Sorting Hat: Hey…like your head.

Jane Smith: ..Thanks…

Sorting Hat: Scared?

Jane Smith: …Slightly…

Sorting Hat: Good. So…what house do you think you should be in?

Jane Smith: Gryffindor?

Sorting Hat: New to this, aren't you?

Jane Smith: …

Sorting Hat: No matter, it's not your choice anyway. Now, I see you're wise. I can also see you're—

Jane Smith: Who's that?

Sorting Hat: Who's who?

Jane Smith: That girl.

Sorting Hat: What girl?

Jane Smith: The one with the ears on the top of her head.

Sorting Hat: sigh She's being Half Animagi right now, pay no attention. I believe—

Jane Smith: But that's impossible. You can't be half—

Sorting Hat: I know, but this is fanfiction.

Jane Smith: Oh….

Sorting Hat: You might do well in Ravenclaw, but I can also see you in—

Jane Smith: Why is she sitting all alone?

Sorting Hat: That's her house table.

Jane Smith: Shouldn't there be more people?

Sorting Hat: If Bubblypoof was an actual house, then yes, this scenario would be odd, but in this case—

Jane Smith: Why is she wearing sunglasses?

Sorting Hat: long agonizing groan Her eyes change color.

Jane Smith: Ohhhh….

Sorting Hat: Yes, well, I could put you in Gryffindor, but somehow I don't—

Jane Smith: Is that… not allowed?

Sorting Hat: Is what not allowed?

Jane Smith: Eyes changing—

Sorting Hat: There's no rule against it, but it's pretty fricken' annoying.

Jane Smith: Ohhh….

Sorting Hat: Yes… as I was saying, I feel that Slytherin is a little too—

Jane Smith: Is it just me, or is her hair flowing without wind?

Sorting Hat: That would be because she's a Mary-Sue. Mary-Sue's are perfect beings who are, claimed, to be few and far between. They're often described as—

Jane Smith: What color would you call that? Chocolate brown? Chestnut—

Sorting Hat: Mahogany. I know, I've sat on it. And yes, it's silky too. Was that your next question?

Jane Smith: …yes

Sorting Hat: Do you want to be sorted or not?

Jane Smith: …yes

Sorting Hat: You want to go in Bubblypoof? I'll put you there.

Jane Smith: NO, God no!

Sorting Hat: Alright then…You might fair well in Hufflepuff, but I don't—

Jane Smith: nodding She's really smart too, right?

Sorting Hat: YES! That's why she's alone! McGonagall and Hermione would rip her to shreds!...which makes me wonder why she is, in fact, alone…ANYWAY—

Jane Smith: Why is she wearing a USA shirt?

Sorting Hat: sigh She's from there, Hufflepuff would only—

Jane Smith: Then why is she at Hogwarts?

Sorting Hat: She had to be here…do you want the full explanation, I'm getting tired

Jane Smith: Er….no?

Sorting Hat: Right, Snape might not like you too much in Slytherin, and neither would dear old Salazar since you're muggle-born and—

Jane Smith: Well now that you mention it, yeah, the explanation would be nice.

Sorting Hat: growl Lets see now… She's Snape's daughter, Dumbledore's Niece, Lupin's Daughter (don't ask), McGonagall's twin from way back when, and somehow she's a Weasley… what are you doing?

Jane Smith: I have an itch.

Sorting Hat: An, ooh, ave, ooh, squath, thoom, I, ace?

Jane Smith: Excuse me, what?

Sorting Hat: AND YOU HAVE TO SCRATCH THE ALLEGED ITCH THROUGH MY FACE?

Jane Smith: Well you haven't really sorted me yet and I wouldn't want to interrupt you while you were—

Sorting Hat: Last time I checked, asking stupid questions didn't help the sorting process… I finished HP faster than you and he was a doozy—

Jane Smith: She's going out with him, isn't she!

Sorting Hat: long sigh Who?

Jane Smith: The pretty girl.

Sorting Hat: This… is a Draco fic…

Jane Smith: Why would anyone want to go out with him?

Sorting Hat: …She helped mend his evil ways, he's best friends with Harry, he fights for the side of good, and he wears leather pa—

Jane Smith: How tall do you suppose she is?

Sorting Hat: guh Around… I don't know, 5'7" maybe?

Jane Smith: Hmm…

Sorting Hat: Alright… Now I think I'll put you in—

Jane Smith: I bet she's powerful! She's powerful, right?

Sorting Hat: EXTREMELY! She's the only other person Voldemort fears OTHER than Dumbledore. She's also the only other 16 YEAR OLD who can produce a full patronus without any incantation necessary.

Jane Smith: Wow, she must have had an awesome upbringing—

Sorting Hat: No, no, no. Her parents are both dead…yes I know, just like Harry's, and in the summer she has to live with two annoying, mean, muggle aunts—

Jane Smith: But if she's related to Snape an all of those other professors, she can't be a mugg—

Sorting Hat: This is Fan fiction! It's not supposed to fit! It's just kewl!

Jane Smith: Did you just say—

Sorting Hat: YES! God—

Mary-Sue: Umm…twirls hair is it me, or is this taking a little too—

Sorting Hat: Shut up, Corinthea!

Jane Smith: …Corinth—

Sorting Hat: GET OFF MY STOOL!