A/N: No, this is not my post S3 CB multi-chaptered fic. It's my post S3 CB oneshot! Lololol. The significance to this one is that it is based off of some mini S4 spoilers that I found while looking for season finale spoilers. Heh. There were just a few lines talking about Blair & Serena's romantic summer ending and Chuck coming back with a new identity and a girlfriend, and the possibility that he'll be able to woo Blair with this new 'person' he's become. I looked into it and it's pretty much impossible to get amnesia from a gunshot wound in the gut – nowhere near the head. But, although I would die if it actually played out like this on the show (XD), I'm going to go along the lines of Chuck getting a head wound before making it to the hospital and that he has amnesia for awhile, completely forgetting everybody and everything – including his epic love story with Blair. How awful would that be, right? Don't worry though, it'll all be solved in this extremely long oneshot. Prepare yourselves. As soon as I finish this, unless some oneshot jumps on me again *rolls eyes*, I will get right to that post S3 CB fic w/ no spoilers, going off the idea of B being informed of Chuck's being shot after the finale, and going to see him in the hospital…and how that eventually fixes them. *nods happily* =) Well, that is enough talking for now. XD Haha. I'll bore you some more in the end author's note. XD
Review!
*I own nothing.
…
When he opens his eyes about a day later, he doesn't recognize the hospital room or the concerned faces looking down on him. There's hope in the doctor's eyes but he still doesn't know what happened, so it confuses him. He hears that he'll still be in the hospital a few weeks and isn't too upset. He doesn't remember who he is, and when the name Charles Bass flows off of the doctor's tongue, it means nothing to him. But there is a pull inside of him to adjust the name Charles to something else. When he's informed of nicknames and the name Chuck later on, he's ecstatic.
There are a few things he remembers as time goes on, but it has nothing to do with the relationships he supposedly has in his life – just about how to live life in general, what is suspected in society and homes. Nobody tells him about a cold father or a mother who betrayed him. Nobody tells him about a manipulative ass of an uncle who has only one objective – winning. Nobody tells him about step-siblings and a love that was lost. They think it's better if they don't. He can deal with it if he remembers, they tell themselves. Having him relive it all over again is just torture. They believe that with all their being.
A warm blonde woman comes in soon enough and informs him that she's his step-mother, Lily Van der Woodsen-Bass-Humphrey. All he can do is smile politely because he feels no connection toward the woman, and he really wants to. The smile hides his fury at himself. He's mind-boggled by the long name too, so that helps. When she leaves, promising to visit again soon, he sees the tall blonde boy he's noticed pacing down the hall outside of his room. Finally, he introduces himself as Nate Archibald – his supposed best friend. Chuck's not sure how to take that but he decides to believe it, mostly because he doesn't know what else to do. He does ask the boy however, if Nate is short for something, and as happy as he was to adapt a nickname for himself, the longer name for this towering boy immediately appeals to him. Nathaniel.
Sometimes his room is empty, and he thinks he kind of likes it that way, but he likes it even more when the gracefully curved blonde nurse, who's been assigned to him, comes in and asks him if there's anything he needs. He doesn't quite remember what it feels like to be one with a woman, but his mind gives him excellent visuals when she's in the room. She tells him her name is Amy, and to just press the red button with the nurse hat on it if he needs her for anything. He guesses though, that anything does not imply everything that he could come up with. He frowns a bit at the thought.
A week and a few days after he's woken up in the hospital, a brunette comes rushing into his room without warning and he's taken aback by how beautiful she is and how deep those brown eyes of hers are. He wants to believe in love, something he can't really comprehend with the loss of relationships, when he sees her with her flushed face and concerned eyes.
"Chuck!" she calls out to him, coming to a halt in front of his bed. He feels this must be an important person, but can't recall for the life of him what her name is. He curses himself for this, thinks at least he could remember her name. The dilemma is solved when Nathaniel, who now spends most of his time in Chuck's room, turns to her from his spot across the room and says her name – Blair – while he shakes his head sadly. She seems to make the connection and frowns, looking back at the confused boy in his hospital bed. She looks like she's going to cry, and he hates himself right then – wants to die, wonders why he was saved from death if this is what he has to return to, feeling guilty all the time.
"You don't remember?" she asks him. He can't quite tell what emotion he's supposed to gather from her voice, so he just shakes his head and looks down at the sheets covering him. He's already been burned too much by her presence in the room to witness again the intensity of her sad eyes. But he hears her gasp and leave, and it makes tears roll down his cheeks, because there's absolutely nothing he can do.
