me off the bed. They tied my legs up with more rope and retied my wrists. The man with the pistol undid his pants and sat down in a chair. He grabbed me and pulled out his dick. I looked up at hoping that he would have some guilt in what he was doing, but there was nothing but evil in him. He pointed the pistol at my head.

"Blow me or I'll blow your brains out bitch."

I came in closer to his member, I closed my eyes and took him in. Once he came I choked, I pulled away and tried to swallow. The third man came over and sat on top of me, He grabbed my face. I started to squirm a bit to get free. He gave a sickly grin and said.

"I love it when they fight, it's much more satisfying to watch them suffer."

The man started to punch me, he then grabbed my bloody wrists and twisted them hard. I passed out from the immense amount of pain. I woke up in even more pain than before, somehow I stood up and sat down on the bed. I untied the ropes and tried to move my wrists around. It hurt like hell to do so, I got up and limped out of the room and looked for Rick. He was in the living room.

"You fucking sun of a bitch!"

He turned around.

"I told you to never use that language to me!"

"How… how could you let those people fucking maul me!?"

Rick stormed over to me and grabbed me by the neck and tossed me on the floor.

"Get out… don't make me have to kill you."

I pulled myself up and headed upstairs to get my things. Luckily I didn't have to pack anything, I grabbed the suit case and walked down the stairs. My wrists started to bleed, I discarded the pain and got the hell out of there. I had no clue where I would go, all I knew was I had to get away…

I thought of places I could go. I could go home but I didn't want to explain to my parents that I had ran away to become a whore and my pimp let me get the shit kicked out of me, so now I'm back. I started to get woozy from the loss of blood. I glanced over at my wrists, blood started to turn flakey and black. I faded in and out, all I could remember was I passed out behind some house. I woke up even in more pain then before, my wrists were bandaged with gauze. I looked around at my surroundings, I was in a bedroom. Wallpaper flowers covered the walls, a pink frilly chair was in the corner. The room was lit by a dim lamp. There were several pictures of kids and adults smiling and laughing. I could tell who's ever house this was they were very family oriented. I propped my battered body up, I looked at my wrists again and moved them around. The pain was strong, it hurt to move my wrists even in the slightest movements.

The door opened slowly, a woman most likely in her early forties popped in. She was a sweet thing, she had nice calm blue eyes and a smile on her young looking face. She gave off the perfect mother vive.

"Hey there…"

"Hi."

I gave the woman a smile and she walked over and checked my wounds.

"You poor thing, what happened to you?"

The woman's voice soothed me, I could tell she cared for me even though she never knew me. I didn't want to tell this sweet woman the whole story, I looked at her.

"Some guys roughed me up."

The woman looked at me with sadness, she grabbed a warm towel and dabbed the remaining blood on my face.

"Kids these days…"

After she was done she let out a long sigh and then stood up.

"You can stay for as long as you like."

Her offer was kind but I couldn't take it. As much as I wanted to leave my old life, I felt like I couldn't. I was stuck in this life of alleyways and prepaid love for ten years. It was ten years of being with men that were strangers. It was ten years of hoping that you wouldn't get arrested or killed. It was ten years of hell. But in the end it made me stronger. I know now that there is no such thing as a perfect man and everyone has a dark side to them. I remember before I became a prostitute I hoped to find a man that was perfect. Someone who I could love for ever and he could do the same. I was so wrapped up in thinking about the perfect man that once I got a taste of the real thing the hope of finding the perfect man was shattered.

I picked at my wrists some.

"I'm sorry Mrs., I can't stay but for one night."

The woman turned around and looked at me.

"Are you sure? You know you can stay as long as you want."

I smiled at her a bit.

"I have to get going tomorrow morning, thank you for taking me in though."

The woman looked down at the pink rug and then back up at me.

"Well okay then sweetheart."

The woman gave me a last smile and then walked out of the room. A throbbing pain in my wrists started to get worse. I sighed out of the pain and then laid back down. I soon drifted off to sleep for hours. I woke up groggy, my body felt even more sore. I turned to look at a man, my vision was still blurred from sleeping.

"Boo."

A familiar voice shook me out of my grogginess. Fear soon flooded over, I looked at the man with worry.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

The man smirked and then stood up.

"Old Lessee told me that some couple brought you here."

The man walked over to me, he stopped and looked down at me. I looked up at the man hoping the familiar man wouldn't strike me. I started to crawl away from him… trying to get out of his hitting range. The man kept coming closer, I felt my back bump up against the wall. I couldn't move anymore, the man grabbed my waist and slid me down. He then sat on top of me, peering down at me with that smirk still carved on his face. The man gently traced the wounds on my wrists, little shocks of pain ran up and down my body. I squirmed to get free but the attempt was useless.

"Rick… please."

Rick then caressed my face and then pulled his body off mine.

"Your coming home with me tonight."

Rick stood up and grabbed my suitcase. I pulled my body up and tried to follow Rick but the pain was too much. He looked over his shoulder at me, a hint of plastic compassion settled in his eyes.

"Wait here, I'm going to put this suitcase in the car and then come and get you."

I nodded and then Rick walked off. I felt a cool breeze brush up against my flesh. I found that a window was wide open, from when Rick came in. A question ran though my mind… "How did he know what window to open?" I didn't ever ask Rick how he knew. A minute later Rick returned, he looked at me up and down. He then gently picked me up bridal style. He took me out of the bedroom and soon out of the house. Rick carefully put me in the passengers seat and got into the car himself. I felt dizzy from all the movement, I started to drift off.

