Well, here's the beginning of what will be a fanfiction about Toph. (: And Zuko. ^-^ But that'll be later. I might as well tell you, there's gonna be a lemon later on, that's why this is rated M. So, yeah. Anyway, I'm devoting this story not only to explore TophxZuko, but to explore Toph herself. I've always perceived her as one of the most vulnerable characters in the series. I think that her self-confidence in her appearance is very lacking; this is illustrated a few times. And I just wanted to explore that. So, enjoy. (: Reviews, CCs, favorites, and alerts are ALL greatly appreciated.
Her grimy feet hit cool stone as she pads into the courtyard. Her hair swings behind her, thick and black as night, free from any binding and growing wild as the wind touches it.
Toph Bei Fong was lost.
Not in the conventional way, no. She knew her way around well enough; she had walked these streets a few times. Her feet, the one part of her life that she thought of as a necessity, always knew where to take her. She relied on them when thinking and feeling became too complicated to stand, as they had been for the past four years.
Having carried her all across the Earth Kingdom, on to boats that had sailed her to both the Northern and Southern Water tribes, and to three of the four Air Temples, deserted though they may have been, Toph's feet had run out of ideas. And she hadn't allowed her head to think of one-that was simply too dangerous. In the past month, however, she had come to the conclusion that there was no choice left; something other than her feet would have to carry her somewhere, anywhere that might actually make a safe home for her.
Still, she resisted her head's idea of "home;" it was far too logical and reminded her that the last formal home she'd had was the Bei Fong estate. And there was no way she was ever returning to that horrid place.
So, as a final, last-ditch effort, Toph had turned to her heart.
The traitorous organ had whispered to her that she had always known where her home was, she was just in denial. Of course she belonged beside her closest friends: Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Suki. Even Momo and Appa.
And this is the stupidest choice yet, Toph grumbles to herself. Look at where I've landed myself/ Mom and Dad would be better than this.
Toph was standing in the middle of the Fire Nation Palace's courtyard.
It had been pretty easy getting in; the guards were fairly the same as four years ago, and good old Sao had recognized her as the infamous Metalbender, one of the deciding factors in the old Fire Nation's defeat.
As Aang had told her, wherever he resided, and as long as she lived, she'd always be welcome near him.
But would that be true now? After all, she'd left without a goodbye.
It wasn't as if they'd needed her, though. Aang and the rest of "Team Avatar" had decided to stay in the Fire Nation for a few years to help reorganize things and help…him…rule.
Toph was born, lived, and would probably die for fighting, and being unruly and stubborn; firm in her tomyboy-ish, rough and tumble ways.
She'd be useless to the government. She loathed politics.
Besides, they had each other, didn't they?
The whole of the team had paired off. Sokka and Suki immediately moved in together, and Aang and Katara had entered into a pretty serious relationship.
Who's next? Toph growled. Appa and Momo?
Everyone had someone, besides her.. She was the odd one out, the one who sat at home and ate candy while everyone else went out and had a double date.
But standing in the middle of the courtyard, the hot mud-brick burning the soles of her feet, Toph's heart chokes out a feeble reminder: there was, and still is, another member of the team. The prince, now king, of the Fire Nation. Zuko.
When he had first joined the group, Toph had felt something that she couldn't quite understand until a few days in. Unlike the others, she'd never really hated the dark horse of the Fire Nation. Yes, he'd held up their progress a bit, attacked them a few times. But fighting was her way of life. And, well…Toph understood what it felt like to be misunderstood.
When Prince Zuko had appeared to mentor Aang in Firebending…when she sensed his apology was sincere…and when she first spent some quality time with him, she'd felt different.
Zuko wasn't like Aang, or even Sokka.
Admittedly, she'd had a small crush on the Water Tribe warrior. It hadn't lasted long; he proved to be too infuriating. A best friend.
Yet here came Prince Zuko, and as much as Toph hated it, he had everything appealing about him. Exotic. Fierce, and strong. Mysterious. Mercurial. Unpredictable, like the fire he controlled. And despite the scar, even handsome…or so she'd heard. Quietly, Toph laughed to herself.
Toph, though she'd never admit it, was quite excited when he first joined them. Here, she thought, is someone, finally, to love me. I'll finally have someone around to think of me as something special, someone who'll feel something for me.
Ah, she realizes now, I was young. Naïve. Stupid. And by standing here now, I prove that I still am.