"Blair!" he hears Nate call after her as he follows her fleeing figure out of the room. Chuck's glad he does, because he honestly needs a break from all the people who seem to know him that he doesn't have a single memory of. The next person to come into his room is Amy – the blonde nurse, and he genuinely smiles at her, not a single sexual thought in his mind. He doesn't think he's ever been so glad to see a familiar face. He gathers that it's probably because there aren't many that are familiar.
He doesn't know why they hid it from him, but the next day the doctor tells him that he also has some sort of head injury due to a possibly banging of stone or metal. Chuck's confused, as usual, but he thinks he understands why he can't remember now. He's a little mad they hadn't told him sooner. Maybe then he could have formed an actual conversation with the girl named Blair he still can't forget. He gets the feeling he'll never be able to, and that's slightly hopeful incase his mind decides to betray him further when he gets his memories back. He's banking on the fact that the memories will come back. He can sense there are bad things that he should be glad he can't remember. It's in Nathaniel's eyes whenever he looks at him or even just glances about the room. Lily's gaze is wary too when she visits, and he wishes he wasn't the odd one out of this whole situation. He decides it's not fun to be the only one who doesn't know the big secret. He knows that there are good memories in his mind somewhere too, and he wants to believe they outweigh the bad, but everyone around him is making it extremely difficult for him to do so. He wonders again why he didn't just die instead.
…..
He manages to get Amy's number when he finally leaves the hospital a month later. Everything's all healed up the doctors tell him – except for his lack of memories, he reminds them. They say nothing and usher him out the door.
He's going to try to make things right with all these people that know him, but if it's anything like it was at the hospital, he knows it's going to be the hardest thing he's ever tried in his life, despite whatever memories may prove otherwise. Calling Amy will be his last resort and he guesses it'll amount to nothing more than a one-night stand. He's actually looking forward to that possibility, since he hasn't had one in an extremely long time and he gets the feeling that that's unnatural for him.
He's told somewhere along the way that he has his own penthouse, his own hotel actually, but the unanimous vote that he might do something stupid reigns out and he's forced to live under the roof of the Van der Woodsen-Bass-Humphreys. That counts six people. Plus him. There's a bit of frustration with everything being moved around, and the fact that Nate does not live under this household makes him nervous. It takes any hint of familiarity away, because the blonde has spent the most time with him and he doesn't know how to function around anyone else – except Amy. Amy doesn't know anything about his prior life and there is comfort in that fact. It means any memories they create, he will remember. There is no burden of guilt involved and he wonders if he should just jump straight to calling Amy, maybe for just the ridiculous need to talk to someone who won't be crushed by his not so recent revelation that he's forgotten his life. He resists.
It's Blair that stops him. She comes by to see Serena – one of his step siblings, who he honestly believes stepped right out of a fashion magazine. He can't stop looking at the tall blonde's counterpart. They're best friends, he's told – just like him and Nate. When Nathaniel tells him this, he feels like maybe all of them are connected – Serena, Nate, Blair and Chuck. He's got no proof of this, of course. He hasn't even been informed of who's dating who. But he feels it deep down in his gut and that only increases the need that has been rising in him, that he's been trying to forget but ironically refuses to remove itself. He wants Blair.
Nate tells him it's a bad idea.
"What?" he scoffs. It's the first time he's really tried to get involved and ignore the subtle awkwardness that seems to always surround him and everyone that knows him.
"Just trust me on this one." Nate is very insistent, but Chuck doesn't give a shit.
"Have I trusted you in the past?" he asks, disbelievingly. He doesn't know why he's so reluctant to believe him, but he thinks it might have something to do with how badly he's wanted Blair since she burst in on his hospital room and never came back.
"On occasion," the blonde final says. He was awful contemplative for awhile, and even when he finally says it, he's not the surest he's ever been. Chuck watches him with great suspicion.
"Have you trusted me?" he asks, studying the expression on his 'best friend's' face very carefully. Nate nods once without hesitation.
"Almost always." He doesn't let the seriousness of the situation sink in. "I don't think it's good for me," he chuckles and looks towards his friend. Chuck is still as suspiciously curious as ever. He senses the animosity that was once and maybe still is between the two of them, but the blonde's attempt at good humor gets the best of him and a smile slips through.
For a moment, thoughts of Blair dissolve but then they come snapping back as soon as the laughter recedes. He can't seem to get her out of his head and he knows absolutely nothing about her except that she's crushed that he doesn't remember her and she's been best friends with Serena Van der Woodsen for years. She obviously must mean something to Nate too, or he wouldn't have gone after her when she ran from his hospital room. Then again, he's realized Nate is usually quite the gentleman, but he doesn't think that's it. Because of that doubt, he feels a heated emotion rising in him and knows it's jealousy. He's suddenly scared to death that Nate is involved with Blair, and he was only a 'good friend'.