I remember being put in Rick's bed. He had a bottle of rubbing alcohol and some gauze. Rick peeled off the bloodied gauze off my wrists. The pungent smell of iron filled the room. Then the bitter sting of the rubbing alcohol cleansed my wounds. Rick bandaged up my wounds and then put the remaining gauze and rubbing alcohol back in its proper place.

Rick came back and crawled into bed with me. He pulled me in close to his body and started to rub me. I soon fell asleep in his arms once again.

I have no clue how long I had slept, all I remember was the feeling of Rick's hand down my pants. His lips soon swooped in for a greedy kiss. I tried to pull away but Rick had a strong grip on me. He rolled me over on my back and pinned my weak arms over my head. Rick peered down at me with his icy blue eyes. Rick slowly lowered his body onto mine. I pulled my head up for a kiss, Rick hesitated for a moment. His lips then pecked mine. Rick slid a little bit to the left and then laid down beside me. He let out a deep sigh and looked at me with sleep deprived eyes.

"We're going back to Mark's next month, I don't want you bleeding on clients."

That was the nicest thing Rick had said to me in the time that we were together. The next three weeks passed by in a blur. I slowly started to get my strength back. It was funny… I had been gone from home for more than a month and I hadn't heard anything about anyone trying to find me. Rick was happy about this, God knows he'd be pissed if he had to keep me hidden. We never talked about it, I figured that the less I talk to Rick the better off I would be.

After I had recovered fully we headed back to "Mark's men". Nothing had changed, it was still dark as fuck in "Mark's men". Pimps talked to scummy potential customers, hoping to get them to agree to fuck there bitch. Prostitutes scattered around the bar, trying to drown their depression with liquor. All this was too familiar, no person should have to be in this business. It will strip you down and make you hate the world. You won't be able to feel love anymore, because you know that you will never ever find some to love. Being a prostitute takes balls to go though.

People call prostitutes scum's and low life's. But when you look deeper into you know how much it hurts. Not just anyone can fuck some random stranger knowing that you're just a pleasure toy for them. It makes you sick when a client is enjoying you. The feeling of them… it eats away at you like acid on rope. I dare you to go out there and do what I did for ten years. After the first fuck you would feel sick to your stomach.

Next time you think about bashing on a prostitute. Know that every day they have to be on the look out for cops. Every day they have to fuck some creep and have to horrible things just to make some sick fuck pleased. Every day they hope that a client isn't some maniac who won't kill them.

I went back into my room to wait for clients. On the way I noticed Jake's room, his name was still on the door even though he didn't work here anymore. I wondered where he was… if he was okay. I peered into his room, it was covered in everything Asian. Red silk sheets covered the bed. Several pictures of geisha's were nailed to the crimson and gold walls. I turned my gaze back to my room and walked off. It was no use to day dream about him…

I headed down to my room, the green wallpapered room with a 1920's feel and cum stained sheets. I sat down on the edge the bed and sighed. My wrists were better but you could see light scars. I despised the look of the nasty cuts, I folded my sleeves down to cover my wrists. I remember thinking about if any clients would notice my scars. Hell some might even get turned on by my scars… sick bastards. I soon came to agreement that I didn't care if anyone noticed, well client wise that is. A fist banged on my door, I jolted from the sound and then felt a wave of fear wash over my calm state. I slinked up to the bed and put my hand on the roulette preparing myself for the worst. I regained some of my calmness and called out.

"Come in!"

The door opened and a tall man appeared at the door way. He looked at me with a slightly raised eyebrow. The man walked into the room and then grabbed me by my belt and started to pull me down to the end of the bed. I let go of the roulette and then just laid there. The man looked at me, his eyes were bright and warm. The man didn't have the scummy air to him like other clients. I really did not know what to think of this stranger.

The man then looked at me he then caressed my face. This was the first semi loving touch I had experienced in a long time. The man's eyes soon grew sad and then he sighed.

"How old are you?"

I looked at him with a nervous smile and then turned my eyes away.

"Tell me the truth… I know you can't be any older than seventeen."

I pulled myself up a bit and then looked back at the stranger.

"I'm sixteen, why do you want to know?"

The man the walked over to a chair and plopped down, he started to mess with his facial hair.

"Rick sure did get a good one this time."

I didn't respond, the man looked at me with lust in his eyes. A minute passed slowly, the man stood up and grabbed me by the waist and pulled me up. I tried to break free of his grip on my waist but it was no use. His fingers dug deep, pain made me squirm a bit. The stranger dropped my body back onto the bed and crawled on top of me. I felt his weight on my hips, he caressed my face once more. His thumb traced my lips. I looked at the man with total fear in my eyes. I grabbed the waistband of the stranger's pants and said.

"I'll do anything you want…"

He smiled and then slipped off his coat, his body switched to a different position. I pulled my head up to kiss the stranger. Our lips barely touched, I could feel the heat of his lips as he came closer. The stranger pulled away and then unbuttoned my shirt. I propped myself up to resume kissing the thick lipped stranger. He peeled off his shirt and pants. I took off my remaining clothes and we continued on. I rolled the stranger on his back and then started down his masculine body. He was big, actually… huge. Bigger than Rick or any man I've been with to be honest with you. I was nervous having his member in my mouth, I came close to choking twice with him. After he had came I pulled myself up, the stranger then rolled me over on my back. His finger traced my lips and then he caressed my face.

The stranger started to kiss my neck, I felt his hand grab me. Pleasureflooded over my body, I arched my back out of the sensations. The stranger pecked my lips and then started kiss down my body. A new wave of pleasure came in, this time stronger than the last. I nearly passed out from the pleasure.