Enduring what is Unbearable

by word.oracle

It's not a nightmare. It's not a lie. It's not an alternate reality. Alexander Lightwood is dead. Magnus knew he wouldn't be prepared, but he thought he'd at least have sixty years with him. His death was so sudden and how is Magnus meant to raise two children alone when he's a complete mess. This is a breakdown that could lead to his death. Tell me if you worked out the twist!

1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Magnus wanted to be alone. He hung up his navy suit jacket, took off his formal shoes and lay down on the couch that had three black cushions on it. Around him felt empty despite all the furniture and he was shivering as he tried to get comfortable on the warm couch. He moved one cushion under his head, then two under his head, then two under his feet and one under his head, but he ended up getting frustrated and throwing them at the side lamp which broke once it hit the floor. Usually, he'd fix it straight away, but he had no energy and it was him that needed repairing. His once golden brown skin had been a pale off colour for a while, he had had a slightly off-putting odour for weeks until his shower that morning, his hair had become a greasy mess, his lips were chapped and he had become painfully thin. It had gotten to the point where Magnus covered anything that had a reflection. It was fair to say that he looked horrible, but he felt a thousand times worse. He had become so numb that he couldn't laugh at what used to put him on the floor in stitches, he couldn't react to people's support, and he couldn't even get scared at some of the most terrifying horror movies. Jumping off a bridge, making himself bleed out and drowning himself in the ocean were all things that stampeded through his mind. He had thrown himself in front of a large truck, but he got back up and his bones and flesh repaired themselves while his mind and heart became even more destroyed. This had to end soon. It just had to. He covered his face with a pillow to stop any light from even touching his face and he soon heard keys jingle in the door which made him bolt up straight.

"Magnus?" a soft voice asked as they creaked open the door.

Magnus lay back down upon realizing that it was only Tessa. A single tear fell from the corner of his eye and it was swiftly followed by thousands more. He squeezed the pillows, holding them into his chest and inhaling the scent of them. That scent drove him crazy as it only made the tears cascade from his eyes more rapidly. That scent was Alexander Lightwoods'. Magnus started to cry so much that he was struggling to breathe.

"Magnus please," Tessa begged, "calm down,"

"How? Tell me fucking how when he's-" Magnus chest began to tighten, "he's dead."