"Are you with Blair?" he bursts, somehow managing to be nonchalant about the question he's so desperate to have an answer for. Nate turns his head and looks at him, but doesn't spare him too much silence.
"No," he says simply. Chuck knows there's more than the surface meaning to it, but he doesn't ask questions. He just purses his lips and nods and keeps walking. Shortly after, their conversation switches to other topics. Miraculously he's able to talk with Nate about just about everything without causing awkwardness from the lapse in his memory bank.
"Did I hurt her?" Chuck asks later when he can no longer keep his lingering thoughts of Blair silent. He hears Nate's breath catch in his throat and knows the answer to the question before the blonde even has the chance to explain it. Nate wants to express some sort of safe answer to the question but the brooding, angry look now on Chuck's face is all too familiar to him and he thinks his unintentional gasp is all the explanation his best friend needs.
He shares one more look with the brunette as he turns to go to his room late that night. She is still in Serena's bedroom talking about God knows what. Part of him wants their conversation to be about him, but he knows they wouldn't be laughing so much if they were. He gets the sense he probably wouldn't put up with it and hates that fact. He hates the fact that he has senses from his old life that he can never completely figure out. It's like he was just born at nineteen and expected to live his life to perfection, to succeed in every way. He hates that. He wants more than anything to remember who he was before the accident, but at the same time he doesn't want that at all. The pain in Nate's eyes when he acknowledged how much Chuck had hurt Blair burns him and when that sensation takes over, he doesn't want anything to do with who he was. He wants to get as far away from that person as possible.
He can't hear distinctly what they're saying, but his head is laid forcefully on his pillows as he tries to tune out all other voices but Blair's and Serena's. When one pair of feet fly down the stairs and the sound of the elevator ding is heard, Chuck pulls out his phone and calls Amy. He's sick of trying to remember and decides it's safe to move on now that Blair is out of the vicinity. It's the most obvious thing in the world that she's his weakness. He hopes after a one-night stand with Amy that will all change. It's all he can hope for.
…
Surprisingly, his fling with Amy lasts two months. She put out just like he knew she would, but when morning came he didn't want her to leave. They talked a majority of the night and he liked having her there. He liked not feeling guilty or helpless. Chuck can tell by the look in everyone's eyes that it's the most bizarre thing he's ever done in regards to his relationships with women – getting and staying involved with the nurse from the hospital. He wonders then if he ever had a relationship with anyone other than Blair. Nobody tells him, but he gets the feeling that the answer is no.
Everything changes when he overhears Blair practically screaming at Nate one lazy August afternoon.
"How could you do that?" the tone of her voice reaches high levels and Chuck winces. The thought to cover his ears with his hands doesn't come until afterwards.
He hears Nate sigh and wonders if he should stop eaves dropping from his place around the corner but doesn't really think he could escape now without being seen. Plus, he knows they can't be mad at him when he usually has no idea what they're talking about.
"It was for your own good, Blair. I'm just looking out for you," he says calmly but authoritatively. Her eyes narrow.
"And who asked you to do that, huh?" she fumes. Now, he's gotten defensive.
"He broke you, Blair," he emphasizes, ignoring the angry-sad pout she's got adorning her face. "And now he doesn't remember anything, not even the good stuff. Do you really want to get involved with that?"
She huffs and crosses her arms across her chest but knows he's made a valid point. Nate runs a hand through his thick head of hair.
"Either way you're going to end up disappointed."
Her eyes narrow at him again.
"If he remembers, you're going to be crushed all over again because of what he did. You're going to break up with him again because what he did was unforgivable, and you know it."
She doesn't say anything – can't.
"I mean, for crying out loud!" Nate continues, sounding like he's gone back in time and is pissed at Chuck all over again. Chuck wonders if he's been holding back this whole time because his best friend couldn't remember how much he'd royally fucked things up. "After selling you to his evil uncle for a freaking hotel—"
"That hotel meant everything to him!" She defends, and he has no idea why. He's blown away and wonders if love has drawn her to this state or if she just simply hates Nate and finally found a way to direct it properly. He feels the latter is probably unlikely, but he just can't grasp the fact that Blair Waldorf is in love with him.
"You should have meant everything to him!" Nate shouts, clearly in as much disbelief as Chuck is, though maybe a little less since he actually has the memories from the event.
"I did!" she sobs. Now Chuck's mad. No one should be allowed to make Blair cry. "But he's not the only one at fault, and you know it," she spits at him. Chuck's eyes widen and he wonders if Nate did something to her. "I would have gone up there regardless, because I loved Chuck too much and…" she trails off, her sobs getting muffled in Nate's shirt as he retreats from defensive lecturing to soothing her broken soul.