He hates me, she thinks. He hates me, because I was all over him, a drooly, ugly, twelve year old blind girl thinking she had a chance with him, when all along he had a depressed Fire Nation chick pining for him. I even tried to hug him once. What's wrong with me? How do you cure idiocy? Obviously, it doesn't go away with age.
Well, at least she hadn't known about Mai. Not for a while, at least. And once she'd learned, she'd kept her distance.
Mai. Also from a rich family. Also deadly in combat. Impatient. Far from girly. And maybe…just maybe…a little insecure.
Are we really so different? she wonders. He could have all the good qualities of Mai in me, only with more personality. Right?
She isn't sure. Standing here alone, she isn't much sure of anything, and hasn't been for a long time.
Do I even want to be here? What will come if I seek the group out?
Am I still everyone's friend? Would they still welcome me?
Would they even remember who I was? Am?
Would I still have feelings for Zuko?
And, most frightening of all: would they even recognize me?
The past four years have been a strange time for her. Her traveling around the Nations started early and ended late; she often didn't have the energy to put her hair up anymore, much less get it cut. She's lost all of her bands and pins, and, frankly, doesn't care.
Toph's hair hangs long, more than halfway down her back, knotted and dirty, with more growing down into her face, shielding colorless eyes that speak of wounds both ancient and recent, neither forgotten, much less healed.
She's much taller, with long legs and broad shoulders. Her arms are as muscular as ever, but her hands are more delicate; they'd be soft, if she bended anything besides earth and metal.
And, most mystifying of all, her body had changed in ways that, despite the explanation of numerous physicians, she didn't understand, or like. Especially the bleeding. That was awful, and uncomfortable. It made it hard for her to focus on her bending, particularly when she felt as if her insides were going to fall right out.
But worst of all was her figure. She hated how curvaceous she'd become, how her hips had grown wide and her bottom curved out. Nothing was more embarrassing, however, than her breasts. She abhorred everything about them, their size and shape, like apples; the way they moved with her, so heavy and cumbersome.
Most of all, the wetness between her legs and the stiffness of her breasts was to be avoided. She could not, would not think of Zuko. That made her body do things she could not understand; things that forced her into hating herself more for wanting to.
So why was she standing here, where he, or any of the others, might find her and drag her back to all the turmoil and uncertainty?
Her mind flashes back to her day in Ba Seng Sei with Katara, the girls who had made fun of her. It hadn't been the first, nor would it be the last time she'd been called ugly-but it had been the first and last time someone had called her pretty. Katara.
It made her heart, her head, her everything, hurt to think of Katara telling such a lie. She was simply too kind-so kind, she'd lie for someone else's benefit.
But it simply wasn't true, Toph knew.
Thinking all this over has brought her to a terrible realization: the quality she was missing, the thing that made Zuko pick Mai over her. Mai was beautiful, according to others, with a tall, thin, and perfect body, raven-dark hair, thick and long, and shining amber eyes.
And she wasn't.
Toph had once asked a man she found on the streets of the Earth Kingdom, who she'd noticed had been facing her for a long time, what she looked like.
I've been having a terrible day, she told herself. I feel so ugly. But if this man has been looking my way so long, he must see something in me.
"Tell me what I look like, please," she whispered. "I can't see."
"Eh," he said, and spat. "Ratty dark hair, eyes with no color. Round cheeks and a tiny nose, thin mouth. Nice tits. Hey, I gotta room, if ya need one."
She heard the jingling of keys.
"No, I'm fine," she replied, and walked away, refusing to let the tears fall.
And so, here it was proven to her again: she wasn't pretty enough for Zuko.
Or anyone, she tells herself.
She tries not to think of it. Tries not to care. Out of sight, out of mind. And she couldn't see anything. So what was there to worry about?
But here, in the courtyard, near Aang and Katara and Sokka and Suki, Momo, Appa; her memories, Zuko, and worst of all, Mai, everything is all too real.
She remembers now: do not follow your head or heart. They'll always hurt you. Follow your feet.
The young woman turns and runs for the gate, her hair streaming behind her and her feet making soft smacking noises. It feels good to run; it doesn't require thinking.
She's almost there, almost to the gate, almost to freedom.
Air. She can breathe now.
But it's then that a strong arm takes hold of her elbow and grips firmly.
A distinctly female voice spurts out, "It can't be…Toph…is that you?"