"I don't know why you went back to him," he says very quietly while he strokes her hair. She sniffles but doesn't say anything, hiccups once. "You shouldn't have trusted him again," he sighs and Chuck can hear the bitter distaste in his voice. He shivers at the sound of it and suddenly needs to know if the reason everyone is so awkward around him is because who he was was the devil incarnate and not worthy of any type of love whatsoever. He wants to go fuck Amy right then because she is the only stable thing in his life and he's decided that's exactly what he needs. Amy is not always in the mood to have sex with him, but he's discovered the old charm that he's heard women swoon over concerning him, and so far it's worked 100% in the sexual department with Amy.
"Because I love him," Blair breathes, chills shooting up her spine. All of Chuck's thoughts dissolve immediately. He can't believe she just said that, and in present tense too. He suddenly feels like he knows her, but he doesn't know how.
"He slept with Jenny, Blair," Nate says very quietly. "And you weren't even that late," he reminds her. She says nothing to that remark but swallows hard. She's run through the memories a million times but after the tragedy that Chuck went through, she just can't find it in her to be so mad about his worst betrayal to her. She's in too much misery that her Chuck isn't there anymore.
Chuck is officially grossed out. He tries to imagine himself naked and getting it on with Jenny but it just doesn't seem to work in his mind, and he definitely doesn't want to remember the experience itself. He's admitted maybe once to himself since he moved back in that Jenny was good looking but just not what he would really go for, especially when Blair was an option. It was like putting white sand next to muddy dirt. He can't imagine how much it must have hurt Blair, and it makes him hate himself again.
More words are said but he doesn't hear them, and before he knows it, both Nate and Blair have recovered from their little fight and are walking down the hallway. They stop when they see him and his head suddenly snaps up when he feels their presence before him. They all look alarmed – himself included – but it doesn't stop Chuck from speeding down the stairs and out into the street, looking for some sort of release. He ignored them calling after him. He calls Amy instead, goes to see her. They have dinner, they talk, but he doesn't mention what he overheard in the hallway. He's never mentioned how much he thinks about Blair. He doesn't think it'd be good for their relationship, and he's right. He has one last good fuck with Amy that night and then tells her it's over. All he could see was Blair when he was riding that blonde into the bed. He knows that does not bode well for any relationship, and he's 100% certain he won't be able to ignore his feelings for Blair any longer.
The next week Chuck asks Blair out, ignoring the warning bells going off in his head due to Nate. Blair says yes, ignoring Nate's advice as well. Both Nate and Serena feel sorry for the two but don't do anything to stop them from getting closer. After what happened to Chuck, they just don't know how to function, and a part of them thinks this might just be the way to fix all of them. They only hope Blair doesn't get hurt even more in the process.
…
He doesn't think he's ever been happier in his entire life, and he decides to include his former nineteen years in that thought, regardless if he knows what happened or not. He doesn't know what the hell Nate was so worried about. He and Blair have only had mini-half fights in the three months they've been together. He's made sure to be a gentleman and they've had amazing sex. Not to mention he can see the world in her eyes when he looks into them and feels incredibly safe. Those deep brown eyes he could drown in. Much more than Amy's light blue could ever offer.
When he tells Blair he loves her, she cries and tells him she loves him too. It should top his incredibly high mood but he still feels something gnawing at him and knows she feels it too. It's the first dent in their almost perfect relationship, and for the first time he fears becoming the man that hurt her so much. Blair goes against her better judgment and talks to Nate about it.
Nate doesn't say anything at first when she says it, so she takes the lingering silence and forces a question into it.
"Before…you told me the downside of Chuck regaining his memories."
Nate looks at her intently, listening closely to every word.
"What was the downside of him not remembering?" she asks, her voice so small Nate can barely hear it. His heart breaks for her and he doesn't think he can tell her, thinks she already knows but needs to hear it. He hates that he has to be the one that does it and knows that he can't tell either of them I told you so.
"You know the answer to that, Blair," he says very quietly, hoping he can get away with it. The renewed sad stain in her eyes tells him he can't. He sighs again and brushes his thumb under her eye to wipe away some invisible tears.
"If he doesn't remember, then everything your love is built on is gone."
She swallows hard, trying her best not to cry. "That's not true," she says by way of a very weak defense. Nate firmly grips her shoulders.
"Blair, you are in love with someone that no longer exists." His eyes are fierce and piercing into hers. She's absolutely terrified, but not of him – of the truth spreading so rapidly from his tongue. She turns away from him and he releases her, not bothering to call after her or follow her when she leaves the premises.
By nightfall, she's made her decision and trying so very hard not to cry.
Chuck can sense something's wrong when they sit down to dinner, but he says nothing except how beautiful she looks. He may be thinking about ravishing her as soon as they're finished, but he doesn't so much as hint at it over dinner. He doesn't make any lewd remarks or talk about the new investments in his business. He thinks maybe he has some business skills, but for the time being – to save the hotel – Lily is now running both Bass, Inc and The Empire hotel. Chuck feels a little guilty that she's taking on so much, but he doesn't know how much she's given up or what she really means to him, so he finds himself being okay with it.
Blair has been trying to tell herself things are normal and that everything that happened is behind them and that they're doing nothing but looking forward to a brilliant, beautiful future. But there's no point in trying to fool herself. She misses the lewd comments, gets a thrill out of hearing over dinner just what he intends to do to her the second the reach the limo, or even before then. She wishes he'd call her by her last name just once, just for old times' sake. The crashing reality that there isn't an old times for them anymore completely shakes her to the core.
They are a normal couple now and she hates it. She hates that he didn't fight for her and that she said yes right away. She hates that their 'first time' was romantic with candlelight and champagne, hates that I love you came so easily and fast off his lips. She hates that he's actually going to school with her at Columbia instead of raising an empire Bart Bass would be proud of. She didn't think these things were so bad when they happened. She thought they were perfect. But now she knows they're not. What she has now is a completely different man in Chuck's body. It is what she would have wished for over the summer when she swore to never speak to him again.
They're messed up, and twisted. But they're Chuck and Blair, and she won't settle for Charles Bass.
"It's over," she tells him simply when his fork is half-way to his mouth. He drops it without thinking and panic is written all over his face.
"What are you talking about?" he asks. She almost scoffs at how open he is, how un-Chuck like he is. He doesn't immediately demand that she take it back. He doesn't play with her or throw sarcasm about like it's all he knows. He doesn't tempt her with himself or boast about how he's better than any other fish in the sea. He just asks what she's talking about. It makes her wonder why she waited so long.
Without saying a word, she puts her napkin on the table and stands to her feet.
"Wait, Blair," he calls after her as she turns to walk away. He waves his card around for the waiter to see and somehow it's enough. It's what Chuck Bass would do, the staff knows. They just haven't seen it in a long time.
She doesn't turn back to face him until they're out on the street. There aren't too many people surprisingly, and Blair thinks now is the right time to tell him.
"I don't love you," she says, afraid of every word she says, knows how completely true and untrue the statement is. Chuck reels back a little, stunned by her words.
"Whaat?" he croaks. She steps forward and cups his chin, looking deeply into his eyes.
"You are standing in the shadow of the man I love. He hurt me like hell, but I just…" she bites her lip, rummaging through her memory bank and giving him one more chance. "Where did we first sleep together?" she asks. He blinks and his head reels back a little.
"What?" He's confused.
"Where did we first have sex, Chuck Bass?" she asks coyly. She doesn't know where the tilt in her mood came from but she's hoping it'll be returned with a perverted remark – God help her for it – because maybe then she can believe in dreams again.
"You know where we had it, Blair," he says, focusing all his attention on the question at hand. "On the top of the Empire in my penthouse. There were roses and white wine and candlelight…"
She nods, remembers the night Lily finally let her leash go and allowed him to move back into the hotel he'd proudly owned. Nate had been shooed out for the night, for several nights actually. It had been a wonderfully romantic night and Blair thought she'd remember it forever, but there were already parts of it she was starting to forget. Things that should have been significant were being replaced with what was missing. No peonies. No bowties. No red. No real dirty talk. No memories.
"No," she says. He looks at her confused again. "Tell me where you took my virginity." His eyes widen then and he panics. Now he knows what she's talking about. Somewhere along the line he had figured out that he was the one to steal what was so precious to her, but no details had ever been shared. He was lucky he got that much just from eavesdropping and picking out things that might have been well hidden in ordinary conversation. He tried very hard to focus on some memory before the hospital but all he saw was black and white and then flashes. If there were faces on those flashes, they were gone before he could register them. His shoulders slumped.
Blair nods sadly. "We tried, Chuck," she says, lifting his downcast face to greet her deep brown eyes. She leans forward and kisses him, lightly at first but then so passionately he can hardly catch his breath. Then she pulls away and passes by him to the limo a few feet away. He doesn't even try to stop her. Before he can even completely comprehend what's happened, she's disappeared with his limo into the darkness.
He feels like he's lost her completely and there's nothing he can do to change that fact. It's a feeling he knows he's had before, even if he can't remember the circumstances or the look on her face when she took her heart back. He just knows that she took his heart with her too, and he doesn't understand how he'll be able to cope without it – without both of them together.
"We're inevitable, Waldorf."
…
He doesn't feel like he can live another day without her but Nate knows from experience that Chuck has seen worse. This Chuck has just experienced heartbreak from the first time by being told he's not the person his ex-girlfriend wanted him to be. He doesn't even know about all the other times Blair broke his heart, and that it was goaded on by his own stupid actions.
"Maybe this is a good thing," Nate encourages him weakly. Even he misses the fact that Chuck just looks sad instead of glaring or offering up a scoff.
"I don't see how," Chuck says, rubbing his hand roughly on the back of his neck.
"Well…" Nate says after a considerable amount of time. "You tried. That's the best you can do. It's not like you can really fight for her—"
"I'm losing her."
"Then, fight for her. She did for you."
"I tried. I failed."
"Then, try again."
He gasps – not dramatically but enough for Nate to stop talking.
"Chuck?" he asks, a little wary. He grips his friend's shoulder to make sure he's alright but Chuck doesn't move. "Chuck? Man, come on—"
Chuck's head suddenly snaps to him. His head feels like it's spinning out of control. If he thought the day Blair broke up with him a week ago was bad enough, this was a living hell. He'd heard his own voice somewhere in his head after she'd walked away, but he didn't understand it, and in his own heartbreak it was forgotten. Now he knows he's just experienced a memory – a full-fledged conversation with Serena about Blair.
"What did you say?" he asks Nate, needing to have a repeat experience even if it kills him. Nate blinks, looks incredibly confused, but straightens and releases Chuck's shoulder.
"I said it wasn't like you could fight for her. I mean, you manned up enough by ignoring your amnesia and just going after her…"
"If you want her, then man-up and tell her."
Chuck's breath catches in his throat again. This time Nate doesn't notice as much, but there still is a wariness in his eyes.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he asks. Chuck nods numbly.
"Say something else," he encourages. Nate laughs now, thinks it's ridiculous, but when he sees Chuck is dead serious, he agrees to it.
"Okay…" he tries to think of something incredibly lame and see what his best friend comes up with. "Monkey cheese," he says with a thick grin on his face. Chuck looks at him and glares – glares. Nate doesn't recognize the significance at first, but when Chuck stalks over to the limo, it hits him.
"Chuck!" he calls after him. The brunette spins around and looks at him, still glaring.
"You remember," Nate says. Chuck seems taken aback that he has caught on, but he gets excited all the same, thinks maybe he can help.
"A little," he admits, his eyes screaming what does this mean? Nate can hardly believe it. He wants to shout it to the world, call everybody and tell them that their Chuck is back. But he remembers then that everything is not back. Just spurts of memory. He decides calling the doctor is best, so he directs Chuck into the limo and makes the call immediately when they get inside and the door shuts behind them.
Chuck is gnawing at the bit when they're in the doctor's office. The doctor has already come in and told them just what they needed to know – sometimes memories just come back, he said. Not good enough, Chuck thinks.
"Give me a reason, and 'I'm Chuck Bass' doesn't count."
"Because you don't want to."
"Not good enough."
"Because I don't want you to."
"Not enough."
"…what else is there?"
"The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car. Three words. Eight letters. Say it, and I'm yours."
"Oh my God." Chuck snaps to his feet and leaves the hospital, Nate following just behind him, asking what's going on and not getting a single answer.
Safe to say, Chuck doesn't sleep that night. He demands that Nate tell him to something familiar, something early, something that would have made a huge impact on him. Nate can think of nothing except Victrola and it turns out to be the perfect thing. The second they enter the building, a whirlwind of emotions and memories flood over Chuck, most of them including Blair, and then, for the first time, he sees his father in his mind and feels the disappointment the older man had for him all over again.
"I'm such a failure," Chuck says when they're in the midst of the room. Nate looks at him intently and somehow just knows exactly what's happened. He guides him out of the building then and back to the limo.
"You're not, Chuck," he tells him as they enter the vehicle. "You may have screwed up more than anyone else I've ever known, but you're not a failure." He smiles a little at the end and Chuck is suddenly overjoyed. It's the first time someone besides Amy has talked to him as if he were all one person, instead of two.
"Tell me what I did," he demands. Nate looks wary, but thinks it might be for his own good, might bring back memories, might bring him back entirely, so he tells him.
"Holy shit," he mutters, covering his mouth with his hand after he drags it through his hair. "I'm an asshole," he laughs a little. Nate wants to amend the statement but it's kind of true and he hasn't really been on his side since he traded Blair for the hotel – even if the transaction wasn't successful.
"And for some reason, Blair still loves you," Nate shakes his head, not even planning to confide that much to him. Chuck looks shocked but is too eager to recover more memories that he doesn't explore Blair's current state of feelings with him. Nate tells him as much as he can think of, and then some. He contemplates taking Chuck to see Serena so she can tell him more, but then thinks twice about it. He knows she will tell Blair if he does so, and he doesn't want to get her hopes up. She's been through enough. And he's enjoying his best friend again, doesn't want to have to share – not yet.
…
It's late morning when he wakes up the next morning. He looks to his side and has a vision of Blair lying next to him. He closes his eyes for a moment, truly relishing in the memory. When he woke, all of his memory was restored. He can't explain it, but he just woke up and remembered everything. There are so many people he wants to go to, wants to shout his appreciation for, but he knows that is not how Chuck Bass would do it. He smirks at the thought, can't believe how long it's been since he last smirked.
He gets up, takes a shower and gets dressed – makes sure to wear a patterned bow-tie with his suspender and suit jacket ensemble. He feels empty without Blair's presence in the room, suddenly remember every time she's been there. He has a flashback of when she fixed his bow-tie at his father's wedding to Lily Van der Woodsen.
That explains the Lily Van-der-Woodsen-Bass.
A serious distaste for the name 'Humphrey' occurs to him. He decides to stick to it and finishes getting ready. He wants to tell everyone he knows that everything's come back to him, but he means to stop by the Waldorf's residence first. He knows Blair'll be there, and even if he can't be certain he remembers everything, he knows she will be able to tell when he lets her know the answer to the questions she's no doubt been searching for since they started dating again.
The ding of the elevator is music to his ears. Several moments when it happened at the Waldorf's occur to him and most do not seem too pleasant, but he focuses back on the present and is sure Blair will be happy to see him.
"Mr. Chuck!" a plump maid comes to greet him. He's confused for about half a second before the name immediately comes to mind.
"Dorota," he says smoothly, pulling a bouquet of flowers from behind his back and giving it to her.
"Ooo, I give these to Miss Blair—"
"Nonsense!" he says, perhaps to airily. He pulls a batch of peonies from behind his back as well. "Those are for you."
"Oh, but Mr. Chuck!" She is in disbelief but she cannot say another word.
"I come prepared." He smiles wide and winks at her. She hardly makes an attempt to pass him up and stop him from emerging on Blair just coming out of the shower. The girl has had enough trouble and Dorota can now not think straight enough to advise him to take the slow route.
Blair yelps when she feels the towel slip off from around her. She's still a little wet, and now scared that strange hands are around her. She doesn't take the second to think if they are actually familiar.
"Calm yourself, precious," he purrs against her neck, nipping at her skin. Shivers erupt all around her and it doesn't even occur to her that this isn't something she normally experience – or at least hasn't for several months.
"Ooo," he says, his hands reaching the curls resting at the apex of her thighs. "You're still wet from your shower," he chuckles.
"Chuck!" she squeaks, slapping at his questing hand and turning around in his arms. He kisses her fiercely then and suddenly she remembers everything from the past few months. She pushes him away.
"Limo," he says before she can catch her breath enough to yell at him.
"W-What?" she asks, confused but having an extremely happy sensation rise in her. He's remembered. He smirks, knowing exactly what she's thinking.
"Limo. You broke up with Nate, came to my opening night at Victrola, stripped on my stage and danced like the hellish vixen you are and I took your virginity in my limo whilst in the process of taking you home," he says, all very casually as her jaw drops.
"What else do you remember?" she whispers, breathless. He leans forward so he's only a breath away.
"Everything," he breathes. She's overjoyed, in awe, and can hardly stand it until reality comes crashing down on her. Everything.
"What is it?" he frowns, having concluded everything was going to be perfect. He didn't want something to be wrong when it had all become so right again.
"Everything?" she asks, her voice small, her eyes sad. It's worse than when he saw her at the hospital, because now he knows the reason behind it all. He nods, purses his lips and looks at her.
"Yes," he says. "Please don't say no."
She blinks, looks at him. "W-What?"
He smirks, pulls the flowers out from behind his back and looks casually to the side while she smells them. "Oh, Chuck, they're beautiful. Thank-you so—" she's cut off when an object falls out between the petals and down onto the floor.
"Hmm," Chuck muses, quite mockingly. "What's this?" he asks, bending down on the floor to pick up the small velvet box that had been crushed among his girlfriend's favorite pink peonies. She would never not be his girlfriend in his mind.
He said it and now she was his.
He brushes off whatever dust may have accumulated the velvet box on the spotless floor. He brings his eyes back to hers and looks into her brown depths intently.
"I was half-way through my proposal when you found out about Jenny."
That memory she had tried to block out, but she could only always do it half-way. As much as she had declared that night to have never been, Chuck's almost proposal had sent her heart soaring and she couldn't forget his words if she tried. Still, the memory of what he'd done to her made her ache inside. It made her burn.
"What I did was unforgivable," he informs her. She looks up at him. "I don't deserve your forgiveness or your love. But I almost died by the hands of muggers in Prague," he laughs a little, "and that was only because I was trying to protect this ring for you." He opens the box in front of her and she gasps, doesn't think she's ever seen anything so beautiful in her entire life. "By some miracle, Lily investigated into what had happened to me when I got into the hospital and tracked down the merchandise that had been stolen. She immediately gave me her blessing." He smirks. She blinks away tears, doesn't think she's ever been this happy in her entire life.
She knows she should probably hate him forever for what he did, that maybe she'll never love anyone as much as she loves him, but that they just can't work, because they bring out the worst in each other. What he did was horrible, awful and nothing he could have even thought of would fix it. She was done giving him chances.
But when he almost died, and when he lost his memory, her heart broke into a million pieces, far more than it could have by anything he could have done to destroy her. It was worse than when he almost jumped off of Victrola because it was out of everyone's control. The fact that he had gotten shot trying to save the ring that would have been hers on the off-chance that she wouldn't have found out about Jenny or miraculously would have forgiven him years into the future only encouraged her decision further.
"Yes!" she tries her best not to squeal. Chuck is having an awfully hard time suppressing his ecstatic smile into a smirk.
"Now, now, Waldorf, you didn't even let me finish." His smile is undoubtedly seeping through and the sweetest shivers rush through her at the sound of her last name on his lips, though she knows she would be perfectly fine having it exchanged with Bass.
"Tell me you love me," she pleads, her excitement overwhelming her request. There is no point in hiding his smile anymore. She's swung her arms around his neck and is a breath away. She's too excited to stand still but she just needs to hear him speak to her. She's missed her Chuck Bass for so long, she can't stand all the subtleties.
"On one condition," he holds a finger up, his other hand wrapping tightly around her waist, like it belongs there. She bites her bottom lip, giggles a little, stars filling her dazzling eyes as she murmurs against him.
"I already said yes, Bass."
He smiles wide and can't stand another second, he kisses her swiftly, passionately, like he's never done it before and doesn't know if he'll be able to do it again any time soon. He loves the taste of her. The feel of her curves and velvet skin entice him further. Her silky hair covers his very favorite part of her – her neck. Somehow it just seems so much more magical now that he has his memories.
"God, how could I have lived without us? Without our memories?" he chokes out in the midst of undressing her. She doesn't protest that she just showered and will have to do so again. They probably will not be leaving any time soon, and when they do, it'll be together. Blair is ecstatic at this notion.
"I don't know," she shakes her head, greedy for his skin, more vicious than he's sure she's been throughout the last three months of their relationship. He's glad he's back, doesn't think he could have truly appreciated it without their story ever flashing before his eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Blair. Truly," he tells her before they can get too far. He doesn't want to just get away with this because he got shot and forgot about them, and became her knight in shining armor for a few months.
"I forgive you, Chuck," she nearly sobs. "God, I love you so much," she moans into him and they tumble on the bed together. Soon, they're completely lost in each other and can't even think straight. It's been too long since they were like this. The last three months don't count. Blair thinks maybe they should talk about this later when they've completely satisfied each other, but she's pretty okay with it not happening for awhile. Everything's fixed as far as she's concerned. She forgave him a long time ago. All she was waiting for was for him to come back to her.
The fact that he came with a ring in tow was a huge plus.
"Do you know how many times we fucked on this bed in high school?" he groans into her as she tugs on his ear lobe and licks it with her tongue. He shudders when her nails rake across his back. She giggles.
"I love it when you talk dirty, Bass."
He smirks. "Thief."
…
A/N: Wow…sooooo long. Lol. Well, I hope you enjoyed it! *beams* I really liked it. *nods* Hehe. I hope you didn't find her accepting his proposal at the end unrealistic or weren't pissed that I didn't have a scene with Chuck celebrating with everybody that he's remembered. XD It's implied if that makes you feel better. Lol. Please review! =D The prologue for my CB post S3 fic will be up soon! ;p Vote on my poll for the next BoB preview fic after DaP. =)